Girls and Homosexuality, Part 2

Sometimes you write a blog, and you get no response. No feedback. No comments. Makes you wonder if anyone is actually online reading your stuff.

This discussion of homosexuality has not been one of those times.

I'm not quite sure why this topic has elicited so many responses both here on this blog and on my Facebook account. II don't know if it's the politically charged nature of the topic. I don't know if it's because people very strongly about this issue, one way or the other. I don't know if the topic strikes a nerve because churches are facing it more and more. I think it's probably a combination of all of those.

What I am absolutely certain about is this: homosexuality will become a major issue in our churches, if it hasn't already become one. So how should the church respond to the issue? It can ignore it, which many churches choose to do. Don't talk about it. Don't mention it. Don't approach the subject. It's uncomfortable. Political. Emotional. Murky. Divisive. Confusing. Polarizing. Distracting.

Or the church can respond in a legalistic, speak-the-truth-and-let-love-come-later-after-they-repent stance. You've probably seen elements of that in the media as news reels show people picketing with signs that say, "God hates fags." Unfortunately, most people involved in the gay lifestyle that I've met expect, fear, or have encountered this response. In fact, I had a conversation with a woman the other day who told me that exact thing. She said, "I was worried that if I told you, you would judge me."

Where is the middle ground? How can we as followers of Jesus continue to hold to our biblical beliefs and yet address homosexuality? The truth is that there aren't any easy answers. There isn't a cut-and-dried five-step method for talking with people who are struggling with (or who are comfortable with) same-gender feelings or lifestyles.

What I can suggest are some principles that will help you as you try to wrestle with how to approach this subject in your church or in your small group:

1. Check your own attitudes. If you were to be totally honest, how do you feel about homosexuals? Are you afraid of talking with them? Why? What prejudices do you have about people who are attracted to those of the same gender? The first step in addressing this issue is to evaluate your own attitudes, prejudices, misconceptions, and even sinful thoughts about homosexuals.

2. Check your language. Hang out with teenagers long enough, and you're bound to hear the statement (or something like it): "That's so gay" or "You're such a fag." It's commonly used to indicate that something is lame or stupid. But for a person struggling with homosexuality, it's just another way of feeling isolated and shamed and hated. Make it clear to your students that such language is off-limits in your group, just like foul language or language that puts others down.

3. Close the sin gap. We as human beings like to classify sins. We like to think that some sins are worse than others, and as long as we're not involved in "those things", then we're OK. It's OK to tell a white lie, but it's not OK to lie to your spouse about who you were talking to online. It's not OK to cheat on your tithe, but it's OK to cheat on your taxes. It's OK to have temptations about sexual purity, but it's not OK to be tempted by someone of the same gender. It's OK to be obese and not take care of your body, but it's not OK to be anorexic. Get the point? The truth is that sin is sin. There's no sin that makes me more acceptable in God's eyes and no sin that makes me less forgiven by His grace. For all the campaigns and marches against homosexuality, I've yet to hear people raise a ruckus about being gluttons.

4. Dialogue, don't argue. The homosexuals that I have met are defensive. And the more you argue with them about how they're wrong and you're right, the higher the wall between the two of you. Instead, approach the situation with a willingness to listen. You won't be swayed by their arguments (and neither will the other person), but you can learn a lot. What led them to engage in this lifestyle. Where they struggle. Fears they have. Questions that still linger. Their theology and biblical interpretations. By engaging in an actual dialogue, you earn respect and credibility. And you leave the door open for future conversations.

5. Remember, you're not the Holy Spirit. He doesn't need your help in bringing a person to conviction and repentance. He's been handling that task well for centuries. However, you can be Jesus with skin on. You can choose to hang out with "sinners" and "tax collectors". You can accept the unaccepted and be an instrument of grace while at the same time maintaining the integrity of Scripture.

6. Watch your first reaction. When a girl comes to you and tells you about the struggles she's having, how will you respond in that moment? Will you change the subject because you're uncomfortable? Will you say, "You're not gay. Don't worry about it." Will you look around to see if anyone else is around who might overhear you? Will you put physical space between the two of you? How you react in those initial moments will make the difference. Even if you're completely caught off guard, don't react that way. Be calm. Take time to listen. Ask questions. Allow the story to unfold. That the girl would talk to you in the first place shows that she trusts you. Don't betray that trust by the way you respond.

7. Address the issue in your group. I know, I'm treading on shaky ground here, especially with younger students. Some parents don't want you discussing anything of a sexual nature with their girls. They're "not ready" for it. Other parents welcome your voice in the discussion (and may leave discussions of this nature up to you so they don't have to talk about it at home). And you're caught in the middle. Your girls are dealing with this issue on some level. They hear about it. They watch TV shows that feature gay characters. Friends are coming out. Others are asking if they're willing to experiment. Girls need a place that will offer biblical, honest, authentic answers free of political agendas. The church can be that place. You may need to alert parents ahead of time. Or even cover the material with parents before you talk with the girls. But find a way to open the door to discussion.

I know a blog ike this is bound to lead to discussion. To be honest, I am looking forward to it. So feel free to post your thoughts and reactions.