Today's blog comes from Brittney Mc Cook. Brittney has had the joy of serving the Lord in student ministry as a Bible teacher, small group leader, event planner, T-shirt folder, and coffee shop psychologist for over 6 years and wouldn’t change it for the world. She currently serves as one of the Bible Study Teacher for Pillars Girls Ministry at First Baptist Canton in Canton, Ga & is the Founder of Radiant Girl Ministries. Check out their blog at www.radiantgirlministries.blogspot.com.

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Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name” Ps 86:11

The other day I met with a good friend of mine for some lunch and some good old’ fashioned girl talk. As we were sharing with each other all the exciting things God was doing in our lives, she informed me that she would be heading to Iran in April for 5 months to teach English. I knew it had taken her a long time to be okay with leaving everything here in the States to go where God was calling and leading her...so I was more excited than sad.

As blessed as we both were to have grown up in the same student ministry, and even had the same mentor when we were in our late teens/early twenties, no one ever told us what do you do between 16 and the wedding day.We both so deeply longed for a earthly romance, and thought surely by 25 it would have happened by now! We felt we were groomed to live for "that day" and that life only began when you met “the one.” No one every told us that marriage was a gift not a goal. For so many years we both struggled with this whole being single thing. It took us both a long time to learn the beauty of this season and gift of time that God has given us. 

I wish someone would have told me before I set my foot into high school and especially college to not chase a relationship but to instead to chase Jesus. Learn to love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind. Instead of wishing away this season embrace it as the gift it is; that until you have a good grasp on you're identity in Christ, fall head over heels in love with Jesus, and are satisfied in Christ alone...a relationship is the last thing you need to be worried about. 

It wasn't  until I was about 22 or 23 that my heart finally caught up with my head that there really was a reason for this season. God began to cultivate a desire in my heart to be a lady of dilegence and maximize all this spare time I had for His glory. I have time now that I may not have one day to serve, invest, teach, travel, and most importantly to spend with Jesus. By all means; dream, desire, but don’t wish this season away. There is a reason for it.

That's something we need to communicate to teen girls as well.

In case you're still undecided about coming to the LifeWay Girls' Conference, here are 10 reasons that should make you stop right now, click this link---GIRLS CONFERENCE---and register.

10. You get to see inside the corporate headquarters of LifeWay. Of course, we'll have to blindfold you, take away all recording devices, and then make you cross-your-heart, hope-to-die that you won't tell anyone about it.

9. You have the opportunity to experience downtown Nashville. You haven't seen your fill of cowboy hats, rattlesnake belts, and wanna-be country singers until you've strolled down Broadway at dinnertime on a Friday night. You can call it a "cultural encounter" if you choose to bring teen girls.

8. Chic-Fil-A. Enough said.

7. You might just meet your new best friend. The uniqueness of this conference is this: where else can you meet other women who are passionate about reaching this generation? Who else would understand the frustration when girls flake out on an event? Who else would get why you're tired of conversations about Jacob, Bella, and Edward? I have never experienced such fellowship and unity and energy in any other venue. You just have to experience it to understand what I'm talking about.

6. You get to drink from a fire hydrant. The breakout sessions that we've compiled will give you loads of information, tips, encouragement, and more questions. It'll feel like you've spent the day trying to drink from a fire hydrant. I learn more in that 24 hours than a month looking at articles online.

5. Erin Davis will make you laugh—a lot. She's one of those unique sorts of people who can use the English language to weave stories and truths together in a way that will leave you laughing one minute and convicted the next. She's a rare combination of humble, witty, compelling, and vulnerable. You don't want to miss what she has to say.

4 3/4. Amazing worship with Jaime Jamgochian...without worrying about your Bible study lesson. For me, my worship is often distracted by what I have up ahead--teaching and leading people. But for this one block of time, for these worship sets, you get to be you. Not the leader of girls. So let your worship be free and profound.

4 1/2. Hayley DiMarco is in the house! Haven't heard of her? I bet your girls know her...and have read her books. She's the author of a gazillion books for young adults. And the books are good. Really good. But her voice and her message are even better.

4. You get to meet a real Miss Black USA. Most beauty queens don't make me stop and listen. Most don't have a message that I want to hear. But Ocelia Gibson is different...because she's a passionate follower of Jesus and she cares about the lives of young black women. That's reason enough to punch your ticket and get aboard this train.

3. You get a sneak-peek, private premiere of OctoberBABY. Haven't heard about this movie yet? Check out their website. We'll be offering a late-night opportunity to watch the film after the main session on Friday night. Just bring your kleenexes. Trust me on that one. (And get ready...in April, we're launching a Bible study to go with it!)

2. You can choose to be still. While this weekend has more options than a McDonald's value menu, you have the chance to ignore all of it and be still. We'll have our prayer chapel open all weekend, so if you feel like getting away for a couple of hours, our house of prayer is your house of prayer.

1. God wants to minister to your soul. Let Him use this weekend to refresh you, to wash over you with His love and His grace, and to renew your spirit for this crazy, upside-down, make-you-want-to-pull-your-hair-out thing call girls' ministry.

I get it. The economy is tough. Your schedule already has no margin for breathing. Childcare is a nightmare. I'm with you in that boat. But having been a part of this conference since its birth, I can tell you emphatically that if you feel the desire begin to bubble within you, GO. God will provide the money. Your schedule can change. Your kids can spend time getting spoiled at Granny's house. Take time for yourself and your heart and your ministry. You won't be disappointed. And you might just buy yourself a set of cowboy boots.

Today's guest blog comes from Paul Turner, Student Ministry Specialist at LifeWay. Here's how he describes himself: " I am a dad twice over. My wife and I have somewhat successfully reared two daughters and are investing in a 16-year-old international student from China. It makes us absolutely experts on NOTHING! You can find me on the road encouraging parents, students and their leaders." You can check out his personal blog anytime.

When our daughters were much younger (they are 21 and almost 20 now), they had the habit of saying, “Dad” followed up a nanosecond later by one or two more “Dad!”. No way could anyone short of Evelyn Wood (you know, the speed reader? I am assuming she can hear and answer quickly too) could answer between the first “Dad” and the multitude of “Dads” to follow. It used to irritate the fire out of me. I had almost forgotten this until they both returned home from college last week. Safe to say, they have not lost the ability to repeatedly say my name, “Dad” before I could ever answer.

And then it dawned on me, I miss them saying my name, and I miss them. We really are blessed to have two daughters who love God and love others. My wife and I intentionally decided before we even knew that we would have kids, that we would pray for them daily, and do our best to help them love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength- Deut 6

They are not perfect and I know that full well because I know their parents and I, in particular, know their dad way too well. He is a knuckle head. Thank God that the girls take after their mother on most things.

Be intentional with your girls. Be thankful for them. Pray for them. Say each of your girl’s names in rapid fire so they know what it sounds like. Don’t get angry about it. Grab onto them, hold them close, tell them you love them and show them the love of God in how you treat your spouse, your family, and each one of them.

How am I supposed to get along with her?

Why don’t they include me?

Why are they mad at me?

I don’t like her. Wouldn’t it be fake if I was nice to her?

How many times have you heard these questions from girls? No matter their status—from the queen bee to the outcast on the edges—girls are desperately trying to understand how to interact with each other. As we invest in their lives, it’s vital for us as leaders to exemplify what it looks like to daily live out unity within the body of Christ.

In Ephesians, Paul wrote that every believer is united in Christ. Even if two people have nothing in common with each other, but both are followers of Christ, their purpose in life is the same. However, the enemy knows we will be less effective in proclaiming Christ if we’re divided, so he works hard to create division. Jesus told us in John 10:10 that the thief, Satan, comes only to steal, kill and destroy. He came to steal our hearts, kill our relationships, and destroy our unity. Fortunately, Christ has come to give us life in all those areas.

A.W. Tozer wrote in his book The Pursuit of God, “Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow.”  As believers, we need to be tuned to the same source of life, purpose and unity or everything we do will come off as pointless noise.

So how can you as a leader of girls develop unity?

 1. Be the example. If you are at odds with someone, including your husband, girls can spot it. They hear your conversations with others. They hear your conversation about others. If you're not setting the standard, girls have nothing to follow. 

2. Make your expectations clear. Every year (at least once a year!), focus your BIble study on respecting others. You cannot expect every girl in your group to be best of friends (even Paul and Barnabas parted ways), but you can expect and demand that girls treat each other with basic respect.  

3. Keep a tight reign on "trash talk". There should be no room in your ministry for slams, snide comments, smart remarks, or other cutting remarks. It's easy to "let it slide" so that you're not the bad guy. But when you say nothing, then you send the message that it's OK to treat other people that way. 

How do you work toward keeping unity among the girls in your group? Comment below!

Recently I had the opportunity to speak at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary's Youth Ministry Institute on the topic of creating community in girls' ministry. In preparing for this, I did a little research into if and how girls are wired to be relational. Here are three things I found:

1. The spiritual component: If you take a look at the Genesis 3 where God pronounces judgment on Adam and Even, you'll discover and important truth: The consequences of their sin are directly related to the way they relate to the world. How do guys typically find their siginficance? In their work, in their successes, and in their accomplishments. And that's exactly how sin affected Adam--at the heart of his work and success. So what about Eve? Relationships, specifically with her family land her husband. Why? Because she is relational.

2. The biological component: In his book, Bringing Up Girls, Dr. James Dobson tells us some interesting information about the biology of fetal development. Until the 8th week of pregnancy, the brains of males and females are identity. But at the 8th week, the brains of males are washed in a testosterone bath which damages some cells in the brain--specifically cells in the corpus callosum. This bundle of nerves connects the left hemisphere of the brain (which controls communication) and hte right hemisphere of the brain (which controls emotion). In girls, this bundle is much more advanced and developed, making girls more expressive of their emotions and more talkative—two major components of us girls.

3. The hormonal component: In the same book, Dr. Dobson points out that three major hormones develop within females more than males (although males have smaller traces of them):

a. Estrogen—this is the "nesting" hormone and helps girls/women feel at peace with herself and her relationsihps.

b. Progesterone—this hormone creates the need for connection, a need that must be met often.

c. Prolactin—this hormone exists 60% more in females. It actually produces tear glands. It also develops empathy and the need for deeper connections.

None of this is a surprise to me as a woman. As a follower of Christ who believes that God created us male and female distinctly and purposefully, it is a reminer to me that I should celebrate the differences. And I should be more patient with girls who want to talk more than dig into Scripture. I need to remember that talking and Bible study are not necessarily separate activities.

 

Today's guest blog comes from Jennifer McCaman. Jen currently leads a group of 11^th grade girls, but in a few months her family will be moving to Bangkok, Thailand, to serve as missionaries from their church. She is excited to take her passion for girls' ministry to the other side of the world. Follow their journey at jennifermccaman.com

Lately God is teaching me that mentoring girls doesn’t end when they get a diploma. As a small group leader, I’ve had the opportunity to disciple girls throughout their high school careers. Sometimes it’s easy to wonder if your time with them really makes that much difference. Do all those conversations about purity, quiet times, modesty, loving God, dating wisely, reading the Bible really ever sink in?

About a year ago, I got a text from one of my first small group girls, Breanna, asking to meet me for lunch. Breanna’s dad died when she was 8 years old, which led her mom to become an alcoholic. She came to Christ in high school and allowed God to completely change her life. We walked through a lot together.

As we ate lunch, Breanna held out her left hand so I could see the ring on her finger. She told me how her boyfriend had proposed to her (yikes!) and that they would marry and live in Japan where he was stationed (talk about a life change). After an intense hour of my grilling her with lots of questions, I could see that this marriage was going to happen. She told me that after lunch, she had planned to go by herself to buy a wedding dress. I knew right then that one of "my" girls was not going by herself to buy her wedding dress from a store attached to a gas station. The Holy Spirit just cleared my calendar. We visited several local boutiques and watched God provide us the perfect dress at an amazing price. As she tried on dresses, I was able to speak boldly to her about marriage and continuing in her walk with the Lord.

Now a year later, she and her husband are doing well in Japan. They just had a little girl, and once again, because Breanna has no godly family members in her life, she comes to me for advice. As the Lord would have it, I just had my first baby about a year ago, so I have just walked where she is walking now. I offer advice on feeding, scheduling, napping, and keeping your marriage strong when both of you are utterly exhausted.

My relationship with Breanna has literally continued across the world. I never thought a few years ago when I decided to hang out with a group of girls 30 minutes a week on Wednesdays that the Lord would make us family. I definitely never thought I’d be talking to one of them about breastfeeding.

Whether you’re a mom, small group leader, or a girls minister, know that the influence you have on your sweet girls will not stop at the end of high school and college. In fact, the Lord is faithful to take our little bit of effort and do something truly amazing for His namesake, around the world and for generations to come. That’s why I love girls ministry!

Today's guest blog comes from Joe Hicks, a dad of three daughters, so he knows a lot about girl world.He works at LifeWay Christian Resources as Team Leader for Fuge Camps. Before coming to Nashville he was the program director at Jenness Park, a camp in northern California, and before that he was a campus minister at Palm Beach Atlantic College. He and his wife, Michelle (one of the regular bloggers on Inside Girls' Ministry) have three children—Karis (17), Kali (15), and Kaia (11). 

A few years ago several dads from my church (who only had daughters) read the book “How to Interview Your Daughter’s Date”. When we finished, we all agreed that the principles laid out in the book were guidelines we wanted to put into practice with our girls. Basically, it said dads should take the time to invite any young man wanting to date their daughter over for dinner with the family and conversation with Dad. I can’t speak for the other dads, but I let my daughters know right away that Dinner and Conversation was going to be a cornerstone in our family. I‘m not sure my girls were excited about it (the book said they wouldn’t be) but then again, I’m not sure they thought I was serious.

As my oldest daughter came of age to date, I reminded her of our Dinner and Conversation plan. She wanted to go with this guy to a concert but was quick to say it was not a date. I asked, “Is he paying?” She said, “Yes.” I asked, “Are you meeting there?” She said, “No, his parents are driving and picking me up.”  I said, “Then it sounds like a date to me.”

In getting ready for the first Dinner and Conversation, I had several people ask me, “Are you going to ask what his intentions are?” I would reply, “No, I know what teenage boys' intentions are. I’m going to make sure he understands my intentions, or he is not going to date my daughter.” After some great advice from a close friend who had already raised two great girls, I had the ground work laid out. I was going to have him over for a great meal and allow the family to keep the dinner conversation light. After dinner I would go to a separate room and ask a few simple questions, “Tell me a little about yourself” “Tell me about your family” “Tell me about your relationship with Christ” stuff like that. (Notice that these are not yes-no questions.) Then I get to the good part. I let the boy know that God has put me in a special place as the leader of this family and father of my daughters. In the role I have a few goals:

1. To lead my family to an understanding of who God is and how He wants to have a close relationship with them.

2. To help them mature in their relationship with God.

3. To have a close relationship as a family.

4. To help my daughters understand the importance of going into marriage as a pure vessel.

Then I would ask him, “Can you help me accomplish these goals, because I don’t need my daughters going out with people who are not headed in the same direction.” The first time this happened, the guy had a great answer; it was not just “Yes” but he also began to talk about how our youth minister was teaching the guys in our church how to treat girls with respect. As you can imagine, I was impressed.

Over the past few years I have had the privilege to have Dinner and Conversation with 3 guys, each of them passing the test. You might be asking, “But does it really make a difference?” Great question, I am not sure. At some point, my wife and I have to trust that our daughters will make great decisions based on how we have raised them. But I can tell you this: Dinner and Coversation gets the relationship started in the right direction and it weeds out the guys who aren't ready. Your average teenage guy isn’t up for the challenge.

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This blog would be a great way to help equip the parents of girls. Feel free to pass it along!