Be on the lookout for this girl

Be on the lookout for this girl.

She's in every girls' ministry and every youth group and every church.

She is not popular. She doesn't have many friends. Her parents don't attend your church. Her social skills are nil. She stands off to the side when others are clumped in groups. She has nothing in common with her peers because her life is a tragedy in the making. A train wreck in slow motion. She feels awkward around herself, and well, to be honest, you feel awkward when you're around her, too.

I can still remember her from the last church I served at as youth minister. Her dad was abusive to the whole family. She wore clothes two sizes two big and never wore makeup. Nobody ever taught her how. She arrived to every church activity at least fifteen minutes early. She acted like a little puppy, starving for attention and always under foot. And she got on my last nerve. My lack of interest did not deter her from talking non-stop.

I don't even remember her name, but her memory still haunts me because of the way I treated her. I avoided conversation. I didn't spend as much time in her home as I did in the other girls' homes because I didn't want her to get too attached and be in my face every time I turned around.

Mostly, though, I didn't pay attention to her because she reminded me too much of myself when I was her age. Oh, the details played out differently, but at the core we were the same girl: alone, scared, unsure of herself, desperately seeking love and attention, wanting to know she mattered to someone, anyone.

And if you're honest, that same girl is in your group. The details may differ, but at the core, there is one girl who reminds you too much of your own wounds, your own hurts, your own scars. She is a mirror reflection of your own heart now or your heart when you were at your most tender condition.

Be on the lookout for the girl who is just like you, because that is the girl you're likely to push away.