The facebook status read, "not the way I thought it would end." I knew immediately that one of the girls in my small group was disappointed and experiencing an unexpected break up right before the holidays. When we talked about it, I thought it was really funny when she said, "Well, at least I didn't already get him a Christmas present." Ah, high school relationships....
However, as I continued to research holiday break ups I found it interesting that right before Christmas is a huge relational "to break up or stay together," decision-making time. If you don't break up before Christmas, then you have to deal with New Year's Eve. If you stay together for Christmas and New Year's, then there is a small window of time before Valentine's Day. And this information was not only related to high school relationships, but also young adults and even those considering divorce.
But back to girls' ministry. I've thought about this girl in my small group and what is the best advice. What are the positives about this break up before the holidays? Or what are the positives about a break up any time of the year?
Here are some positive arguments for breaking up:
1. Chances are a high school relationship is not going to last. (Sorry to break it to you sister.) There are lots of guys out there. Most of all, you want to find a Christian guy who believes and values the same things you do.
2. God is still working in your life and growing you into all that He wants you to be. He is also working on the guys. Wait until God has you both ready for a serious relationship. Remind girls that God created them. He has great plans and purpose for their life (Eph. 2:10; Jer. 29:11).
3. Frankly, no one is ready for the commitment of a serious relationship in high school. A serious relationship and then a difficult break up is, in a strange way, preparing you for divorce. You may even experience many of the same emotions and feelings. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life." Guard and protect your heart and avoid multiple relationships that break your heart.
4. High school is a great time to meet lots of people and look for the things you like and dislike about others. That doesn't mean you have to date or go out with everyone. Look for the characteristics and qualities that you think would be the most important in a serious relationship. Look at the lasting qualities that will be there in that person after common interests and activities change.
There are so many positives about not dating or getting involved in a serious relationship in high school. I only brought up a few in my conversation with my friend. What suggestions would you give? How would you affirm a girl in your ministry in the middle of her holiday break up?
I would love to have more advice on this one, because Christmas and other holidays can be tough on a girl's heart. And I don't think this is going to be the last holiday break up that I walk one of my girls through. Break ups hurt and sometimes they don't make sense. And in high school they can be devastating.
One thing I did learn in my conversation. When all else fails, I can keep reminding her that she doesn't have to get him a gift!
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