Christmas is always such a weird time for me. In the midst of the joys of this season, I sense a darker, sadder side. Grief.
To make a long story very short, over the last seven years, I've lost my sister, my mom, and my father-in-law, not to mention other extended family. So while I always look forward to this time of year, that sense of excitement is often mingled with an ache in my soul.
You may be like me in this loss. Or perhaps some of the girls in your church are facing similar struggles. How do you deal with loss at Christmas time? I'm no expert (and certainly no professional counselor), but here are three ways that I've found to come to terms with what's simmering in my heart.
1. Acknowledge and accept what you're feeling, whatever that is. One minute I'm happy. The next minute I see a commercial and I'm sad. That's OK. You (or your girls) may feel like it's somehow not OK to feel both happiness and sadness at Christmastime. You may be thinking, "But I'm supposed to be happy this time of year." Or you may have even thought, "If I'm happy even though ______ is not here, then I'm forgetting her (or him)." Here's a really freeing thought: There are no rules when it comes to grieving. Just feel what you feel when you feel it and wait for the emotion to pass. It will—eventually.
2. Find a way to acknowledge the person. My husband and I make donations in memory of our family members. For my mom, it's a donation to the American Lung Association (she died of lung cancer). We have a special ornament that honors his dad. For you or your girls, it may be as simple as lighting a candle. Or placing special flowers on a grave. If you want to help your girls, offer to take them to the cemetery.
3. Carry on a tradition. My mom used to make cookies and chocolate-covered pretzels for her neighbors every year. And every year, I helped her (and made the deliveries). So now, every year I make cookies for the neighbors and some special friends. It gives me the chance to look back on a good memory and remember the values of kindness and generosity that my mom instilled in me when I wasn't looking. And it gives me a chance to bond with my daughter as we carry on the tradition together.
How do you deal with loss at Christmastime?
Thank you. I have girls in my youth group dealing with this issue right now.