Our church started a small group for middle school girls. I'm co-leading the group.
Let the prayers begin.
I told our youth minister, "just put me where you need me." It sounds so pious and humble and "I'm just glad to be a part of the team", doesn't it? Now why did I say that?
I don't dislike junior high girls, don't get me wrong. I love the fact that most of them are still sponges, willing to take in and absorb all of your vast wisdom. They're full of questions and false bravado. It's just that middle school is such a "tempest in a tea pot" (thanks to Sissy Goff and Melissa Tervathan for reminding me of that phrase). So much is going on and sometimes it's hard for me to keep up—and to be patient.
Do you remember what it's like to be in junior high? Here's just a few of the things going on inside those rapidly growing brains:
—When am I going to get my period? What is it like? And why would God do that to us? (How many of you remember when you got your period at the most inopportune moment—like in the middle of class?)
—I wonder if ___________ (name any other girl) is talking about me again.
—Why can't I have a body like _______________?
—Am I wearing the right clothes?
—I wish my parents would let me _____________.
—I can't believe she did that! She's such a hypocrite!
In this arm pit of adolescence, so much is taking place at warp speed: their brains are developing again at an alarming rate; they want independence from their parents but still value that relationship; they are afraid everyone is looking at them, talking about them, and judging them. They want to fit in and be accepted. Their bodies are changing all the time, which is a source of great angst.
I've learned a few things about working with these girls, mostly from doing the opposite at some point.
1. Don't expect junior high girls to act like adults. They may dress like adults. They may look like adults. They may use adult language. But they do not have the maturity or the capacity to reason like adults. In their book Raising Girls, Sissy Goff and Melissa Trevathan state that during this time, a girl's prefontal cortex (that thing that manages moods and a dozen other important things) is growing so fast that a girl just can't reason or think straight. Literally. So when a girl decides to do something REALLY stupid, I have to chalk it up to the fact that her brain really is short-circuiting.
2. Middle school girls are still learning social skills and social cues. Remember that awkwardness of the middle school dance? Oh, the agony. Nobody knew how to act. And the awkwardness applies to other relationships as well. That's why girls aren't sure what to do when a friend's parents divorce. Or when someone comes to Bible study in tears. We (leaders) have to teach them how to respond. Model it. After a while, they'll begin to pick up on those social cues. In the meantime, you just have to endure the awkwardness.
3. Friendships mean everything. And nothing. In the same week. Or maybe in the same day. When your girls would rather talk to each other than listen to your Bible study, that's normal. When a girl thinks she's an outsider and everyone hates her, that's normal. (BTW, she's probably not an outsider, and nobody hates her—at least this week.) Of all of the struggles girls face in middle school, the issue of friendships is probably the one you will face the most.—like all the time. Just accept it as a stage they will all endure. On the other hand, utilize this need for relationship by allowing girls to work in groups—under your watchful, "let's get back to work" eye. Working in groups also helps girls learn how to cooperate with others who are a little different than they are.
4. Middle school is ripe for spiritual development. Tthe developmental changes a girl must go through include the spiritual dimension. Girls are finally able to grasp on an abstract level that they are sinners in need of grace. They begin to recognize their own messiness. The problem for me sometimes is that I forget that they're sinners. I want them to run after Jesus with such affection that I forget that they will stumble. But when you and I model mercy and restoration when they mess up (and they will—often!), they get a glimpse of Jesus with skin on.
What do you love about working with junior high girls? What frustrates you?
Loves:
-Energy
-Willingness to have fun and be silly
-Asking tough questions about their faith and beginning to make their faith their own
Frustrations:
-Too much energy when you want them to settle down and be serious
-Too much fun and silliness when you're trying to carry on a conversation
-Thinking they know everything there is to know about life and faith and not being interested in spiritual growth
Yep, the things I love about my Jr High girls are the very things that make me want to pull my hair out and scream! I think one way I try to deal with all of this is to attempt to match their energy and silliness (at times) and then model a passion and excitement for God's word as well. I think it is important for our girls to see that a relationship with God is fun! Living for Christ isn't just about being serious and quiet all the time, that is only a piece of the pie. I like to share what I'm learning in my women's Bible study and how my relationship with Christ is constantly growing. I will never know it all and that excites me! We start our midweek programming and small groups in the next week. I am looking forward to starting with a new group of 7th graders. I know they'll drive me crazy at times, but I know we will have a lot of fun and that there will be many opportunities for ministry too!
I love these crazy girls who hardly know their right hand from their left!
I love that in a sense it is easy to minister to middle school girls - they are easily won over - simply bc YOU love THEM!
I love that you can pass out hugs to them like you are passing out candy.
I love the MOMENTS when you experience something connecting in their hearts and minds...the moments might be short lived - but they do happen.
Frustrates me that...middle schoolers don't exactly carry on any sort of "normal conversation or train of thought" One on One hang out time with them will quickly turn into a stream of thought verbalization of the entire day - leavning you at the end of a coffee date feeling exhausted!
Frustrates me that...a middle schooler can feel so insanley awkward around others that they can make YOU feel awkward as a perfectly well adjusted adult!!
It takes such effort and determination to love them and invest for those few short years. But if you can hang on with them until high school...you are more than likely to witness some "miracles"!