My LifeGroup girls and I went on a picnic earlier this week as an end-of-summer get-together. It’s interesting to see the different levels of maturity (and insecurity) within these 10 girls who are about to be juniors. We ate and caught up and laughed and discussed very important spiritual things like how many more times they could take a road trip to Six Flags before school started.
But then the conversation turned. Gossip ensued. I tried salvaging the conversation by introducing new topics. The girls were undeterred. They went right back to the juicy topic they’d been discussing. I called them out on it, telling them that our words should be lifting others up, not tearing them down. But "as a dog returns to its vomit," they went right back to it, retelling details of what some girl had done to hurt another. Completely unsure of what to do, I forced a subject change by passing out the prayer calendars I’d brought and asking the girls what they’d like to study this semester. We prayed and cleaned up the picnic. I thought I’d headed off the problem.
But as I drove off, most of the girls were clumped together in the parking lot at the park. Now I may be jumping to conclusions, but with the way they were listening raptly to the girl who’d been in the know with the gossip earlier, I figured they were back at it, tearing some girl to shreds with their words. I left with a sinking feeling.
So here’s where you come in, all you veterans of student ministry (and those of you who just have a better handle on “classroom management” than I do). How do you stop gossip? Please leave a comment with your tactics. Asking girls to stop, calling them out, and changing the subject didn’t really work for me this last time, although they typically do in a classroom setting. I think the main problem with my girls is actually a heart issue, and hopefully, I’ll be able to deal with that this year. But in the meantime, I need to know how you handle this problem! So share your solution(s) and keep checking back to see what other girls’ ministry workers have to say. Thanks so much for your help!
Great comments, Emily. I think you hit on a tough, recurring problem with girls. There are so many tentacles...girls' need for relationships, girls' insecurities, enjoying being in "the know." I think you are right that it is very much a heart issue. I look forward to seeing what others say in response!
This rings true in our ministry as well!
Often times, the girls cannot recognize the behavior they are engaging in as wrong because they cannot see the big picture. Perhaps showing a video or re-telling a story that depicts their very actions and have them discuss. They will likely be able to pinpoint the gossip as wrong and devastating. Then relay how they were engaging in the same behavior, ask how they would feel to be the target and that may bring it closer to home for them.
Aside from that, I believe that this is one of those things that is "caught" rather than "taught". Once they are on the receiving end, and they most assuredly will be at some point, it is easier to steer away from.
And truthfully, this is something that we even as grown women have to be on guard against.
Best of luck!