A blog for dads of daughters

Fathers of daughters, this blog is aimed especially for you.

A recent study  on teens and romantic relationships (released by Child Trends) indicated that teens today  know what it takes to have a healthy romantic relationship (respect, trust, love, communication, etc.) But these same teens didn't expect to find those qualities in a partner or a relationship. When asked why, teens said that a lack of role models contributed to these low expectations.

So why is this blog for you, dads?

Because the teen girls polled specifically referred to the "absence of fathers as a primary example of the lack of positive role models." In plain English: you're not around to show her how a guy is supposed to treat a girl.

Here are a couple of quotes straight from the girls themselves:

"Most girls, if they don't have a father figure in their life, they don't have these [healthy] qualities., or if they do have a father figure, they have little evidence [of them]."

"...Or [girls] could just be loose because they don't have a father figure and they just want attention from a male. Like you could see a girl who keep[s] giving this dude compliments...And I was like, 'Girl, go somewhere! He don't want you.' But she wasn't getting it, so I'm guessing she needed some male attention."

As a girls' ministry leader, I want to encourage you, challenge you, encite you to action. Spend time with your daughter.

I know it's not easy. Trying to get a teen girl to take time to be with you and actually talk to you can be painful, awkward and difficult. She may balk. She may say she doesn't have time. She may act like she doesn't want to give you the time of day.

But she desperate longs for you to give her attention. Her heart craves the affirmation of her father. Apart from anything she does well, any grades she gets, any sport she accels in, or anything she does wrong.

She wants you to show through your words and actions that you care. So how can you create that time and space without the dreaded awkwardness? Here are a few suggestions for things you can do together:

1. Ask her to teach you something new. If you don't understand the latest techno gadgets, ask her to show you. If you want to learn the basics of soccer (which I've never understood), take her to a soccer game and ask her questions.

2. Go for coffee. Let her pick a new flavor for you and you a new flavor for her. Halfway through the coffee, switch. And talk about what you liked and didn't like.

3. Take her on a date regularly. Open the doors. Let her order first. Pay for the meal. Help her with her coat if she's cold. Model for her what it's like to be treated with respect. Pick some fun things to do on a date: go bowling; go to a hockey game; play putt-putt; paint pottery together (don't roll your eyes---girls love it!)

4. Go for a walk. Be comfortable with the silence. Eventually she'll start talking.

5. Go to a music store. Ask her to point out her favorite music. If you can (and the stores still carry it!), show her some of your favorites from your teen years.

6. Look through your old yearbook together. She'll have a good laugh. Point out the people you hung out with, talk about the girls you dated, mistakes you made, things you wish you'd done differently.

7. Whatever you do, please, please, please remember this one rule: shut up. Girls indicate that they would tell their parents a whole lot more about what's going on with them if the parents would just be quiet and listen without offering advice so quickly.

Your daughter needs you. Her future relationships depend in part on you. Her sense of self is defined in part of the blessings you bestow (or withhold) to her. Her understanding of God is shaped by you.

Now, go block out some time on your schedule and spend it with your daughter.