Last week, I posted a blog about the power of a dad's presence in his daughter's life, a power that can launch a girl into adulthood with confidence or leave a girl wounded and searching for wholeness and a sense of identity.
So what can a dad do to help his daughter, especially in the rocky adolescent years? Listed below are four things he can do. The principles are not new or cutting-edge. There's nothing really new under the sun, especially when it comes to parenting. Rather, the tips below are just a reminder of truth that you probably already know but needed a reminder about.
1. Honor her. Girls are bombarded with messages every day that tell her that she's not pretty or smart or popular or valued. They're treated as a disposable—to be used and then tossed at the earliest convenience. Against this cultural backdrop, girls need to hear and see that they have infinite worth and value apart from any behavior. Tell her that you love her, no matter what. Ask her opinion about something and listen to her answer. Open the doors for her when you are together. Treat her respectfully. Demand that the guys she dates treat her with respect and honor.
2. Hug her. This may be a difficult principle for a dad to embrace (no pun intended), especially if his daughter is going through the worst of puberty's physical changes. Some fathers feel very, very uncomfortable with displaying physical affection because of those changes. However, a daughter still needs the affirming touch of her dad. A side hug, a quick squeeze of the hand, a gentle hand on the shoulder or a simple peck on the forehead can communicate that you still think she's great.
3. Hear her. At our You and Your Girl events, we poll girls about what's going on in their lives. One of the questions we ask is, "What's one thing you wish you could tell your parents?" One of the top answers is, "Shut up." One respondent wrote, "I would tell my parents more things if they would just quit talking and listen." She summed up what a lot of girls are feeling.
Turn off the cell phone, the TV, and the computer, and make a conscious effort to be with her in the moment, listening to her free of distractions. You'll be amazed at what happens once she knows you are really hearing her. I know you sense the pressure to tell her everything she needs to know before she graduates high school, but sometimes she needs your silence, too.
4. Hang out with her. Girls need to know that you will be a consistent and cohesive part of her life and your family. Make regular dates with your daughter. They don't have to be expensive. They just need to be an ongoing priority for you. Go get a cup of coffee. Wash her car together. Play a card game together (with the TV off and the cell phones put away!).
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