Emily here. You might have read a previous post titled "Confessions of a Rookie Girls' Worker." I wrote that more than a year ago. And thankfully, I can report that I'm still working with that same group of girls. I still have all my hair (and three new grays ones, which at 25, is disheartening) and so do the girls (which is a credit to Jesus, as many times, if it'd been up to me, I would have liked to jerk some of their hairs clean out).

Although I used to dread Wednesdays because LifeGroup was sure to entail some form of frustration, anger, or feelings of awkwardness, I actually look forward to them now. Why, you may ask? Because I found out my girls were human after all.

It started on my birthday last year, which happened to fall on a Wednesday, the night we meet. They took the opportunity to throw me a surprise party at church. They went all out: cake, cupcakes, cookies, balloons, decorations. (No plates or napkins or forks, but hey, you can't expect 14- and 15-year-olds to think of everything.) I nearly cried as I read a sweet card they'd written me, thanking me for meeting with them every week. Although I'd been planning up until that point to not continue leading the LifeGroup the next year, I knew then that I couldn't give up on them yet. That glimmer of hope for the women they could become made me want to stick with them until they graduate.

So when they became sophomores this year, they stopped running away from me as I tried to herd them to our meeting room. They actually hug me when they see me. They're still coming each week, even though many of them have their drivers' licenses. We've been doing great.

Then cancer hit.

I think most youth workers expect to deal with things like fender benders, breakups, acne, girl drama, and school woes when dealing with students. We don't really expect our students to face terminal illnesses. But one of my girls did.

Elisha's one of my favorites. (Shhh. Don't tell. I know I'm not supposed to have favorites. But I can't help it. She's attentive. She thinks about questions and answers them thoughtfully. She reads her Bible and actually knows where to find most of the books within it.) And she'd been sick a lot at the beginning of this year. She told me in early March that the doctors were worried that it might be leukemia. And the next day, they confirmed it. For weeks, there were constant text messages, trips to the hospital, and tears as our LifeGroup banded together. These girls had experienced a lot of pain and heartache from the deaths of four of their classmates in the past year, and I was worried what this would do to their relationships with God.

But Elisha led the charge. She wasn't backing down from her relationship with God, even though she didn't understand why cancer was now part of her life. She was constantly posting Scriptures as her Facebook status. Her friends papered her hospital room's walls with handmade signs, many of which featured Scripture. Her attitude has remained so positive despite the pain, hair loss, and diet restrictions.

As we've cried together and prayed together for Elisha (who has a very good prognosis at this point), I've watched these girls change. They're more mature. They're more honest. They're also more willing to listen and learn. And although we still have nights like last night, where I feel more like I'm herding cats than pouring insight and wisdom into growing young women, I can't wait to see what the next two years bring.

I'll keep you posted. :)

If you spend much time around girls, you'll learn one thing: they can be utterly exhausting. Yes, they're a blast to hang out with. Yes, they make you laugh. Yes, they are unpredictable (in a good way). But admit it: if you are truly invested in their lives, spend time in their world, and walk with them, girls' ministry can flat wear you out.

I came across a verse this week hat reminded me of some important principles for working with girls long-term. I'll share the first principle today. We'll save for later.

The Scripture is this:

"But as for you, keep a clear head about everything, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry."--2 Timothy 4:5.

The first principle is this: Keep a clear head.

Everybody and their sister's aunt's cousin has their ideas for what should be going on in girls' ministry. Makeover parties. Fashion shows. Sleep-overs. And all of them want to tell you their ideas because they are the best. On top of that are the voices of girls who need your counsel. Boyfriend issues. Mean girls. Parents who just don't understand. Add to those the voices of culture telling you all the bad things happening to teen girls, and you can go under. It's easy to get fuddled and muddled by everything going on in your brain.

That's why this instruction is so important: Keep a clear head. The Message says, "keep your eye on what you're doing." Don't get distracted by all of the things you could be doing. Take time to be still before God. Listen to what He has to say. Keep your mind and heart and ministry focused on the things God has called you to do. Don't waver from that.

Or two...or three! I don't want to be over dramatic on this, but after my weekend--can I yell it again? HELP!

I never dreamed raising three girls would be so...bi-polar?! And frankly, sometimes just hard. I mean, my mother is one of three girls, I'm one of three girls, and now I have three girls--how hard could it be? I mean I've got the legacy going--something had to have rubbed off through all those generations of estrogen. And it's not like anyone ever died from this experience... have they??? But without going into too many details, this weekend was a sign from God that I need HELP!

Let's just start with the simple fact that my husband and I are outnumbered three against two--so we can't even take them on one-on-one. Add that the oldest is entering high school, the second is going into seventh grade and the third is in elementary school--three different schools and three totally different places in girl world. To say that I get overwhelmed is an understatement and I am not being dramatic. The carpool situation alone is logistical nightmare.

My glimmer of hope came Sunday as the morning was ending and we were gathering our family back together after church. I stood around watching some amazing women, young and old, married and single, all in conversations and ministering to my three daughters. Several were other moms with girls the same ages of my three daughters. A couple of the women were Sunday school teachers and one was the wife of our middle school minister. Each woman had something to give to my daughters--something to help them grow. And each one of these women, whether she realizes it or not, is involved in girls ministry.

And then I started thinking about all the moms who need this glimmer of hope. Those who need to know that someone is on their team. That someone is cheering them on as a mom and cheering on their daughter to become all that God wants her to be.

As much as I want to be super mom for my daughters and do it all, I can't. As much as I want to be there for my daughters every time they need me, I won't. Although my love has multiplied as a mom, my time has not. I need help. I need a girl's minister...or two...or three...and maybe a fourth for myself.

If you haven't heard, the federal government has cleared the way for teen girls 17 and over to puchase the "morning after" pill without a prescription and without parental consent.

Teens girls can buy plan b pill

Regardless of whether or not you agree with the FDA's ruling, it is important to be aware of this development. It is important for you to inform parents about the ruling and how the pharmacies in your area are responding (some are still choosing not to make it available to 17-year-olds). And it's important for you to wrestle with this highly-charged issue so that you can dialogue with the girls in your student ministry. Help them process this news in the light of Scripture. Help them think critically about the ramifications. Give them time and space to process and voice their thoughts and concerns, even if you don't necessarily agree.

Here are some questions you might want to ask:

1. What are the consequences of making this available to young women? Emotionally? Spiritually? Physically? (some people say that the drug has not been sufficiently tested on young women and therefore there may be unknown side effects)
2. Does this new pill raise controversy or questions about when life begins?
3. How would you respond if a friend asked you whether taking the "morning after pill" is right?
4. Do you think this newly-available pill will increase sexual activity among your peers? Why or why not?

I'm not a big fan of the Miss USA pageant (or any pageant in general). Mostly I feel a guilt-induced need to get a talent and drop about 50 pounds. As a result, I just heard about this little gem of a story about Miss California, who chose to speak her values about marriage in the middle of a hotbed of controversy.

Read girl's story here

My heart feels a bit encouraged when I hear stories of godly girls making good, although very difficult, choices. This girl didn't win probably because she spoke her convictions. She likely didn't even get the Miss Congeniality award. But she does get the "You Go, Girl!" award. God is moving and working in the lives of girls and young women, even in the most unusual circles.

I wish I could have been there to encourage her. But you and I can encourage our girls to make the same decisions--decisions to stand for their convictions and to allow God to use them however He sees fit.

What good but difficult choices are your girls making? Applaud them!

I got word from Nancy Hamilton, who serves at FBC, Kingston, TN, that one of their core student leaders, James Sams, was killed in a car accident. She has requested that we, as her fellow leaders, pray for his family. He has a sister, Jasmine, who is in the 10th grade, and a brother, Darion, who is a freshman. His mom and dad are not believers.

Something like this is a reminder to me that students--even Christian guys and girls--are not immune to tragedy. They need our help to help navigate those stormy waters and to figure out where God is in the midst of it. For most of them, it is in the teen years that they come face-to-face with death and grief for the first time. The death of a parent or grandparent. The death of a dream. The suicide of a friend. It's not about us having all the answers to tell them. It's really not about us saying anything at all. It's about listening. And caring. And walking with them through it.

For discussion, here's a question: How have you walked with teen guys and teen girls through tragedy? What has helped? What did you learn? What resources would you recommend?

 

Here's a quick pop quiz that landed in my email this morning. True or false:

1. Fewer teens are having sex today than 10-15 years ago.
2. A third of teenagers have had sex by age 14.
3. Girls are less likely to have sex than boys.
4. Very few teen girls first have sex in "hook up" relationships.
5. Most teens who have had sex have only had one partner.
6. First sexual intercourse experiences are non-voluntary for most girls.
7. Many teens who have had sex regret doing so.
8. Teens rarely have sex while using alcohol or drugs.
9. Most teens use condoms the first time they have sex.
10. More teens have engaged in oral sex than sexual intercourse.

How do you think you did? Click on  Teen Sex Facts.pdf to find out.

What did you learn? What implications do you see in your ministry to teen girls?

Where will you be one year from today?

Sitting in your office?

Making a Starbucks run?

Taking the day off because it'll be Friday?

What if I told you that one year from today, you could be gathering with other girls' ministry leaders?

What if I told you that you could gather with others who are living in the trenches, swapping stories, encouraging each other, sharing ideas?

What if I told you that you could be a part of relevant training, amazing worship, and challenging teaching?

Would you be there? In a heartbeat?

Well, mark your calendar. Meet me in Nashville. April 9-11, 2010. Girls' Ministry Forum.

I've given you plenty of advance notice. Begin planning now. Talk to your church staff about sending you. Ask your mother-in-law to watch the kids. Put in for the vacation day.

I am so excited about the possibilities. And I can't wait to meet you in person. To hear what you're doing in ministry. To pray for you in your struggles to love girls with abandon. To laugh over coffee. And to worship together the God who has called us all to the same mission of reaching the next generation.

 

I wanted to give a big shout out to the girls' ministry at Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, TN. The girls at that church have launched their first-ever girls' ministry newsletter.radiant_3-09.pdf

It was their dream, their work, their voice. Congrats!

This weekend I had the privilege of leading a group of high school girls in a breakout at our You and Your Girl event in Katy, TX. I had a little time at the end of my breakout (which didn't go great, to be quite honest), so I opened the floor for questions. I had the girls write their questions on a note card to protect their privacy (and to keep the conversation within boundaries). I told them, "I've ever experienced or heard about most of the stuff you are facing, so nothing you say will surprise me." Ok. So I lied.

Want to hear some of their questions? If you have a tender heart, get a Kleenex.

I wish someone would tell me why my mom had to die when I'm only 14.

How can God help me stop fighting with my parents and how can my mom and I get my dad to church?

My friend is a strong Christian and was going through some things before he was saved. (I'm thinking this is more than a friend.) He started doing ecstacy and cocaine got help but it isn't working. What can I do?

I've been raped, but how do I really let go and forgive him? (this one kicked me in the gut!)

I'm struggling with boys. I have never had a boyfriend, but I know that God has one for me. I just sometimes think no one loves me. (oh, sweetie, don't believe that lie!)

Is becoming or wanting to become an actress a sin?

And the summary of all of them: How do you guard your heart after you've been hurt?

I know I wasn't supposed to be surprised, but I was. I was surprised at the sheer number of needs in a room of 100 girls. I was surprised by their willingness to be honest and transparent with me. (One girl talked openly about why she cuts herself.) I was surprised at how many of them have no connection with their parents but desperately want one. I was surprised most of all by the hope that these girls still maintain after all they've been through...the major abuses, the questions, the theft of their innocence, the assault on their hearts.

And I'm thinking to myself,  thank you, God, for men and women who are willing to step into that mess and show them where God is in the midst of it all. Thank you for girls' discipleship leaders who get phone calls in the middle of the night. Youth ministers who counsel moms in desperate need. Older women who will step outside of their comfort zones to teach a girl how to walk with God.

If someone hasn't told you lately... thank you for your ministry and your investment. It matters. Never, never, doubt that. Ever. 

If you missed out on our first online training, "Welcome to the Hive: Understanding the Dynamics of Girls' Groups," don't mourn too much. We've made this available online for your viewing pleasure. Just click here: Webinar

I am so jazzed about the participation and the feedback I've gotten about online training opportunities. I'd love to hear your feedback for future training. What would you want some training on? Please give me your ideas!