Awkward.

I love how my awkwardness keeps me humble. Little things like accidentally drooling or spitting when talking to someone, tripping up the stairs at the gym, and running into walls. Just when I start to think I’m capable and get a little overconfident, I can count on something slightly embarrassing happening to keep me humble.

Like the time I thought the toilet paper made it into the toilet, only to have a coworker point out that I’d created a tail of TP for myself when I pulled up my pants. (I was grateful she noticed and was kind enough to tell me.)

Or the time I got dehydrated while I was sick with a sinus infection and heat exhaustion and passed out in my boyfriend’s arms at a dinner party, then came to and threw up on both of us. Awesome. (That was actually humiliating, not just humbling.)

Or the time my wrist got a little zealous while cutting pasta at a wedding reception and flicked alfredo sauce all over my best friend. (The photo below showcases my cleanup efforts afterward. A huge shout-out to the Tide Pen that saved the day!)

Or the time I wiped out while walking briskly in my high heels on a newly polished floor in front of all my sorority sisters. I even took out one of my best friends in that fall.

My mom doesn’t call me Calamity Jane for nothing.

Do you ever feel awkward? I had really hoped I would grow out of this by now. But being around teen girls can even amplify it. I’ve wondered if they just think I’m a big dork. (Guilty.) I’ve wondered if they think to themselves, I would like to know what she was like in high school (and hope they never find my yearbooks). I thought about holding them at arm’s length and only having surface relationships with them only during our Wednesday night meetings.

But I decided to move past the mysteries we are to each other in my LifeGroup.  I’ve let the girls see my goofy side in hopes that they’d show me theirs. And I got that and more. I see insecurities, flat out lies the Enemy (and their friends) have told them, and the potential they have but don’t see. And while many of my girls think they’re invincible now, some are starting to realize how tough this life can be on a girl’s self-esteem. I’ve watched some cover up the hurt with low-cut tops. I’ve seen others retreat into themselves. And I’ve seen some be transparent with the pain.

Learning humility will be a life-long process for me. But in the midst of learning humility, confidence can be born. I’m not talking about the world’s kind of confidence. Only when it is based in who she is in Christ is confidence beautiful on a woman. My girls and I have a long way to go (although I’ve just realized I only have two years left before they leave for college—is it enough time to make sure they’re ready?) on the road to replacing that confidence we find in what we look like and what we can achieve with the confidence of Christ. But I’m confident in the One who’s moving us toward that beautiful paradox of humble confidence that we’ll get there eventually.

 
And by the way, if you’re looking for a Bible study on the right kind of confidence for your girls, look no further: Confident.