You know you are in dangerous territory when you gather a bunch of student workers together right before they are about to teach Sunday morning Bible study and begin talking about random subjects in the news. Somehow in the midst of the conversation everything becomes an object lesson and has spiritual significance.

Yesterday at my church we had a number of students out sick. Regardless of what they are really sick with, everyone now has swine flu. (Not really but you know how the rumors spread.) My own daughter, who was home sick one week ago with allergies and a sinus infection (and I know because we went to the doctor and they did a flu test that was negative), well, now rumor has it that she had swine flu.

Anyway as we talked “swine flu” and how quickly it has spread in reality and is also the cause of any other ailment our students have right now, we also talked about how great it would be if our testimonies and our faith in Christ spread so quickly. What would our church and our community be like if rumor had it that we were on fire for Jesus and you better watch out or you will catch it too?!

Another interesting piece of information that was shared (not really sure if it is true or not), was that many of the elderly are not getting swine flu. That actually this “swine flu” may be a repeat of a similar strand of influenza many of the elderly had during their younger days. So they have that whole immunity thing working for them—they paid the price early on in life and now are stronger and can fight off the similar virus.

What if we were willing to pay the price early on in life? What if as middle school and high school students we risked more when talking about our faith and our relationship with Christ? What if we went ahead and jumped into the uncomfortable situations where we experienced ridicule or embarrassment or persecution? But then later in life we would be stronger, bolder, and more courageous in sharing our faith.

I’m not sure that any of our swine flu conversations will catch on and really inspire anyone to be bolder in his or her faith or cause someone to be more on fire for Jesus. But I do know that passion and commitment to Christ is contagious. When we share our faith openly with others through our words, our actions, and our attitudes, people take notice. They may wonder what we have that they don’t. They may want to investigate what is different about us. They may want to catch whatever it is that we have that so alters and transforms our life.

This week I’m praying that your church will be protected from swine flu and instead a source for the start of a pandemic for Christ in your community!

Our church started a small group for middle school girls. I'm co-leading the group.

 Let the prayers begin.

I told our youth minister, "just put me where you need me." It sounds so pious and humble and "I'm just glad to be a part of the team", doesn't it? Now why did I say that?

I don't dislike junior high girls, don't get me wrong. I love the fact that most of them are still sponges, willing to take in and absorb all of your vast wisdom. They're full of questions and false bravado. It's just that middle school is such a "tempest in a tea pot" (thanks to Sissy Goff and Melissa Tervathan for reminding me of that phrase). So much is going on and sometimes it's hard for me to keep up—and to be patient.

Do you remember what it's like to be in junior high? Here's just a few of the things going on inside those rapidly growing brains:

—When am I going to get my period? What is it like? And why would God do that to us? (How many of you remember when you got your period at the most inopportune moment—like in the middle of class?)

—I wonder if ___________ (name any other girl) is talking about me again.

—Why can't I have a body like _______________?

—Am I wearing the right clothes?

—I wish my parents would let me _____________.

—I can't believe she did that! She's such a hypocrite!

In this arm pit of adolescence, so much is taking place at warp speed: their brains are developing again at an alarming rate; they want independence from their parents but still value that relationship; they are afraid everyone is looking at them, talking about them, and judging them. They want to fit in and be accepted. Their bodies are changing all the time, which is a source of great angst.

I've learned a few things about working with these girls, mostly from doing the opposite at some point.

1. Don't expect junior high girls to act like adults. They may dress like adults. They may look like adults. They may use adult language. But they do not have the maturity or the capacity to reason like adults. In their book Raising Girls, Sissy Goff and Melissa Trevathan state that during this time, a girl's prefontal cortex (that thing that manages moods and a dozen other important things) is growing so fast that a girl just can't reason or think straight. Literally. So when a girl decides to do something REALLY stupid, I have to chalk it up to the fact that her brain really is short-circuiting.

2. Middle school girls are still learning social skills and social cues. Remember that awkwardness of the middle school dance? Oh, the agony. Nobody knew how to act. And the awkwardness applies to other relationships as well. That's why girls aren't sure what to do when a friend's parents divorce. Or when someone comes to Bible study in tears. We (leaders) have to teach them how to respond. Model it. After a while, they'll begin to pick up on those social cues. In the meantime, you just have to endure the awkwardness.

3. Friendships mean everything. And nothing. In the same week. Or maybe in the same day. When your girls would rather talk to each other than listen to your Bible study, that's normal. When a girl thinks she's an outsider and everyone hates her, that's normal. (BTW, she's probably not an outsider, and nobody hates her—at least this week.) Of all of the struggles girls face in middle school, the issue of friendships is probably the one you will face the most.—like all the time. Just accept it as a stage they will all endure. On the other hand, utilize this need for relationship by allowing girls to work in groups—under your watchful, "let's get back to work" eye. Working in groups also helps girls learn how to cooperate with others who are a little different than they are.

4. Middle school is ripe for spiritual development. Tthe developmental changes a girl must go through include the spiritual dimension. Girls are finally able to grasp on an abstract level that they are sinners in need of grace. They begin to recognize their own messiness. The problem for me sometimes is that I forget that they're sinners. I want them to run after Jesus with such affection that I forget that they will stumble. But when you and I model mercy and restoration when they mess up (and they will—often!), they get a glimpse of Jesus with skin on.

 What do you love about working with junior high girls? What frustrates you?

I interviewed Britt Nicole yesterday for an article on divorce that I’m writing. Her parents divorced when she was 7, and she was very open about her struggles with the changes in her family and learning to forgive her parents. She relayed her confusion about just not understanding what was happening. Thankfully, she turned to Jesus during that rough time. She recounted to me how she’d run to her room, grab her big, white Precious Moments Bible (how many of us had one of those?!), read it, and cry. She said she could sense God’s presence with her then.

Unfortunately, I don’t think most of our students take the same approach. They’re dealing with the confusion of divorce, but spending time in the Word is not how most of them cope. I travel the country several times a year with a team conducting focus groups with students. And when we ask how many of them have watched their parents or a friend’s parents go through a divorce, every hand goes up. When we ask them to tell us about the issues they’re facing in their families, they write that a large part of those issues stem from divorce. It’s heartbreaking.

In the town I come from, divorce isn’t common. A divorce rocked the community. And thankfully, of my 12 closest friends today, all of our parents have solid marriages. So needless to say, I’ve been a little taken aback at how frequently our students are having to deal with this tough issue. What about you? How does divorce affect you and your students? Take our poll below and let us know.

Calling all techno-phobics! 

I came across an article yesterday that I thought you should read. Normally, I just send you the link, but since it's written by John Cade, who works for LifeWay in the student area, I decided to give you the whole article, with its own girls' ministry slant. :-)

 How many times have you traveled and left some important items at home? A diaper bag. Your Bible. The checkbook. Sometimes you can do without them (the checkbook). Other times, you gotta go back home and get them (the diaper bag!).

This happens often in girls ministry, and you may not even realize it. Leaders travel far and wide to reach students, yet leave some of the most basic tools behind.  We’ve got to grab hold of the one tool that girls understand and use every day - the internet.

Many of you have no idea where to start. After reading this, hopefully you will be headed in the right direction. 

Here are four free tools you can use on the internet to reach your girls:

Social Networks—These exist to help people connect online. Ask your girls which ones they are using, and create your own profile on them. This will allow you to see what your students are talking about, who they are communicating with, and what is most important to them.  You can even create groups on these networks for your girls' ministry, which will help you keep girls, leaders, and parents updated. It'll also serve as a landing page for their friends to learn more.

Recommended: Facebook (http://www.facebook.com)

(If you're interested, LifeWay Girls' Ministry has its own group on Facebook. Just search for Girls' Ministry Leaders and click to join.)

Blogs— A blog is one of the easiest tools to manage to inform students, their leaders, and their parents. Several websites offer free blog accounts. Before you start writing, make sure you are being intentional. Whether it is a post about last night’s soccer game or a mission trip update for parents, keep it short and to the point. Girls don’t enjoy reading novels on screen. Write a new post a couple of times a week.

Recommended: Wordpress (http://www.wordpress.com)

Video Sharing – If you don’t have a video camera or can’t afford one, keep it simple. Use your cell phone or a webcam. Publishing a video is entirely free on many video sharing websites. Use funny and interesting videos to connect with your girls to make announcements, convey a spiritual message, or just give them something fun to watch. (You can also purchase a Flip Video Camera—or something like it—pretty inexpensively.)

Recommended Video Sharing Site: Vimeo (http://www.vimeo.com)

Photo Sharing – Like video, there are several free photo-sharing sites. Social network sites (like Facebook) let you create albums as well. Post pictures from recent events and share them with your students. Offering valuable content like pictures will keep them coming back often, allowing you to use the internet as a constant channel of communication.

Recommended Photo Sharing Site: Flickr (http://www.flickr.com)

Remember—your content is competing against everything else on the Internet. What does this mean for you? Update your accounts frequently. Set aside a time (or two or three) each week to upload to videos and pictures. If you’re using social networks, update your status a few times a day so people will know you are active.

A piece of advice for those who are ready to jump in: don’t create more profiles than you can manage. Start by going where your girls are. If they are on a social networking site like Facebook, join in. Start by using one site for each type of media.

Finding Balance
Perhaps the hardest part of being involved in social media is choosing what to say and when. Content is important but only if it's natural. Of course you want your girls to read a daily devotion – so you might want post one each day. However, don’t be a robot! If you tripped on the way to work and did a face-plant on the sidewalk (which has happened to me!), tell them. If you got up late that morning and didn't have your time alone with God, let the girls know. The more personality you show, and the more authentic and real you are, the more receptive girls will be. And let’s not forget – the root of what you are trying to do is taking advantage of the internet to build relationships.

Tie It All Together
Make sure that each of your channels (Facebook, video, blog, etc.) links back to your church's student ministry site if it has one. Girls' ministry should never be a Lone Ranger.
 
A big shout out to John Cade for writing the basic content for this post. He is the Internet Producer for LifeWay Student Ministry.  He can be reached by phone at 615.251.2842 or by email at john.cade@lifeway.com. He loves talking about the internet and helping leaders use it more effectively, so do not hesitate to contact him. Which is good, because I only know the basics!

That’s right—“I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.” This is the quote on the sticky notes I purchased for myself earlier this year.

You see I am a recovering people pleaser. Honestly, I can’t help myself. I really do want people to be happy. I want to see smiling faces. Deep inside I truly want people to get along with one another. And I really do want world peace! Sadly, I can’t always have my way.

One thing I have definitely figured out is that I can’t please everyone. No matter how hard I try or how badly I want it to be so, there is always at least one person (or several hundred) who will not be satisfied. So, I am getting over it and moving on in life by using sticky notes to remind me that it is ok if I don’t please everyone all the time.

Unfortunately, some of those people pleasing tendencies still linger and I’m afraid I often set a bad example for others. I will say “yes” to something that I really don’t have time to do. I will complete a task to please someone else when I am really not happy with it. Or I may actually say “no” but then worry that I hurt someone’s feelings or that I’ve put them in a bind.

As I watch my girls and their friends involved in different activities and in conversations, I can identify the people pleasers pretty quickly. (It takes one to know one!) Even more interesting is the way they’ve learned to be people pleasers. I know I am guilty of pushing my daughters to look or act a certain way so they will fit in or so other people will like them. Without even realizing it at the time, always wanting them to fit in and be liked by others is part of that people pleasing mentality. Think about it—how many of your mothers did this to you? And what other ways do we push the people pleasing agenda? Do we push for compromise over conviction? Do we ask for tolerance instead of asking for truth?

I’m afraid in the process of wanting our girls to fit in and to be liked by others we’ve set an unattainable goal for them. We’ve set them up for failure. We’ve set them up to develop all our quirks of feeling insecure and like they can’t please anyone! OK maybe not we, maybe just me!

Which brings me back around to the sticky note quote, “I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.” Although this quote sounds a little sarcastic (and I’m sure it was intended to be), in my head it makes perfect sense. If I am going to only please one person per day, who is it going to be?

Galatians 1:10 Paul asks, “For am I now trying to win the favor of people, or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ.”

We become slaves and servants to whoever’s approval we are trying to win. So if I am only going to please one person a day, I am going to try and please Jesus. Easy to say it, but can I really do it? What happens the next time someone questions my decision or choice? How do you live to please Jesus and not worry about what others think about it?

Yeah, right. Like anybody can really understand teen girls. They're an enigma wrapped in a riddle topped off with a side of confusing and baffling.

What's one thing you wish you could tell your parents?

"How I feel about my dead father." (that'll break your heart!)

"Grayson is a hog of everything." (I'm assuming that's a little brother.)

"Sometimes she [mom] acts a little crappy." (I love the honesty of teenagers.)

"That even though they were once teens, it's not the same as it was." (just go online!)

What's one thing you feel pressured to do or to be?

"My parents pressure me to be a dork, everyone else pressures me to be popular." (great insight!)

"To get a volleyball scholarship. My dad did this." (how many other parents are reliving their childhood years through their teenagers?)

"Jealousy...my friend always cmes to school with expensive clothes brands."

"Perfect." (This was said several times in several different ways.)

What scares you?

"Disappearing, not mattering, blending in, being forgotten." (wow.)

"That I'll get fat." (This was not an isolated answer, by the way.)

"Jellyfish." (If you have ever seen the movie Seven Pounds, you'd be scared of them too!)

"The dark or thinking someone could break into our house." (safety is a major issue for this generation.)

Intrigued? I've saved the most popular answers for the Web cast, so you'll have to wait 'til Tuesday to hear the rest. If you can't make it, don't worry. A few days after the event, we'll have the whole Webcast online. Feel free to pass along this information to the parents in your church. They might be a bit surprised (and you might be, too). 

LifeGroups started back last night at church. Another year of weekly meetings, wondering if what I’m saying is sinking in or going in one ear and out the other. Only time will tell. But I’m a little concerned that the semester we spent studying wise decision-making didn’t sink in at all.

Why, you may ask? Because last night, one of my juniors told me that she’d been caught speeding. I won't go into details, but let's say she was going well above posted speed limits on the Interstate. "Unsafe" really doesn't describe how fast she was going.

A little over a year ago, I told the girls I was going to avoid their part of town when they started driving. Now I remember why I said that. I know that their brains aren’t fully developed and they’re not thinking of consequences for reckless behavior. Lord protect us all!

I told her that I’d much prefer it if she’d slow down. I said I didn’t want to get a call telling me to come to the hospital because one of my girls had been in a wreck and was all broken and bruised . . . or worse. I was a little surprised at the fear and concern and motherly instincts welling up in me. (How moms put their kids in cars and let them drive when they turn 16, I’m not sure I’ll ever know. I’ve just about decided that having kids is out of the question for me. Too much to think about and worry over . . . I think I’d take over-protection to an ungodly level.)

Short of showing gruesome videos and pictures from crash scenes (which I’m sure they get plenty of at school), I’m not sure how to get the concept of consequences through their heads. And not just with reckless driving—with everything! As Satan tempts us to take things to the limit because “nothing will happen to us,” it’s so easy to rationalize sinning. My concern is when I (and my girls) get caught and feel no remorse for the actions, only for having to suffer the consequences. That’s a problem of the heart. And this year, my prayer is that God would absolutely break some hearts and turn them to Him. I’m praying that the girls will be amazed at the depth of His love and realize the far reaches of His forgiveness. I want them to be in awe of Him, not themselves or the people and things they’ve lifted up as idols. Won’t you join me in praying the same for your girls?

And please, leave a comment and let us know what else you’re praying will be accomplished in your girls’ lives.
 

Two words that don’t come easy for most of us—surrender and sacrifice. If they do come easy to you, please let me know how you do it! During the last month I’ve had one of these two words pop up in every devotion, every Bible study and almost every message or sermon I’ve heard. So I keep asking, “God, what are you trying to tell me?”

 Last weekend in Fargo, North Dakota I had the honor of meeting and praying with a woman who made a first time decision for Christ. As she came to the altar at this Living Proof Live event, she walked straight to me and said, “I surrender…I surrender…I surrender. I can’t do this on my own and I’m tired of trying. I need Jesus. I surrender everything to Jesus.” It was an overwhelming moment as I listened to her story and all that she was struggling with (and had been struggling with for years)…and all without Jesus.

Surrender-to give oneself up, usually to the power of another, to submit or yield to them. Like this woman in Fargo, I remember that day when I surrendered my life to Christ. I was much younger, but understood and knew that I didn’t want to be the one in control. I knew I couldn’t do this life by my own power or wisdom.

As the years continue moving ahead there are certain seasons of life when I catch myself taking back those things I surrendered to Jesus. Because to surrender means that I lay at the altar those things I control, own, desire, dream, long for—they become my sacrifice to God.

In my month of “surrender and sacrifice” devotions I’ve come across 1 Samuel 1:1 about four times. Hannah promises to give her son back to the Lord if He will just give her that son. God shows favor to Hannah and acts on her behalf. And then Hannah follows through on her vow to the Lord and returns her son to the temple to live and serve the Lord. What a sacrifice! Hannah came to God with nothing. God gives her exactly what she longed for most in life and she returns that gift. She gives back that which means everything to her. Why? Because in the end she is a woman of integrity. And as much as she loves her son, Samuel, Hannah loves God most of all.

When we surrender our lives to God, we also choose to sacrifice. We will lay anything and everything on the altar before God as a sacrifice, to demonstrate our surrendered life to Him.

What do you need to surrender to God today? What do you need to lay upon the altar as a sacrifice to Him? I’m thinking of several things in my own life and I hear the words of my new friend in Fargo echoing in my head…

“I surrender…I surrender…I surrender. I can’t do this on my own and I’m tired of trying. I need Jesus. I surrender everything to Jesus.”

I hadn't planned on blogging today. I've had a busy week, and frankly, I am tired. (And I have Barry Manilow songs running through my head, which doesn't make for a lot of creativity!)

But then I read that Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme was released from prison today.

You might need to read the story to recall exactly who she is. I would imagine that most girls and young women don't even recognize the name. I didn't until Jimmie Davis, who wrote The Girls' Ministry Handbook, mentioned her in the first chapter of that book. Since then, I've been fascinated by Squeaky's story. The details are a little dated, but the theme of her life is just as contemporary as it was a generation ago. Jimmie wrote this about her:

"After Squeaky attempted an assassination on President Gerald Ford's life, she was asked in an interview why she committed her life to Charles Manson. Her answer was plain and simple: 'I decided when I was 14 years old that whoever loved me first could have my life.'"

I read the story about her online and couldn't help thinking to myself, it doesn't seem like a whole lot has changed. She still seems to be searching for that thing that will give her life meaning and purpose. She still seems desperate for attention and love. The interviews she gives are evidence of that. She still seems lost. Spiritually yes, we all know that. But there's a lost-ness in her communication and in her actions that is so transparent that it's a little shocking in today's "gotta look like you've got everything together" culture.

I don't understand her—I don't understand any of the followers of Manson—but my heart breaks for her.

This story impacts me more deeply than others because there are so many women and young girls who are just like her. The only exception is that their desperation is quiet, unnoticed, and hidden. They suffer silently. But I am certain they are out there—in my own church, in my workplace (even though it's a Christian organization) and in my own family. They may not say it verbally, but their eyes say it: Whoever loves me first can have my life.

I guess that's why I'm so passionate about girls' ministry. I see so many girls who are giving their lives away to every false love that comes their way, and they pay the consequences for it. The results may be different than Squeaky's, but these girls are in their own prisons—shame, regret, fear, bitterness, rage, hopelessness, despair. Seeing Squeaky's story fuels in me the desire for them to know the Lover of their souls, to find their purpose, hope, and meaning in Him. 

Can their be any more higher calling that that?

I love how my awkwardness keeps me humble. Little things like accidentally drooling or spitting when talking to someone, tripping up the stairs at the gym, and running into walls. Just when I start to think I’m capable and get a little overconfident, I can count on something slightly embarrassing happening to keep me humble.

Like the time I thought the toilet paper made it into the toilet, only to have a coworker point out that I’d created a tail of TP for myself when I pulled up my pants. (I was grateful she noticed and was kind enough to tell me.)

Or the time I got dehydrated while I was sick with a sinus infection and heat exhaustion and passed out in my boyfriend’s arms at a dinner party, then came to and threw up on both of us. Awesome. (That was actually humiliating, not just humbling.)

Or the time my wrist got a little zealous while cutting pasta at a wedding reception and flicked alfredo sauce all over my best friend. (The photo below showcases my cleanup efforts afterward. A huge shout-out to the Tide Pen that saved the day!)

Or the time I wiped out while walking briskly in my high heels on a newly polished floor in front of all my sorority sisters. I even took out one of my best friends in that fall.

My mom doesn’t call me Calamity Jane for nothing.

Do you ever feel awkward? I had really hoped I would grow out of this by now. But being around teen girls can even amplify it. I’ve wondered if they just think I’m a big dork. (Guilty.) I’ve wondered if they think to themselves, I would like to know what she was like in high school (and hope they never find my yearbooks). I thought about holding them at arm’s length and only having surface relationships with them only during our Wednesday night meetings.

But I decided to move past the mysteries we are to each other in my LifeGroup.  I’ve let the girls see my goofy side in hopes that they’d show me theirs. And I got that and more. I see insecurities, flat out lies the Enemy (and their friends) have told them, and the potential they have but don’t see. And while many of my girls think they’re invincible now, some are starting to realize how tough this life can be on a girl’s self-esteem. I’ve watched some cover up the hurt with low-cut tops. I’ve seen others retreat into themselves. And I’ve seen some be transparent with the pain.

Learning humility will be a life-long process for me. But in the midst of learning humility, confidence can be born. I’m not talking about the world’s kind of confidence. Only when it is based in who she is in Christ is confidence beautiful on a woman. My girls and I have a long way to go (although I’ve just realized I only have two years left before they leave for college—is it enough time to make sure they’re ready?) on the road to replacing that confidence we find in what we look like and what we can achieve with the confidence of Christ. But I’m confident in the One who’s moving us toward that beautiful paradox of humble confidence that we’ll get there eventually.

 
And by the way, if you’re looking for a Bible study on the right kind of confidence for your girls, look no further: Confident.

Recently, the team I serve with at LifeWay hosted a special event called, Generations...The Unbroken Chain." This unique weekend brought women together from every stage of life and focused on understanding and reaching each generation—from Seniors to Boomers to Gen Xers to Girls.

As a part of the weekend, Esther Burroughs asked the women to participate in a unique exercise. Each one received a note card. Esther asked the older women to write on the card a note to younger women, and younger women to write to older women. They were to ask questions, give advice, or say anything they wanted to the opposite generation.

I thought it would be helpful for you to hear what older women would say to those of us in the "younger" generation (yes, I think that term is relative!). Here's a sampling of what they wrote or asked:

"I'd like to know how to help you avoid some of the pitfalls I've encountered. They're still out there and I see you headed into them. I'd like to build you a bridge."—Glenda, age 60

"Oh, how I long to have your energy again! You have all your life to serve God, do it joyfully. Laugh with your family."—Beverly, age 65

"What would you consider a meaningful legacy I could leave you?"—Marian, age 72

"I need you in my life. I would like to encourage you, to let you know you can make it. To share with you makes me feel young and restores memories of my life, my husband, and my children."

"I wish I knew how to convince you that God is real, that He speaks to you intimately if you will walk with Him. I wish I knew how to convince you that the whole Bible is truth—every single word."—Cathy, age 58

"Please be patient with those of us who are not so tech savvy or up with the latest lingo. We want to to understand."

"May I tell you that God will never leave you. He loves you so much and nothing is beyond His care."—Charlotte, age 67

"God loves you and knows you better than you know yourself."

"Your enthusiasm inspires me and reminds me to think young. Please put aside your preconceived ideas about me, and don't lose patience with me as I learn to change my traditional ways. Old dogs can learn new tricks!"—Gina, age 51

"How can I help you to have a deep love for those of us who have reached the golden years? There seems to be such a gap between us—that you do not want to have anything to do with us, no love, no communication. Please tell me what can I do?"—Shirley, age 69

"I seek to learn from you new ways and new things that have not been available to me so far. There are lots of things, espeically technological ones, that you are comfortable with and I'm not. Please be patient with me as I'm a little slower than you are."—Sandi, age 61

"I would like to know from you that you have a commitment to pick up the baton. Because many of our age have a limited time to make a difference."—Carole, age 69

Titus 2 remains the cornerstone of what we do in girls' minstry—the older generations pouring into the younger. The task ahead of us is to tear down the walls so that we can create an atmosphere in which God can work, creating an unbroken chain between generations. The way He intended all along.

Now it's your turn. What would you say to the younger generation? What would you say to the older generation? Post your thoughts!

Yesterday at church, my friend Erica was talking with me about the Inside Girls Ministry blog. My first thought was “WOW! I wasn’t sure if anyone ever really read this thing!” My second thought was when Erica said, “I’m right there with you.”

You see Erica and I are both moms of daughters and both involved in girls’ ministry. However, some of our involvement is by choice and some is by default. Often we find ourselves caught up in girls’ ministry simply because we are around girls 24/7. Whether we want it or not, girls’ ministry is something we cannot get away from—because regardless of where we turn or what we do, girls are there! But those same girls are also such a huge blessing in the midst of the chaos!

As I’ve been pondering this life with three daughters, their BFF’s, and all the other girls that intersect with my life through our church and community, I continue to see my dependence on others, like Erica, who are in this boat with me. I need to know that others are thinking, feeling, and going through the same trials and joys as they minister to the girls in their life. (And there is something inside me that screams for all the help I can get!)

It is interesting how when you share that you are open to help and advice more people are willing to give it. Two pieces of great “mom” advice recently came my way. (Probably because I am so open to receiving help these days…actually begging for it on occasion!)

1. Middle school and high school are those years when your student moves from dependence to independence and that is sometimes why the struggle is so great between students and adults. Remember that you want your “girls” to become independent. You want them to be able to stand up for themselves and live on their own. Those middle school and high school years are preparing them to be on their own—with independent living skills and independent decision-making skills.
2. Plan to drive. Be ready at a moment’s notice to jump in the car and drive your daughter and/or her friends to all those spontaneous gatherings that happen among teen girls. Know it in your head and leave open time in your schedule. Before the girls even ask, know that you are going to be a chauffer and plan to do it willingly. Being a driver helps you to be present and stay involved even when the girls don’t want adults around.

These may be simple pieces of advice, but I’m glad someone was willing to share them with me. I’m thankful there are those who have gone through these teen years with girls and can pass on nuggets of truth about what works and what doesn’t. I’m so grateful to have others in my life that understand and stick by me through these challenging years as this mom learns to let go.

So, whether you are a mom to daughters or involved in girls’ ministry by choice or default, I’m right there with you!

If you are on Twitter, you may be familiar with the term "Follow Friday." Basically, you let everyone know who you follow—people you want to get updates from, people you listen to, people who say things that matter to you.

I thought it would be helpful to include a periodic "Follow Friday" and list some Web sites, books, or movies that might be a resource for you in your ministry to girls or in your own spiritual development. I may not agree with everything in the movie, Web site, or book, but I think there are important principles to be gleaned from each. Use your own discretion and discernment. So here it goes!

 Crazy Love by Francis Chan (book)

This book continues to encourage my soul and challenge my thinking. It's a combination of The Ragamuffin Gospel, The Irresistible Revolution, and The Sacred Romance, all rolled into one. On one hand it reminds you of the relentless, crazy, all-powerful love of God, and on the other hand, challenges you that being loved by a God like that means a radically different life than what's normally seen in a church pew.

Girl Meets God by Lauren F. Winner (book)

This book released in 2002, but it's still worth the read. It's written in memoir style, and chronicles the author's journey from choosing to become an orthodox Jew near the end of high school to become a believer. This book will help you understand how many young women perceive faith and one woman's quest for authentic faith. It helped me rethink some of the ways I communicate truth to teenage girls.

Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (web site)

This Web site is a storehouse for you as a girls' minister (and a great resource that you can pass along to parents as well). It contains articles, research, trends, cultural quotes, and other helpful information to help you keep up (a little) with youth culture.

Girls' Minister (web site)

This Web site is produced by Amy Jo Girardier, girls' minister at Brentwood Baptist Church in Brentwood, Tennessee. It contains articles, Webisodes, and other helps for you as you work with girls. It's a fairly new site and will be expanding, so keep it on your radar.

He's Just Not That Into You (movie)

Let me say several things: 1) I don't agree with this movie's worldview; 2) I don't agree with this movie's perception of love and marriage; 3) I would never recommend showing this movie to a group of teen girls. All that being said, as I watched this movie (it's PG-13, by the way), I was intrigued by how relationships between men and women were portrayed. I was saddened by the way the women in the movie responded to a guy's interest (or lack thereof). Unfortunately, many teenage girls (and adult women) allow their worth and esteem to rise and fall based on a phone call from a guy. I recommend renting this one (as cheaply as you can) and watch it (especially if you're married) as a reminder of what many women endure emotionally as they try to figure out (?) the opposite gender.

Please respond and tell us what you're watching or reading to help you in your ministry!

My LifeGroup girls and I went on a picnic earlier this week as an end-of-summer get-together. It’s interesting to see the different levels of maturity (and insecurity) within these 10 girls who are about to be juniors. We ate and caught up and laughed and discussed very important spiritual things like how many more times they could take a road trip to Six Flags before school started.

But then the conversation turned. Gossip ensued. I tried salvaging the conversation by introducing new topics. The girls were undeterred. They went right back to the juicy topic they’d been discussing. I called them out on it, telling them that our words should be lifting others up, not tearing them down. But "as a dog returns to its vomit," they went right back to it, retelling details of what some girl had done to hurt another. Completely unsure of what to do, I forced a subject change by passing out the prayer calendars I’d brought and asking the girls what they’d like to study this semester. We prayed and cleaned up the picnic. I thought I’d headed off the problem.

But as I drove off, most of the girls were clumped together in the parking lot at the park. Now I may be jumping to conclusions, but with the way they were listening raptly to the girl who’d been in the know with the gossip earlier, I figured they were back at it, tearing some girl to shreds with their words. I left with a sinking feeling.

So here’s where you come in, all you veterans of student ministry (and those of you who just have a better handle on “classroom management” than I do). How do you stop gossip? Please leave a comment with your tactics. Asking girls to stop, calling them out, and changing the subject didn’t really work for me this last time, although they typically do in a classroom setting. I think the main problem with my girls is actually a heart issue, and hopefully, I’ll be able to deal with that this year. But in the meantime, I need to know how you handle this problem! So share your solution(s) and keep checking back to see what other girls’ ministry workers have to say. Thanks so much for your help!

Last week, I celebrated my spiritual birthday. I've been a follower of Jesus for 26 years now, since I was an awkward, acned thirteen year old girl from a small town in Texas (I would type the name, but you'd just say "where?").

When this time of year rolls around, I always pause and reflect on the journey God and I have been on.And every year, I come away with one with one thought running in my head:

Thank you, God.

I didn't grow up in a "Christian" family. I began going to church in the fifth grade (maybe it was the fourth) because a friend invited me. I kept going because the church bus came by every Sunday, without exception, honked the horn, and waited for me to run out and jump on.

When I got to church, Gene and Helen Stine were there waiting for me. They were a retired couple who taught a bunch of us kids who couldn't remember the story from the week before but knew where the stash of cookies were. And every week, I went to church, but not just for the cookies. Looking back, it was because someone loved on me. Someone paid attention to me. Someone listened to my stories and laughed when I said something funny.

The summer before my eighth grade year, I went to youth camp. I knew all the basics about what it meant to be a Christian, but on that Thursday night, July 28, 1983, (I only know this because I wrote it down in the back of my Bible) I decided to follow Jesus, no turning back.

Coincidentally (ha!), in the same cabin was the youth minister's wife of another church in town. I found out that they lived right next to me...literally. They lived three doors down the road from my parent's house. After camp, I started going to church with them.

For the next six years, I lived at their house (I bet it seemed that way to them). And for the next six years, they loved me unconditionally. They took me to church. They let me hang out and watch TV. They listened to my stories of rejection and struggle. They helped our family out during major crises. They took me to school when it was too cold so I wouldn't have to walk. I went with them on mission trips, camps, and Acteen events. I helped Brenda with GA camp. I helped Bill rearrange his office and decorate the youth room.

They embodied unconditional love. Grace. Mercy. Unending patience. Accountability. Encouragement. They showed me that I was more than the sum of my actions. They showed me that I mattered—that I wasn't invisible, even though it felt that way.

When I graduated from high school, they were there cheering me on. And when I graduated from college, they were there. When they had their first child, I was at the hospital. When I got my first church, Bill passed on his favorite youth ministry book. And he passed on years of wisdom. When their daughter went on her first overseas mission trip, my husband and I helped sponsor her.

Even though we live in separate towns and rarely speak, that connection to me and my family remains. When my mom passed away a few years ago, my dad was distraught. He didn't know any ministers in town. He asked me to call Bill too see if he would be willing to do the funeral. He did a wonderful job. And Brenda sang special music.

I am where I am today because of the foundation that Bill and Brenda laid down in my life.

Why do I share this?

Because you have one of me in your girls' ministry. Someone who needs an extra dose of love because it's a little scarce in other places. Someone who hangs around ALL THE TIME and wants to be wherever you are. Someone who is learning what it means to be a follower of Jesus because you have been merciful. And gracious. And patient. And truthful even when it hurts.

I wrote this blog to encourage you. I am where I am today by the grace of God and the love of a few people. Who knows? In ten years, that one girl who is driving you crazy now may be in my chair writing another blog just like this one. You never know...

“The days are long, but the years are short.” A good friend made this comment to me a few months ago as we were talking about our kids. I knew in an instant exactly what he meant.

I remember the years when my daughters were preschoolers and I was barely standing by dinner time. There were days that I thought would never end. I counted down each moment until bedtime; not because I wanted my kids in bed, but because I was totally exhausted!

The elementary and middle school years had their ups and downs with my oldest daughter where some seasons in life moved fast while others moved slowly. But before we knew it, all the baby teeth were gone and the two plus years in braces were over.

Now here I am with a daughter starting high school thinking, “What happened? Where did the time go? I can’t believe we only have four more years with her at home!”

As I’ve watched my daughter prepare for high school this summer, I’ve been doing some preparing myself. A few things I’ve pondered…or sometimes panicked!

What is most important for her these next four years?

How can I best prepare her for young adulthood and for being on her own?

What is God preparing her for?

What are His plans and purposes for her life?

How can I guide her to seek God for answers and direction?

My list of questions is longer some days when it seems God is silent or not moving in her life.

You may feel that same way some days. There are high school girls (or middle school girls) in your student group and girls’ ministry where you wonder what God is up to—or is He up to anything at all. Is she listening? Does she get it?

Some days may be long in girls’ ministry. You may feel like you say and teach the same truths over and over and no one is getting it. You invest hours, days, weeks, months into one girl who then chooses to do things her own way instead of God’s way.

The days are long, but the years are short. Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts.” Even if the days are long, we need to make them count.

For those of us in girls’ ministry we have, at the most, about seven years to invest in the development and nurture of our girls. What do you think is most important for girls to “get” specifically during the middle school and high school years? What main truths will influence them for a lifetime?