We thought you might find it helpful to know a little more about what’s going on in the world of your students. Here are some of the most popular movies and songs this week (with a few comments from Emily thrown in). In the future, we hope to highlight fashion, technology, and other current topics. Let us know what you struggle most with in relating to your girls, and we’ll try to address it here.

Top movies this past weekend:

1.    Avatar, $34.9 mil (“Fern Gully” 2010: same agenda, better visuals)
2.    Legion, $17.5 mil
3.    The Book of Eli, $15.7 mil (while very graphically violent, an EXCELLENT film! Denzel Washington is charged to carry the Word of God west after “The Flash”[the Rapture]. His faith . . . a-ma-zing.)
4.    Tooth Fairy, $14 mil
5.    The Lovely Bones, $8.4 mil
6.    Sherlock Holmes, $6.6 mil (Dark, but good.)
7.    Extraordinary Measures, $6 mil
8.    Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel, $6.4 mil
9.    It's Complicated, $5.8 mil
10.    The Spy Next Door, $4.6 mil

Top 10 Radio Airplay:

1.    Ke$ha - Tik Tok (Have you listened to the lyrics? Ugh.)
2.    Lady Gaga - Bad Romance (As if the title didn't give it away, this is NOT a picture of a healthy relationship.)
3.    Iyaz - Replay
4.    David Guetta - Sexy Chick
5.    Jay-Z w/ Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind (I’m not going to lie. I love this song—the edited version, at least.)
6.    Jay Sean - Do You Remember
7.    Jason DeRulo - Whatcha Say
8.    Owl City – Fireflies (Clean. Good enough to be played at our youth activities on Wednesday night.)
9.    Boys Like Girls and Taylor Swift - Two Is Better Than One
10.    Orianthi - According To You (An interesting look at a girl viewing herself from two different guys’ perspectives.)

Top 10 Downloaded Songs this week:

   1. Justin Timberlake & Matt Morris – Hallelujah (Popularity is due to their performance of this Leonard Cohen classic at the Hope for Haiti Now telethon last Friday night.)
   2. Taylor Swift - Today Was a Fairytale
   3. Ke$ha - TiK ToK
   4. Tlack Eyed Peas - Imma Be
   5. Timbaland - Carry Out
   6. Train - Hey, Soul Sister
   7. Young Money & Lloyd - BedRock
   8. Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
   9. Justin Bieber - Baby
  10. Ke$ha - Blah Blah Blah

A few weeks ago I began a new Bible study scouting the divine by Margaret Feinberg. The quick summary on the back of the book caught my attention in a unique way. One question in particular grabbed me and I've been pondering this question:

What does it mean to know Jesus as the Good Shepherd when the only places I've encountered sheep are at petting zoos?

The author dives deep into the scriptures and what it means to understand the relationship between the Good Shepherd and His sheep as she parallels a modern-day shepherdess with her sheep. I've learned all kinds of random facts about sheep in the process. Did you know that sheep are the most frequently mentioned animal in the Bible with over 700 references?

As I've continued reading and studying scripture about this animal, I've also evaluated and related the insights I've gained through this Bible study to the relationship between today's Girls' Minister and her girls.

Ponder these thoughts and questions with me:

When a sheep is weak and alone, it is quick to give up. What about the girls in your ministry? How do they respond when they feel vulnerable? Weak? Alone? How does acceptance and alignment with your girls' ministry give them confidence and encouragement to continue when life is difficult?

Sheep are often considered dumb, when they are really defenseless. Sheep are not always aware of the consequences of what they are doing. Does that sound like any girls you know? How do we help the girls in our ministries to look ahead to consequences? To see beyond the present moment? How do we help them maintain innocence without becoming defenseless?

Sheep will gather tightly together when a predator is near to protect themselves. Do girls find strength in the other girls and adults at your church as they face the harsh realities of this world? How does your girls' ministry assure those who are struggling or fearful that your church is a safe place?

Sheep trust each other almost to an extreme level. Sheep have been known to follow each other right off a cliff! And how many times have you seen that happen in girls' ministry? Maybe not a cliff, but one girl makes a bad decision, and then another makes the same bad decision, and another. All the more reason for the shepherd who leads them and guides them to also help them change direction when she sees they are headed down a destructive path.

One of the greatest reminders I gained on this scouting expedition was how pushing a sheep produces agitation. I thought about the many times I've pushed a friend, a young girl, or one of my daughters to move forward on something that she was not fully prepared to do. How many times have I seen fear in the eyes of others when I pushed them into unknown territory? When have I added to their anxiety? Did I cause a level of distrust because I didn't "go first" and lead the way?

The Good Shepherd, Jesus, leads His sheep. He leads in such an amazing way. He is strong, yet He is gentle. And He leads in such a way that others want to follow behind Him.

Psalm 78:72 describes another good shepherd in the Bible, David, when it says, "He shepherded them with a pure heart and guided them with his skillful hands."

Honestly, I know nothing about sheep. I am lucky that our fish and dog survive from day-to-day. But I want to be a good shepherd to those God gives me to lead. I want to have a pure heart and guide them with skillful hands. So, I will continue to listen for the Good Shepherd's voice and follow after Him, because without Him I will most likely walk right off a cliff.

Looking back on my high school years, I think that I needed a lot of wisdom from my youth ministers. I really could have used some guidance about relationships with guys. Like so many teenage girls, I was clueless as to the importance of emotional boundaries. Of course, being a little uncertain around the fellows like I was, I probably needed advice about even being friends with guys.

I wish someone had taught me to give of myself where God was working. In high school, it is so easy to become focused on yourself and your goals and your future. Often, I had the mindset that I could join God in his work when I got to college.  I could give to others once I landed that scholarship. I needed a reminder that God wanted all of me right then. Not later.

I also had tons of questions about different denominations and their practices. Several of my friends were extremely charismatic, and I had no clue how to handle that. Where did I plant my foot down on issues of worship and those controversial spiritual gifts? What should my stance be?

My youth ministers could have been helpful counselors regarding all of these topics. But the bottom line is, when there is no relationship, the conversations have little value to a teenager. I needed my youth minister not only to speak wisdom to me, but also to be involved in my life.

I'm not sure how your student ministry does it, but in ours, the gender-specific retreats occur during the spring semester. They usually happen whenever inclement weather occurs too, which makes for very exciting (and slightly scary) retreats. But it's during these weekends that, as a leader, I feel like I get to know the girls in our ministry best. And that makes all the planning, time away from friends and family, and lack of sleep and general nutrition completely worth it. So what about you? Answer our poll and let us know if you'll be planning a retreat this semester. And have a great day, while you're at it! :)

Last week my oldest daughter took the test, passed and received her driver's permit. WAHOO! (Yes that was a big WAHOO because she failed the test the previous week.)

The following evening after passing her permit test she drove to the grocery store with my husband to "pick up a few things." Interesting...no one usually offers to do the grocery shopping for me. She parked the car a football field away from the front doors of the supermarket, got out and started walking. My husband quickly asked if she was hoping someone would steal his car. Yes, that's right, the keys were in the car and it was still running!

Being a good dad he didn't reprimand her or tease her too much; however, the reality did set in...we've got a lot of work to do in the next year as she prepares for her "real" driver's license.

It brought to mind a great article I read recently written by one of the ministers at my church. He gave some wonderful tips and suggestions in the article to encourage parents. He also gave me permission to share it with you and I hope it will help you as you minister to the parents of the girls in your ministry.

You as a parent are on the front lines in the struggle for the hearts, minds and very lives of your teenagers. You want your teenagers to succeed in whatever they do. To prepare a path for them here are several things you can do to protect and enable your teenager to be successful in what God leads them to do.

1. Pray for your student every day. Pray that they will be kept from temptation - because it is EVERYWHERE out there! Pray that God will bring the right people into their lives at the right time to influence them for Him. Pray that God will provide them with friends that have the same Christian values you have. Pray that God will protect your children physically, emotionally, psychologically, mentally and socially.

2. Pray with your student. This one is not easy and may seem hokey, but it is essential. It will let your student know that prayer is important and you are trusting in a higher authority. Simply ask your student what they are concerned about - a test, a friend, a situation. Then say: "let me pray with you about that". It may be uncomfortable at first, especially if this is not a regular habit in your home, but as you do it, praying with your student will be looked forward to.

3. Set a good example. You may not believe it, but you do influence your student's decisions. They watch you all the time. What are the seeing in and hearing from you? If you were your kid, would you look up to you? Research tells us that parents are the number one influence on children - so how are you doing?

4. Be there for them. When they need a listening and experienced ear, be there. Listen. Don't talk. Listen for what is behind what is being said. If you hear something that alarms you, take a deep breath and don't judge - ask God to help you with the response that is needed, which may not be one you want to give - at the moment. The main thing is to be available to listen - really listen. If corrective action is needed, be sure not to let them off the hook.

5. Apologize when you are wrong. It is not easy to swallow pride, but it is a way to build lasting relationships when you sincerely apologize when you have been wrong with an attitude or action. Your teenagers will respect you more.

6. Be the parent - they have tons of friends. Parents have the hard job of saying "No" and setting limits. Friends just let things slide. Your student will learn to trust and follow you as you take on the role of being a parent. You have their best interest at heart - sometimes that best interest is hard to administer - but it will be worth it in the long run for your teen and down deep she knows it.

7. Help your student learn from her mistakes. Life lessons are good teachers. If you protect your teenager from the consequences of their mistakes, they will never learn how or why they should avoid doing the same things in the future. The lesson may have some sting to it and may be embarrassing to you, but if you "fix" things and they know you will, they will never learn how to make good decisions.

8. Make sure family is the center of life. Teens want to belong to something. A strong family identity will help them feel connected and protected. You do this by showing them that they are not in competition with your job or other interests. Seek to pass on traditions and talk about the importance of family. Be there when they are there - jobs and friends come and go, but family is forever!

9. Show love - no strings attached. Everyone needs to be loved. Be sure your love is unconditional - not based on performance at home, school, or sports. Not an I love you "if" kind of love, but I love you "no matter what" kind of love. It is not how they perform, it is who they are that counts!

10. Finally - be consistent. If you say you are a Christian, then act like one and live your life according to Christian principles. Consistency earns respect and trust from your student.

How might you share these tips with the parents of the girls in your ministry? Which suggestions really stand out to you? Where do the parents of the girls in your girls' ministry need reminders or encouragement as they stand on the "front lines" raising their daughter?

Earlier, I gave you a sneak peek into one of our newest resources, True Princess: Being a Servant in an All-About-Me-World. The full manuscript is now in my inbox, and we're beginning production on it. I am so excited about the potential of this Bible study to change the mindset and attitudes of teen girls. Here's another sneak peek at what the girls will see:

The pop princesses of our culture have a reputation for being rebellious. It’s no surprise when their scandals hit the headlines and their bad behavior is photographed for the entire world to see. These “princesses” don’t seem to worry much about honoring their family name or protecting the reputation of their fathers.

We may call these girls princesses, but deep down we know this isn’t how a princess is supposed to act. These aren’t the kind of young women we admire. Their lives aren’t the stuff of fairy tales.  

A true princess doesn’t do whatever it takes to draw attention to herself. She is special because she is the daughter of someone special. Everything she does points back toward her father, the king. If a princess acts recklessly or ignores the needs or customs of her people, it isn’t just her reputation that suffers. The honor and image of the throne is at stake.

Honoring the family name may seem like an ancient concept to our modern brains. But it is a key responsibility of a daughter of the King and it’s a theme that is repeated often in Scripture.

Here's another segment. Now can you see why I'm so excited about this Bible study?

As daughters of the king, our lives are not our own. Scripture puts it this way:

Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? –1 Corinthians 6: 19-20a, The Message

Asking God to adopt you into His family means allowing Him to be in charge. He now sits on the throne of your heart and your choices should be determined by His will. This is definitely easier said than done, but it is critical for you to realize that your life is under the authority of the King. You are called to live a life in submission to Christ.

You are probably already living out this principle in some areas of your life....

Just a glance at the latest fashion or celebrity magazine, and you can see why a Bible study like this is so desperately necessary to counteract the mindset of our culture. I can't wait for this to hit the shelves!

So I had one of those quiet times this morning where the Scripture just makes you uncomfortable.

I was reading Luke 5 where the story of Jesus and Simon Peter really begins. Apparently, Peter had been fishing all night and hadn’t caught anything. I’m sure he was tired, hungry, and disappointed that his efforts had been in vain. And then Jesus appeared with a large crowd of people. They’re all crowding Him, trying to listen to what He’s saying. So Jesus walked over to Simon Peter and climbed in his boat. Then he told Simon Peter to back the boat off the shore a bit. I wonder what Simon was thinking while Jesus proceeded to teach the people. Did he listen as he worked on his boat? Did he sit and absorb every word? Did he get a little cranky because he was tired? Who knows.

After He finished teaching, Jesus told Simon Peter to row out to deep water and put his nets back in the water. Simon Peter tried to reason with Him, citing the night’s disappointing fishing results. But he took Jesus at His word and put in the nets. (Maybe he had a little faith because Jesus has healed his mother-in-law not too long ago.) Lo and behold, so many fish were caught that the load nearly sank two boats. (I can only imagine what Simon Peter was thinking as they rowed back to shore. “Man! We’re going to eat well tonight. I can get my wife that new clay pot she’s been wanting and finally make those expensive repairs to the boat . . .” Or something like that. And in Aramaic, of course.) He told Jesus that he was a sinful man and that he didn’t deserve to be in Jesus' presence. But Jesus said something that changed it all for Simon. He said, “Don’t be afraid. From now on, you’ll be catching people!”
 

And do you know what Simon Peter did? He and his team brought the boats to the shore, left everything, and followed Jesus. They left the financial security and stability of that huge catch of fish. They left the chance of being local celebrities for bringing in a miraculously huge catch with Jesus. They traded the predictable for the unknown.

I know it’s not a novel concept, but I was really struck this morning by the suddenness of their departure from the norm. They “left everything” and followed Christ. (I hope they let someone know about the fish or else that would have STUNK the next day!) They didn’t have to think about it; they just went. So I had to ask myself if I would have done the same thing.

That’s a tough call. I’d like to think that had I been in Simon Peter’s shoes, I would have been so drawn to Christ and the authority with which He taught and the miracles He performed that I would have dropped everything to follow Him. But I’m afraid I may have told Him I’d meet him at the fish market after I’d sold the boatload of fish He’d given me. I’m bad at spontaneity, and I like stability and security. But part of me longs for the adventure of dropping everything and following Jesus.

When you get the chance to drop everything and follow Jesus, will you?

If you’ve done that already, I'd love for you to leave us a comment and let us know what that looked like in your life.
 

Confession time. Speaking the truth in love is not my gift. I often find myself leaning to one side or another. Either I speak the “love” and avoid hurting someone’s feelings or I speak the truth with a tone that comes out harsh and more like a condemnation. If speaking the truth in love is a challenge for me, at my age (and I’m not saying what that age is), how much more difficult is it for teen girls?

In John 14:6 Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” High school, in particular, is a tough time when many girls make choices and decisions that conflict with Truth. Face it…even the most dedicated Christian girls sometimes make choices and decisions in the moment and don’t think about how those choices conflict with God’s commands. And although many friendships change or divide during the middle school years, even more boundaries are set between girls in high school.

Speaking the truth in love is often when the lines are drawn and friendships fizzle. So, how do we teach the girls in our church and ministries to speak the truth in love? Are there principles to follow? Are there guidelines to speaking truth?

1. Respect-Maybe not your typical example, but Job comes to mind when I think about a person who respected God and respected others. No matter what his circumstances or what others were saying around him or to him, Job demonstrated respect. He honored and respected God and did not let words fly in the moment when it looked to others that God had abandoned him. He honored and respected his friends by letting them speak their minds, but not falling in line with their opinions.
2. Gentleness and Kindness-Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” Regardless of how angry or frustrated we may become when we see a friend making a foolish decision away from obedience to God, our tone of voice and the words we use can convey love. Helping girls learn to control their tone of voice is a key to communicating effectively in many situations. Giving a gentle rebuke to someone we love can have more power than a string of words expressing frustration.
3. Seeking God-Speaking the truth in love is a task that requires wisdom. When you are 14 or 16 or even 36 or 46, it is difficult to speak the truth in love. How do we know the correct words to use? What is the right time to say those words of correction, rebuke, or confrontation? James 1:5 reminds us, “Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him.”

Friendships and relationships can be hard. They can be especially hard when situations arise that require speaking truth into the lives of others. The truth is not always easy to hear. The truth is not always easy to receive once it is spoken. We all want others to see the best in us. We want to hear words of affirmation and encouragement, and sometimes that is not what we are going to hear from those who know us best, our true friends.

Proverbs 27: 6 says, “The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.” How can we help girls to understand that although the truth may sometimes hurt, it is best? How can we help them to value those who speak the truth in love? And how do we teach girls to speak the truth in love with balance - avoiding the harsh tones and the soft words that cushion the truth too much?

I was teaching at a youth ministry class at New Orleans seminary last week and mentioned the upcoming Girls' Ministry Forum. A guy asked a question that has been posed to me more than once: can a guy attend the girls' forum?

Not only can they come, but they need to come. Here's why:

1. Statistically, girls comprise a majority of a youth ministry (and a church)—or they will in the future. And that is not likely to change.
2. Girls' needs and struggles are different that what a guy faces. This conference will give guys the chance to peel the curtain back just a bit and get a glimpse into this generation of girls. 
3. Parents need to know that male ministers care about what's going on with their teen girls. The fact that guys are willing to attend a conference like this will increase their value in parents' eyes by ten-fold.
4. Girls need to know that male ministers care. One way they can demonstrate that concern is by attending a conference that is just about them.
5. Guy youth ministers (and pastors) are a resource for parents and volunteers. When parents or teachers are struggling with a girl's actions, they need to hear more than platitudes or a summary statements about how girls are a mystery. They need education, encouragement, and information, all of which can be garnered from this conference.

We were supposed to get between 2 and 4 inches of snow last night and this morning. Nashville residents responded the only way they know how and raided local grocery stores. Bread, milk, and eggs have all disappeared within a 30-mile radius. (I mean, how long did they think we’d be snowed in, without access to food, from just a couple of inches on the ground?! And how bored will your palate get if all you have to eat are milk, bread, and eggs anyway? If you have electricity, I guess you could make French toast, regular toast, scrambled eggs, eggs in a basket, bread pudding, and an interesting breakfast option my dad likes to serve when we’re sick called “milk toast.” My mom maintains that it’s disgusting. I prefer to stay neutral in this debate. But I digress. Any way you look at it, there aren’t a lot of options if those are your only ingredients. Yummy soup sounds better, right?)

So when I looked out my window this morning and saw that there was no white stuff on the ground and that traffic was moving normally, I was disappointed but not surprised. Weather forecasters aren’t exactly known for their snow prediction accuracy around here. But ever since a big snowstorm hit Nashville a few years ago (and mostly without warning, from what I understand), local residents have become a little jumpy when it comes to winter weather.

I guess I’d be the same way. Once bitten, twice shy. I understand that and am that way in other areas of my life. I’m a little jumpy when it comes to my car because I’ve had one die on me before. I’m also a little jumpy about sharing things because I have friends who’ve ruined belongings of mine because they don’t take care of things like I do. My point is, people behave strangely. But they usually have reasons for it. Rather than judging, I should seek to understand the motive for their behavior. As I try to forgive my fellow Nashvegans for swiping all the “necessities” from the grocery stores, I also need to let the lesson sink in elsewhere.

For instance, don’t judge a girl in your small group who refuses to speak up, even when you ask her a question directly. Maybe she’s been told at home that she’s stupid and what she says is laughable. Don't look down on the girl who is always talking. Maybe she’s eagerly looking for approval. That girl who desperately tries to not get any paint on her clothes while your youth group paints an elderly woman’s home? While you may be thinking she doesn’t want to work, in reality, she’s been chewed out by her dad for “ruining” her clothes before.

Look for the background story. Trying to understand why people act the way they do may bring you closer than you imagined. All of our girls have back stories that explain why they act the way they do. How many of your girls’ back stories do you know?

Every so often, I like to introduce you to people who are influencers in the lives of preteen and teen girls. One such person is Tamika Catchings. While you may know her as a professional basketball player for the WNBA, that is only one small facet of her influence. I asked her to share some words of encouragement with you as girls' leaders. You can also hear a bit of her story by listening to a speech she did at Charlston Southern University back in December. By the way, her photo is Courtesy of Pacers Sports & Entertainment:

My name is Tamika Catchings, and I am a guard for the Women’s National Basketball Association (WNBA) Indiana Fever team. I also have my own foundation in Indianapolis, Indiana, called the Catch the Stars Foundation, Inc.

The challenges that I faced as a child and teen are what brought me to sports. See, you could make fun of the way I talked, the way I sounded, the hearing aids in my ears, the glasses on my face, or anything else, but you couldn’t beat me in any sport.

I want to challenge each of you as adult leaders to help the girls you work with (including your daughters) to find that one thing that puts them in their “zone.” Mine was sports, theirs could be reading, cooking, riding your bike… whatever it may be. Find a way to help our girls discover something that they absolutely love to do, and help them do it! Help them discover what that one thing is, to develop it, embrace it, and celebrate it.

It’s not going to be easy. A saying I read once said, “People will always talk about you—whether you’re doing good or bad. But, only one person stops us from where we go. We do Look at Jesus. They talked bad about Him for all of the good things He was doing in the world—healing people, feeding people, mentoring people…’" Ask your girls a question: Who is in control of your future? Who helps you make decisions in your life? Will it be the people around you? Or will you and God decide?

What keeps some girls from being all God wants? It’s fear. Fear of disappointing themselves, their parents, or those around them. Fear of not being successful. Or it could just be old-fashioned laziness.

As adult leaders, I encourage you to tell your young ladies, “Don’t be that person! Allow God to take control of your life. Let Him use your giftedness and uniqueness.” The way I live my life both on and off the court is an example of what that surrender can do.

I typically don't make New Year's resolutions, mostly because I always break them and I don't like failure. But I've been thinking about what resolutions girls' leaders could make this year. Here are a few I came up with. Enjoy! 

1. I resolve that I will be patient with girls when they start talking about their best friend's cousin's dog during Bible study.

2. I resolve that I will never plan another lock-in.

3. I resolve that I will not answer my own questions in Bible study. I will remember that
silence is sometimes good.

4. I resolve that I will remember that I am not 16 years old and therefore will suffer consequences for playing laser tag, going rock climbing, or playing powder puff football.

5. I resolve that I will remember that teenagers are fun to be around when they're not doing something stupid.

6. I resolve that I will forgive myself for saying the wrong thing, forgetting supplies, and missing a cheerleading competition.

7. I resolve that I will listen more and talk less.

8. I resolve that I will allow girls to see me without make-up on, in my pj's, or mess up dinner at least once this year.

9. I resolve that no matter how fun it looks, bungy jumping or falling from great heights in any form is a bad idea.

10. I resolve that I will remember that when it's all said and done, girls won't remember what I said in Bible study, but they will remember how I responded when they told me their darkest secret.