As I've talked with other moms through the years, when it comes down to it, we are rather a sad group at times. Not sad as in boo hoo, but sad as in inexperienced. All of us (at least those I know) were thrown into parenting with a minimum amount of training and preparation. We watched our parents parent. We watched the Cosby show or one of those other quick fix family shows. We thought marriage and a family would be this idylic life...a fairy tale come true. That was before we realized that in lots fairy tales there is tragedy and the mom in the story is dead.
Seriously, think about it. Cinderella...her mom died so she lives with a mean step-mother. Snow White...her mom died now living with wicked Queen. Sleeping Beauty...orphaned. Belle, from Beauty and the Beast, living with her dad and we assume, of course, that her mom passed when she was young. Ariel, from Little Mermaid, King Neptune is the dad, but where is mom?
There are days when, as the mom, I wonder if my girls would be better off without me. Not to sound morbid or like I have some kind of a weird death wish, but there are those days when you wonder if you really do make a difference. My daughters are surrounded by several strong Christian mentors and a number of people who can and do speak Truth into their lives. They have a great dad and huge support system. There are those at church involved in girls ministry and they would take care of everything if I was gone, right?
And then I have night like last night. At 9:00 p.m. I received a text from a friend. At the same time my daughters were receiving texts from some of their friends. There was drama in the neighborhood.
The short version of this tale is that the troubled kid was trying to get others involved in "his trouble." And when one mom found out...charge! There was going to be an intervention for this student and every other teenager or kid in the neighborhood. Suddenly, the moms were using text messages to call everyone to the alert. One text message led to another and moms began spreading the word about what was going down. The moms of the neighborhood were going to confront the problem, any kids involved, and any parents who didn't know what was happening.
How did it all begin? By one mom intercepting and reading her son's text messages. Not what she wanted to read at the end of a long day, but she didn't back down. Instead of ignoring the potential problem, she went straight to her son and then straight to the friend and his mom.
The problem is not over. Everything was not resolved in a 30-minute time slot like the sitcoms. The issue with this kid only opened the door revealing the same issue with several other teenagers in our neighborhood. Instead of one kid needing help, there is a whole group of students and parents. Some know the Lord, some don't. Some want help with this problem, others want to ignore it. Not a happy ending at this point.
I'm still not clear on what my role will be in this tale. But I am in it for the long haul because of my relationships with all the kids and parents involved. I am thankful for one mom who was willing to step in and get involved. I am thankful she didn't back down because she has "so many other things to do" or because "he's not my kid and it is not my place."
Also, as I thought about this situation involving students and parents, I wondered what might my church do to help parents become more equipped to handle these situations. How can we encourage parents to step in and confront when needed? How do we keep parents from "sweeping the problems under the rug?" How can we help parents to be the parent? How can we help parents see their role, not only in the life of their own teenager, but also in the lives of his or her friends?
What are you doing in your girls' ministry to equip parents facing tough issues, and especially those moms like me who find themselves in the middle of neighborhood drama on a Monday night? (because like all those moms in the fairy tales...I'm not dead yet!)
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