An article on Time's Web site caught my attention this morning. The gist is this: girls' brains are hard-wired for social interation.
Not that this news is any surprise to me. Spend any time with girls and you'll notice that everything, and I do mean everything, in a girl's world revolves around relationships. What they wear. What movies they watch. How well they do in school. All in part (or in whole) determined by relationships. Relationships with friends. Teachers. Parents. Coaches. The opposite gender. Even their "relationships" with people in the media.
Today's article was a reminder to me that in everything I do with girls' ministry, I need to be aware of a girl's natural, God-given bent toward relationships. When I get completely frustrated with them talking too much during a Bible study, I need to be more patient. When I do "forced interaction" with girls they're not close to, I need to be prepared for a little flack. If I am trying to reach out to a girl who's struggling, I need to reach out to her friends, too. I need to be OK with the fact that not every girl in my group is going to be best of friends, sit around a campfire holding hands and sing "It only takes a spark...."
And, the article was stark reminder to me of what can happen to a girl who does not have solid, strong, healthy relationships. Just recently in the news in Nashville, a young woman killed her famous boyfriend and then herself. Speculation is that she feared he was breaking up with her, so she killed him and then tried to stage the scene so that when she killed herself, she would fall against him in a final picture of her dying love.
Other stories don't make the headlines, but they are just as serious: girls who get into bad relationships because they're looking for someone to love them; girls who choose to taunt and abuse (sometimes physically) another girl in order to "fit in" or because the victim somehow threatened her social status; girls who feel alone and abandoned, outcast and forgotten.
When it's all said and done, it doesn't matter how many events we have in girls' ministry or how "cool" all of them are if those events leave girls feeling disconnected. If we don't build relationships with girls and help them build a relationships with God and others, then we've missed meeting their deepest needs.
How do you try to build relationships with girls? How do you help girls build relationships with others?
First, thanks for this blog! I've been reading for awhile and always feel refreshed after reading it. Good to know my frustrations and joys are pretty common amongst fellow volunteers!
I tend to be drawn into relationships with those girls who don't fit in with the crowd. I seek them out to say hello, I try and sit by them, I ask them questions about their week. My end goal is always to connect them with other girls in the group. I'll make introductions or connect them with girls who might go to the same school or have similar interests. In some cases, I will ask some of our more established girls in the group to include a certain girl in their "circle". Sometimes it takes the better part of a year, but it is very much worth the effort when those relationships are finally built.
I train my older girls to intentionally reach out to new girls. That helps the older girls to be able to reach out to all type of individuals so when they leave youth they are not relying on leaders to build relationship. And it is always interesting to see who a girl will connect with once she has been included into the "scene". Those are connections as a leader I could never have made.
This happened just yesterday morning. An older girl invited two new kids to hang out for a Sunday evening activity. The new students came and had a blast. Before they left they were asking about next week!
I agree with Misty, that we need to teach girls to be "intentional" to welcome new girls. It's harder than it sounds, even for us adult gals, but oh, so important!
We intentionally encourage our older girls to understand their responsibility to the younger girls. We hold girls only Bible studies and events that specifically focus on bringing the older high schoolers into contact with the younger middle schoolers. These shared experiences give the girls a relational common ground that they might not otherwise have.
We also constantly remind our leaders who work with the girls that the relationships they develop with them are the key factor that gives credibility to their teaching. The girls gravitate to the leaders who spend time with them outside of church and pursue real relationships. Teaching Biblical truth also gives great motivation to the leaders as they seek to get to know the girls. I always tell my girls, “I love you too much to keep God’s truth from you when you need it most.” Without countless hours invested in their daily lives building relationships, most of them would not be willing to accept our teaching. Girl’s relational wiring is our greatest avenue for ministry!