Today's blog comes from Katie Headley, Director of Junior High Girls Ministry at First Baptist Orlando, Florida. Katie felt called into ministry as a seventh grader and answered that calling full-time in August of 2010. Katie’s heart’s desire is to help middle school girls come to know and have an all-satisfying relationship with Jesus that overflows into every aspect of their lives and how they live.

_________

Say I were to give you a puzzle piece from a 500 piece puzzle without showing you the box that it came in. You had no picture of what it should look like, but I asked you to tell me what the big picture was. You might be able to tell me pieces of what is in the big picture based on what you see in your little piece, but you wouldn’t be able to tell me what the whole thing would look like. You may assume that it is a garden with a pond based on the flowers and water on your piece, but unless you have the big picture you have no idea.

Too often this is how I approach girls ministry. I get in my mind what MY girls ministry is going to look like based on my little piece of the puzzle and begin to plan and pray according to that small piece. Instead of waiting on His timing, I begin forcing pieces to fit and attempt to shape what I think the big picture is going to be. Instead of being left with a beautifully completed puzzle, I am left with a far-from-completed, massive mess. 

Lately I have been learning to enjoy the process of letting Christ put the pieces together. Instead of forcing things to fit and running ahead with the little information that I have, I can let Him reveal the big picture piece by piece and allow Him to work in HIS girls ministry by putting the pieces together in HIS timing. Instead of looking at the little puzzle piece that I have, I am learning more than ever to look to the One who holds the puzzle box with the big picture. This leaves me encouraged and relieved that I am not in this alone, because His big picture of what girls ministry is going to look like is a lot more beautiful than what I could ever imagine. 

Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

Today's blog comes from Christy Dyer, WMU Ministry Specialist at the Tennessee Baptist Convention. When she's not traveling for her job, you can find her watching movies, watching or playing sports, or getting lost in deep conversations.

____________________

I’m a big fan of evangelism, but I’m also a big fan of simplicity. So much of our lives are complicated, but the saving power of Jesus’ name is not complicated at all, and there are some very simple ways to share the Good News of salvation! Here is one:

What if we simply told our story?

What if the next time we are at the mall or at Starbucks, we find a new friend and share the story of how we came to know Christ and the difference it has made in our lives? What if we encouraged our girls to do the same? It’s simple, here is my story.

My life before Christ was empty. Although I was a child I knew I was missing and important piece. I had committed sin that I knew as wrong. That sin had made things in my life difficult. One morning during a church service, I heard the pastor talking about how sin separated us from God. In the car on the way home I asked my parents what that meant. They explained that because I sinned I could not have a relationship with Jesus without forgiveness of that sin. I wanted that forgiveness and relationship with Jesus so I prayed asking God to forgive my sins and lead my life. From that moment on I felt that emptiness filled. I knew the love and acceptance of Christ as my Savior. I knew my sins had been forgiven and that my life would now be lived for Christ. This relationship has led and directed my life, decisions about college, career, and relationships! No matter what the world throws my way I don’t have to face it alone! I have a heavenly Father to go to with my hurts, pains, and questions. Now my life is filled with joy each day that nothing can separate me from.

Your story may look similar or completely different but regardless it’s worth sharing. The beauty of the Gospel is that the Holy Spirit is at work, seeking and saving the lost (John 6:44; John 16:8). Our story may be one of many touches or it may be the touch that the Holy Spirit uses to lead a person to accept a personal relationship with Christ. We aren’t responsible for that part, we just need to share.

Use these simple steps to write your story, as well as encourage girls to write out their story.

1.     Make it short (2 to 5 minutes should be enough)

2.     Start with what life was like without a relationship with Christ

3.     Next tell about when you made the decision to follow Christ

4.     Follow it up with what your life is like now

5.     Practice with a friend, then go out and share!

Who can you share your story with?  

Today's entry comes from Micky McCloud, girls' ministry leader and blogger extraordinaire. You can check out her other entries on this blog.
______________________________

I am a proud recovering boy-band fanatic. You see, I grew up in Tulsa, Oklahoma, home of the famous Hanson brothers. I will never forget the first day I ever saw Issac, Taylor (sigh) and Zach at the Tulsa State Fair. Say what you will about their long blonde hair, I couldn’t take my eyes off of them! I managed to get an autographed poster that day, one that might have actually been worth some money, but I guess a poster with a thousand hot pink lipstick kisses isn’t exactly E-bay worthy, is it? I think Taylor Hanson might have been my first love, with my 7^th grade boyfriend coming in close at second, although I spent the majority of middle school hiding from him in the bathroom…

 

I might have been scared of boys, but I couldn’t wait to have a boyfriend in high school. I wanted the kind of ‘romance’ I saw every week between Corey & Topanga on Boy Meets World (and all of you are saying, "I remember them!), and I was always certain my Corey had to be right around the corner. And sure enough, he was. When I entered high school, I met the ‘perfect boy’. We formed the perfect ‘youth group couple’. He was smart and fun and I didn’t even care that he still wore braces! I fell hard and fast, and before I knew it, I was in love. I clung tight to the identity he gave me, and when we broke up after two years, I was completely devastated. I had no idea who I was. I had no desire to wake up in the morning, nor did I have any purpose or dreams for the future. I have memories of collapsing on the couch and hoping I wouldn’t wake up. It seem so ridiculous to me all of these years later, but I know that for a season, it was absolutely the only thing that mattered to me.

I remember vividly the day I decided to talk to someone. I called my youth minister, a man who I treasured as a spiritual mentor, and I asked if we could talk. In a completely broken state, I poured out my heart and asked for advice. He listened. He soaked in every word that came out of my mouth, and took his time before speaking truth to me. I remember saying, “I know this sounds stupid. I know I must seem like such a silly girl”. He looked me in the eyes and said, “Mickey, you are not stupid. Whatever is important to you is important to me”. At that moment, I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. Someone listened to me, and he didn’t think I was crazy!

As I took a few breaths and soaked in his affirmation, he continued to reiterate my value, the potential he saw in me, and how much Jesus loved and cherished me. He told me that I had a distinct purpose and role I needed to play in the Body of Christ. My entire outlook changed after our conversation. Although I’m sure I cried many more tears and ate many more pints of ice cream, I began to look at my circumstances differently. Our conversation launched me into a season of questioning who I was, who I wanted to be, and what role God had for me to play in the Body of Christ. He chose not to patronize me because of my age, or the ridiculousness of my high school relationship. He chose to take an 18 year old girl’s broken heart seriously, and that was powerful for me.

Years later, my identity is no longer wrapped up in the love of that boy, but rather in the love of Christ. I am privileged to work in an environment that seeks to help other women find their identity in Christ. My youth minister never could have imagined the ways his words would continue to mold and determine the direction of my life, but I’m so thankful he chose to take a brokenhearted girl seriously.

If you are working to understand a teenage girl in the midst of painful heartbreak, I would encourage you to do the following:

1.     Listen. Turn off the radio, put away your cell phone, look her in the eyes and listen to the deepest cries of her heart.

2.     Use discretion before speaking. Don’t just start rambling about the crush who broke your heart thirty years ago. Make sure you are aware of each word you communicate to this hurting girl.

3.     Affirm her emotions. Make sure she understands that it is okay that she is hurting, and that her pain makes sense to you. Make sure she knows that if it is important to her, it’s important to you.

4.     Reiterate her importance. Take a few minutes to explain the beauty and character you see in her. Think of specific examples of times she has led or served well, and ways you see God using her in the lives of others.

5.     Point her back to who she is in Christ. Encourage her to find out her own spiritual gifts and provide opportunities for her to serve and use her gifting for His glory.

 

Today's blog comes from freelance writer, speaker, and girls' ministry leader Courtney Veasey. Whether Courtney is writing papers for school or hanging out with youth and college girls either teaching them the Bible OR sliding down grassy hills on blocks of ice with them, she does it will full gusto. During the week Courtney is a minister to youth, college students and the homeless of the greater San Francisco Bay area, and on the weekends she often travels as an itinerant Bible teacher for girls’ and womens’ ministry events. courtneyveasey.com

_______________________________

I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately about the relationship we see in Scripture between Elizabeth and Mary. Here you have two women who each in their own right got to take part in “delivering the divine.” Both were given sons, and while for Elizabeth, this meant deliverance from her bareness and a lifetime of disgrace. For Mary, it meant a new world of shady glances and whispers as she was young, pregnant, and yet to be wed. Each had something crucial to give to the other in the days that were ahead. I believe that this special relationship that we encounter in the opening pages of the book of Luke is a good model for how friendships or mentoring should be between older and younger women.

I don’t believe we see this only by what we are given in the text, for there we really only get to encounter them together during their “maternal states of being.” We must take from the text what we are given, but then take a step back and think about the parts that are not necessarily spoken, and let this model come alive in our minds. And if we do that, I think this is what we can see:

The Relationship Between Elizabeth and Mary Was…

1. A Relationship with a History

After her encounter with the angel Gabriel, in Luke 1:39, Mary hurried to the house of Elizabeth and Zacharias to see if what the angel had told her was true. Mary seems to go to the house of Elizabeth without any hesitation. And we get no indication from the text that Mary’s family had any problems with their young daughter making this trip to see these relatives. I would imagine that with Elizabeth being older in age and never having had children of her own prior to this time, that she had probably often looked after Mary as her own. Perhaps they had cooked and made clothes together, or gone to the temple together to pray. Probably, there was already a long time relationship in place, so that in this moment of wonder (and maybe even a little crisis), the love and understanding was already there between them.

What does this look like for us today? With those younger girls in your life, maybe building that relationship means getting to know what kind of music they like. Maybe it means bringing them along to the grocery store and then teaching them how to cook. Look for ways that you can build these relationships, so that in the “bigger moments” of life, they know who they can go to for help and their families will probably feel more comfortable with them going to for help.

 2. A Relationship of Affirmation

 The very moment Mary’s voice reached to Elizabeth’s ears in Luke 1:41-45, the baby in Elizabeth’s womb leaped inside of her and as Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, she spoke a blessing of affirmation over this new young mother. The Holy Spirit still seeks to speak blessings of affirmation through the mouths of the older to the younger (and vice versa) still today. Yes, Mary went to Elizabeth because of what the angel had told her, but also this was a real moment of need in her life. And I think the fact that she is greeted with a blessing, rather than questions or concerns, is profound.

In their times of need, outside of their immediate families, are you a person that younger girls can approach? And when they get to you, what is ready on your lips to give to them? I hope for myself that, like Elizabeth, I will have a blessing and open arms ready to give, no matter what the news, good or bad, that they have to share.  

 3. A Relationship of Lasting Significance

Luke explained that both Elizabeth and her husband Zacharias were old when their son John was born. It’s possible that these two aging parents may not have lived long enough to see their son John the Baptist, Mary, or Jesus grow into full adulthood. With that in mind, Elizabeth’s proclamation to Mary, affirming to her the reality of the Messiah being carried in her womb, becomes even more significant. When Jesus was dedicated at the temple at eight days old, perhaps Elizabeth’s affirmation of His Lordship flooded through Mary’s mind, as people like as Simeon and Anna came behold Him. The memory of Elizabeth’s words perhaps came again when an anxious Mary found her son Jesus back at the temple when His family had long since departed from Jerusalem, and He told her that He had to be in His Father’s house. And finally, when her precious son was being given a faulty trial under false allegations, was sentenced to die and then crucified, she would remember once again the affirming words of this child being the Messiah. Elizabeth most likely wasn’t around later in Mary’s life, but her words of affirmation most likely were. 

You and I won’t always be around in the later part of the lives of these now young girls that we minister to, but our words can be. Think about the messages you want them to carry with them, from you and from God. What you say matters. It has lasting significance.

Today's blog comes from Nancy Hamilton, Women's Pastor at Fellowship Bible in Little Rock, Arkansas. She's a frequent blogger on this site and one of the most faithful prayer warriors and encouragers you'll ever meet.

____________________________

I saw her from afar. I have to admit I was intrigued. She was in a group of varied ages of women, and she was intent on every one.  She seemed to welcome women from every angle with her joyful and bubbly personality. I could tell my the look on her face and actions toward those around her that they LOVED her. In a few moments notice, I realized this woman could potentially be the one I’d been praying for for years—a MENTOR. Sure, God had brought incredible women into my life at various points in my journey. But I was looking for someone who will be there long-term. Someone to see me thru the thick and thin of life. And, I wondered, since there were areas of my life (and still are!) that I didn’t feel like I had all together, would she even mind even investing a mess like me?  

Then, I remembered a quote that I had recently read by Rebecca Pippert in Out of the Saltshaker and into the World: We must not wait until we are healed first, loved first, and then reach out. We must reach out no matter how little we have our act together. It may well be one of the first steps toward our own healing when we reach out to someone else.

For me, that was God’s way of saying—GO ASK.

So, with the shyness of a 7^th grade girl, I went up to her, introduced myself, and struck up a conversation. Within a matter of minutes, I made the bold ask: “Do you think I could take you to lunch sometime, just to get to know you?

She said “Yes, of course!”

As this beautiful relationship unfolded, I honestly had no idea on how or what our connection times would look like. I told her upfront, “I think God has placed you in my life as my ministry mentor." She responded “Honey, we will teach each other."

So, Ann Rice (not the author) and I continue to this day; encouraging, teaching, and challenging one another. What I didn’t realize was that all the time I had been searching for someone to nurture my ministry soul, Ann was looking for someone to nuture her, too. Sure, Ann and I have lots of similar interests, but the thing that binds us is not that we both love Pinterest (though we do!), but that we are interested in serving the kingdom of God with passion and purpose through encouraging, equipping, and inspiring women of any age to the plan God has for them.

So, girls ministry leader, volunteer, or director, who’s nurturing you?

Who’s is your “go-to” woman when you need advice, encouragement, a word from God that you’ve been seeking for months? Whom has God’s been preparing to speak it into your life?

If you don’t have one, GET ONE NOW. I can testify that outside of my relationship with Christ, this nurturing relationship has been the very puzzle piece that brings spiritual life and depth to me, and the results of it are being seen in the lives of the girls, moms, and leaders with whom I do ministry.

We know that Titus 2 commands those who are older to encourage those who are younger. My guess in your role as a girls ministry leader, you have many options of girls you can disciple, mentor and challenge. But for you—how do you find that person who can mentor you?

Who is that someone who can encourage you to be all that God’s designed you to be? Perhaps you may find them at your church, a community outreach, or in another local body of believers.

Some things to think about in helping you find your mentor:

 Does this woman seem authentic? Are you able to see that this women actually puts into practices things about what her life teaches? Is she willing to share her mistakes with you? Is she daily pursuing the truths of Christ? Is she memorizing the Word of God as the fuel for her life?

Does this woman seem teachable? Is she finding places where she personally grows and learns? Is she always striving for ways to be a better leader, minister, wife, mother? If so, she may have some lessons to teach you.

Is she personally involved in a local body of believers? While this woman may be a business woman and wired for work outside the home, does she take time and purpose in investing in her local body of believers? For us to become all God designs us to become, we need to use our spiritual gifts through his local body of believers.

Is she a good listener? Is she wise in what she speaks? How attentive is she to the needs of others around her? Do you see in her life that she listens to God for truth He might give her, and that she’s willing to share that truth with those around her?

Does she build others up with words and actions? If you see your potential mentor doing that with others, there’s high probability she will do that with you. If you are blessed to find an Ann Rice in your life, she will readily see your gifts, talents, and personal loves and will encourage you to step out in areas where God is calling faith out of your life. Your Ann Rice will be tuned in to what God is speaking to you, and will encourage you to the fullest to be all God has designed you to become.

My prayer for you is that as you seek God’s guidance on who your “Ann Rice” may be, that God will bring clarity, insight, and wisdom to you on how this woman can help you see things in your life you can’t yet see. Your life, your ministry, and your call to God will be nurtured and enriched more than you can imagine.

Today's blog comes from girls' ministry veteran Amy Pierson. She, along with her husband and brand-new baby girl Eva Jewel, serve internationals in college in NYC. Check out their blog at Team Pierson.

_______________________________

Building a sense of community among the girls in your group is vital. I agree with Ginny Olson in regards to teen girls and most females, “She’s searching for meaning, belonging, for a deeper purpose and for a community.” Whether you are on a church staff, a small group leader, volunteer, or a mom there are lots of ways to build community among girls. I’ll give you a few examples, and I’d love for you to add ideas in the comments section.

For services and events, I had 1-2 girls from JH and HS that I appointed with the task of welcoming visitors. These girls sat with them, walked with them to big church, and asked them to go to lunch. They also friended them on Facebook or got their numbesr so they could send something encouraging during the week, saying it was nice to meet them. This made the new girls feel welcome and helped girls really develop their gifts  of kindness and hospitality. And, these girls did a great job of introducing new girls to others. Your goal is for every girl, no matter her past or present, to feel welcome by not only adults but also other girls.

 

For community among existing girls, try different things—not every option will work for every girl. One thing I did that I loved was small Sunday lunches after church. Like only 8th grade one week, only 10th one week, etc. After church we simply grabbed food, and I asked them questions I knew they’d have in common: How have you tried to share your faith after DNow? What do you love about HS? What do you miss about middle school? There is something special (and easy!) about just sharing a meal and chatting. Your goal is to make girls realize that they have similar struggles and experiences.

 

Also, we did “Crafts and Conversations” to mix grades. For example, invite 7th and 11th grades, pairing an older with a younger girl to help her with her craft and to chat. I brought conversation starters each time. Questions included: What's your fave food? Where was your fave vacation? If you had $5000 what would you do? What is your fave holiday and why?  Your goal is to give the younger girls role models, and to make the older girls remember how important mentoring and being nice to the younger girls is.

 

No matter the size of your girls group, grab a handful and get out of the building and make a memory: sharing a meal, doing anything random they can put on Facebook or have an inside joke about (such as going to IHOP in pajamas or to a movie all dressed alike), reading the same book, or serving together. But, proximity doesn’t equal intimacy. I always had conversation starters or questions in my mind to make sure everyone could speak, hear, and listen. Your goal is to make them feel like they can be themselves and be accepted.

 

I also like to put 10 girls that I want to know each other on the same Facebook message. I write a verse then ask them to interact with it. They end up keeping the message going and adding new verses. I bow out and start another message with other girls. Your goal is to engage and connect them where they are outside of church. And, community can begin with Sunday, but if they are only in each other's world for two hours once a week, that's not community. They see people in Algebra 2 longer than that... Getting them together to have fun and do spiritual things outside of Sunday is key to them feeling like they are friends and that someone in the group cares or has their back. Also, think through some community goals for your group and how you will get there. One goal I had was to serve widows, so I created opportunities for girls to meet sweet widows and serve together with a few friends and a few girls they didn’t know.

 

Community is SO important to girls. If they feel loved and like they are surrounded by friends, the insecurities melt and their hearts open to listen to God’s Word and older godly women who love them. 

Today's blog comes from Erin Davis, writer, speaker, and mom. Check out her ministry online.

___________________

FACT: Parents have between 3,000-4,000 hours a year to disciple their child. Church staff members have less than 100 hours.

FACT: In study after study, teenagers list their parents as their number one influence when it comes to religious faith and practice, so much so that researchers have called the cultural assumption that a teen’s peer group is more influential then his/her parents as “badly misguided.”

FACT: Swiss researchers recently discovered that a dad who faithfully attends church (even if mom doesn’t) will raise kids who are 44% more likely to keep going to church as adults. If mom attends regularly but dad doesn’t attend, only 2% of the kids will attend as adults.

I spent my first eight years in student ministry as a non-parent. During those years I had plenty of run-ins with parents of students over everything from bathing suits to my role in breakups and cat fights. I would never have said it out loud (in fact I wasn’t even consciously aware that I thought it),  but deep down there was a part of me that suspected that when it came to the students in my care, parents were the enemy.

Every mom who tried to be her daughter’s best friend and pushed her toward dating and drama…

Every set of parents who divorced and sent girls into my living room with hurts I couldn’t even begin to help heal…

Every dad who called to tell us that his son couldn’t go on the mission trip because he had a basketball tournament…

Every parent who pulled me aside and said, “My child is going through x, you need to fix it by the end of youth group tonight (but don’t tell her we talked)”…

These were the people who confirmed my hunch that parents were not my allies in the battle to win and disciple girls to me more like Christ.

But then…after 36 hours of labor a nurse handed me my own bundle of joy. I hate to be cliché, but it changed everything, including the way I see the parents of the teenagers I know and love.

That baby is now four, still a long way from the teenage years. He also happens to be a boy rendering my many years in girls ministry relatively useless (they really are different)! But I’m his momma and I know him better than anyone else does. That is true in the toddler years and it will still be true when whiskers start to appear on his face and he joins the world of student ministry that I’ve been a part of for so long.

I am thrilled to hand him off to Sunday school teachers, VBS leaders, and nursery workers. Some day I will be equally thrilled to connect him with his youth pastor, small group leader, and camp pastor. But ultimately, when it comes to my child’s spiritual growth, the buck stops with me.

That realization hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized that as I minister to girls, some times there is a part of me that wants to be the primary influence. I want the be the voice that screams the loudest in their heads. I want to matter most.

But no amount of wanting will make that a reality. Their parents are their biggest influence. I am just backup vocals. And that is by design, by the One who created families in the first place.

If you are involved in student ministry, and not yet a parent, you’re just going to have to take my word on something: most of the parents of the teenagers in your world are doing the very best they can. I know that seems crazy because they make so many mistakes. But while I’m spilling the cliché’s here comes another one: kids don’t come with owner’s manuals. And sinful parents, well…they sin. That doesn’t lessen their impact; it just means the entire family needs the transforming power of Christ.

If you are parenting while doing student ministry, you already know this is true. But may I remind you that the grace that you need as a believer is needed by every parent in your churc?. What would change if you started praying for the parents of the girls in your youth group made a conscious effort to equip them?

Parents aren’t your ally as you disciple teens. Instead, the reverse is true. Parents are the ones with the greatest influence on their teens. Your influence is secondary. It’s your job to help them.

Practically speaking that means you need to do more than just send out a quarterly parent newsletter. You need to stop glaring when a parent appears in the back of a room during a service or pulls you aside to ask lots of questions about an upcoming event. That kiddo in your charge once came to them swaddled in a tiny blanket. They’ve been working to reach that teen for more than a decade and ultimately, what parents do or say will matter way more than any event you could ever plan or any Bible study you could ever teach.

What do you do to pull parents in to your girl’s ministry? Who are two parents you can reach out to this week? What is one big step you can take in the next month to take a supporting role with the parents of your church rather than seeking center stage?