Are you too grown up?

I've been reading a book lately called Living the Lord's Prayer. I'm on the section that talks about the verse, "give us this day our daily bread."

I was thinking to myself, Yeah, I understand this part. Move on to something more exciting.

And then I got my toes stepped on, as they say in Texas.

Let me quote the portion that was most significant to me:

"That's actually the key to holiness. Never grow up—never outgrow God. In many respects, that posture is critical to spiritual formation. Hopefully, we never foolishly think that we can make it on our own without God or grace; when we do, our ego has clearly "eased God out" of our lives...

Just look at a child who is lost at the zoo or in the grocery story. The look of terror says it all. Children have no illusions. They know they are helpless and dependent. They know who provides them with toys, food, and love. Though they may be unable to verbalize it, children instictively know they are totally dependent on their parents...

To pray the petition 'Give us this day our daily bread' is to be childlike and admit my dependency, helplessness and need."

Ouch.

I have to admit that sometimes I act and think and pray like I'm too grown up for God.

I think that I'm responsible for the success of everything—my family, my work, my friendships. If I don't do my part or work my tail off, then it's all my fault if something goes awry. And it's because of my stellar character or work that things go well.

The truth about the matter is this: everything is gift. Everything is by God's grace and from God's hands. The good and the bad. The successes and the failures. The peaks and the valleys. Friendships. Job. Sunrise. Wise counsel. Everything is from His hands.

Something about living in this country makes me (and I don't think I'm the only one) feel like I'm supposed to be self-supportive, self-sufficient, self-assured, self-everything. But I'm learning (painfully at times), that the moment I begin to feel like I've got stuff together is the moment when I've let go of God and started trying to walk by myself. I get tired. I get cranky. I am judgmental, cynical, and weary. I've eased God out of my life and made myself Ruler of My Universe, Control Freak Extraordinare.

It's in those moments that I crawl back into God's lap, apologize for running off on my own,  grab His hand again, and walk at His pace and not my own.

Being grown up isn't all it's cracked up to be.