If you ask a typical girl if she is in’t pornography, she’ll respond with “ewwww, that’s gross.” Our mental image of a porn addict is a dirty old man in his underwear watching a porn flick in a nasty hotel room in the middle of the night.
But ask that same girl if she has ever sent a sexually explicit picture of herself to a boyfriend, then you might get a different answer.
So why has the issue of pornography become more prevalent in recent months and years. Keep in mind that I am not a professional counselor. These are merely observations from listening to girls, their parents, their leaders, and their culture.
1. Emotional connection: Girls need emotional connection. They want to know that they are loved, sought after, pursued, listened to, cared about, and worth the effort it takes to know them. Think about it: Why do you think girls fell in love with Edward in the Twilight Series? Because he was Bella’s (and every girl’s) dream man. He was handsome. He cared for her. Stayed up all night watching her (creepy!) and protecting her. He declared that she was his life and his love. Who wouldn’t want that?
Girls who become addicted to pornography in the written form (like romance novels or even the steamier stuff on the Internet) are often drawn to the emotional connection among the chief characters. In my mom’s and sister’s generation, it was the romances between Fabio and his love of the month. Today, it’s gone digital. Same story, different format.
(In a recent 30 Rock episode, the topic gravitated toward girl pornography. I'm not advocating this show. I'm just saying it may be worth your time to check out their discussion of the topic...)
2. Curiosity: Every teen girl wonders and worries that she is not developing normally. What should her breasts look like? How big should they be? How will her body shape change? Will she have the curves like others? Many girls do not have the relationship with a trusted adult to ask those questions. That dynamic, combined with the availability of information on the Internet, has driven droves of girls to find their answers—and more questions—online.
3. Abuse: Many girls (like many guys) who become addicted to pornography were exposed to it at a young age in relationship to some sort of sexual, physical, or verbal abuse that they suffered as a child.
4. Guys’ influence: The topics that girls and guys talk about in a mixed gender setting astound me. I’ve heard stories of girls who were shown pornography by their boyfriends or guy friends. I’m not blaming these guys for a girl’s problem (although I don’t think it’s right for a guy to approach a girl with that kind of stuff). A guy can influence a girl’s behavior in ways that weren’t possible in previous generations.
5. Misdirected fulfillment: The truth of all sin is this: It’s our attempt to fulfill a God-given desire in a God-forbidden way. (That phrase is not original to me, but I can't remember who I learned it from, so I apologize for not providing proper credit.) Girls want emotional (and subsequently physical) connection. They want to curb their hormonal surges. They crave sexual expression. All normal desires, God-given desires. But in engaging in pornography, girls are trying to fulfill those needs in the wrong way.
In the next post, we’ll talk about ways the church can respond to help girls wrestle through this issue.
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