I think April flies by faster than any other month! Can anyone else relate? I mean, after tomorrow, April 2010 will be no longer, which is kind of sad; it’s been a good month. I hope you’ve had a great April as well.

Here’s what’s happening in culture right now:

Top Movies: 4/23/2010 - 4/25/2010

1. How to Train Your Dragon, $15 mil
2. The Back-up Plan, $12.3 mil
3. Date Night, $10.6 mil (My roommate saw this one last night and said she laughed out loud throughout it. But we’re both big fans of Steve Carell and Tina Fey.)
4. The Losers, $9.6 mil
5. Kick-A**, $9.5 mil
6. Clash of the Titans, $9 mil
7. Death at a Funeral, $8 mil (According to Pam Gibbs, this one isn’t worth your time.)
8. Oceans, $6 mil
9. The Last Song, $3.7 mil (I know some of the girls in my LifeGroup are really excited about this one. I hope to watch it with them.)
10. Alice in Wonderland, $2.2 mil

Source: Box Office Mojo

Top Artists on MySpace Music: 4/26/2010

1. Justin Bieber
2. Usher
3. Lil Wayne
4. Ke$ha
5. Drake
6. Bullet For My Valentine (I’d never heard of this band until today. They’re a Welsh metalcore band. They scream, which makes them not my favorite. And the album covers I saw of theirs were a little, um, inappropriate [violent, sexual, dark, etc.].)
7. Young Money
8. Rihanna
9. Lady Gaga
10. Ludacris

Top TV Shows, week of April 19

1. Dancing with the Stars (ABC), 21.1 million viewers
2. American Idol – Tuesday (FOX), 19.7 million viewers
3. American Idol –Wednesday (FOX), 18.8 million viewers   
4. The Mentalist (CBS), 14.9 million viewers
5. Dancing with the Stars Results Show (ABC), 13.6 million viewers
6. CSI (CBS), 13.4 million viewers
7. Glee (FOX), 12.9 million viewers
8. CSI: Miami (CBS), 11.7 million viewers
9. The Big Bang Theory (CBS) 11.6 million viewers
10. 60 Minutes (CBS), 11.4 million viewers

Source: Nielsen TV Ratings

Tryout Time
 

It’s springtime and school’s almost over, which means your girls are BUSY. There are playoffs to focus on, teachers cramming assignments in before the end of the year, and cheerleader/dance/etc. tryouts are underway. I’m headed to a local high school this afternoon to judge their dance team tryouts. While I enjoy judging tryouts much more than trying out, I empathize with these girls. I remember standing “on deck,” knowing I was next at cheerleader tryouts. I remember that distinct wave of nausea and excitement that washed over me as I debated passing out right there in the locker room. (I never did, thankfully.) I remember the disappointment of not making it the first two years I went out for the squad. I know how hard it is for some girls to put themselves out there, learn something new, and be judged on their abilities. So if you’ve got girls trying out for various sports and activities right now, let them know you’re thinking about them! If they make the team, show up to watch them in their activities when you can. Going out of your way to support them means the world to them. I know. I’ve been there.

I was looking through my file of illustrations and stories today (yes, I still have a paper folder!) and came across the following information. It was given to me by my youth minister just after I started my first full-time ministry role in a church. The date at the bottom was 1998. What astounds me is its application over ten years later.

1. Guard your personal time with God ahead of your schedule. (How many of us would honestly say we struggle with that?!)

2. Plan family activities and time with your spouse BEFORE your monthly calendar fills up.

3. Keep in good physical shape. Age has little to do with youth ministry. Energy does.

4. Encourage more. Write notes of encouragement to youth, parents of youth, and youth workers. (Can you imagine getting a REAL letter in the REAL mailbox?)

5. Bigger is not necessarily better.

6. Youth ministry is still about personal relationships. (And yes, a decade later, it's STILL about relationships.)

7. Read books other than ministry books. Read books you WANT to read. For FUN.

8. Your pastor is not just a work associate or a boss. Develop a relationship (dare I say friendship) with him.

9. Don't take yourself so seriously.

10. Allow youth to plan and allow them to fail.

What key truths would you add to this list?

Not to long ago, I was asked at the last minute to prepare and lead a Bible study on Wednesday night for our youth group. I decided to focus on prayer. Instead of just talking about prayer, I decided to let them actually pray for a majority of the time. Feel free to use the following outline. The students seemed to enjoy the experience.

Before the Bible Study:
Before the study, put the following on separate notecards and put the notecards all around the room, leaving space for teens to feel isolated and secluded when they pray. You will need one notecard for every student you anticipate attending.

• Pray for someone who is really getting on your nerves.
• Pray for our president and our nation's leaders.
• Pray for our pastor and other church staff members.
• Thank God for something good that happened today.
• Ask God to forgive you for any bitter attitude you have toward someone.
• Ask God to forgive you for any jealousy you've been harboring against someone.
• Talk to God about something you don't understand.
• Talk to God about your future.
• Thank God for your family. Be specific.
  
• Thank God for aspect of His character (His mercy, His holiness, etc.)
  
• Pray for three people you know who don't know Jesus.
  
• Talk to God about a tough temptation you are battling.
  
• Pray for someone in your youth group who needs God's help.
  

Opening Game:
Instruct students to get in a straight line beginning from youngest to oldest. The catch is this: they can't speak. Watch how they begin to use nonverbal communication to complete the task. Then direct them to get into groups based on their favorite color; their favorite toothpaste; their grade; their favorite sports team. A system of communication, however crude or rudimentary, will emerge.

Debrief by explaining that the tasks would have been much easier if given the ability to talk. Then explain that our world is based on an ability to communicate. Nothing would get done, relationships would not develop, food would not be served, nothing would happen without communication. And a relationship with God doesn't happen without communication.

Explore
Call on a student to read Hebrews 4:14-16. Discuss this passage by asking the following: (keep in mind that I used the HCSB when I wrote this outline)

• What was the function of the high priest in the Old Testament?
  
• What makes Jesus different than every other high priest? (other high priests were imperfect and offered imperfect sacrifices)
  
• What is the "confession" wer're supposed to hold fast to?
  
• Why does it matter that Jesus can sympathize with our weaknesses?
  
• What does it mean that He was "tested in every way as we are"? Why does that matter?
• How do you typically approach God? How did the writer of Hebrews tell us to approach God?
• How do you think your life and your relationship with God would be difference if you approached God with boldness?
• Be still for a few minutes. Then ask God if there is anything He would like to say to you. Quietly wait for Him to answer.

Explain that you could talk about prayer extensively, but it's more important to actually pray. Instruct students to choose a prayer station and move to it. Explain that they will pray according to the direction on each card. Once they finish praying for the thing listed, they should move to an open spot and pray. If all of the other places are occupied, they should quietly wait.

Debriefing
After the prayer experience, debrief by asking the following questions if time allows:

• What things did you pray for that you typically don't pray about?
  
• Which prayer apsect was most meaningful for you?
  
• What things will you begin praying about more now that you've prayed about it today?
  
• What was it like to be still and wait for God to speak? What makes that so hard for us to do?
   

Close in a group prayer, thanking God that we as His children can approach Him at any time, knowing that He longs to be in relationship with us and wants to hear what's on our hearts.

Movies: 4/16/2010 - 4/18/2010

   1. How to Train Your Dragon, $20 mil
   2. Kick-A**, $19.8 mil
   3. Date Night, $17.3 mil
   4. Death at a Funeral, $17 mil
   5. Clash of the Titans, $15.8 mil
   6. The Last Song, $5.8 mil
   7. Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too?, $4.2 mil
   8. Hot Tub Time Machine, $3.5 mil
   9. Alice in Wonderland, $3.5 mil
  10. The Bounty Hunter, $3.2 mil

Radio Airplay (Top 40 Category): 4/20/2010

   1. Jason DeRulo - In My Head (Fantasize much, Jason? Sheesh.)
   2. Rihanna - Rude Boy (Rihanna’s sexual cravings are quite overt in this song, and despite the infectious beat and melody, this one left my mouth hanging open. She’s not even trying to use veiled references! It's kind of sad just how much free reign Satan has in music these days.)
   3. Lady Antebellum - Need You Now
   4. Lady Gaga - Telephone
   5. Train - Hey, Soul Sister
   6. B.O.B. - Nothin' On You
   7. Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart
   8. The Script - Breakeven
   9. Timbaland/Justin Timberlake - Carry Out (And once again, the radio DJs run another Justin Timberlake song into the ground. I’m a fan of [most of] his music, but come on! I don’t want to hear it every time I turn on the radio.)
  10. Black Eyed Peas - Imma Be

It’s prom season, and thankfully, the dresses I’m seeing this year are a bit more modest that the crazy two-piece, stomach-baring dresses worn by many girls at the proms I attended. The dresses are feminine, and I’ve seen a lot of flowy, delicate fabrics (and a lot less cleavage!) this spring. I’m also happy to have heard that a certain famous money management guru here in Nashville hosted most of his son’s class and their dates at an all-night event at his house after their prom this past weekend. He had it catered by Cracker Barrel, stocked the room with plenty of soft drinks, opened the pool, and let them DJ their own post-prom “prom.” Which leads me to my next question: where are your girls going after prom? Do you need to organize a post-prom event for the students in your area?

Sexual abuse is one of those topics that I hate being informed about. I'd rather read about teen pregnancy. Or texting or sexting or even mean girls and bullies.

But sexual abuse is a reality in our culture. One in four girls is sexually abused before the age of 18. (1) If you don't currently deal with this issue in student ministry, you will—eventually and unfortunately.

I'm reading a book right now that I highly recommend. It's not a counseling book. It's not a five-chapter plan for dealing with abuse. And it's not for the faint of heart.

It's a poignant, brave memoir of a woman who bears the scars of sexual abuse but also proclaims the healing of Jesus.

It's called Thin Places by Mary E. DeMuth. The Celts define a thin place as that point where heaven and the physical world meet, where our lives here on earth somehow, someway come into contact with the eternal. Pieces of holy ground in this unholy world. And in her book, Mary not only recollects her own childhood sexual abuse, but she somehow finds thin places in her life—places where she can find God in the midst of her pain, the beauty in the profane.

She writes:

"I live in the midst of holy moments, yet only in retrospect do I really see them. I claw at the seams of life, questioning God's ways, seldom realizing that if I'd stop clawing, I would capture new glimpses of Him through the thin places. God woos me from behind the veil through the tragedies, beauties, surprised, simplicities, and snatches of my life I might overlook."

What I like about this book is the transparency and the rawness in her writing. She does not shy away from the details of the abuse she suffered. But she also doesn't shy away from the redemption and restoration that God has brought into her life, one tiny, fragile, frail piece at a time.

For those of us in ministry, it's a good reminder that our world is broken, seriously broken. But God can still bring healing—sweet, restorative, redemptive, powerful healing.

In previous posts, I discussed the increase of pornography among girls, along with some of the reasons girls are getting involved. In this last post of this series, we'll discuss how the church can respond.

1. Talk about it. This may be the most difficult thing to do. Parents don’t want you to talk about it because it’s not happening to their girls; their girls are too young, too innocent, and too naïve to be involved in anything as gross as pornography. Church members are uncomfortable with the topic. Deacons and pastors alike will squirm.

But girls desperately need to hear the truth that they can be tempted by pornography. They need a place to talk about it. They need a place where they can be loved unconditionally and without shame for their sinful behavior. They need a place where they can talk about their temptations without being shunned, judged, or ignored. The church can no longer be silent on this issue.

2. Provide accountability. Some churches provide accountability groups for men facing sexual addiction. Why can’t the church provide this for women? For teen girls? The church can also help parents in providing some safeguards and filters for their computer to help monitor this behavior. Girls need help. They cannot fight this battle alone. We must partner with parents to be advocates for girls.

3. Take a strong stand. This is a fine line that must be treaded upon with much grace and God’s leadership. The church can take a strong stand against those “gateway” temptations that girls are often lured by. TV shows. Magazines. Popular books and popular movies. The church needs to stand up and say that some of that stuff is just not good for teen (or adult) eyes and ears. I often hear, “It’s only a PG 13 movie, how bad could it be?” “It’s only a magazine or a picture.” “It’s just a poster on her wall.” But you and I as leaders must help girls discern and make better decisions. We need to help them ask and answer the hard question: What is the intention behind it—that movie, that book, that TV show, that picture? If its goal is to cause an intense physical or emotional reaction, then by definition, it’s pornography. I know that viewpoint will probably be unpopular, but I don’t know how to say it in a politically correct way. It’s convicting to me as well.

4. Be bearers of grace. The shame and disgrace connected with pornography is huge. Girls don't talk about the problem because they're afraid of the judgment. They're afraid of the response. They think they'll be labled or dismissed or condemned or treated differently because of their struggles. The church can be Jesus to these girls. Like Jesus in His encounter with the woman caught in the act of adultery (John 8), we can be bearers of grace, not throwing stones, but dismissing the crowds of judgment, helping restore their dignity, offering them forgiveness and restoration, and challenging them to leave their lives of sin.

This issue isn't going away. If your church doesn't have a plan for addressing this issue, you're missing an opportunity for ministry. And you're leaving girls alone to deal with this issue. Someone or something else will fill that void in the lives of girls.

How has your church dealt with the issue of pornography among teen girls?

If you ask a typical girl if she is in’t pornography, she’ll respond with “ewwww, that’s gross.” Our mental image of a porn addict is a dirty old man in his underwear watching a porn flick in a nasty hotel room in the middle of the night.

But ask that same girl if she has ever sent a sexually explicit picture of herself to a boyfriend, then you might get a different answer.

So why has the issue of pornography become more prevalent in recent months and years. Keep in mind that I am not a professional counselor. These are merely observations from listening to girls, their parents, their leaders, and their culture.

1. Emotional connection: Girls need emotional connection. They want to know that they are loved, sought after, pursued, listened to, cared about, and worth the effort it takes to know them. Think about it: Why do you think girls fell in love with Edward in the Twilight Series? Because he was Bella’s (and every girl’s) dream man. He was handsome. He cared for her. Stayed up all night watching her (creepy!) and protecting her. He declared that she was his life and his love. Who wouldn’t want that?

Girls who become addicted to pornography in the written form (like romance novels or even the steamier stuff on the Internet) are often drawn to the emotional connection among the chief characters. In my mom’s and sister’s generation, it was the romances between Fabio and his love of the month. Today, it’s gone digital. Same story, different format.

(In a recent 30 Rock episode, the topic gravitated toward girl pornography. I'm not advocating this show. I'm just saying it may be worth your time to check out their discussion of the topic...)

2. Curiosity: Every teen girl wonders and worries that she is not developing normally. What should her breasts look like? How big should they be? How will her body shape change? Will she have the curves like others? Many girls do not have the relationship with a trusted adult to ask those questions. That dynamic, combined with the availability of information on the Internet, has driven droves of girls to find their answers—and more questions—online.

3. Abuse: Many girls (like many guys) who become addicted to pornography were exposed to it at a young age in relationship to some sort of sexual, physical, or verbal abuse that they suffered as a child.

4. Guys’ influence: The topics that girls and guys talk about in a mixed gender setting astound me. I’ve heard stories of girls who were shown pornography by their boyfriends or guy friends. I’m not blaming these guys for a girl’s problem (although I don’t think it’s right for a guy to approach a girl with that kind of stuff). A guy can influence a girl’s behavior in ways that weren’t possible in previous generations.

5. Misdirected fulfillment: The truth of all sin is this: It’s our attempt to fulfill a God-given desire in a God-forbidden way. (That phrase is not original to me, but I can't remember who I learned it from, so I apologize for not providing proper credit.) Girls want emotional (and subsequently physical) connection. They want to curb their hormonal surges. They crave sexual expression. All normal desires, God-given desires. But in engaging in pornography, girls are trying to fulfill those needs in the wrong way.

In the next post, we’ll talk about ways the church can respond to help girls wrestle through this issue.

Of all of the “hot button” issues that I’ve heard among girls’ ministry circles, none has been more prevalent lately than pornography addiction among teen girls.

When I began to hear rumblings about it a couple of years ago, I honestly didn’t pay much attention to it. After all, pornography is a guys’ issue, right? It’s about teenage boys and raging hormones. Guys deal with pornography and girls deal with drama, right?

Wrong. In the past few months, this issue has propelled to the top of the list.

Before we discuss the reasons behind the issue and how it is bombarding today’s girls, it might be helpful to make sure we’re on the same page. What exactly is pornography? Seems like a stupid question, but I think answering it is critical to the issue at hand.

Webster’s defines pornography as “the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement; the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction.”

When you accept the definition, pornography becomes a much broader topic than the stuff of Playboy magazine. Given that definition, girls come across pornography all the time: a teenage boy with a chiseled body whose image is forwarded from cell phone to cell phone; chick lit like Lipstick Jungle; a list of movies that would take up more blog space than I care to offer.

If pornography is designed to create an intense sexual or emotional reaction, would the Twilight Series fall under the category of pornography? It’s an interesting question to ponder.

So what does pornography look like in the life of a teen girl? Here are a few true-to-life examples:
 

• A group of girls who all have the same sexy pose of a guy stored on their cell phones.
• A girl who gets fired because she spends too much time reading online romance novels at work.
• Girls who initially look at pornographic images out of curiosity about their own bodies, but who become hooked on the sexual stimulation from the imagery.
• Girls sending sexually explicit pictures of themselves to others via email or cell phone.

As our culture becomes more visually stimulated, it makes sense that girls’ temptations would follow suit. It’s not just about the romance novels or the cute guy in a celebrity mag. In some cases, the addiction progresses to “hard porn”, the stuff we usually think of in this stream of conversation. Only this addiction stays hidden because there’s an extra layer of shame for girls who participate. It’s just not “something girls do.”

In the next few blog posts, I’ll be writing about some of the sources of this addiction and some ways that the church can respond. For now, I’d love to know if you have dealt with this issue personally or in your ministry to teen girls. I’m discovering that this issue is much more real and prevalent than I ever imagined.

It's finally here. A resource that not only overviews mentoring and discipleship, but also gives you a basic Bible study to do together in that process.

Table for Two: Doing Life and Savoring Scripture Together  is officially on the shelves. And I'm hearing some really creative uses for it. Here are just a few that we heard about from a book signing in Dallas last week:

• Heather, a bubbly freshman at OU, came with her mom. They bought 10 copies; all the girls in their family (mom, aunts, daughters, and even grandma) will be reading through it this summer.
• Sandy, a small group leader, has a daughter who is a missionary with her husband and children in Wales. Their family is here for one month on furlow. Her daughter bought 4 copies. She plans to mentor 3 Welsh girls when she returns. Talk about cross-cultural ministry!
• One widow came and bought a copy for her grandson and his wife as an engagement gift so they can read the BIble together.
• A girls minister emailed me that all her high school girls will go through the book on Sunday nights starting the middle of April.

The powerful aspect of this resource is its flexibility. It can be used in so many settings—discipleship groups, mother to daughter, one-on-one mentoring/discipleship, couples, cross-generational ministry, sorority houses. 

I can't wait to hear how God changes lives using this simple tool.

Happy April Fools’ Day, everyone! Did anyone pull any good pranks (or have any pulled on you) yet? (Google’s is pretty tame this year . . . but hey, I give them credit for having a since of humor!) I’d love to hear about your pranks. Leave a comment and let me know . . . and keep reading for some info on what’s going on in student culture right now.

Teens, mobile phones, and driving:
Despite warnings from parents and one very convincing PSA (which we’ve featured before but is graphic, so be warned), many teenagers are still using their mobile phones while they drive. If the girls in your ministry are repeat offenders, you might want to address the subject. ConnectwithKids.com cited the following frightening statistics last week:

Distraction from cell phone use while driving (hand held or hands free) extends a driver's reaction as much as having a blood alcohol concentration at the legal limit of .08 percent. (University of Utah)

Driving while using a cell phone reduces the amount of brain activity associated with driving by 37 percent (Carnegie Mellon University)

The No. 1 source of driver inattention is use of a wireless device. (Virginia Tech/NHTSA)

We all know teenage drivers are still getting the hang of driving. How do you encourage the girls in your ministry to be responsible drivers? Or do you leave this topic entirely up to their parents?

In other culture news:

Top Movies at the Box Office:
1.    How to Train Your Dragon, $43.3 mil
2.    Alice in Wonderland, $17.3 mil
3.    Hot Tub Time Machine, $13.7 mil
4.    The Bounty Hunter, $12.4 mil
5.    Diary of a Wimpy Kid, $10 mil
6.    She's Out of My League, $3.5 mil
7.    Green Zone, $3.4 mil
8.    Shutter Island, $3.2 mil
9.    Repo Men, $3 mil
10.    Our Family Wedding, $2.2 mil


And here are the top TV shows from last week:
1.    American Idol - Tue. (Fox), 24.2 mil viewers
2.    Dancing with the Stars (ABC), 24.2 mil viewers
3.    American Idol - Wed. (Fox), 21.4 mil viewers
4.    Undercover Boss (CBS), 16.7 mil viewers
5.    60 Minutes (CBS), 14.5 mil viewers
6.    Two and a Half Men (CBS), 14.5 mil viewers
7.    The Big Bang Theory (CBS), 13.4 mil viewers
8.    NCIS (CBS), 13 mil viewers
9.    Amazing Race (CBS), 12.7 mil viewers
10.    Castle (ABC), 12.2 mil viewers

Hoppy Easter, everyone! HE IS RISEN!!