Gaining independence

When my daughters were preschoolers, I remember those first stages of gaining independence as they learned to crawl, and then later walk and talk. Those early years stretched me as I tried to encourage their independence and keep them safe at the same time.

Time has moved forward and with it the natural development of helping my daughters become independent. One area that we’ve really had to work on is communication. There is something that happens along the way from childhood to adulthood and suddenly talking to adults seems difficult or intimidating for many students. And especially when they are wanting to talk about certain topics...difficult and sensitive topics.

Here are some things we’ve been working on that might be helpful to other parents in your girls’ ministry or for the girls as they approach their parents and engage them in conversation.

Talk about everyday stuff…every day. When we talk about the everyday stuff it just seems easier when it is time to talk about the more difficult stuff. And face it, the more you do anything, the easier it gets. I never dreamed my girls or any girls would have a difficult time talking or voicing their opinions and concerns!

Be clear, direct and honest. Tell your parents what you think, feel, and want. Give details that help adults understand the situation. If you are always honest, adults believe what you say. However, if girls hide the truth, tell only parts of the story, or add too much drama, parents have a harder time believing what they are being told. Once trust is broken, it is sometimes difficult to earn back.

Look at all sides and points of view. If there is a disagreement or you can’t come to a compromise on say curfew, really look at all sides of the argument. It helps when parents hear their kids say that they can see the situation from the adult perspective and why the parent is taking the stand or viewpoint on the issue.

Try not to whine and argue it really is irritating! Anyone is more likely to listen when girls are respectful and calm in their communication with parents or adults. And the adults will be more likely to react in the same tone. For girls, if their emotions are on the surface, they only seem to become more heated in the confrontation. Everyone involved in the conversation will benefit from waiting for the right time and place to discuss issues that really matter to you.

Girls need to know that parents (and other adults) won’t always see things their way. The answer is not always yes even when you ask nicely. It is hard to take no for an answer. However, when girls learn to gracefully accept a no it demonstrates maturity. Parents will see that maturity and will likely associate it with other adult attributes such as responsibility, trustworthiness, and integrity. And in the end girls with those adult attributes seem to get more yeses to their requests.

What are you doing in your girls’ ministry to teach communication skills? What advice do you give encouraging your girls to communication and talk with their parents?