Let me first give this disclaimer: I am not a liscenced therapist. Nor do I have any advanced degree in psychology.
That being said, I am becoming increasingly convinced that this generation of teens (especially girls) faces a new addiction: texting.
First, I see it in the teen girls I encounter on a regular basis. My husband is a high school girls' volleyball coach, which means I'm involved with girls' volleyball. I have watched over the last few years an increasing dependence and attachment to cell phones. Between warm-ups and the match, the girls make a beeline over to their bags to check to see if they have any message. Same thing after the match. I've even seen girls bring their cell phone chargers to the gym and plug them in between games. I've also seen girls asking other girls (managers or those out with an injury) to check their messages for them.
Seriously. What can happen in the course of a volleyball game that would require that sort of diligence?
I see it in girls who text during movies, during class (my husband tells me about these), and even during worship service and Bible study.
Secondly, I watched a video recently that highlight the dangers of texting while driving. (Please keep in mind: this video is VERY graphic.) What is more interesting to me than the actual video are the comments left by teenagers. If you can get past their crude langauge, underneath you will see a common thread: denial that texting while driving is a real problem.
Thirdly, I was in a meeting with my student ministry team yesterday. During the course of that meeting, we watched a short Dr. Phil video clip in which a girl is confronted about her texting behavior while driving. Please understand, I'm not a Dr. Phil fan. But on this particular issue, he was spot-on right.
While I appreciated what he had to say to her, I really don't think she will stop texting and driving. Why? Because much of her language and her own admissions sound very much like someone who is an addict. In case you are unable to view the clip (which I highly recommend), I noted several of her statements:
"I don't think anything will happen to me when I text and drive because I feel like I'm a good enough texter." (how many alcoholics think they can hold their alcohol and drink and drive?)
"I wouldn't say that I lie to my mother, I would say that I exaggerate when I say I never text [and drvie]." (how many drug addicts lie about their behavior?)
"I honestly don't think there's anything that can make me stop texting." (how many sexual addicts have this same attitude?)
Now, keep in mind that this girl has had her license for only four months. In that time period, she hit a curb and did $3000 damage to her car. She hit a guard rail (she said it was a little, tiny, scratch.) She got a ticket for doing 80 in a 55 because she was texting and lost track of her speed.
In another instance, she nearly hit a person on the street while her sister was in the car (she was texting at the time). Her response? "It wasn't that close."
Really. Ask the person you nearly ran over. How close does it have to get?
Did you catch the signs of addiction in her conversation, language, and attitude?
Lying about the behavior. Doing activities that put you and others at risk of harm. Difficulty in cutting down or controlling the behavior. Frequent engagement in the behavior to a greater extent over time. An "I don't care" attitude.
Please understand, I am not on a personal crusade against this girl. I don't even know her name. I am concerned because she's not the only girl with this problem. She's just the one who was willing to talk on camera. Hers is not an isolated case. She's just one in thousands.
In student ministry, we often talk about addiction—drugs, alcohol, and even pornography if we're bold. But how many of us have conversations with our students about an addiction to the cell phone? Is this an ongoing conversation that we need to be having with our girls? Do we need to begin to look for signs in our students that show an addiction to texting, just like we are on the lookout for pornography usage or alcohol usage?
I understand that girls text each other because they're relational and they want to stay connected with others. I'm a girl, too. I've been guilty of texting when I should have been paying attention in a meeting (My apologies, Scott). I understand that this is the way they communicate.
But somewhere, somehow, responsible adults (including parents) need to draw a line in the sand and say, "enough." We need to recognize that texting can cause more harm than good in some situations. Somehow, we need to figure out how to strike the balance between ministering to students in channels they use (like texting devotions or reminders about Bible study), and becoming part of the problem.
If girls (and guys) cannot unplug and be quiet long enough to hear from God, then we've done a disservice to them as their leaders. We have not helped them grow as disciples who love Jesus—more than their cell phones.
Pam, you've done a super job presenting the facts of addiction and laying them right beside the facts of teen texting. Many comparisons and correlations are fair. Just don't leave the guys out of the mix! Who do you think these girls are texting? Not their moms!
By the time my girls began their 8th grade year, I resorted to collecting cellphones during small group in a bucket/basket/anythingoutofsight My precious, WELL-BEHAVED girls could NOT keep their hands or minds off of the phones for one fast paced hour of face to face interaction with each other! I would have to agree that the behavior resembles something of an addiction. And it is definitely in our realm of influence to help them understand the "lock down" that cell phones have on their lives.
I would also urge us all to consider the source... During the girls 7th grade year (if not before) each girl gradually was given her 1st phone - the event has truly turned into a much anticipated moment/right of passage in students lives! Parents who give kids a phone out of the desire for their safety are also handing their student an object of addiction without the necessary perspective to go along with the phone...and the whole new world that comes along with it. We can't neglect our girls parents! Help them understand how to teach their girls about balance in life, harmful behaviors and addictions...all in their little cell phone :-)
I use to work in a trauma unit in Georgia, and cannot tell you how many teens were brought to us in a similar state as was in that video. Sadly, I was heartbroken to see so many friends, who were in accidents together where one or two survived, only at the cost of another's life (sometimes many other's lives).
Thank you for bringing attention to this. It's a tough situation. while it's a great bonding tool or icebreaker ("oh what kind of apps do you have?"), it can easily become the primary topics of discussion and socialization among teens and leaders. I am absolutely no expert in this area, but I do have a story that worked out really well.
There was a morning where a girl in my group pulled out her phone and was texting under the table (so slick! haha). It was an obvious distraction at the table. Finally, she layed her phone on the table and minutes later it began to vibrate again. I laughed as I said the first thing that came to mind, "BTW Steph, I think Jesus just sent you a text message." The whole table was laughing, including the girl who was texting. She apologized, and I never had issues with it again. Thank God, it was an easy way for me to bring her back into focus.
Pam I know waht you mean
While you are correct in that teenagers do text excessively, I disagree with you in the idea that the obsession with texting is more prominent in girls. Teenage boys text just as much as girls. Yes, it is completely disrespectful to text during church or even a volleyball game. However, texting has become the norm due to the lifestyles teenagers are now living. We do so many activities and have so much pressure for college that we don't have time to see our friends. As a result, the only way we can actually communicate with them is...well, texting.