Last week my oldest daughter took the test, passed and received her driver's permit. WAHOO! (Yes that was a big WAHOO because she failed the test the previous week.)
The following evening after passing her permit test she drove to the grocery store with my husband to "pick up a few things." Interesting...no one usually offers to do the grocery shopping for me. She parked the car a football field away from the front doors of the supermarket, got out and started walking. My husband quickly asked if she was hoping someone would steal his car. Yes, that's right, the keys were in the car and it was still running!
Being a good dad he didn't reprimand her or tease her too much; however, the reality did set in...we've got a lot of work to do in the next year as she prepares for her "real" driver's license.
It brought to mind a great article I read recently written by one of the ministers at my church. He gave some wonderful tips and suggestions in the article to encourage parents. He also gave me permission to share it with you and I hope it will help you as you minister to the parents of the girls in your ministry.
You as a parent are on the front lines in the struggle for the hearts, minds and very lives of your teenagers. You want your teenagers to succeed in whatever they do. To prepare a path for them here are several things you can do to protect and enable your teenager to be successful in what God leads them to do.
- Pray for your student every day. Pray that they will be kept from temptation - because it is EVERYWHERE out there! Pray that God will bring the right people into their lives at the right time to influence them for Him. Pray that God will provide them with friends that have the same Christian values you have. Pray that God will protect your children physically, emotionally, psychologically, mentally and socially.
- Pray with your student. This one is not easy and may seem hokey, but it is essential. It will let your student know that prayer is important and you are trusting in a higher authority. Simply ask your student what they are concerned about - a test, a friend, a situation. Then say: "let me pray with you about that". It may be uncomfortable at first, especially if this is not a regular habit in your home, but as you do it, praying with your student will be looked forward to.
- Set a good example. You may not believe it, but you do influence your student's decisions. They watch you all the time. What are the seeing in and hearing from you? If you were your kid, would you look up to you? Research tells us that parents are the number one influence on children - so how are you doing?
- Be there for them. When they need a listening and experienced ear, be there. Listen. Don't talk. Listen for what is behind what is being said. If you hear something that alarms you, take a deep breath and don't judge - ask God to help you with the response that is needed, which may not be one you want to give - at the moment. The main thing is to be available to listen - really listen. If corrective action is needed, be sure not to let them off the hook.
- Apologize when you are wrong. It is not easy to swallow pride, but it is a way to build lasting relationships when you sincerely apologize when you have been wrong with an attitude or action. Your teenagers will respect you more.
- Be the parent - they have tons of friends. Parents have the hard job of saying "No" and setting limits. Friends just let things slide. Your student will learn to trust and follow you as you take on the role of being a parent. You have their best interest at heart - sometimes that best interest is hard to administer - but it will be worth it in the long run for your teen and down deep she knows it.
- Help your student learn from her mistakes. Life lessons are good teachers. If you protect your teenager from the consequences of their mistakes, they will never learn how or why they should avoid doing the same things in the future. The lesson may have some sting to it and may be embarrassing to you, but if you "fix" things and they know you will, they will never learn how to make good decisions.
- Make sure family is the center of life. Teens want to belong to something. A strong family identity will help them feel connected and protected. You do this by showing them that they are not in competition with your job or other interests. Seek to pass on traditions and talk about the importance of family. Be there when they are there - jobs and friends come and go, but family is forever!
- Show love - no strings attached. Everyone needs to be loved. Be sure your love is unconditional - not based on performance at home, school, or sports. Not an I love you "if" kind of love, but I love you "no matter what" kind of love. It is not how they perform, it is who they are that counts!
- Finally - be consistent. If you say you are a Christian, then act like one and live your life according to Christian principles. Consistency earns respect and trust from your student.
How might you share these tips with the parents of the girls in your ministry? Which suggestions really stand out to you? Where do the parents of the girls in your girls' ministry need reminders or encouragement as they stand on the "front lines" raising their daughter?
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