Recently I read an article about a study identifying that girls are entering puberty earlier than in the past. My first response was "DUH!" All you need do is look around at girls in elementary and middle school and see that!

The study emphasized that experts aren't sure why this is happening in the U.S. The studies also concluded that girls who start puberty earlier are at greater risk for certain cancers. Doctors, in particular, believe certain chemicals that have been introduced into our environment in recent years may be affecting hormones in girls. For me, a mom of three girls, there are a lot of scary things to consider that affect the physical health of my daughters.

However, the part of the article that really caught my attention was related to how this early development is also linked to poor self-esteem, eating disorders, depression, cigarette and alcohol use and earlier sexual activity. (To read the article click here.) 

The article focuses on physical health primarily, but for me I start thinking about the whole person of that little girl who is maturing early physically. Regardless of how old she looks on the outside, she is still a little girl mentally, emotionally, and socially.

But what do you do when an 8 to 9-year-old looks like she is 12? What about the 12-year-old who looks 15 or 16? And how do you teach the church to interact with 11 and 12-year-old girls as 11 and 12-year-olds mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, even when they look like they are 16? How can girls' ministry guide these girls through both the difficult and joyful years?

One of the only things I know to do as a mom interacting with girls daily in my home, my neighborhood, and at my church is to help these young girls is lead them discover their identity in Christ.

In one of my favorite books, Growing Up Without Getting Lost, by Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff, there is a quote that I use and say often in one form or another to girls I know.

You are the only you this world will ever know. And something about your life is meant to make something about God known in a way that no one else can.  (Dan Allender, How Children Raise Parents)

Girls, whatever their age, need to know that God has a plan and purpose for them. (Jer. 29:11, Eph. 2:10...you can pull your favorite scripture as well.) No matter what they are going through, no matter what is happening in their families, at school, between their parents, no matter how others treat them, no matter how they look (11 or 15), and even no matter how they feel on the inside-God can and will use them in great ways.

Girls often worry about their feelings. They worry about how they feel about themselves. They worry about what others think of them. Does she want to be my friend? Does he like me? Do they think I'm pretty? Funny? Nice? You fill in the blanks.

Also, the parents worry about how their daughters feel about themselves. We really can become consumed with ourselves and our own little world. And I'm afraid I've missed it so many times and set the wrong example for my daughters and the girls in my church.

Jesus didn't emphasize or tell us to focus on ourselves. He instead says, "Follow Me." His message is all about laying down your life and denying yourself (Luke 9:23-24). But our lives do make a difference and really matter when we fall in line behind Jesus and follow Him. 

Growing up is sometimes hard. But I want girls to know that no matter how they look or feel, they do make a difference and they do matter. Each girl is unique. She can point others to Jesus and make Him known in a way that no one else can. Now, how can we help every girl discover that truth for herself?

I recently moved offices at work (again). Although I detest moving as much as I dislike most things on the Lifetime Network, I do enjoy one aspect of packing up:

Purging.

I am not a pack rat by nature, but stay in one office any length of time, and every person accumulates “stuff.” Old reports that have no relevance. Duplicate books I somehow received. Shorthand notes about something I needed to do, only the note is so old I don’t remember the shorthand or what I was supposed to do.

And so, when I moved offices, I used the opportunity to lighten the load. My rule of thumb is that if I haven’t used it in two years, it’s gone. I got rid of books that sounded important or intriguing at the time but now hold no interest for me. I dumped teaching plans that must have been inspirational then but now seem rather frivolous. I even let go of music CDs that I once loved (I must have, right?) but haven’t listened to in decades (or seems that long).

Purging felt good. I felt less encumbered. Less burdened. Less cluttered. Letting go of things is a healthy exercise.

And that doesn’t just apply to file folders, old projects, and outdated books.

The move challenged me to think about what God would want me to leave behind in my spiritual life.  Hebrews 12:1 tells us to “lay aside every weight…” Each person’s weight is different. For me, that weight is fear. Playing the “what if” game. What if this doesn’t work out? What if I can’t… What if she won’t…What if I try this and I fall on my face? What if they don’t like my idea?

Fear is a tool of the enemy that seeks to paralyze me to inaction and indecision. And when you’re on the frontlines (or behind the scenes) battling for the hearts and lives of teen girls, there’s no time to waiver. If I’m not careful, the enemy can advance in my heart, replacing trust and reliance with fear and doubt.

Your load may not be fear. Perhaps it is anger toward a coworker. A bad attitude toward one of the girls in your ministry. Or even a mom or dad in your church who seems to be your biggest antagonist.

Take time to stop now and then to purge--to stop and evaluate what “weight” you need to lay aside, that thing that is snagging you and distracting you from our relationship with God and your ministry with others.

You’ll be amazed at how good it feels to lighten the load.

 What things weigh you down in your ministry to teen girls? Post your reply and share your burden with a community of people who understand what you're going through.

Ok, ladies (and gentlemen, if we have any reading this), as promised, I'm back this week with reasons why students cheat in school—straight from their mouths. Here's what they said:

Middle School:

“Because I wanted to get good grades”
“Cause I didn’t know the answer."
“Test was hard."
“Because I need the grade in social studies."
“I didn’t study or didn’t know the answer”
“So I would get a good grade”
“I have before when it got really hard”
“Didn’t want to fail the test”
“Well I have cheated once or twice on a test. But I knew it was wrong and I felt bad about it afterwards”
“Wanted to make a good grade”
“Only science test, I didn’t study and a smart person was beside me – I still failed”
“Yes, cause the answers are on the teachers desk.”

High School:

“To get a better grade” (female)
“I forgot to study or was unsure of an answer” (female)
“I felt really pressured but wound up not being able to see the other person’s answers” (female)
“Because I didn’t want to fail my midterm that my teacher never gave me the study guide to - And yes I asked her.” (male)
“To get a better grade when I didn’t study” (female)
“Pressure to do well” (female)

No earth-shattering revelations there. However, I think it's important that cheating be discussed in your small groups with girls. (I've found that this topic comes up quite easily during the school year.) Some don't see cheating as an affront to personal holiness at all: everyone else is sharing answers and taking the easy way out, why shouldn't I? Help the girls you lead to understand the value of living with integrity.

The Awkward Prayer

Perhaps you've heard about this new trend making the rounds in small groups. I'm not sure of it's purpose (other than making everyone feel awkward), but I can't decide if I think it's hilarious or horrible. During an "awkward prayer," instead of grabbing each other's hands while they pray, girls grab each other's LOVE HANDLES. I can't imagine this fostering a sense of focus as a girl prays. (I'd be too busy wondering what the girl holding onto my side was thinking about my body to focus on what was being said during the prayer!) And I think it'd be uncomortable for anyone who doesn't like her body or is new to the group. However, I'm sure that within a tight-knit group, this could produce lots of laughs. But I don't know where this little tradition started or why. If you have any more information, please leave a comment and enlighten us all!
 

Sometimes my hairdresser seems easier to talk to than God.

There. I've said it.

And if you're honest, you'll admit that somewhere in your spiritual journey, you've felt the same way. Oh, you may not be particularly cozy with the person who cuts your hair, but you've experienced that same sense of distance from the Almighty--who is supposed to be Emmanuel, God with Us.

I can tell you why I feel distant. My life has been a frenetic mess: a new puppy in the house; my daughter is now in kindergarten (yes, we bought a puppy the same week she started school...proof of our insanity); my husband went back to work after a summer off from teaching; new responsibilities at work...the list continues. And so, when I have time to sit down before God, my mind races a thousand miles an hour and I can't calm down long enough to allow my heart to settle into the presence of God.

I'm not alarmed by this feeling. I've been here before. I know that God is here even when I don't feel Him. I know He hears my prayers even when they feel like they bounce off the ceiling. I don't like where I am but I know it will pass. And so do you.

Here's my question: When you feel these droughts with God, do you share your experiences with teen girls? Or do you keep it to yourself until the feeling passes?

I think we do a major disservice to girls when we show only the shiny side of our spiritual selves. They see an example of perfection rather than a redeemed but flawed human who chooses to plow through the rough patches. And as a result, many girls believe the lie that they are somehow doing something wrong. They're not "good Christians." God must be mad at them. Or not listening. Or too busy.

You and I know that those are all lies. But girls don't, because they don't see anyone struggling like they do. That's why it's imperative for you and me to be authentic, transparent, and honest. We need to tell them when we've been unable to spend time with God as much as we want. We need to ask them to pray for us when we're feeling frenetic and frazzled and far away from God. And we need to celebrate with them when God speaks and we feel the gentle whispers of His voice wash over our souls.

To do anything less is dishonest discipleship.

I'm back again this week with more insight into the minds of teenagers. Here's a sampling of some of the fascinating findings from our recent focus group conducted with nearly 60 students from all over the U.S.:

Cheating
When we asked students to tell us what they considered cheating, they said:
 

(Out of 37 middle school students:)
• Looking on someone else’s paper (35 students said this was cheating)           
• Borrowing answers from a friend’s homework (32 students said this was cheating)   
• Saving answers on my cell phone (33 students said this was cheating)           
• Writing answers on my hands, clothing, etc. (33 students said this was cheating)       
• Sharing answers with others (33 students said this was cheating)               
• Texting answers to friends during a test (31 students said this was cheating)       
• Taking a picture of the test with my cell phone (30 students said this was cheating)   
• “Borrowing” text from a book or the Internet and putting it in my paper (27 students said this was cheating)   

It’s interesting to me that each one of those types of cheating was not considered cheating by at least 2 and as many as 10 students.

 

When we asked those same middle schoolers to identify which of those they’d done recently, here’s what we got:

“Borrowing answers from a friend’s homework” and “Sharing answers with others” were each circled ONCE.

For high schoolers, the results were somewhat different. Here’s what 22 high school students said they believed was considered cheating:

Looking on someone else’s paper (21 students said this was cheating)
Borrowing answers from a friend’s homework (13 students said this was cheating)
Saving answers on my cell phone (20 students said this was cheating)
Writing answers on my hands, clothing, etc. (20 students said this was cheating)
Sharing answers with others (20 students said this was cheating)
Texting answers to friends during a test (20 students said this was cheating)
Taking a picture of the test with my cell phone (20 students said this was cheating)
“Borrowing” text from a book or the Internet and putting it in my paper (19 students said this was cheating)

When we asked them to identify which of those they’d done recently, here’s what they said:
“Looking on someone else’s paper” was circled 5 times.
“Borrowing answers from a friend’s homework” was circled 6 times.   
“Saving answers on my cell phone” was circled 1 time.
“Writing answers on my hands, clothing, etc.” was circled 1 time.
“Sharing answers with others” was circled 6 times.
“Taking a picture of the test with my cell phone” was circled 1 time.
“‘Borrowing’ text from a book or the Internet and putting it in my paper” was circled 2 times.

Tune in next week when I give you their answers as to why they cheat.

Relationships with friends
When we asked students to check all of the statements below that applied to them, here’s what they said:

Middle School:
My friends and I get along. (33 check marks)
My friends and I are constantly fighting. (4 check marks)
My friends and I gossip. (24 check marks)
I feel like I have no friends. (2 check marks)
I have friends who encourage me. (29 check marks)
I have friends who bring me down. (15 check marks)
I try to be a good friend to others. (31 check marks)
I have been the victim of bullying. (8 check marks)

High School:
My friends and I get along. (22 check marks)
My friends and I are constantly fighting. (0 check marks)
My friends and I gossip. (11 check marks)
I feel like I have no friends. (2 check marks)
I have friends who encourage me. (20 check marks)
I have friends who bring me down. (9 check marks)
I try to be a good friend to others. (21 check marks)
I have been the victim of bullying. (3 check marks)


Their futures
We asked students how they feel about the future. Here’s how they responded:

Middle School:
Excited (23 check marks)
Apprehensive (3 check marks)
Discouraged (0 check marks)
Afraid (12 check marks)

And here’s a sampling of why they chose those answers:
Afraid: “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”   
Excited: “cause I want to have a family.”
Excited: “because I can’t wait to see what God’s got in store for me.”
Excited: “I think God will give me a good future.”
Afraid: “I want to sing and play the guitar and I’m scared I won’t be famous.”
Afraid: “I’m nervous to grow up. I’ll have to be so responsible.”


High School:
❑    Excited (15 check marks)
❑    Apprehensive (6 check marks)
❑    Discouraged (1 check marks)
❑    Afraid (3 check marks)

And here’s why they chose to answer that way:
Excited: I’m excited about growing up, afraid of how it will turn out (female)
Apprehensive: I don’t have a clue what I want to do (female)
Apprehensive: I know God’s going to reveal what he wants me to do but I’m not 100% sure and I don’t want to get it wrong. (female)
Apprehensive: I’m a little scared of college (female)
Afraid: Because time is scary (female)
Discouraged: because it’s hard. (male)
Excited: It’s going to be good (female)
 

And some random movie reviews!

In other news, I got caught up on my movie-watching this past weekend. I saw The Other Guys and Step Up and rented Date Night. The Other Guys is quite funny throughout, and that is what impressed me most. All the funny parts were not included in the previews. While it is typical Will Ferrell humor, it is not quite as crude as usual, and there is no nudity. The part that was the most blush-worthy involved a married couple discussing their sex life (using her mom as a go-between), so it's somewhat more excusable, in my mind at least. The language is pretty rough, so I can't say that I recommend the movie. But if you need to laugh, it might be just the ticket.

OK, I admit it. I saw Step Up (2D, if you're curious). I wanted to watch it because I'm a big fan of "So You Think You Can Dance," and some of that show's graduates were in the movie. This is a pretty family-friendly flick (not much language, no nudity, etc.), but if you're over the age of 12, you WILL roll your eyes multiple times at the terrible acting. The dance scenes, however, almost make up for it. It was barely worth the matinee price I paid for it, so keep that in mind.

On to Date Night. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend renting it. It's quite funny (though I wish I'd seen it before seeing The Other Guys. I think I would have thought it was more funny that way), and chock-full of sweet insights into marriage. I'm a big fan of both Tina Fey and Steve Carrell, so I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. There's even a pretty poignant scene in which the two open up to each other about a marriage issue that I could see myself struggling with one day (the woman's need to control everything and not trusting her husband to help). This film oozes family values and is lots of fun. (There is one scene near the end that takes place in a strip club that is racy. Little eyes may not need to see this part due to the ladies "dancing" in the background . . .) But overall, it's a great date movie.

Happy Thursday, everyone!

Yesterday I received a twitter message from a friend I follow that said, " Why is it that when life gets difficult, more difficulties and stresses get piled on?"

Good question. I sure would like to know the answer to that one.

It seems that often that is the way life is...for believers and for unbelievers. One problem hits and then another. You barely dig yourself out of one problem or stressor and another one hits. I remember telling a friend, "I really thought at some point life would get easier, but it doesn't. I want some easy for awhile!"

Well, life hasn't gotten easier. There are always problems to solve, decisions to weigh and make, and difficulties that challenge one's calm and peace. However, through all these trials and struggles God has done a work in me. (And He is still working 24/7!)

I don't know where you are in life today. I don't know what is going on in your family, in your relationships, in your ministry, or in your church. I don't know what the girls in your girls' ministry are facing. I'm sure they each have their own pile of difficulties. But here are a few things God has taught me while in the midst of a pile of difficulties.

1. Trust Him. Even when I don't see God working, He is and I have to trust that. He is present and in the middle of my circumstances. God knows what is happening in my life and every piece of that pile of difficulties.

2. Be flexible. Change is not always bad. Often the things that stress me most are when my plans are changed...and the choice to change the plan was not mine. But God has used those times of change to stretch me and push me to try something different. When plans change, when someone you counted on to teach a girls small group can't do it, when there is a conflict with the calendar, when the computer locks up and the media won't run, when...you fill in the blank....God stretches my flexibility and my creativity. I am forced to grow through the difficulties and in the end empowered by God to do something I never thought I could do.

3. Stay focused. Not focused on the problems and the difficulties, but upon Jesus. Dig deeper into God's Word looking for what He says about the problem. Every time that difficulty begins to consume your thoughts start praying and hand it back off to God. One example from my own life was a broken relationship between two family members. I kept trying to be the peacemaker and step in and "fix" it. Finally, God got my attention. My focus was to pray for both parties involved. He was going to do the work in their hearts for real change and restoration to take place. Every time I was tempted to take back their problems and try to fix it myself, I sensed God saying, "you are done here, let ME handle it."

4. Pray. It really goes without saying that we should be praying constantly during the good times and when we find ourselves in the middle of a pile of difficulties. But sometimes prayer is our last resort. I keep asking God to make prayer, my on-going conversation with Him, part of my every breath. When the stress hit, another difficulty comes into the picture....breathe...and breathe...and listen for God's voice....and wait for Him to answer.

1 Peter 4:12-13 says-

Dear friends, when the fiery ordeal arises amoung you to test you, don't be surprised by it, as if something unusual were happening to you. Instead, as you share in the sufferings of the Messiah rejoice, so that you may also rejoice with great joy at the revelation of His glory.

So, I guess I've finally reached the place where I am not so surprised when the difficulties pile on and when the fire gets hot. "Fiery ordeals" are going to be part of my life. As a believer I will be sharing in the sufferings of Christ. Now to start working on the rejoicing part...ugh!

I’m back with some more insight into the world of your students. When we asked an overwhelmingly-female focus group of nearly 60 students from all over the nation a bunch of questions about their culture, here’s of how they responded to some of those questions:

What they spend their money on:

Middle School:
Clothing/jewelry/accessories (29 check marks)
Entertainment (movies, food) (7 check marks)
Music (4 check marks)

High School:
Clothing/jewelry/accessories (7 check marks)
Musical instruments/equipment (4 check marks)
Tech Gadgets (MP3 players, computer gear, video games) (4 check marks)

 

Where they shop:

Middle School:
Aeropostale (23 check marks)
Rue 21 (12)
American Eagle (11)
Hollister (10)

High School:
American Eagle (7 check marks)
Hot Topic (7)
Target (6)
Pac-Sun (5)
Aeropostale (4)
Rue 21 (4)
F.Y.E. (4)
Wal-Mart (4)


What they talk about the most:

Middle School:
boys (29 check marks)
relationships (26)
latest gossip (22)
friends (18)

High School:
weekend plans (15 check marks)
relationships (10)
music (8)
school (7)


With school kicking off around the country right now, tune in next week for what these students had to say about cheating, how they get along with their friends, and how they feel about their futures.

This past weekend I served on the LifeWay event team for a Going Beyond event team with Priscilla Shirer in Tulsa, Oklahoma. One of the most meaningful parts of these events for me is a Saturday morning prayer time with the women. It is so humbling to watch a group of women pour their hearts out to the Lord. And even more beautiful to watch as women who don't even know one another surround the brokenhearted.

It is always amazing to me as I talk with the women after the prayer time. There are always some of the women who say they've never participated in a prayer time like what they just experienced. I'm not sure of all the reasons for this, but it stirs something in me as I think about girls' ministry.

We prepare for promotion Sundays and the start of new small groups. We choose Bible studies and devotions to teach or share with the girls. We plan the events that will take place during the next school year to equip students to live out their faith. We even begin planning for next summer's camps and mission trips. But are we intentional about having designated times during the year that call girls to prayer? Prayer experiences that help teach girls to communicate with their heavenly Father?

How do we help girls learn to make prayer a lifestyle and not only a designated bowing of the head before meals?

One thing I'm trying to teach my girls (my biological girls and my spiritual daughters in the faith) is that prayer is the one time you can talk and say anything and not get in trouble for it. When you are in prayer, communicating with God, He already knows your thoughts, your motives, and your heart. There is nothing you are going to tell Him that will surprise Him. God is not going to punish you for communicating your hurts, your frustrations, your anger, your jealousy, or your bitterness. He is God and He can handle it.

Although there are lots of more well-known verses that emphasize prayer (Philippians 4:6-7 to name just one), one of my favorites is Psalm 32:6 which says,

Therefore let everyone who is faithful pray to You at a time when You may be found. When great floodwaters come, they will not reach him. 

This verse comes right in the middle of Psalm 32 that focuses on the joy of forgiveness. As I read through the entire Psalm it reminds me to remember the joy of my salvation and the joy of being able to communicate with the only One able to forgive my sin. It also reminds me that I have no idea what trials and difficulties my girls will face in the future. I don't know what "floodwaters" will threaten to overwhelm or overtake them. All the more reason to help them now to learn how to communicate through prayer with God who will walk with them through those floodwaters and overwhelming circumstances.

The floodwaters will come. They will come for our girls just like they come for grown women as I saw first hand at Going Beyond this past weekend. I know there have been plenty of times in my own life when the floodwaters in various forms threatened to overwhelm and overtake me. Yet, prayer has been that big red flotation device that kept my head above water and pulled me closer to God and His safety and protection when I thought I would drown.

When great floodwaters come, they will not reach him. - Psalm 32:6b

What are some ways you are teaching girls in your girls' ministry the power of prayer? What unique prayer experiences are you using? How are you keeping prayer an intentional and purposeful foundation of your ministry?

The beginning of school also means the beginning of small groups again. If you're like lots of churches, you've taken the summer off to go to camp, go on mission trip, and hopefully, go on vacation. Now, it's back to the rhythm of the school calendar. But with the return of the school year also comes the return of many of the problems that plague teen girls. Might I suggest a few Bible studies to help your girls?

True Princess: Embracing Humility in an All-About-Me World
If your girls went on a mission trip this summer, they got a glimpse of what it was like to live beyond themselves. But in reality, humility is a lifestyle, not something you practice in Romania or rural Kentucky. Even though they're bombarded by messages that proclaim them as princesses, girls need to learn that being a daughter of the King comes with profound responsibility. True Princess helps girls tackle their own egos and get some perspective on who's really on the throne.

Girl Talk: The Power of Your Words
The beginning of a new school year always brings with it lots of drama, most of which is centered around gossip, mean girls, who said what to whom and how it was interpreted and...you get the picture. Girl Talk is aimed at helping you help your girls realize the power of their words for good or for evil. It tackles gossip, foul language, cutting speech, and challenges them that they can be profound life-givers by telling others about their relationship with God.

Woven
If you have new girls in your group, then this study might be just for you. It can be used in either a retreat setting or as a weekly study. Its theme is unity, and it answers questions like, What is unity, really? What does unity look like? What kills unity? What is my role in bringing unity to my group? In the end, your girls will learn that they have a lot more that brings them together than keeps them apart.

As promised, I’m back this week with info from our recent focus groups on what students think about their youth groups, families, and the pressures they face at school. (These answers are the result of surveys given to 59 students from all over the country at a FUGE camp in Mississippi in late June.)
 

Their Student Ministries
Here’s what they had to say when we asked them what they liked most about their church/youth group:

MIDDLE SCHOOL:
The people (22 students selected this)
What I learn (18)
The trips we take (15)
The ways we serve (17)
Other (please specify): (4)
    “Youth teacher”
    “How we all grow closer together”
    “The things we do and how we all get involved in activities that are good for us.”
    “That the youth pastors understand what’s going on with us and that we can ask them anything and they will answer honestly.”
       
HIGH SCHOOL:
The people (15 students selected this)
What I learn (15)
The trips we take (12)
The ways we serve (9)
Other (please specify): (4)
    “Our family-like atmosphere”
    “I’m glad to learn anything so that hopefully I will apply the knowledge in my future and use it.”
    “Fellowshipping”
    “Worship”

Their Families
When we asked middle schoolers to rate their relationships with their families on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the best), they gave an average rating of 7.6. Here are some of the things they said are the biggest issues they face in their families:
    “My mom and dad are divorced and I go back and forth”
    “Getting along with siblings”
    “Attitude”
    “They make me mad sometimes and don’t leave me alone”
    “Me and my brother fight sometimes”
    “The fact that they will not come to church with me”

When we asked high schoolers to rate their relationships with their families on a scale of 1 to 10, they gave an average rating of 7.26. Here are some of the things they said are the biggest issues they face in their families:
    “Space”
    “Honesty and understanding”
    “My step-dad is a non-believer”
    “Struggle with money”
    “Not getting along with my dad as well”
    “Seeing eye-to-eye with them on some things”
    “Arguing with my little brother, it puts us all in a bad mood”

Peer Pressure
When we asked them what they feel pressured by their peers to do, here’s what they said:

MIDDLE SCHOOL:
Dress a certain way (17 check marks)
Make good grades (16 check marks)       
Get/buy the latest trendy thing (14 check marks)
Lie to my parents (14 check marks)   
Hang out with people I’m not comfortable with (13 check marks)

HIGH SCHOOL:
Make good grades (15 check marks)
Lose weight (10 check marks)
Dress a certain way (9 check marks)


I love how transparent students are when they’re filling out anonymous surveys! Hopefully today’s post gives you even more insight into the minds of your girls. Stay tuned . . . I’ve got more interesting stuff to share with you next Thursday!


 

It is that time of the year at my church. Everyone is getting ready to promote up to the next grade level with all the Sunday school classes, Bible studies, and anything that is age-graded. It always stirs excitement in the children's area and a little panic among a few of the parents. Mostly because those parents have a hard time finding their kids throughout the year and are always going to the wrong room anyway. That would be me.

So you can only imagine my thoughts as I think about breaking in a new group of any kind. Learning their personalities and their likes and dislikes. Wanting instant relationship but knowing that it is going to take time.

As I started thinking about this as I was reflecting on our girls high school small group that met at my house on Sunday nights all last year. It is always amazing to me to watch the girls and how they interact with one another. And even more amazing to try and teach or facilitate a group like that with so much diversity.

Think about the different girls you will be teaching or mentoring this year and how you can best mentor them. Here are a few of my thoughts on ministering to the girls I know and encouraging them to use their strengths for God.

The Mouth-This is that girl who always has something to say. If you ask a question, she has an answer. Not always the best answer or the right answer, but she is trying and wants to have a voice among the group. In a small group you may have to call on specific people so they have a chance to answer when this girl is in the group. Or once this girl gives her answer you may need to ask if anyone else has something to say or to add. If it really becomes a problem be the voice that she needs to hear and speak loving truth into her life. She probably doesn't have a clue that she is monopolizing the discussion. Also, help her find ways to share her voice through writing, speaking and teaching. Someone who is not afraid to speak up can be a great thing so let her know that as well.

The Silent One-This girl is the exact opposite of the mouth. She rarely says a word, but listens attentively to everything everyone else is saying. Look for ways to draw this girl into the conversation and the study. Find times to have one-on-one conversations with her that help her to voice her opinions or the truths she is learning. Discover if she is open to praying aloud or what would help her become more comfortable speaking with the small group during any discussions. Keep encouraging her to express herself in a variety of ways-art, song, drama, writing or other areas where she shows interest.

Negative Nellie-You know her. There is almost always one in every group. Without realizing it she always says something that brings down the mood. Maybe she is sad or depressed, but always the "glass is only half-full." Many of her opinions or viewpoints may speak to the reality of the situation, but help her to see the hope. When she answers in a discussion with a negative answer, call for another girl to give another perspective. Help this girl to see the hope that comes from living and walking with Christ. And help her to avoid seeing every circumstance or situation focused on the worse case scenario. Also, find ways to use her realist side of life with planning an event or activity with the girls.

Rabbit Chaser-This is what I find in most of my small groups. Lots of girls who love to jump from conversation to conversation and often seem to get off track. I think this is a normal trait for many grown women. We jump from one subject to another and then come back around to what we were talking about in the beginning. There is nothing wrong about going with the natural flow of conversation. And there is nothing wrong with talking about unrelated topics to what you are studying in the session. However, if chasing these rabbits hinders you from having a productive time together, then something needs to change. Look for times when it is appropriate to "chase the rabbits." Build in talk time before and after your small group time for the socializing and the random topics. Use the girls social skills and love for chatting to get to know one another and laugh. And remember that some of those random conversations that appear to be off the subject, sometimes really do connect with the study that is taking place. You may just need to help them get to the point sooner.

God places each of these types of girls in your care for this season of life. They each provide variety and diversity to the group that is meant to guide them to become the women of God that He created them to be.

Who are some of your girls and how do you balance the different personalities in small groups?