What happens to teen girls when prom time rolls around, but you live in the 6th poorest county in the entire country?

Your dream of a beautiful dress dies. Visions of updo's and polished nails fall by the wayside as you grab your state-funded free lunch. Sling-back heels. Sparkly purses. Prom-night gitters. All a mystery to you, something beyond your grasp.

Until the dream comes true.

I read the blog about The Prom Promise this morning and couldn't wait to pas it along. It's a great story of hope and joy and longing fulfilled and God moving in the hearts of people to do something simple and generous to someone else.

Use this story to challenge the girls in your ministry to find their own way of meeting the needs of those around them. If you have a story, please tell us about it!

Yesterday's post featured guest blogger Danielle Smith shared important things she learned in college. Today's blog concludes her story. Feel free to pass along this information to your high school graduates.

6. Make time alone with God a priority.
Although you may feel busier than you’ve ever been when you’re in college, the truth is it will only get worse as you grow older.  Now is the time to develop the habit of spending time in Bible study and prayer daily if you haven’t already.  Peter understood that Jesus alone had the “words of life” so why do we think we should turn anywhere else but God’s word for guidance? (John 6:66-68)

7.  When you make wise choices, the Lord will bless you. When you don’t there will always be consequences.
Think of the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego found in Daniel 3.  They refused to compromise their beliefs and as a result they were miraculously rescued.  On the other hand, think of the story of David’s affair with Bathsheeba.  David made some bad choices and although he was repentant, there were consequences. 

8. Know what you believe.
College is a time when what you believe will be challenged, no matter what kind of school you attend.  You will encounter people who are prepared to defend their beliefs.  You must know what you believe, not just what your parents, Sunday School teachers and youth pastor have taught you. 

9. Choose your friends wisely.
Friendship requires a choice and the amount of space in our lives for meaningful friendship is limited. We choose our friends because they value what we value.  Whether we want to admit it or not, our friends have a great deal of influence over us.  Closely examine the lives of those you would call your close friends and be sure they are encouraging you in your faith.  (Ecc. 4:10)

10. Find a mentor AND an accountability partner.
Find a senior girl who can mentor you.  You can find this girl through your local campus ministry or the church you are involved in.  I asked a senior girl to disciple me when I was a freshman and we met together weekly to study the Bible together.   She really helped me to navigate through my freshman year. 

Another important person to have in your life is an accountability partner.  This should be someone your same age, and same gender who you will be willing to share your struggles with and who will be willing to speak the truth to you in love.  (Proverbs  27:17)
 

Danielle Smith is married to Brian Smith, the Student Pastor at Eastwood Baptist Church in Bowling Green, KY.  She is a former children’s minister and a recent graduate of New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary.  The greatest joy and honor of her life is now being a stay at home mom to Lydia, age 4 and Anna Kate, who is 21 months old.  She enjoys leading worship for her church’s youth group and discipling teenage girls. 

Just in time for high school graduation, guest blogger Danielle Smith provides some great information to pass along to the girls who will be walking off the stage, diploma in hand, and off to college this fall. Part 2 of this blog will follow tomorrow.

1. My parents really are wise.
In college, I suddenly began to understand that all the “over-protective” things my parents did for me really were for my own good.  I was protected from a lot of heartache because of my parents' wisdom and insight.  I also learned that the command to honor my parents found in Exodus 20:12 does not come with an age limit.  

2. God cares about my grades.
Colossians 3:23 reminds us that all the work we do should be done for the glory of God, not for those around us, which includes school work.  Unfortunately, I don’t think I could say that I did every assignment in college for the glory of God.  A great book to read on this subject is The Outrageous Idea of Academic Faithfulness by Donald Optiz and Derek Melleby.  

3. God cares about my health.
College students, especially girls, face two extremes.  They can often be plagued by the “Freshman 15”-- that extra weight that results from poor exercise habits and eating unhealthy food, especially late at night. At the opposite end of the spectrum are the 40% of college girls who have an eating disorder.  Neither of these extremes is healthy.  There are also the issues of alcohol and drug abuse as well as premarital sex that come with their share of health concerns.  God cares about these issues not only because they are a poor substitute for the life God intended for His children, but also because He cares about our physical bodies. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

4. Get plugged into local campus ministries AND a local church.
This is not an either/or option because both are vital in the life of a college student. Getting involved in an on-campus ministry is a great way to connect with other Christians on campus as well as finding ways to be on mission on your campus and around the world.  It is also important to be involved in a local church during your time in college.  Not only do you need the encouragement and support, but the church needs you as well.

5. I am not in college to find a husband.
Many girls fall into the trap of thinking that they "must" be married at a certain age. That being single is somehow a "second" choice, but not the best. Instead, girls need to savor this season of singleness in their lives. They can use this time to focus on getting to know Heavenly Bridegroom instead of worrying about finding a future mate.  I love this quote by Jackie Kendall from her book Lady in Waiting that says, “A girl should be so wrapped up in God that a guy has to seek Him to find her.”

Danielle Smith is married to Brian Smith, the Student Pastor at Eastwood Baptist Church in Bowling Green, KY.  She is a former children’s minister and a recent graduate of New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary.  The greatest joy and honor of her life is now being a stay at home mom to Lydia, age 4 and Anna Kate, who is 21 months old.  She enjoys leading worship for her church’s youth group and discipling teenage girls. 

Several months ago, I asked Amy Pierson, girls' minister at Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano, Texas, to blog about a widow birthday party her girls put together. This year, the girls planned a similar event. Here is the story of that party:

Last year I was praying through James 1:27, which says,“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” I’ve been praying for the Lord to help me take the commands of the Bible literally and personally. I went to a few of our widows and asked how they’d like to be served. After a lot of talking they said they’d like a birthday party. Their husbands had always made this a special day for them with flowers and a nice dinner. Now they would like to celebrate with all their friends, but one said: “having a nice dinner with 80 of your closest friends gets expensive.” 

Last year we planned an amazing event, but this year we built relationships. We invited widows and widowers, and each sat at tables according to their birth month again. Moms and daughters created centerpieces were put together by mothers and daughters. One of our volunteers baked 14 centerpiece cupcakes! When each birthday guy or girl walked in, a student escorted them to their table and sat with them. We played games, ate cake, and sang happy birthday. Twenty of our students also danced to a broadway review.

Becca Benson, who works with the junior high, commented that it seemed like more students were talking this year. I agreed. Our students not only served, but they were also ministering to and being blessed by another generation.

Our entertainment was not a special speaker. Instead, I asked one of our junior girls and one of our senior adult ladies to tell their stories.

Grace Lorenz, 16 years old, loves God and loves her family. She not only is an active member of our student ministry, but she is also in our student leadership and leads a Wednesday small group with her best friend. Grace had everyone laughing and clapping as she sweetly talked about her faith. Bobbie Taylor, 90 years old, works 4 days a week in our church. She is the director of her Sunday School class and hasn’t missed Sunday School in 75 years. When I introduced her I tried to hand her the microphone. She asked if I would hold it and stand by her (I couldn’t say no...we were on stage!). So, I held the microphone for about 10 minutes while she shared one of the most inspiring and Spirit filled testimonies I’ve ever heard. As she shared about following God in every season of life, I stood there and kept thinking, “This is one of the moments in ministry I will always remember and love.”

As the event closed, I reminded everyone that we don’t retire from our faith when we hit 55, and we don’t have to wait until we are 55 to be used by God. If we are Christians, we can live for God today, no matter our age.

I knew God was honored and pleased with this event when I saw a large amount of high school girls crowded around their tables still talking to the ladies and each wanting a hug from Ms. Bobbie.  
 

Movies

1.    Iron Man 2, (If you liked the first one, which I did, you’ll like the second one. Iron Man faces his own mortality with less honor than I would have hoped, but he comes around. Lots of shooting and action, as well as some suggestive humor. I'm ready for Iron Man 3!)
2.    Robin Hood
3.    Letters to Juliet
4.    Just Wright
5.    How to Train Your Dragon
6.    A Nightmare on Elm Street
7.    Date Night
8.    The Back-up Plan
9.    Furry Vengeance
10.    Clash of the Titans

Source: Box Office Mojo


Top 10 Albums

1. Justin Bieber - My World 2.0
2. Lady Antebellum - Need You Now
3. The National - High Violet
4. AC/DC - Iron Man 2 Soundtrack
5. The Dead Weather - Sea of Cowards
6. Carole King & James Taylor - Live At The Troubadour
7. Usher - Raymond V Raymond
8. Charice - Charice
9. Godsmack - The Oracle
10. As I Lay Dying - Powerless Rise

Source: Billboard Magazine


Beiber on American Idol

This kid is good. The top-ranked TV show’s producers know what they’re doing. Little girls cried. (But not as much as this kid. Teenage girls screamed. And it’s no secret why: Justin is cute, can actually sing (heard most of the other “stars” come out and perform on American Idol? Eh.) AND dance, and he has great hair. I mean, what’s not to like? Hopefully he won’t go the route of Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus and all those other pop stars who became famous as young teenagers and then start to head downhill. I haven’t listened to all of his music, but what I have heard seems pretty tame. At this point, I’m giving him a thumbs up (and kind of wishing he’d come along 10 years ago, when I could have kissed his poster every night instead of Leonardo DiCaprio’s, whose poster hung over my bed for no less than 2 years. In my defense, Titanic had just been released. And I watched it in the theater approximately 7 times. Sigh. I do not miss my melodramatic self. In fact, just thinking about it makes me want to thank those of you who are ministering to middle school girls. Seriously, it’s a tough job. Thanks for sticking with them through those oh-so-difficult years.)

 

Note: Every so often, I like to introduce you to people who are influencers in the lives of preteen and teen girls. One such person is Tamika Catchings. While you may know her as a professional basketball player for the WNBA, that is only one small facet of her influence. I asked her to share some words of encouragement with you as girls' leaders.  By the way, her photo is Courtesy of Pacers Sports & Entertainment:

As you read in my first post, I was born with a hearing problem, speech problem, had to wear hearing aids, and eventually had to wear braces. So, I know a little bit about dealing with the struggles of being different and not fitting in. The positive role models that were around me influenced me tremendously, and have helped shape me into the person that I am today. Two things in specific helped me: encouragement from adults and to pursue it; and believing that God made everyone (including me) special.

1. Encouragement from role models
As leaders, it is important for us to constantly encourage girls and remind them how beautiful they truly are. No matter how old we are, we all need a little push to keep going. It’s no different for girls. There were lots of times I wanted to give up, but my parents, teachers, coaches, teammates and church group leaders were there to pick me up. They constantly shared Bible stories and Scripture with me and encouraged me. They said that one day I would look back and realize that everything that I went through when I was younger would make me stronger and allow me to be a light for others. And they were right. I am stronger because of the hardships, and even through my own imperfections, I can reach back and help others.

Whether it’s sports, knitting, dancing, reading, a certain school subject, or writing, we need to help them find their passions and discover their gifts. And then, we need to encourage them to pursue those gifts and passions. They need to know they have somebody on their side, someone who wants them to succeed and who will be there even if they don’t.

2. Believing that God made everyone special
Each of us is unique. I love the fact that there is not another Tamika Catchings anywhere in the world. Even twins who look exactly alike bear traits that set each apart from the other. Girls need to know that God created them uniquely and wonderfully and put them together just as He designed (Ps. 139:14-16) They need to know that they play a part in God’s Story—a part that no one else can play. When we instill this biblical truth this to our girls, and we are able to celebrate the beauty and uniqueness each one of us possesses, God is honored and glorified.

I hope these two tips help you reach into girls’ lives, helping them become all God wants for them. While I’m not a certified counselor, I have seen these two truths impact my life.
 

It finally happened.

It was so gradual that I didn't realize what was occurring.

It had been such a part of my for so long that it had become a part of me.

But over time, it faded, almost as imperceptible as the erosion of the tide on the beach.

Grief left.

It no longer defines my life.

If you spent the afternoon with me, you might not even notice that it was there. But it was an unwelcome resident, lurking underneath the surface and coloring everything around me. I looked at life through a dark lens, waiting for the pain to suck the life out of me again at any moment and without warning.

Let me give you a little history. The first five years of my marriage were rocky. Not because my husband and I fought, but because we were bombarded by grief.

Two months before my wedding, my sister passed away at the age of 38.

Then, coming home from our honeymoon, we stepped off the plane, climbed into the car, and went to the hospital, where my father-in-law lay with an unknown illness that would later be diagnosed as a remarkably rare form of cancer that would eat away at his body for the next two years before he passed away.

Those two years were marked by trips to the emergency room, stays in the hospital, chemo treatments, late night phone calls and early morning tears on the way to work as I yelled at God for inflicting such pain on such a godly, generous, gentle man.

In the midst of that chaotic life, my husband and I tried and failed at conceiving a child, even with the help of fertility specialists. So we decided to adopt.

Finally, the clouds seemed like they were beginning to break as we began planning for the arrival of a child from Guatemala. Matched with a child in May, we planned to go to her native country over the 4th of July.

We never made that trip. The mother of that child proved to be HIV positive and that adoption was pulled by attorneys in Guatemala. A month later, on the 9th of August, we were matched with another child.

Five days later, my mother died.

Grief made itself at home in my heart. Multiple losses combined with infertility and a failed adoption created a chasm in my heart that I though would never completely be whole again. I thought I would always jump when the phone ring. I imagined that I would always panic when Jim was a few minutes late. I thought I would always slightly distrust a God who would bring that much pain into a family so young.

But a couple of nights ago, I realized that grief no longer ruled the roost.

Our pastor was preaching from 2 Corinthians 2:14, which in the KJV says, “Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ…” Our pastor was trying to encourage a congregation that has suffered huge losses in the floods of Nashville this month. In discussing the verse, he made a statement that completed the circuit of loss for me: “We will always overcome, but not necessarily immediately.”

That’s when I realized it—Grief had not overcome me. It had not permanently scarred me without hope of healing. I am still in the healing process. I still jump when the phone rings late at night and my mind races in a thousand directions, wondering who is hurt or who has died. Grief has left its mark on me and I am a different person because of it, but I am still standing.

Gradually, imperceptibly, without notice, I have overcome the losses. Not alone, but with a loving husband who reminds me to relax, faithful friends who make me laugh and give me perspective, and a stubborn God who just keeps coming for me matter how many walls I try to erect between the two of us.

And this blog is my psalm of worship to Him.

If you're within driving distance of Grand Rapids, Michigan, have I got some great news for you:

Mark your calendars for Thursday and Friday, May 20-21. Use Google Maps to mark the route to the Amway Grand Plaza Hotel. And go online to sign up for the YOULead conference that will include training on the basics of girls' ministry. 

In just two days, you can get the basics of working with teen girls: the needs of teen girls, how to start and maintain a girls' ministry in your church, and issues facing teen girls. You'll also be able to connect with other women in your area who have a passion for teen girls (always one of my favorite part of events like this!) and gather ideas that have worked in girls ministry in your part of the world.

The conference will be led by Michelle Hicks, who brings experience not only from working with girls in her own church, but also from being the mom of three girls. Yes, three girls. She's a irrepressible fireball of a woman who has a heart for God and a deep love for girls.

And then if you need even more inspiration and connection, stay Friday night and Saturday for Living Proof Live with Beth Moore. You might have heard of her.

Pass this blog along to your friends in ministry circles. Friends of friends of friends might be in Michigan and don't know about this great training opportunity.

Top Movies

4/30/2010 - 5/2/2010

   1. A Nightmare on Elm Street, $32.2 mil
   2. How to Train Your Dragon, $10.8 mil
   3. Date Night, $7.6 mil
   4. The Back-up Plan, $7.2 mil
   5. Furry Vengeance, $6.5 mil
   6. The Losers, $6 mil
   7. Clash of the Titans, $6 mil
   8. Kick-A**, $4.5 mil
   9. Death at a Funeral, $4 mil
  10. Oceans, $2.6 mil

Source: Box Office Mojo
 

Online Music Videos:

4/26/2010-5/3/2010

   1. We The Kings - We'll Be A Dream
   2. Justin Bieber - Baby
   3. Lil Wayne - Drop The World
   4. Drake - Over
   5. Justin Bieber - Never Let Go
   6. B.o.B. - Nothin' On You
   7. Ke$ha - Blah Blah Blah
   8. Usher - Lil Freak
   9. Lil Wayne - I'm Single
  10. Ludacris - My Chick Bad (While I must say that I can appreciate the occasional witty line from Luda, I’m pretty sure this song isn’t portraying the virtuous woman we’d like our girls to become. And I only heard the edited version . . . )

Source: MTV.com Most Popular Videos

Downloaded Songs:

Week of 5/3/2010

   1. Usher - OMG
   2. B.o.B. - Airplanes
   3. Eminem - Not Afraid
   4. Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart
   5. Ke$ha - Your Love Is My Drug
   6. Sean Kingston & Justin Bieber - Eenie Meenie
   7. Train - Hey, Soul Sister
   8. B.o.B. - Nothin' On You
   9. Jay-Z - Young Forever
  10. Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

Source: iTunes

Summer Mission Trips

If you haven’t yet planned a summer mission trip, please consider making the trek to Nashville. Due to the crazy flooding that occurred this past weekend, we’re going to be needing lots of help from brothers and sisters in Christ—especially those who like to do a little construction work! As the waters have begun to recede, the needs are becoming apparent. Many lost everything. And many of those who suffered devastation didn’t have flood insurance. The needs are great. (Aren’t they always?) We’d love to see you in town soon, if you can come. If you’re interested in helping, please leave a comment, and we’ll try to get you information on disaster relief opportunities as we become aware of it. But in the meantime, Nashville residents would appreciate your prayers. Thanks to Pam’s previous post, I’ve become aware of the fact that most of us are experiencing secondary trauma. (And I just thought my brain was going haywire . . .)

A few days ago, I posted a blog that listed some signs and helps for teens who are dealing with trauma. A colleague called and wanted to know where I got that information. I apologize for not including it in the original blog. Here they are:

National Child Traumatic Stress Network

Secondary Trauma from Santa Clara Law

Post Trauma Resources

Help Guide.org

The National Institute of Trauma and Loss in Children

If you know of other resources, please post them. Others might benefit!

Trauma affects all of us.

Train wrecks. Tornadoes. School shootings. Floods. Suicide. Financial crisis. Church scandal.

None of us is immune to traumatic events that happen without warning. Even if the event directly affects others (and not us), we can still be changed and impacted by that traumatic event. Therapists and counselors call this "secondary trauma".

I actually heard the term from my boss yesterday when my team met to catch up and assess the situations of our coworkers, neighbors, friends, and even strangers who were caught up by the floods that hit Nashville recently. I did a little research on it and discovered that secondary trauma is quite common. You might have noticed the symptoms in yourself or in your students in the aftershock of a major event. (I was amazed at how many I've been dealing with!)

1. Shock, disbelief
2. Anger, irritability, mood swings (including feeling sad or hopeless)
3. Guilt (often called "survivor's guilt")
4. Difficulty concentrating
5. Feeling disconnected from others
6. Anxiety or fear (a sense of safety and stability has been stripped away)
7. Insomnia or nightmares
8. Fatigue
9. Muscle tension
10. Being startled easily

How do we as adults help students process the unexpected events around them? Here are a few ideas.

1. Allow students to grieve, even if they're not directly affected. Many students (and adults!) feel a loss of safety and security when something unexpected, tragic, and uncontrollable occurs (fire, tornado, hurricane, shooting, etc.)
2. Provide a safe place to process emotions. Let students talk about what they saw, felt, heard (even if it's a rumor), and experienced. Expression is a key step of recovery. Don't ignore the event or pretend it didn't happen.
3. Encourage a return to routine and order. For me, even something simple as eating lunch with my friends this week has provided one element of normalcy in a situation that seems very chaotic and unsettling.
4. Encourage students to take care of their health. When possible, they need to eat healthy food and find time to exercise...which leads to...
5. Provide a place and space for students to release pent up "flight or fight" energy. Many experience a heightened sense of urgency or stress. They need to find a way to let it go. Basketball. A Wii Fit tournament. Running. Anything to release the chemicals that are storing up in mass quantities.
6. Organize a response. Many students (and adults) experience an overwhelming need to "do something." Provide opportunities to do that. Collect water. Let them tear down sheet rock, collect trash, or cook and serve meals.

How have you helped students process trauma? Post your ideas for others to use.

I am spoiled. And I know it.

The last 72 hours have reminded me of that fact.

I've never gone a day without food (except voluntarily). I've never been without a place to sleep. My only stretch without electricity was during a freak snowstorm that left my family powerless for two whole days.

Being a part of the Nashville Flood of 2010 has jolted me back to reality. Coworkers are gutting their houses down to the framework as I type these words. Pictures are gone. Family pets are missing. Barns are upside down. A lifetime of memories in photographs, school projects, and letters are floating away. 

Even though the only damage to my house was a gravel driveway that migrated down a few houses with the runoff, I find myself affected by the sights, sounds, and smells.

I have hugged my daughter more. Delighted in her laugh and her smile. I've asked people how they are doing, and I genuinely care about their answers. I am highly sensitive to the needs of people around me. I don't care about people cutting me off in traffic (we'll see how long that lasts). I am conscious of how much water I am using when I'm washing my hands or brushing my teeth.

Even though you may live thousands of miles from Music City, you can still be changed by the waters that are beginning to recede here. Learn from those of us who live by the makeshift lakes and impromptu rivers.

1.Keep your priorities. A dear colleague and mentor told me recently, "hold onto your job loosely and your family tightly." Wise words. The higher the waters got, the less I cared about whether or not I'd get that all-important presentation prepared. (It's still not done, by the way.) I was reminded that the stuff that I worry about most is the stuff that matters the least.

2. Listen, really listen. I think lots of people would be more honest with their answers if they thought anyone actually cared. People are desperate to tell their story—and everyone has one worth telling. Hearing how God has protected and provided for people in the midst of horrific loss is a testimony in itself. But there are hundred of stories like that waiting to be told.

3. Care for people, even if they're "undeserving." Most days, I filter my world through carefully constructed barriers that weed out the responsibility for caring for others if I sense they are unsafe,  unsavory, or undeserving. And so do you, if you're really honest. But lately, a person's work ethic (do they deserve help?) or background (did they cheat on their taxes?), hasn't entered into the equation. They were neighbors in need of food, water, and a word of hope.

And everybody can use some hope, no matter where they live.