Sometimes I really love my job.I love meeting new people. I love giving women (and men) a vision for reaching teen girls. I love being creative and thinking outside the box and dreaming and looking toward what could be. I love being around people who are passionate about reaching teen girls.
Yesterday was one of those days. I got to meet with a team of very talented people and dream about a new Bible study for teen girls. A Bible study that attacks a prevaling mantra that says, "I deserve." A Bible study that helps girls understand that yes, they are princesses endowed with great worth because they are God's beloved, but they are not on the throne. A Bible study that challenges girls to embrace humility instead of pride, servanthood instead of selfishness, meekness instead of aggression. A Bible study that is flexible enough to experience on a variety of levels and settings, from an overnight sleepover to an ongoing discipleship group.
The name of this new Bible study? Tossing Your Tiara: Embracing Humility in an All-About-Me World.
I can't wait to see where God takes this study. I can't wait for girls to begin to grasp their roles as light bearers and ambassadors to the world around them. I can't wait to watch as God begins open their eyes to the sneaky deceptiveness of the enemy who wants them to be less than God created them to be and to accomplish. I can't wait for girls to understand what it really means to be a daughter of God.
As the study unfolds, I'll keep you posted on the progress!
What do you look for in a Bible study? What elements, themes, or topics are important to you?
Don’t you just love it when your girls have lightbulb moments? Those moments make you remember why you do girls’ ministry in the first place. I’m teaching Girl Talk this semester to my group of junior girls, and last night’s lesson was on gossip. Let’s just say this is a big issue for them. (You may remember a post I wrote on the topic this summer.) I followed the teaching plan for last night's session and pointed out the gossip they’d been sharing as we were fellowshipping before the lesson. They were shocked and admitted that they didn’t even realize they were gossiping.
You know something is ingrained when you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Thankfully, each of them had also been the victim of gossip, so they were pretty eager to hear what the Bible had to say about talking about others. We discussed tactics to avoid gossip, like changing the subject, standing up for the person being talked about, and confronting the gossiper. I walked away encouraged by their enthusiasm, and I hoped they walked away with true resolve to change their behavior. We’ll see...
I hope you too had lightbulb moments this week as you did life with your girls. And even if you didn’t, trust that those seeds of truth you’re planting can bloom one day. Thank you so much for the impact you’re making on the girls in your ministry. Your hard work is not in vain!
This month's issue of Parents magazine features an article entitled "Life in the Slow Lane." The premise of the article is that a growing number of parents are actually choosing a slower lifestyle for themselves and their families. The article cites that:
"after the go-fast '80s, the get-rich '90s, and the 24/7, wired pace of the new milennium, slow is quickly emerging and the hot new buzzword."
What does that look like in the family? Bike paths instead of skating parks. Board games take precendence over X-Box. Lazy Sunday mornings (Sabbath anyone??) versus a weekend of mad dashes to the mall, the grocery store, and everywhere else. Listening to music instead of watching music videos. Fewer activities and more quality time.
With this new trend emerging in parenting circles, we in ministry need to think about the implications for our own ministry (and personal lives). In short, we need to think about a slower, yet strategic approach to ministry. What could this look like in your own ministry?
Maybe instead of doing more with your girls, you need to be doing less. Or maybe you need to rethink the way you utilize the time that you are spending with the girls who are a part of your ministry. Think of this following scenario: a Friday night sleepover might involve baking cookies together instead of watching movies. A lock-in may mean ditching the Wii in favor of card games.
During Bible study, you may want to cover fewer Scriptures so girls don't feel so scrambed to "get through" the verses. Bible study may become deeper and richer than you ever imagined. Allow time and space for girls to be still and quiet before Bible study begins so that they can decompress from a hectic pace and make room for God to speak.
What you do should fit into your overall strategy for your girls' ministry, youth ministry, and/or church. Begin to think about what really matters in ministry--connecting girls with God and each other--and focusing on those things. If you don't have a strategy for developing the girls in your ministry, consider the Known Strategy.
Doing activities for the sake of busyness is a bad stewardship not only of your time and energy, but also girls'. Instead, consider what you offer in ministry and why you offer it. This slower approach to girls' ministry may be the difference between teaching girls an activities-based approach to God and an authentic relationship with Him.
As I signed out of my e-mail account yesterday, I was redirected to MSN.com. Staring me in the face was a headline about a model who was fired for being “too fat.” I really thought we’d moved past this, America. I thought we’d yelled and boycotted enough to get the unrealistic images off our magazines and out of our ads. But apparently not. This model (a size 4 who’s 5’10” and 120 pounds) found out about the disgustingly skinny body she’d been given through the magic of photo editing software around the time she’d been dismissed from an 8-year career modeling for a fashion designer.
Interesting how Lauren Farmer had just blogged about body image earlier this week. Obviously, this is a problem that’s not going away any time soon. Now moms, consumers, critics, and anyone else with an opinion are weighing in, mostly out of sympathy for the model and concern for the message being sent.
Strangely enough, girls know those images they see presented in the media aren’t real. And yet most of them still think they should at least try to attain that look—whether it’s acne-free skin, no cellulite, skinny arms and legs, flat stomachs, good makeup, whatever. I know. I’ve been there, quoting Psalm 139 and saying that I knew God knit me together in my mother’s womb just the way He wanted, yet lamenting the shape of my legs and my lack of cleavage. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who knew that the loving God created me, yet I couldn't stand His creation (or at least parts of it).
So what’s a girl (and her leader) to do? You can probably identify the girls in your group struggling with their body image who need encouraging. What kind words will you offer them this week? I don’t know about you, but I think Mark Twain nailed it when he said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Since words of affirmation are one of my love languages, I respond well to positive words. I imagine some of your girls do too. I recall several positive comments from people during high school that helped me fight the hatred and discontentment raging in my mind over how a part of me looked. Despite the way I saw myself, I knew that he or she thought I was normal and beautiful, and that seemed to help me.
But affirming words won’t work every time, nor are they getting to the heart of the matter. The truth is, we’re never satisfied. It’s a sad but constant part of the human condition that goes beyond body image. So how do we help girls recognize and overcome it? Paul talks in Philippians about being content no matter the situation. That’s easier said than done, right? Especially when you’re a girl somewhere between the ages of 12 and 18 (or any age, really), and you’re spending a lot of your time comparing yourself to others. I think that’s where the battle truly lies: the comparison. If we think we’re better than someone else, it leads to pride. If we think someone else is better than us, it leads to negative and possibly harmful behavior.
So the battle is in our minds. For some women, it’s going to rage their whole lives through. But the Holy Spirit has the power to break the stronghold of comparing ourselves to others—be they real women we know or the airbrushed versions of women we see in the media. So here’s what I’m going to do about it, and I hope you’ll join me. I’m memorizing Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ”
Using these qualities to filter our thoughts and teaching the girls in our ministries to do the same isn’t a new idea. But are you putting it into practice? Let us hear from you!
If you haven't heard anything about our first Girls' Ministry Forum, here's the scoop:
Converge: Powering Girls' Ministry February 26-27, 2010 Nashville, Tennessee
Those are the basics, but here are some more of the great details.
Carol Sallee will be our keynote speaker. She is the founder of To Know Christ Ministries. Through this ministry, Carol speaks across the United States and writes for a numerous Christian publications, including writing the girls' ministry Bible study, Confident. Ily published a bible study for youth girls called Confident. This six week study, available through LifeWay, Confident, which is designed to help teenage girls find their confidence in Christ. Carol is married to Phil, a pastor, and is also mom to three grown children. A satisfying evening to Carol consists of chocolate, a good movie, and Mexican food. Carol admits she is addicted to Sketchers tennis shoes, reality television, and Twitter. Visit www.carolsallee.com to learn more.
Shelly E. Johnson will lead worship. Born and raised in Marietta, Georgia, Shellyis a Nashville-based Christian Artist, Worship Leader and Songwriter with a deep devotion to her Creator and a desire to share Him with others. In 2008, Shelly attended the Gospel Music Association’s Music in the Rockies Seminar, where her song “That’s the Power of the Cross” was awarded the 2008 Song of the Year and her song “Draw Near” was awarded Scripture Song of the Year. In June 2009, Shelly released her second album entitled Mosaic of Grace. In August 2009, Shelly was awarded the National Winner in the Gospel Music Association's Immerse National Artist Competition and continues to experience growing momentum as God opens new doors for ministry. Visit www.shellyejohnson.com to learn more.
In addition to corporate times of worship and Bible study, this conference will provide breakout sessions for enrichment, training, and networking for women. Some of the topics covered include:
• The Great Juggling Act: Balancing Family, Career, and Ministry • Discipleship 101: How to Disciple Girls • God is Great, God is Good: Teaching Girls How to Pray • Lost in Translation: Communcating with Guys • Help Me! Teen Girls in Crisis
The best part of the conference, though, isn't what it offers women (although I think that's pretty significant). It's what it offers for teen girls. We are offering a leadership track for teen girls, grades 9-12. This track is geared at developing and equipping the next generation for life and ministry to their peers. Some of the topics for the girls include:
• Big Sister, Little Sister—Mentoring Younger Students • Taming the Media Monster—How to Evaluate the Impact of Media • Gift to Go—Discovering Your Spiritual Gifts and How to Use Them • No Worries—The Basics of Leading a Bible Study • BFFs Forever—How to Develop Healthy Friendships
For an up-to-date listing of all of the breakouts, to get information about the event, or to register, you can go to our Web site: Girls' Forum.
The more I think and plan and pray about this event, the more excited I become. Not because it's something my ministry is offering. Not because it's my job. And certainly not because I'll be leading a breakout. I get excited because of the potential I see to equip women and teen girls to impact their world. A gathering for training, encouragement, networking, worship, and Bible study. Count me in!
We've invited Lauren Farmer to join us again on our blog. Laurenis a newly graduated seminary student and a new transplant to Nashville. She doesn't come from a Christian background, so she offers a unique perspective to reaching girls who don't come through our doors with a heritage of faith. She loves to laugh, spend time with family and friends, travel the world, curl up with a good book, and drink Diet Coke.
She writes the following:
The topic of body image is nothing new among teen girls or those who work with them. Discussions about body image and eating disorders among young women gained widespread media attention in the 1970’s and 1980’s. Attention only grew in the 1990’s and early 21st century as Oprah and other media outlets focused on the increasing prevalence of eating disorders among young women. Consequently, many women began to better understand the difficult struggle that they and others were facing in regards to body image and were able to recognize the warning signs of eating disorders. Soon, Kate Moss and her waify figure went out of style while “curvier” women like Beyonce, J.Lo, Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian began to grace the covers of magazines. And, so, many of us have held out hope that issues of body image and eating disorders would fade as newer, “trendier” issues – like cutting – unfortunately emerged.
Despite the increased awareness relating to body image issues and eating disorders, teen girls seem to be struggling as much as ever and, at least in my experience, at an alarming rate. Perhaps I am just a bit more sensitive to the issue. I struggled myself with anorexia for a little over two years during high school and had serious body image issues through my first several years of college. Because of this, I know all the tell-tale signs of eating disorders. I can tell you if a girl has body image issues in a matter of minutes.
I’ve seen a lot of girls with body image issues of the years. What I had not seen, until this summer, was how mainstream the issue had become.
While spending a good part of my summer at youth camp and on mission trips, I encountered numerous girls who were struggling with body image and, in my estimation, were at high risk for developing an eating disorder. What surprised me most, however, was not the number of girls that were dealing with body image but rather their attitude towards themselves and others. If I could sum it up in one word I would call it “casual.”
For instance, one day at summer camp I came around the corner to hear a girl tell one of her friends that she had “thunder thighs.” I quickly interjected that this girl did NOT have thunder thighs and that it was neither kind nor her place to say something like that to her friends. The girl interrupted me and said, “It’s ok. It’s true. I do have thunder thighs!” And in case I still did’t believe her she held up her leg and started slapping her thigh saying, “See! Look at it jiggle!” All the girls laughed uncomfortably and scurried off.
On a mission trip several weeks before, I had listened to a group of 8th grade girls discuss carbs, proteins, and working out. That's all they talked about on the way to the mission site. They debated which foods were the worst for you and all agreed that cabs would make them fat the quickest.
I wish these were the only two stories I had, but there are many more.
Our diet crazed, image-based society is influencing our girls whether we like it or not. However, we as leaders can’t just place blame on the media for the challenges and struggles girls today are facing. We need to take responsibility for the role that we as leaders, mothers, sisters, aunts, and teachers play in the matter. Many of us are still struggling with our own body image. How can we expect our girls to accept themselves and their bodies as being fearfully and wonderfully made by their Creator when we ourselves are modeling the opposite? The girls around us are learning from you and me. Off-hand comments about our new diet, needing to fit into an outfit, and another woman’s figure (the list goes on) do not go unnoticed. As girls hear our words and see our actions, they develop their understanding of body image.
So this is my challenge to you: take the time to examine your own heart and life in regard to body image. Be honest with yourself – How do you view yourself? Do you have a healthy body image? Are there some areas that you need to bring before the Lord? What type of role model are you to girls? Are you being careful with your words and actions to portray to girls the truth of who they are as daughters of the Most High – fearfully and wonderfully made? Spend sometime meditating on this wonderful truth…
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.--Psalm 139: 13-16
By Michelle Hicks on October 12, 2009
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Passion is often defined as a powerful or compelling emotion or feeling. You will see it used in a physical or sexual context to describe uncontrollable emotions. A murder will be referred to as a crime of passion. Or passion will be used to describe the most intense feelings along with the emotions of love or hate.
I've had some interesting conversations in the last week talking about passion in ministry with others. One friend was describing this urgency she felt in women's ministry. She was quick to describe ministry and reaching others for Christ as a huge passion in her life. You know that kind of passion for people and ministry when you can't stop yourself from caring and reaching out to others. It is so much a part of who you are that there is no way to hold back.
Another friend describe a loss of passion in her life. She was wondering if any ministry she was doing made a difference at all. As she talked about life and ministry, I could also relate the sense of loss she felt. It wasn't that she didn't care or that she wasn't still reaching out to others, but there was something missing.
Personally, I've been on both ends of the passion spectrum. I've known what it was like to be involved in ministry and it was as easy as breathing. I've also known the feelings (or lack of feeling) when nothing seemed to matter or make a difference in my own life or in the lives of others. Given the choice, most of us would choose the first option, the passionate, thriving ministry.
However, the reality is that most of us will have the other days as well. The days when ministry is hard. The days when ministry is a struggle. The days when there is no passion. The days when we just don't feel it. What do we do on those days? How do we continue persevering through the tough days when honestly we would rather be doing just about anything else? And that is what I asked my friend, "How do you keep going? How do you keep ministering to others when you don't feel the passion?"
"In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content....I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:12-13) Wise advice. Don't depend upon your feelings. Don't depend upon your emotions. Don't depend upon the response of others. Don't depend upon passion. Look to Jesus for the strength to minister, to care, and to love when you feel like it and when you don't. Without His strength it is only my human effort and it will eventually come up empty.
How would you rate your passion today? How is your passion for ministry? What has helped you to keep going when the passion for ministry was missing? What word of encouragement or scripture would you give to others who are in the middle of a dry season? How can those in girls' ministry support one another? How can we help those who are looking for passion in their own lives? How can we direct them to the greatest demonstration of passion, the Passion of Christ?
The fall has been insane, absolutely insane. Travel. Meetings. Volleyball season (my husband is a coach). Meetings. Being a mom. Teaching. To-do lists. Writing. Cleaning house. Phone calls to return. Meetings. Church responsibilities. Emails that need replies. Meetings. Life has gone at a furious pace for more than two months. And tomorrow I leave to teach in Texas. It just never ends.
When life is flying past me at Mach 7, all I feel like I can do is hang on for dear life and hope the merry-go-round stops soon so I can get my bearings (and not throw up in the process). In the midst of the craziness, it's really easy to forget about God
Do you ever feel that way? If you're honest, I bet you do.
I was talking with a friend in the hallway just this week and she said something that rang so true. She said, "I get in my car sometimes and say, 'Lord, I've been working with your Word all day and I haven't even talked to you.'" I love her honesty.
That's the danger of working where I do. We're around Christian people with Christian beliefs and Christian behavior (most of the time). I can see a Christian bookstore outside my window and there's a workroom across the hall full of Bible studies, Bibles, curriculum and other Christian stuff. I just met for devotion and prayer with my department this morning (but had to leave early—for another meeting!).
I think if you're honest, you feel the same struggle, too. Maybe you don't work for a religious non-profit, but you understand all-to-well what I'm talking about. Work. The demands of kids. The pull between ministry and life. The desire to reach girls and the angst of feeling like there is so much more to do. And when life is flying by so fast, it's really hard for you to remember that the God of the universe who created your heart is as close as its beating in your chest. It's easy to forget that God is in control over the chaos that seems to be spinning furiously out of control.
I'm grateful that God is timeless. That He knows the end from the beginning and knows that there will be times when as a human being, I will see through a glass very darkly. It will be diffiult to stay attentive with Him. There will be days when the most honest thing I can pray is, "Help me, Lord."
I'm grateful that He welcomes those prayers. That His presence is my life is not determined by my attentiveness to Him. And that when the dust settles, the first words out of His mouth won't be words of condemnation, judgment, and shame. The first words I hear from Him are simply, "I've missed you."
Last night was the first meeting for "family group" with high school girls at our home. It was pouring down rain, so I was glad I went with the "don't even try to clean everything every week before they get here philosophy" for the year. Good decision and much less stressful.
I did forget in my haste to throw things together how much high school girls can eat when they are not around guys! Or maybe they were just hungry...anyway, we are off. Wasn't sure if it was the best start, but a start.
The most interesting thing of the night was after the girls left and I sat down to read these information cards we had them complete. They were your basic get to know you cards with pretty generic questions: Name, address, cell phone, texting?, birthday, what is your favorite food and so forth. However, my greatest surprise came with the questions, "Why did you sign up for family groups?" and "What do you want to get out of this year together?" The overwhelming response was "make new friends." I don't know why, but it wasn't what I expected.
Although the girls range in age from freshmen to seniors, they all go to the same church. They are all in the same high school ministry at that church. They go on the same retreats, to the same worship services, and usually at least see one another several times a week. Aren't they friends already?However, as I continue to ponder this hope for "making new friends" I sense what they are saying.
There are a number of people that I am in contact with each week at church. We experience the same worship experiences, study the Bible together, and communicate weekly. But there is something deeper that I want and have with only some of those people. It is a level of connection, an honesty and trust, that is richer and fuller than simply being together and doing church together. They are what I love to refer to as "soul sisters." They are those friends who know me beyond the surface of the day to day. They are the friends that I do life with. They are the ones I can really share my struggles with and know they care. They are the ones who truly will pray for me when I ask and even when I don't.
And so now I'm thinking, "How do you make new friends?" Can you really "make" girls friends in a group like this? I know there are some connections and relationships in life you can't force. What are some ways to create community and trust? How do you help girls understand that honesty and vulnerability opens the door for others to share their fears, failures, and hopes?
What are some great questions you use with community or small groups? What are some activities that promote trust and honest and all the deeper characteristics of friends? How would you help a group like these girls to make new friends and be the friends to others that God would want them to be?
Today’s blog is written by Kimberly Futrell, whose heart for preteen girls led her to begin a unique ministry called Club 12 in Kentucky. We thought her idea was a great one and wanted to share it with our readers. Please contact Kimberly if you’re interested in starting Club 12 in your church.
Once upon a time, a 12-year-old girl sat alone in her bedroom. Tears streaked her face as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. Why don't they like me?, she thought. Why did God make me so weird? Will I ever have friends? This frightened, insecure middle school student was having a hard time being 12. She wasn't sure of herself, and she assumed that all the other 12 year olds were accurate in their assessments of her short-comings. But the truth is, being 12 is tough on every girl.
Once this girl grew up, she thought she had left those awkward middle school years behind her for good! But God had other plans. He heard the cries of thousands of other girls crying alone in their bedrooms just as she once did. Something like a light bulb went off inside her heart, and Club 12 was born.
That's no fairy tale. The dream of Club 12 that God gave her is now a thriving community-based ministry aimed at helping 12-year-old girls recognize how precious they are to God. It helps them recognize the importance of making a choice about what they believe about beauty, their own uniqueness, and their connection with Christ. This is done through a once-in-a-lifetime event on New Year's Eve. Club 12 is a combination of a super fun slumber party and an empowering and exciting youth conference designed to help girls recognize that they are incomparable, beautiful, and loved! To accomplish these goals, Club 12 has awesome speakers, exciting music, door prizes, games, and all the fun you'd expect at a big slumber party.
Disney, Harry Potter, and the Internet are all targeting the new "tween-ager." They are hearing all kinds of messages about beauty and who they were meant to be. While not all of these messages are bad, there is a deeper, more important message that they need to hear. God's heart for the "tween-ager" is for her to hear HIS vision of the beautiful, amazing woman He is creating her to be. That is Club 12’s purpose: a party just for them and a chance for God to pull them aside and speak to their hearts in a special way. They leave Club 12 knowing that God sees them, He cares for them, and He created them as BEAUTIFUL!
This New Year's Eve will be the third annual Club 12 event. In the last two years, Club 12 has already ministered to 128 girls from 8 different counties in Kentucky. We’ve seen 63 of those girls give their hearts to Christ! Here are some of the comments girls left on our evaluation cards:
"I asked Jesus to come into my heart and become His princess." "That was the best slumber party I have ever been to!" "Club 12 is AWESOME and it has changed my life forever, and I will never forget that day!" "I love Club 12, and I'm so glad that you let God into our lives!" "Thanks for helping me."
We believe God has given us a vision to start Club 12 ministries like this all over the country. If you feel that God may be giving you this same vision for your church, we can help! Check out our video and call me, Kimberly Futrell, at 270-898-6531 or e-mail me at Club12@rocketmail.com for more information on starting a Club 12 ministry in your community.
The fall has been insane, absolutely insane. Travel. Meetings. Volleyball season (my husband is a coach). Meetings. Being a mom. Teaching. To-do lists. Writing. Cleaning house. Phone calls to return. Meetings. Church responsibilities. Emails that need replies. Meetings. Life has gone at a furious pace for more than two months. And tomorrow I leave to teach in Texas. It just never ends.
