I Miss My Sister

I miss my sister.

She passed away seven years ago today. She was six years older than me and we fought like, well, sisters. Unfortunately, when we were old enough to appreciate each other, our lives had taken such divergent paths that it was difficult to find a path back to each other.

When I think about her, my emotions are mixed. I remember fun times we had together, like our last Christmas together when we woke my mom and dad up on Christmas morning just like we had when we were kids. My parents didn't appreciate being woken at the crack of dawn by two grown women bouncing on their bed. On the day she got married, I took her to feed the ducks at the park because she was getting just too stressed out at this whole wedding thing (I was young and clueless!). When we attempted to go golfing with my dad, we used our golf clubs and the carts to play joust, much to the extreme ire of my father (which made it all the more fun). And I still have the score sheet from the one and only time she and I beat my mother and grandmother in a game of canasta (if you're not familiar with the game, don't ask!).

I get sad too. I am sad because she made some poor choices, and those poor choices cost her dearly. I daydream about what her life would have been like if she had made a different decisions. I wonder how our relationship would have been different, too. She always saw herself as the black sheep of the family, forever labeled as an outsider and "less than". She labeled me as the golden child who was pampered as the baby of the family (I was a little bit) and she thought I never struggled and never made mistakes. Oh, if she only knew.

When I think about my sister, I also whisper a word of "thank you" to God for orchestrating the events of my life in such a redemptive way. I don't understand why, and I can't barely trace the "how", but somehow, someway, I ended up here, in this place in my life. With an amazing husband who still brings me flowers for no reason, and a daughter whose innocent and joyful approach to life adds years to my own. And I get to work at a place where I get to make a difference in the lives of girls and moms and leaders.

There wasn't such a thing as girls' ministry or women's ministry when my sister and I were young. But I think would have made all the difference in her life. I guess that's one of the reasons I'm so passionate about the next generation.