A friend of mine posted an article today that is  well worth reading: The Supergirl Epidemic

An excerpt from that article says,

"It's no longer enough to do well in school and be a caring, devoted friend. Today's young women are expected to combine high-caliber academic, athletic and extra-curricular performance, with the style and looks of 'Gossip Girl's, Serena van der Woodsen."

I remember my own teen years and the struggle to juggle it all—grades, sports, journalism (yes, I was writing even back then!) and a social life. I think, though, that these expectations have increased exponentially over the last decade. Not sure why (although I think it has something to do with our American culture of being the best, owning the best, wearing the best) but it's a very real, and a very serious problem.

So what can the church do to help?

1. Don't expect every girl to be at every event. A girl's spiritual depth should never be measured by whether or not she attends everything your church offers. Does she need to be involved? Absolutely. But she may become resentful of the church (and God, by extension) if she feels that she's being judged harshly because she chose cheerleading camp over a weekend retreat.

2. Check your calendar. Are you offering too much? Girls want to please you, and they may feel mounting expectation to attend everything you offer. Offer fewer activities and events, but make those events high-quality. It'll make her feel less stressed—and you and your team!

3. Offer a place where she can truly be herself. Girls desperately need a place where they can let their walls down and don't have to live up to other people's expectations. I am reading a book right now called Nineteen Minutes. It's a fiction book, but the author Jodi Picoult reflects this supergirl struggle in one of her characters. She writes that

"She [the main character] understood how she was supposed to look and supposed to act. She wore her dark hair long and straight; she dressed in Abercrombie & Fitch...But there was a part of her that wondered what would happen if she let them all in on the secret—that some mornings, it was hard to get out of bed and put on someone else's smile; that she was standing on air, a fake who laughed at all the right jokes and whispered all the right gossip and attracted the right guy, a fake who had nearly forgotten what it felt like to be real..."

When a girl walks into your home, your Bible study, or your church, don't just accept what's on the surface. Take the time to get to know her. She's craving that.

4. Help girls filter the messages they are taking in. They need to be trained in knowing how to evaluate the media they watch, listen to, and read. Many of these messages reinforce the idea that girls are somehow supposed to "do it all." 

5. Talk about your own struggles. Let girls know you are not a superwoman. Let them know when you've missed your time alone with God. Acknowledge your struggles in memorizing Scriptures. Tell them when you have an argument with your husband or don't stop to talk to that friend who needed you. They need to know that no one can do it all—even you.

6. Let girls fail. This one is painful to write. As a mother of a four-year-old, I want my daughter to succeed. I want her to excel. But if she never learns failure, then she never learns that she is human; she never learns that she is a sinner in need of a Savior. She never learns the lesson that her behavior does not equal her worth; she never learns that she is more than the sums of her accomplishments.

7. Be a model of forgiveness and restoration. Girls are sinners. They will make mistakes. They will disappoint you. When that happens, model our heavenly Father who will "punish their sin with the rod, their iniquity with flogging; but I (God) will not take my love from him, nor will I ever betray my faithfulness."

As boys and girls go from being grossed out by the opposite sex to not being able to get enough of its members during their adolescent years, strange things happen. I myself enjoyed having crushes in junior high (but not so much those roller coasters of emotions that came with them). My mama didn’t give me much relationship advice, but she always told me not to call boys. “Let them chase YOU, Emily,” she said. And for the most part I did. But not everyone’s mama gives her that same sage advice.

I bring this up because recently, I was minding my own business, working in my office, when my phone rang. My office phone rarely rings, and when I didn’t recognize the number, I answered it in my most professional voice: “LifeWay, this is Emily.” On the other end, the unmistakable voice of a young teenage girl said, “May I speak to Bill?” When I assured her there was no one in my office or even my department by that name, she decided she must have dialed the wrong number and hung up.
 

Thinking that was that, I tried to get back to work. When my phone rang a few seconds later, I wasn’t too surprised to see the same number on the caller ID. I answered, and the girl was surprised that I answered instead of her precious Bill. I tried to explain my phone number to her, and she tried to tell me the number she was trying to dial. In frustration, she hung up.

I didn’t even try to get back to work but just waited for the phone to ring again. Sure enough, it did. SURPRISE!—same number on the caller ID. At this point, I resolved to help this girl figure out how to get in touch with this guy. So I answered the phone, and she was still a little surprised that dialing the same phone number still made my phone ring. (What’s the definition of insanity again?) I asked her where this Bill lived. Mobile, Alabama, she said. OK . . . that helps. So with a simple Google search, I found that Mobile’s area code is 251. The same as my prefix.

When I tried explaining (over and over and over) that since she was in Nashville and she wasn’t dialing 1 first, the phone was just taking the first seven digits of the ten-digit phone number she was trying to dial. And those first seven digits happened to be my number. So after I explained that she would have to dial 1 first, then the area code and the number, she thanked me and hung up.

Thinking the matter was resolved, I got back to work. A few minutes later, my phone rang again. Yep. Same number. I answered, and she said: “Oh. Huh? You again? Well, you were right! I dialed 1 first and got him. So he said he’d call me right back, and he hasn’t done it yet. So I’m calling him.”

“So how come you’re talking to me?” I asked.

“Oh, whoops. I guess I forgot to dial 1 first,” she said.


Precious girls, all of ‘em. Even when they’re not using their brains. I won’t venture into the self-esteem issues that could have been at play in this girl’s life that made her want to chase this guy. But I’ve seen it enough in the girls I’m around (and my junior high self) to have a good idea of what might have been going on in this girl’s “relationship” with Bill. Most girls will go through that phase of immature boy-craziness (I know I did, regrettably), and I’m sure we all need extra grace and patience to extend to those in it. (The Lord knows how much was extended to me by my youth leaders!) I know our God is faithful to give us what we need when we ask. 


Oh, and by the way, today is National Cheesecake Day. You have an excuse to enjoy that wonderful dessert. (And if cheesecake isn’t your thing, you have our permission to shorten it to “National Cake Day.”) Knock yourself out. ;)

Today's blog comes from Amy Pierson, the girls' minister at Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano, Texas. When she told me about this event, I knew it would be a perfect thing to post here. A huge thanks to Amy for writing about it.

I wanted to tell you about a tradition I just started for our girls. We hosted a birthday party for our sweet widows in our church. We wanted to do something to serve them, but we didn’t want to do the typical “clean out their garage” type of service. I sat down with two ladies and they mentioned a birthday party, because their husbands usually brought home flowers or made them feel special, and eating out with their adult kids in a loud restaurant didn’t have the same feel.

Each lady and student sat at tables according her birth month, so we blended generations and everyone was able to make new friends. We decorated each table uniquely and seasonally. The January table had snowmen, the February table had candlelight and chocolates, the August table had back to school books and apples.

As soon as each widow arrived, one student would a nametag (which was seasonal too) on her and escort her to her table. Afterwards, I had so many tell me that they loved to be escorted personally by one student. Several ladies told me that they felt like the guest of honor having a high school girl walk her around to look at the décor and then walking them around to say hello to their friends.

We played a few games. My favorite is the song game. I would say a word and each table had four seconds to come up with a song that contained that word; when I pointed to a table they had to sing it in unison. I laughed for a week about the December table singing "Party Like a Rockstar!"

Then, our students did a ten-minute “dancing through the years.” Four did a tap dance to Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy, and we ended with a huge crowd of students doing Thriller across the stage. The ladies were laughing and gave the girls a standing ovation. We closed with reading verses about God’s promise to care for us throughout life. These older ladies reminded us that our faith really is for a lifetime.
 
I’m so thrilled with how the party turned out, but more I’m so thankful for each one of my moms and girls for serving selflessly and fulfilling James 1:27.

I wanted to tell you about a few things that happened that I was not expecting:

One of our table leaders who has an event décor business donated her time and inventory to decorate. She teared up and continually thanked me because, “she never realized that her gift for decorating could be used for God.”

I sent an email to the “homeschool network” (honestly I didn’t know that existed until 4 months ago.) I asked if any of the girls wanted to help plan this event. Once a month, I met with about 15 girls, leading them in a devotional and then letting them make name tags and help with other preparations. Two families had just moved here, one from Houston and one from California. They had not found churches yet. They started coming to the meetings, then I got them to come on Saturday nights and both have joined the church!

One sweet lady in her late 80s said that now she knows how to pray for our students when they go on choir mission trip.

One sweet lady in her mid 70s asked if she could help us with sign-in at my next girls event because “she was so encouraged seeing their sweet smiles.”

One student who just graduated said, “I didn’t know that ministry in our church to our church could be so fun.”

One lady had been married to her husband for 64 years, and he passed away 2 weeks before the party. Her daughter made her come because she did not have any friends. She left with phone numbers from her table, lunch plans with them for the next week, and said it was the first time she’d laughed since he passed.

I have seen several of the women since then and they all LOVED every minute adding that this was the first party in years they didn’t have to cook anything for!

Anyone could do an event like this. For the seasonal décor, ask that one aunt (or cousin or mom) whose house is completely transformed every month with seasonal décor (we all have one). Or, ask teachers or family friends to let you borrow pieces for unique cernterpieces. For the meal, see if a restaurant will donate or get moms to bring items for potluck. In our case, instead of a cake, each mom brought a dozen cupcakes and each lady had a cupcake at her place setting.
 
We were able to let our ladies feel special. Our students learned that they could care for others--not just down the road or in another city or country, but on their same pew. This is the easiest and by far the most rewarding service opportunity our girls have experienced!

What other service activities have you done with your girls?

 It is early on Monday morning and I am exhausted! As I look at the day ahead and the week’s schedule…I just keep asking myself, “How do we keep all these plates spinning?” or “How do I keep juggling all the balls in the air?” I know I sound like circus performer, but honestly there are days when I feel like a circus performer!

You may feel this way as well. Girls Ministry and life in general, can be busy and exhausting. There is no summer break. There is no week off. (You may have a week off but I guarantee you will get at least one text or phone call from one a girl or leader in the Girls Ministry that just couldn’t wait!)

All this “plate spinning” and juggling of responsibilities and relationships in life causes me to reflect and evaluate my schedule and commitments. I’ve been re-reading a favorite book, Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership by Ruth Haley Barton over the last several weeks. Because, in addition to my Bible, this is one of the books that I’ve highlighted and marked up for times such as this---those times when life and ministry are overwhelming and there just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day to accomplish it all. I needed to read this book again during this season of life because being in leadership has taken a toll on me.

More than anything during these tough days, I need the assurance of God’s goodness, His graciousness, and His mercy. Like Moses in Exodus 33:12-16, I find myself wanting God more than any promised land. And to quote Ruth Haley Barton, “There is no promised land we could ever envision that matters nearly as much as the presence of God in our life right here and right now.” I don’t know about you, but I need God in the here and now!

However, as I read God’s words to Moses in Exodus 33:14 my hope is renewed. “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Some plates may drop to the ground…and I think a ball just bounced across the floor and under a chair…but I willingly and gladly drop it all for a glimpse of God’s glory and His goodness today.

What about you? Are you needing the assurance of His presence today? Are you needing to rest in His presence for a little while this morning?

 It is early on Monday morning and I am exhausted! As I look at the day ahead and the week’s schedule…I just keep asking myself, “How do we keep all these plates spinning?” or “How do I keep juggling all the balls in the air?” I know I sound like circus performer, but honestly there are days when I feel like a circus performer!

You may feel this way as well. Girls Ministry and life in general, can be busy and exhausting. There is no summer break. There is no week off. (You may have a week off but I guarantee you will get at least one text or phone call from one a girl or leader in the Girls Ministry that just couldn’t wait!)

All this “plate spinning” and juggling of responsibilities and relationships in life causes me to reflect and evaluate my schedule and commitments. I’ve been re-reading a favorite book, Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership by Ruth Haley Barton over the last several weeks. Because, in addition to my Bible, this is one of the books that I’ve highlighted and marked up for times such as this---those times when life and ministry are overwhelming and there just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day to accomplish it all. I needed to read this book again during this season of life because being in leadership has taken a toll on me.

More than anything during these tough days, I need the assurance of God’s goodness, His graciousness, and His mercy. Like Moses in Exodus 33:12-16, I find myself wanting God more than any promised land. And to quote Ruth Haley Barton, “There is no promised land we could ever envision that matters nearly as much as the presence of God in our life right here and right now.” I don’t know about you, but I need God in the here and now!

However, as I read God’s words to Moses in Exodus 33:14 my hope is renewed. “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Some plates may drop to the ground…and I think a ball just bounced across the floor and under a chair…but I willingly and gladly drop it all for a glimpse of God’s glory and His goodness today.

What about you? Are you needing the assurance of His presence today? Are you needing to rest in His presence for a little while this morning?

I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it
on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. —Philippians 1:6

I’ve never met a hair and makeup artist I didn’t like. Although I can’t say I’ve often been under the care of one, I can say these people are amazing! How they can take someone’s whole head and then make it look flawless is a gift I wish I had.

But to put your appearance in their hands can be a leap of faith, one that, for me, had always been rewarded. But yesterday, I was helping out with a video project, and as I settled into the hair and makeup artist’s chair and spied the big plastic bag of hair gadgets, I grew a little afraid. I’m pretty sure most of them had been in that bag since the 90s. (There were some giant claw clips in there, and I might have even seen a banana clip.) Although I will say she tried for awhile with one of those new EZ Combs(TM) but was unsuccessful.

When the producer came out to tell me they were waiting on me, I thought that would hurry her along.So I’m thinking, OK, let’s just leave the hair down and get on with it. We’re running behind schedule. Oh, but no. She proceeded to try to get my hair halfway up (which was how I’d worn it that day, by the way), but left out huge chunks of hair which hung in my face. At this point, I’m getting a little concerned. The crew is waiting on us, and I’m feeling ugly, and well, you know how that goes.

So then she decides, after insulting my use of bobby pins to keep back a piece of hair, to leave all my hair down and stick two clear clippies, one right on top of the other, on the side of my face above my right ear to hold back a chin-length layer of hair. Not exactly a style you see every day.

I left her chair, got on set, and promptly removed the clippies and tucked the hair behind my ear, lest she happen on set and see the layer swinging free. I’m sure that’s a big no-no—to undo what a stylist has done. But what’s worse than feeling like you look silly? Having it on film as a permanent record, of course.

Yes, I realize those two clippies are pretty trivial and may not have even been seen on camera. But it got me thinking. Entrusting my appearance to someone else is not unlike the process of allowing God to shape me into the woman He wants me to be. I may not think He’s going about it the best or most flattering way, but my hope is that I won’t undo what He has done like I did to the artist’s work yesterday.

And like yielding yourself to a makeup artist, the transformation God is bringing about can be painfully slow. That goes for our girls as well. While it seems we take two steps forward and one step back with them, we’re taking part in their transformation. We have to hope, trust, and pray that the girls we’re influencing and guiding will bound out of the Artist’s chair one day and take all our breath away.

Oh Lord, please give me the grace and humility to accept the things about me that You want to change, even though I may think they’re just fine. Help me to not hinder You in Your task as you transform me (and others!) into the woman You want me to be. (I know it’s a big job You have before You!) And although I’m unsure of the result, may I and the girls you’ve entrusted to me turn out to be beautiful and acceptable to YOU, first and foremost.

I hate it when I get busted by my own four-year-old daughter.

This afternoon the phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but the first three digits indicated it was from my small town, so I answered. That's where my busting began.

"Who is this?" the man shouted gruffly into the phone. No hello. No nicities. And then I recognize the voice. Oh man, I think, I wish I'd have let the machine pick it up. My mistake.

The man on the other end of the line is a harmless 50-something with developmental disabilities, the most annoying to me is his lack of social skills. He's a member of my mother-in-law's church (which is the church my husband grew up in), so every time we visit, I come face-to-too-close-face with him. Social skill issue #1--he doesn't understand giving people physical space.

Then, as if his face in mine wasn't bad enough, there is social skill issue #2--he hugs. A lot. Not side by side, but cheek to stubble-covered-in-spotty-places-because-he-can't-shave-well cheek. He holds on that extra few seconds too long, making you feel completely uncomfortable. And following the hug is the discussion, which initiates social skill issue #3--his speech.

Half the time I can't understand him. He barks instead of talking, and he has trouble pronouncing some words. The combined effect of his disabilities is my discomfort. And I often respond to him like many people when faced with a similar situation---I completely avoid him if at all possible.

Now that you know the background, on to the story.

I hand the phone to my husband as quickly as possible. They begin talking. And then my daughter asks the famous question that is asked whenever we're on the phone:

"Who is that Mommy?"

When I tell her, she squeals with delight and exlaims, "oh, daddy, can I talk to Keith? Pllllleeeeeaaassseeee, can I talk to Keith? Please? Please?"

I hate it when I get busted by my daughter. In that moment, she showed more love and compassion toward Keith than I ever have. She doesn't know he's socially awkward. She doesn't know he can't shave his face right. He doesn't know he barks instead of speaking. She just knows that he is a nice man from Grammy's church who hugs her and takes up the offering every Sunday. She hasn't been jaded by experience or socialized into treating others based on their external value. She just knows how to love people.

So how does this apply to girls' ministry? (my husband asked me that question when I told him I was going to blog about Keith.)

There are lots of Keiths in our girls' ministries. Girls who are socially awkward. Girls who are physically awkward. Girls who are petrified to pray outloud. Girls who haven't been taught how to put on makeup or how to make and be a friend. Girls who are starving for attention and cling to you out of desperation. Girls who don't own an iPod, cell phone, or designer clothes. In fact, they own hand-me-downs. They make us uncomfortable because we don't know how to relate to them. And if we're brutally honest, we treat them like I treated Keith.

We avoid them. They're the last ones we call when we are checking on our girls. They're the last ones we want to sit with at the restaurant. They're the ones we secretly hope don't come early because we're not in the mood to sit down and listen to them.

Being busted today reminded me of that passage in Scripture that says, "For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you took care of Me; I was in prison and you visited Me." (Matt. 25).

I think if Jesus were alive today, He might say something like, "I was different than you, so you looked the other way."

We've been at this blog thing since December, and we're itchin' to know a few things. Take a second to let us know how you found us, and if you've got a minute, then leave us a comment to tell us what you'd like to read more about on our blog!

Hope you're having a great day!

Do you remember wearing your mom’s high heels? How about putting on that glowing blue and pink eye shadow? Do you remember when you were allowed to go into the grocery store and pay for something yourself? What about being dropped off and going with friends to the movies, a play, or the skating rink?

My mind is full of “firsts.” You know those first memories of independence and feeling like you are older and wiser and responsible. Do you remember the feeling that comes with thinking your parent’s trust you and that you are officially a teenager?

It seems the middle school years are full of rites of passage. These are years filled with change and emotionally charged because of those changes. It is a time of personal transition as girls (and guys) move from childhood to young adulthood.

Although many rites of passage include some type of ceremony such as graduations and marriage, there are others that help girls’ transition and even out the emotional roller coaster. We’ve moved from elementary school to middle school and now to high school with one daughter. We’ve made the gentle transition of changing over a bedroom from a little girl room to a teenage girl room. We’ve made wardrobe changes, added pierced ears, put on makeup and other transitions in the course of the three middle school years. We’ve been part of Bible dedications, mission trips, camps, and other church activities to help our daughter transition and grow into a more mature faith.

As I’ve thought about the changes and transitions we’ve experienced over the last three years with our two older daughters and their friends, I’ve wondered if there are some other fun ways we could celebrate these middle school years. How could we recognize the milestones and rites of passage and the amazing young women in our home and in our church?

I want my daughters to remember wearing the high heels for the first time and their first time behind the wheel of a car. But even more, I want them to remember significant moments in their spiritual development when others recognized their spiritual gifts and how God was raising them up for His plans and purposes (Eph. 2:10).

What rites of passage do you have within your girls’ ministry or the student ministry at your church? How can you help girls and their parents make the transitions from little girl to teenager to young adult?

An article on Time's Web site caught my attention this morning. The gist is this: girls' brains are hard-wired for social interation.

Not that this news is any surprise to me. Spend any time with girls and you'll notice that everything, and I do mean everything, in a girl's world revolves around relationships. What they wear. What movies they watch. How well they do in school. All in part (or in whole) determined by relationships. Relationships with friends. Teachers. Parents. Coaches. The opposite gender. Even their "relationships" with people in the media.

Today's article was a reminder to me that in everything I do with girls' ministry, I need to be aware of a girl's natural, God-given bent toward relationships. When I get completely frustrated with them talking too much during a Bible study, I need to be more patient. When I do "forced interaction" with girls they're not close to, I need to be prepared for a little flack. If I am trying to reach out to a girl who's struggling, I need to reach out to her friends, too. I need to be OK with the fact that not every girl in my group is going to be best of friends, sit around a campfire holding hands and sing "It only takes a spark...."

And, the article was stark reminder to me of what can happen to a girl who does not have solid, strong, healthy relationships. Just recently in the news in Nashville, a young woman killed her famous boyfriend and then herself. Speculation is that she feared he was breaking up with her, so she killed him and then tried to stage the scene so that when she killed herself, she would fall against him in a final picture of her dying love.

Other stories don't make the headlines, but they are just as serious: girls who get into bad relationships because they're looking for someone to love them; girls who choose to taunt and abuse (sometimes physically) another girl in order to "fit in" or because the victim somehow threatened her social status; girls who feel alone and abandoned, outcast and forgotten.

When it's all said and done, it doesn't matter how many events we have in girls' ministry or how "cool" all of them are if those events leave girls feeling disconnected. If we don't build relationships with girls and help them build a relationships with God and others, then we've missed meeting their deepest needs.

How do you try to build relationships with girls? How do you help girls build relationships with others?

“And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want . . .”   *dancing at desk subsides*

Sorry. Got a little carried away there.

But I am seriously excited about CONVERGE, the girls’ ministry forum that’s happening in Nashville in February. We had a planning meeting yesterday, and let me tell you, it’s going to be great!

In the creativity-inducing corners of Panera, Converge took even more definite shape as we considered what girls’ ministers have told us they want and need in an event like this. I know you’ll be blessed if you come. You’ll get the networking, worshiping, and soul-nurturing that you crave, as well as practical ideas for girls’ ministry that you can take home and implement. We’re also really pumped about you bringing your student leaders—those girls in grades 9-12 who are walking closely with the Lord and inspiring other girls to do the same.
 

So as we were sitting there, figuring out which breakout sessions should meet in what rooms, I was struck by how much fun I was having. The women I work with are funny, sweet, and smart.

But what I love most about these women is that they listen. They listen to their audience (you!), and those suggestions you’ve given us have been incorporated into what will happen at Converge. (So keep ‘em coming!) But they also listen to each other. These women praise each other for their ideas, and even when one idea doesn’t quite fit, there is a sense of honesty and love as it’s discussed and discarded. It’s a blessing to work with them and watch them model Christlikeness as we interact.

Do you have any coworkers like that? Coworkers who brighten your day, who can offer criticism without you taking it personally, whom you miss when they’re out on vacation or sick, who don’t talk on speakerphone incessantly? Hopefully y’all have someone like that in your office. But are you being that person to others?

I’m so thankful for these women at LifeWay, and I’d love to hear about the coworkers you’re thankful for too.

I've been reading a book lately called Living the Lord's Prayer. I'm on the section that talks about the verse, "give us this day our daily bread."

I was thinking to myself, Yeah, I understand this part. Move on to something more exciting.

And then I got my toes stepped on, as they say in Texas.

Let me quote the portion that was most significant to me:

"That's actually the key to holiness. Never grow up—never outgrow God. In many respects, that posture is critical to spiritual formation. Hopefully, we never foolishly think that we can make it on our own without God or grace; when we do, our ego has clearly "eased God out" of our lives...

Just look at a child who is lost at the zoo or in the grocery story. The look of terror says it all. Children have no illusions. They know they are helpless and dependent. They know who provides them with toys, food, and love. Though they may be unable to verbalize it, children instictively know they are totally dependent on their parents...

To pray the petition 'Give us this day our daily bread' is to be childlike and admit my dependency, helplessness and need."

Ouch.

I have to admit that sometimes I act and think and pray like I'm too grown up for God.

I think that I'm responsible for the success of everything—my family, my work, my friendships. If I don't do my part or work my tail off, then it's all my fault if something goes awry. And it's because of my stellar character or work that things go well.

The truth about the matter is this: everything is gift. Everything is by God's grace and from God's hands. The good and the bad. The successes and the failures. The peaks and the valleys. Friendships. Job. Sunrise. Wise counsel. Everything is from His hands.

Something about living in this country makes me (and I don't think I'm the only one) feel like I'm supposed to be self-supportive, self-sufficient, self-assured, self-everything. But I'm learning (painfully at times), that the moment I begin to feel like I've got stuff together is the moment when I've let go of God and started trying to walk by myself. I get tired. I get cranky. I am judgmental, cynical, and weary. I've eased God out of my life and made myself Ruler of My Universe, Control Freak Extraordinare.

It's in those moments that I crawl back into God's lap, apologize for running off on my own,  grab His hand again, and walk at His pace and not my own.

Being grown up isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I was driving in to work the other day and tried to take notice of every ad I encountered on the way. I lost track. There were too many. Billboards were screaming for my attention to listen to that radio station, watch that TV show, or purchase that brand of alcohol.

At one time, out the window of my office, I was treated to a view of a woman in a bikini advertising a breast enhancement Web site. Nice. (insert sarcasm and rolling eyes here)

It's almost enough to overwhelm you, even if you have discernment to recognize that every one of those ads is trying to persuade, convince, entice, and lure. For teens, the pressure is even worse since they have not yet learned the skills to evaluate the messages they hear, see, and experience.

So how can we help girls learn to think critically about media?

1. Help girls understand that EVERYTHING has a messge. Nothing is neutral. The music, lighting, sound, characters, and even the colors are designed for a specific purpose...to get us as consumers to buy into their message. The next time you're with your girls and a commercial comes on, notice the color scheme, the music, and the characters all dovetail together to create one overarching emotion or theme.

2. Explain to girls that advertisers, producers, and those in the "business" are experts. They know the tools to grab their attention, pull at their heartstrings, and open their wallets. Here's just a few things advertisers will use:

Hype—"lose 20 pounds in 10 days; eat whatever you want and lose weight."

Humor—if you can get someone to laugh, you've created a possitive experience that they will remember when they go to the store.

Deception—How many TV shows or movies have you shown in which the hero is shot, beaten or stabbed, and yet can still get up and defeat the bad guy? (any of the Die Hard movies)

Testimonial—If Shaq uses that muscle pain relief, why wouldn't every teen athlete?

Simple solution—In what world can a major problem be solved in an hour? Yet every TV show is...

3. Be proactive and intentional about teaching teen girls to evaluate what they see and hear. The next time you watch a movie, a TV show, or listen to a song, ask your girls the following questions:

—What is the message? Who created it and why?

—What techniques are being used to grab your attention? (sexy guy, cool graphics, etc.)

—What values, worldview, or lifestyle is being presented?

—What is story is NOT being told? What is intentionally left out? (i.e., birth control may prevent pregnancy, but it doesn't prevent the other negative consequences of premarital sex!)

—What does the Bible say about this message? Or what's being omitted?

You may even want to consider bringing the girls together for a special Bible study on this very subject. Gather magazines, TV ads, movie clips and other forms of media and walk them through the questions above to help them begin to see the pattern. Allow them to work in groups to evaluate a particular ad using the questions. Talk about it. Teach them to think about it. Seize teachable moments to reinforce it.

Advertisers want teen girls to remain ignorant. They want teen girls to take the bait. Our job it to teach them to watch out for the sharks in the water.

If it weren’t for Jesus, I’d probably sleep later.

Let me explain. I have my time alone with God in the morning. It’s quiet in my apartment (my roommate isn’t up yet), my tea is hot, my breakfast is eaten, and it’s just us—God and me. I love that time of the morning. Those words on the onion-skin-thin pages are old, but they still turn out fresh meaning to me most mornings. But if Jesus had never come to earth and turned society’s ideals upside down, the Bible as we know it wouldn’t even be around, so I wouldn’t feel compelled to read the Word, to dig into His words every morning, to pray and be heard.

But after sleeping in, where would I get up and go? I’d definitely have a different job. I work for LifeWay. My whole line of work is completely pointless without Christ. If Christianity didn’t exist, then neither would the corporation I work for nor building in which I work. There’s no telling where I’d be working. It probably wouldn’t even matter much. I wouldn’t be concerned about making an impact for Christ. Let’s be honest here. I’d just be concerned about climbing the corporate ladder and making as much money as possible.

So at the end of the day, when I left whatever job I was working, maybe, just maybe, I’d have more free time. I wouldn’t be at church three days a week. I’d sleep in on Sundays, like several of my unbelieving friends. The Sabbath would just be another day of the week.

Whom would I hang out with in all that free time? Without the body of Christ, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to meet like-minded people or to mentor that group of high school girls. I wouldn’t have met most of my current friends—our paths simply would have never crossed outside of church.

I’m frightened at just how different my life would be. So much of what I do every day is filtered through my faith (how I dress, where I go, whom I date, what I read, watch, and listen to, etc.). And that’s just my life.

It baffles my mind to think about how the world would be affected if Christianity had never existed. Without the higher purpose in life of living as Jesus taught, our sense of love, justice, and mercy is skewed (or non-existent). So our society would look a lot different. The concept of social justice comes from Christ’s teachings: Jesus elevated the poor’s status (and women’s too!). Our concern for them comes from what He taught.

Yes, our lives and the world would be a lot different had Jesus Christ not come to earth so long ago. But I forget that. I’m from the South. I was raised in the Bible Belt. I definitely take my faith for granted, as it has (thankfully) been a part of me for as long as I can remember.

What aspect of your faith do you need to dust off and reexamine? (How coincidental that Michelle blogged on this theme earlier this week! I wrote this post months ago, but decided last week to post it today.) Have you let some part of your relationship with Jesus or your view of God get stale? It’s easy to get caught up in all the busyness that is ours as we minister to our families, church families, friends, and communities and then forget why we do what we do. And it’s easy to start to think about how much more pleasant our lives might be if we did a little less for the Kingdom.

BUT, Christianity doesn’t make our lives or living in the world easy, but it does make our lives purposeful—in this life and the next. Think about your life. In what ways has Christianity made an impact in your life? How would your life be different if Jesus hadn’t come? Are you grateful for those differences?

Answer our poll (or if you’re feeling wordy, leave us a comment) and let us know how different your life would look if Jesus hadn’t decided to come down here in person 2,000 years ago.

Several months back, I told you about our first-ever girls' ministry forum, Converge: Powering Your Girls' Ministry (Colossians 1:29).

Well, since that post, a few things have changed and I wanted to give you the inside scoop....

First, the date has changed. I could tell you we moved it to February because we were too excited to wait until April, but that'd be a lie (although I'm so excited I can't hardly stand it!). We had some scheduling conflicts, so we have officially moved the date to February 26-27, 2010. Mark it on your calendar. Call you mother in law back and ask her to watch the kids on that weekend instead.

Second, I wanted to tell you about the thing I'm most excited about in this forum: the leadership training for teen girls. While you as a girls' ministry leader will be attending your breakout sessions, girls grades 9-12 in your ministry will have their own opportunity for leadership development. We'll be offering breakout sessions for girls as well. We'll go beyond the three D's (dating, dieting, and dress) and tackle some other issues: how to share your testimony; ditching the diva syndrome; how to lead a Bible study; and much more (are you as excited as me now???).

In the coming weeks, be looking for a post that will give you the Web address and other information (registration fee, local hotels in the area, etc.). For now, just jot the date down and begin thinking of those leaders in your girls ministry—both adults and students—who need to be a part of the weekend.

One more thing: what kind of training would you like to see this weekend—for you or for your girls? Please leave a comment with your thoughts and ideas. We want your needs to shape this event.

In previous blogs, I talked about what girls' ministry is not. It is NOT a stand-alone ministry. And it is NOT just ministry to teen girls.

Here's another thing to think about: Girls' ministry is NOT just a large church thing.

Sure, churches with bigger budgets and a larger pool of volunteers may have some advantages over small churches, but that does NOT mean that smaller churches are unable or even exempt from doing girls' ministry. In fact, in our country, the majority of churches have less than 200 members. Large church ministry is the exception, not the norm.

In today's "super-size-me" culture, it's easy to slip into the mindset that real ministry takes place with larger churches and larger groups. After all, that's the real measure of success isn't it? At least that's what it looks like on the surface.

But the truth is this: if you have at least one girl in your group, you have the potential for girls' ministry.

If you have a sleep-over with three sixth-grade girls, you have the chance to impact lives.Every time you encourage a girl in your church to serve—whether in Vacation Bible School or on her campus—you are building the next generation of leaders. Any time you meet with a girl to help her learn how to study God's Word for yourself, you are destroying the stereotype that today's teens are biblically illiterate.

Forget the mindset that it takes a big budget and lots of volunteers to pull of a great girls' ministry. What it really takes is one woman with a passion for girls and one girl with a willingnes to learn. Think about the potential of just one girl in today's generation who has a heart for God and a vision for reaching her peers.

That thought alone is motivation enough to do girls' ministry, no matter how many girls you have in your church.

Do you remember when you took Driver’s Ed? Well, my oldest daughter was in driver’s education classes last week and it was an experience. Actually, the experience continues.

I’ve been driving for several decades now. But if you get in the car with me, you would be astonished at the number of driving infractions I commit according to my daughter. The conversation (or critique) goes something like this…(italics mine!)

“Mom, aren’t you supposed to have your blinker on?” (Oh, I guess so)

“What are you doing, Mom? Don’t you know U-turns are not allowed in our county?” (Since when?!)

“Mom, do you have your seatbelt on?” (I’m still sitting in the driveway thank you very much)

“You are too close to that car. You should stop far enough back where you still see their tires.” (I can see the tires, sweetie. I’m in the front seat and you are in the back.)

“Did you know you should be able to change lanes in three seconds or less?” (Are you kidding me?!)

I guess driving has become routine for me. So much of it is done without giving it a second thought. And honestly, who really keeps up with new driving laws? (Although I am vaguely aware that talking or texting on a cell phone may become illegal in our state. Or is it already illegal?!)

Getting back to the basics with my driving has also caused me to question other areas of my life and how they may have become routine. They’ve lost the sharpness, the newness, and the thrill of the adventure. Is my relationship with Jesus just a routine? Do I simply maintain commitments in ministry because I’m a responsible adult? Have I become lazy with the spiritual disciplines in my life? And how am I teaching and mentoring the basics of Bible study, prayer, quiet time and scripture memory to girls and women so that it doesn’t become another routine without any passion or substance?

How do you keep the wonder and freshness of faith alive for girls in your ministry? How do you keep it alive in your own walk with Christ?

If confession is good for the soul, then I hope to feel really great after writing this.

My name is Emily, and I am a type-A, planner-toting, time-conscious, detail-oriented micromanager.

There, I said it. I’m pretty stingy with my time and often have a hard time finding room on my calendar for things that come up unexpectedly. When one of my free-spirit friends wants to go get coffee

“sometime,” I demand to know when “sometime” is. I set up an appointment with this person, write it in my planner, and then hold them to it. That’s just one example. There is no telling how many people I’ve hurt by refusing to spend time with them in the name of maintaining my schedule.

My rigidity is not my favorite part of myself.

Recently, I threw it out the window.

It was surprisingly easy. A friend needed me. That was all it took. My best friend’s fiancé called to tell me that he was putting my best friend on a plane to Nashville from Denver so she could be with her dad, who was having emergency surgery. He wanted to know if I could pick her up at the airport and let her stay with me that night. He said she was too emotional to call me herself and too exhausted to drive the rest of the way to her hometown that night.

I didn’t even have to think about it. Of course I would take care of her once she arrived in Nashville. Moments earlier, I’d been planning out my one night of downtime for the week. But before I knew what I was doing, I was offering to take a vacation day the next day and drive her home (4.5 hours away). That ended up not being necessary (thanks to a very nice sales associate at Hertz who I’m pretty sure pulled some strings to get my friend a car), but I was completely willing to do it.

Looking back, I’m a little shocked that I didn’t freeze up at the thought of doing something that wasn’t on my planner. But the thought of being protective of my time didn’t even cross my mind at the time because I knew what was important. I’m sure you’ve experienced a similar situation.

That event put a lot of things into perspective for me. I learned several key lessons:
• Number one, when people you love need you, you will do whatever it takes to meet that need. (Which explains why we go to the lengths we do sometimes.)
• Number two, a lot of the things I think are important aren’t. (Suddenly, the TV shows and manicure I’d scheduled for that night really didn’t matter.)
• Number three, I need to loosen up. I highly doubt that Jesus would have been chained to His calendar, had they had day planners back in His day. He knew what was expected of Him, yet was free to serve when the opportunity presented itself. It’s amazing the freedom that comes when you have your priorities straight.

(And I’m happy to report that my best friend’s dad is just fine, and that I was able to spend a lot more time with her during the ordeal than I have since she moved to Denver nearly two years ago.)

So if you see yourself in my story, I hope you’ll loosen your grip on your planner and stop missing out on the parts of life that happen without warning. Enjoy your time! It’s God’s gift to you. Now take this Independence Day to celebrate your independence from stupid things that keep you from really living!

In a previous post, I discussed the first of four things that girls' ministry is NOT: It is NOT a stand-alone ministry. It takes place within the context of the larger church, dovetailing with student ministry and other ministries of the church.

Here's the second thing girls' ministry is NOT: It is NOT just ministry to teen girls. It is also ministry to their families and their leaders

Now before you throw the computer across the room because you're thinking, "I can't keep up with the girls as it is, and now you're adding something else on my plate???", take a deep breath.

Ministering to their families and to leaders isn't as hard as you think. With a little effort (and some tips I'll give you), you can add this dimension to your girls' ministry.

So how can you help parents and others who touch the lives of girls? Here are a few ideas.

1. Educate them. I am a parent of an almost-four-year-old daughter, and I constant crave any kind of information I can find on how to be a better parents. Magazine articles. Web articles. TV specials. A message scrawled on the back of a napkin. Anything that will help me. Parents of teens and preteens are no different, and neither are volunteers.

So how can you educate them? First, don't be intimidated by thinking, "I'm not a parent of a teen. I can't give any advice." Well, most brain surgeons have never had brain surgery, but that doesn't disqualify them from being able to pass on their knowledge. Not to compare girls' ministry leaders to brain surgeons, but you get the idea.

Be an information conduit. See an article that you find interesting? Send it along to your parents and leaders. Read a book that you think will be helpful? Suggest it to others. Go to a conference that really enhanced your ministry? Encourage your leaders (and even parents) to attend the following year. If your church can afford it, offer to pay part of the cost. You don't have to be an expert in every area; just keep your fingers on the pulse of people who are experts. And to help you with that, let me suggest a couple of sites:

The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (CPYU) is a great clearinghouse of ideas, quotes, statistics, information, and suggestions for parents, leaders, and anyone else interested in teen culture. It's worth checking out periodically.

Virtue Alert is an online blog/commentary/information site created by Vicki Courtney, speaker/author, and mother. She has written several books, including Logged On and Tuned Out, Five Conversation You Must Have With Your Daughter, Your Girl, and Your Boy.

StudentZip is a bi-weekly eNewletter that delivers helpful articles, fresh ministry ideas, information on upcoming events and more - right to your email inbox.