What can I say? It was a rough weekend. Do you have many weekends like that? By Thursday you think "I've got more going on in my life, and there is more ministry that needs to be happening than one person can handle." And then it just keeps coming....and we are still in the middle of more messes and ministry than it appears there is time for this week.

It started Thursday when we heard about one of the students at my daughter's high school who had committed suicide. The students were asking "why?" and the parents were asking "what was he thinking?" There was a similar tragedy almost one year ago in a neighboring town. My thoughts went immediately to that family and community. How those same questions had gone unanswered for a year....and probably would never be answered.

As the weekend continued we heard about students grieving and those making poor choices in the midst of their grief. The question once again came up, "what were they thinking?" Why do students act irrationally? Why do they take risks? Why do they not see the consequences until it is too late?

I don't know what the young guy was thinking that ended his life. I don't know what his parents and family are thinking these days as they sift through his things. I can only imagine the sadness they feel and the questions they are asking.

I don't know what the other students who made mistakes and bad choices over the weekend are thinking. I don't know what the parents or others are thinking as they decide how to handle their transgressions.

I really don't know what any of them are thinking. And half the time, I'm not sure what I think either. My mind continues to swirl with questions.

For the boy who took his life...what can friends and families do so that no other students think about suicide as an option? Were there any warning signs? And if there were, how did we miss them?

For the kids who made poor choices, that now will be on their permanent records, how could we have loved you more or influenced your choices?

As I've looked into the eyes of students this weekend and the start of this new week, I've continued to ask, "What are they thinking?"

However, I also recognize that there is one who is the father of lies. He is deceptive and intrudes into the lives of people all around us. One of his favorite deceptions is to undermine the confidence and trust we have in God and His unconditional love.

Although I don't know what those around me are thinking, I do know that there is a heavenly Father who doesn't want His children to limp through life. He wants all people to know of His love, forgiveness, and the redemption that is offered when we receive Him and all the fullness that comes with knowing Him.

I told my daughter yesterday morning that I didn't know what the day would hold, but I would be praying for her. I didn't know what she was thinking as she headed off to another day that could get messy. But as she left I began to pray Ephesians 3:16-19...

I pray that He may grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, and that the Messiah may dwell in your hearts through faith. I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God's love, and to know the Messiah's love that surpasses knowledge, so you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

I'm not sure what you may be going through today in your life or ministry. I don't know all the situations you are facing as you minister to girls. But I'm pretty sure you find yourself in circumstances when you ask, "what are they thinking?" as you reach out to those around you.

So, I pray Ephesians 3:16-19 over you. That you will be strengthened with God's power. That Jesus will be dwelling fully in your heart today. And that more than anything, you will be an example and reflection of His unconditional love to those around you.

Last week, I posted a blog about the power of a dad's presence in his daughter's life, a power that can launch a girl into adulthood with confidence or leave a girl wounded and searching for wholeness and a sense of identity.

So what can a dad do to help his daughter, especially in the rocky adolescent years? Listed below are four things he can do. The principles are not new or cutting-edge. There's nothing really new under the sun, especially when it comes to parenting.  Rather, the tips below are just a reminder of truth that you probably already know but needed a reminder about.

1. Honor her. Girls are bombarded with messages every day that tell her that she's not pretty or smart or popular or valued. They're treated as a disposable—to be used and then tossed at the earliest convenience. Against this cultural backdrop, girls need to hear and see that they have infinite worth and value apart from any behavior. Tell her that you love her, no matter what. Ask her opinion about something and listen to her answer. Open the doors for her when you are together. Treat her respectfully. Demand that the guys she dates treat her with respect and honor.

2. Hug her. This may be a difficult principle for a dad to embrace (no pun intended), especially if his daughter is going through the worst of puberty's physical changes. Some fathers feel very, very uncomfortable with displaying physical affection because of those changes. However, a daughter still needs the affirming touch of her dad. A side hug, a quick squeeze of the hand, a gentle hand on the shoulder or a simple peck on the forehead can communicate that you still think she's great.

3. Hear her. At our You and Your Girl events, we poll girls about what's going on in their lives. One of the questions we ask is, "What's one thing you wish you could tell your parents?" One of the top answers is, "Shut up." One respondent wrote, "I would tell my parents more things if they would just quit talking and listen." She summed up what a lot of girls are feeling.

Turn off the cell phone, the TV, and the computer, and make a conscious effort to be with her in the moment, listening to her free of distractions. You'll be amazed at what happens once she knows you are really hearing her. I know you sense the pressure to tell her everything she needs to know before she graduates high school, but sometimes she needs your silence, too.

4. Hang out with her. Girls need to know that you will be a consistent and cohesive part of her life and your family. Make regular dates with your daughter. They don't have to be expensive. They just need to be an ongoing priority for you. Go get a cup of coffee. Wash her car together. Play a card game together (with the TV off and the cell phones put away!).

It’s been a little while since we’ve done a culture update, but here’s what’s going on in pop culture right now:

Top Movies:

1. The Town, $23.8 mil
2. Easy A, $18.2 mil
3. Devil, $12.6 mil
4. Resident Evil: Afterlife, $10.1 mil
5. Alpha and Omega, $9.2 mil
6. Takers, $3 mil
7. The American, $2.8 mil
8. Inception, $2 mil
9. The Other Guys, $2 mil
10. Eat Pray Love, $1.7 mil

Top songs on the radio
It’s as if Satan gained a little better foothold this week. A few of the songs on this week’s top ten are so blatantly sinful that I can’t believe they’re getting airplay. (Yes, I feel a bit prudish saying that, but seriously, these songs made me blush.)

1. Katy Perry - Teenage Dream (Exhibit A. I’m not sure Satan’s had his lies sung this forthrightly in awhile.)
2. Enrique Iglesias - I Like It (Exhibit B. Promotes infidelity and promiscuity.)
3. Taio Cruz - Dynamite
4. Eminem - Love The Way You Lie
5. Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are
6. Usher - DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love
7. Ke$ha - Take It Off (Exhibit C. This song may give Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” a run for its money in terms of outright sinfulness.)
8. Maroon 5 - Misery
9. Mike Posner - Cooler Than Me
10. Flo Rida - Club Can't Handle Me

See You at the Pole

Did your girls participate in See You at the Pole yesterday? For the senior girls in my discipleship group, yesterday was very encouraging for them. Many had thought they were one of a few Christians in their schools, but they were encouraged by the numbers of students who showed up early yesterday morning. Take our poll below and let us know how SYATP went in your town!
 

Hope you are having a great week so far. I hope it actually feels like autumn where you are right now. (Because it sure doesn’t here in Nashville!)

Next Tuesday, September 28th, LifeWay Girls' Ministry will be hosting an online round table discussion. We'll be talking with some local girls' ministry leaders, including Rachel Lovingood, Amy Jo Girardier, and Leslie Hudson. You'll have the opportunity to chime in via online message board and ask your questions and join the discussion, but we thought it would be good to get some questions ahead of time.

What questions would you ask these ladies who live in the trenches of girl world? What issues are you facing in your own ministry? What problems do you need to address? Take a couple of seconds to complete our survey to help us craft the round table to meet your needs. Thanks. Can't wait to "see" you next week! 

Recently a friend forwarded an article link to me. Like many emails with forwards, I pretty much ignored the link until I could get to it. When I finally made the time in my schedule to read the article…well, I was disturbed…and now I can’t stop thinking about it. 

The article referred to statistics based on a National Study of Youth and Religion, the largest study of faith and young people in United States history. Maybe that is why the results disturbed me so much.

Kenda Creasy Dean is the author of Almost Christian a book based on this study. She describes students as “almost Christian” which means they believe in God, but they don’t believe in Christian doctrines. They are drawn to the “cult of niceness.” It is the whole God loves you and wants you to be happy mindset. Being nice is a great thing to be, but it doesn’t have much to do with Jesus according to this study. 

Even Dean admits, “The problem is that it’s an incredibly selfish way to look at faith.”

Researchers have labeled this form of almost Christian “Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.” Whatever you want to call it, it basically means that faith is there to help you feel good. Otherwise God stays out of the way.

As I’ve continued to ponder this article and the research behind it, I find myself asking some tough questions.

How do I explain to my girls that their faith matters?

How do I live in such a way that they see by example that faith matters?

How much of my faith is based on the true biblical Jesus?

Do I live and act like Jesus? Do I live out what I believe?

Is my faith really that radical or do I look like all the other “almost Christians?”

And if those questions aren’t enough to fill up every waking moment, I start thinking about the impact of generations of “almost Christians” on the church and on the world.

I don’t know about you, but I know there are some things I need to do that are counter to this “almost Christian” church culture. I need to talk more about specific Christian beliefs with my girls. I need to compare and contrast what is being taught (even in Christian settings) with the truth of the Bible. There is a wide pool of Christians that surround my girls in our church and community, but sometimes I really wonder how deep that pool really goes. 

Psalm 145:4 says, “One generation will declare Your works to the next and will proclaim Your mighty acts.”

What are you doing in your girls' ministry to help girls grow into a deep faith in Christ? How are you helping them avoid the a shallow faith that, in the end, does not have much substance?

We have a ritual at our house sustained by two of its members: our daugher and our dog. Every morning, as my husband leaves for work, he hugs my daughter good-bye and pats our puppy on the head. And this is the what he sees when he leaves every morning:

That's my daughter and our dog Benji waving and watching as my husband pulls out of the driveway. And this ritual is repeated every day.

Kaitlyn may or may not color in the morning. She might watch a little Curious George. She will probably struggle to finish her milk. But she always, always watches and waves as daddy leaves.

Why? Because that's the power of a dad's presence in a daughter's life.

The older my daughter gets, the more convinced I am of this simple truth: a father plays a significant, life-altering role in his daughter's life. His presence (or lack thereof) leaves an indellible legacy. He shapes a girl's understanding of herself, the world around her, and even the character of God.

In their book, Raising Girls, authors Sissy Goff and Melissa Trevathan make this point concerning parents, and I believe it holds special truth for fathers:

"As your daughter learns that you are there and that you are trustworthy, she learns to believe the same is true about others, and then about God. Trust ripples outward. As children discover who they are in relationship to their parents, to the adults in their lives, they begin to discover who they are in relationship to God." (p. 38)

Later in the book, they talk about the importance of a dad's role in the adolescent years. They write that:

"During puberty...dads' roles become even more important in helping draw out a girls' femininity. She doesn't want to hold his hand any more, but she still needs him. She needs him to help her feel valued as a woman, to show her what it looks like to respect a woman, and to continue to connect to her." (p. 137)

In girls' ministry, a lot of emphasis is placed on the changing relationship between a mom and a daughter, and a lot of events are centered around that critical relationship. However, it is critical for us a girls' leaders and parents to remember the incredible influence that a dad holds in his daughter's life.

In my next blog post, I'll give you three simple things dads can do to build his relationship with his daughter. Until then, send this blog on to the dads you know as a word of encouragement and a reminder of their responsibility.

Until May I’d never been to Syracuse, New York. I guess, like most people, when I think of New York I think of New York City. I think of tall buildings, lots of people, traffic and honking cabs. Syracuse was the opposite of all the stereotypes I associate with New York. 

Along with moms and girls from twelve states and Canada, around 600 of us joined together last Saturday for the You & Your Girl event with Vicki Courtney hosted by LifeWay and North Syracuse Baptist Church. It was an unusual day to be in New York, September 11^th, nine-years after the 9/11 tragedies. (And a really eerie day to be flying.)But Saturday was anything but tragic! 

It was an incredible weekend, full of memories for moms and girls at You & Your Girl. I love hearing the stories of moms and daughters, not only spending the day together on Saturday for the event, but also spending the entire weekend together. Some had gone shopping at the mall, others watched a movie, another pair spent time in a local park, and several stopped at the “Big Dip” a local soft-serve ice cream place.

However, some of the best testimonies of the weekend come from the girls who did not come with their mothers, but friends. Maybe the girls are growing up in a home of unbelievers, or other plans had already been made for the weekend with a different sibling and for whatever reason the mom could not come. But these girls sometimes glean just as much, if not more, from the weekend when they come with another woman who serves as their “mom for the day.”

It is also so exciting to watch moms and girls catch the vision for girls’ ministry for their churches and communities. I love hearing a high school junior or senior say she is going to return home and start a Bible study with some of the younger girls in her youth group. It is thrilling to watch a mom’s eyes when she realizes that she is ministering to girls every time she sits at the kitchen table with her daughter and her friends. She is taking the time to listen to them, to be in their world, and on the good and bad days, to be available as a voice to speak truth into their lives.

And it is a tender moment when a young girl, who is not from a Christian home, realizes there are actually several women in her life who are willing and wanting to spend time with her. They are not going to take the place of her mom, but they will be those spiritual moms and mentors that she desires to fill a missing piece in her life.

Thank you Syracuse, New York moms and girls at You & Your Girl for reminding me that the Titus 2 model for mentoring young women and girls is still the heart of girls’ ministry.

Today's blog comes from Amy Pierson, one of the co-authors of the new Bible study/mentoring resource, Table for Two: Doing Life and Savoring Scripture Together. In this blog, she shares how to make the book come alive in your church.

Ok, you bought the book Table for Two and you have a group... Now what? Here are some simple tips to help make sure your mentoring/small group is a fruitful one.

1. Pray and give the group to the Lord. Fully trust His leading asking Him to be the primary leader and teacher.

2. Ask God for wisdom for specifics for everything from location to transparency from week one (not by week five.)

3. Meet as a group to see who is interested in a mentoring program. Tell them to read the first chapters before the study begins.

4. Give a start date (ie-Mondays from 5-6 pm) and then begin 3-4 weeks later. This gives everyone plenty of time to clear out their schedules, so they can come consistently. Also, it gives everyone a few weeks to read the chapters that explain mentoring.

So, with clearer calendars and a foundation for understanding mentoring and Bible study, you can all dive into the Bible study. For the ones who don’t have the first part read by the first meeting weeks later, let’s be honest…will they do weekly reading and studying? Smile and invite them back the next semester. (Be looking for my next blog, “How to lovingly kick someone out without getting fired”).

5. (For the brave) Add memorizing a verse for each week. Begin the mentoring time by having everyone quote the same verse and tell one word that stood out to them or something God showed them. It’s my fave! God shows us all something different from the same 10 words! And, the Holy Spirit is heard clearer in your time in the Word when you’ve been thinking about a verse relating to the topic and meditating on it all day. This will feel awkward, because no one has tried this since third grade in GA's, but I promise if you will be disciplined to lead your group in this, you will love it!

Overall, pray for God to move. Pray for people to want to pass down faith. Pray for Jesus to touch hearts while you are all meeting together. If you are sincerely seeking Christ, and genuinely desire to love others, your group will be great! Focus on Christ, not fear of not starting a group right, and you will have a great mentoring program.

I know that Thursdays are normally culture update days, but there was nothing terribly exciting to report there (other than that I've decided Satan is using Katy Perry to spew his propaganda all over our students via the radio and iTunes. Have you listened to the words of "Teenage Dream"?! Sheesh.) But I do want to make sure you all are aware of the National Youth Worker's Conference happening next week here at LifeWay in Nashville. Hundreds of you who love and work with students will converge here Monday through Wednesday (September 13-15), and we are so excited to host this annual event! We've got some great stuff in store, and I hope you've made plans to attend (but am even more hopeful that you're making plans to be at the Girls' Ministry Forum here in Nashville, February 25-26, 2011). If you haven't yet but want to attend the National Youth Worker's Conference, you can still register until September 13. If you have, PLEASE introduce yourself to any of us on the girls' ministry blog team at the conference. I'd love to meet you in person, and I know Pam and Michelle would too.

Labor Day seemed like the perfect weekend to getaway with my girls and some of their friends. For the first time in four years, we didn't have a middle school or high school retreat planned with our church. So, it seemed like an ideal time for a "non-agenda weekend." And that is exactly what it was.

Of course, we were able to sleep late because we didn't have a schedule or anything planned in advance. However, in the middle of the "non-agenda" we found plenty to do and had plenty of time to spend doing it. We spent time sitting and talking and playing games. In pajamas after dark, we kicked back to look at the stars and talk some more. On a whim, we stopped to play miniature golf and ride go-carts at this little place that actually looked like it was closed. (But we had the time to stop and find out because we weren't scheduled to be anywhere at any time.)

Throughout the weekend conversations, we connected and laughed and challenged one another.

I found myself wondering what would happen if small group leaders or Sunday school teachers or moms would take four to six girls away for a weekend at least once or twice a year. And not just away for a girls' retreat or planned event, but a real getaway. I know there are some who already do this, but how would the church change if more girls' leaders took advantage of a "non-agenda weekend getaway" with some girls. How would the girls change? How would we as leaders change? How would relationships grow between these girls? How would their relationship with God be different?

It seems like life is always busy and I know I am lucky to find time to sit and talk with one of my girls at a ball game or over a diet coke. There is always more to do or some place to be that interrupts the opportunities to connect for any length of time. And when we do getaway we have such an intense plan or schedule of all the things we need to accomplish.

This weekend challenged me to think differently about the time I spend with my girls, the girls in my church, and really any girls I come into contact with. How can I find the down time to simply "hang out" with them more? How can I look for the opportunities to be in their world? And to be in their world not to lead the girls' ministry or Bible study or accountability group, but just being present in what is happening around them. Really living life with them....

Being in the right place, at the right time is sometimes difficult in girls' ministry for me because I have the tendency to plan out everything that will happen in my day. But as I sat and looked at the stars the other night with some girls, I was reminded that sometimes ministry just happens in the middle of the ordinary moments of life. When you are sitting and talking and looking at stars...and suddenly the conversation turns to God's greatness...because He created all those stars and we get to enjoy them.

One generation will declare Your works to the enxt and will proclaim Your mighty acts. I will speak of Your glorious splendor and Your wonderful works. They will proclaim the power of Your awe-inspiring works, and I will declare Your greatness.  - Psalm 145:4-6

This is the type of girls' ministry that I want to spend more time doing. It is not planned. It is not forced. It is not expected.

What about you? How is your life intersecting with the lives of girls in a real and natural way? What tips do you have for others in making their girls' ministry a natural overflow of their life and their time?

I put my phone down and began to reflect on why this has become such a habit to me lately. And the answer came: social media has been meeting my need for connections and relationships, probably to an unhealthy extreme. My work and home life have been pretty chaotic. Meetings and deadlines and soccer practice and homework (yes, you have homework in kindergarten) and open house have all taken away from time I would normally spend with my family and friends. And God.

And so, I've been trying to stay connected somehow. But this connection through everything electronic will never really quench my thirst. I was reminded of that this morning as I was reading about the woman at the well in John 4. I was reminded again that each of us has a thirst for something, a thirst that nothing in this world can quench. It's relationship with God. And nothing can replace that. The woman at the well had used relationships with men. I'd been using my social contacts through cyberspace. Others use alcohol. Or work. A sport. A hobby.  All cheap and unfulfilling stand-ins for what our souls all truly long for—communion with the Divine.

A quote by C.S. Lewis talked about this very truth when he wrote:

 "It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

I was playing in the mud pies of social media. What are you playing in?

Welcome to September! I love the start of a fresh month, especially when it comes after August, which is one of my least favorites (most likely due to August's lack of holidays). Here's your culture update for the week:

Top Movies
1. The Last Exorcism, $21.3 mil
2. Takers, $21 mil
3. The Expendables, $9.5 mil
4. Eat Pray Love, $7 mil (I've heard it's a beautiful film, but not a place to get your theology.)
5. The Other Guys, $6.6 mil
6. Vampires Suck, $5.3 mil
7. Inception, $5.1 mil
8. Nanny McPhee Returns, $4.7 mil
9. The Switch, $4.7 mil
10. Piranha 3D, $4.3 mil

Top Songs on the Radio
1. Taio Cruz - Dynamite
2. Eminem - Love the Way You Lie
3. Enrique Iglesias - I Like It
4. Mike Posner - Cooler Than Me
5. Katy Perry - Teenage Dream
6. Jason DeRulo - Ridin' Solo (Or “I’m Ridin’ Sawed Off,” as one of my friends misunderstood it to be)
7. Usher - DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love
8. Katy Perry - California Gurls
9. B.o.B. – Airplanes
10. Maroon 5 – Misery

Memorizing Scripture

I’m leading a fantastic group of senior girls this year. They were actually excited when I told them I wanted us to memorize Scripture together this year. (Our memory verse this week is Psalm 133:1: “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony!” We studied accountable friendships last night…) But I want to know if this is a discipline you’re trying to instill in the girls in your ministry. Answer our poll below to let me know!