I’m back this week with more of what’s going on in youth culture right now. I was able to get in TWO movies this past weekend, so I’m pleased to shed some light on the following films:

Red  [PG-13]
In this action/comedy thrill ride, Bruce Willis is a retired CIA agent with a crush on the customer service rep he calls with questions about his pension. When someone tries to kill him, he goes on the offensive, bringing back the band of agents he once served alongside. John Malkovich’s character is loony and hilarious. There is some language and some intense fighting/chase/shooting scenes, but the sexual innuendos are surprisingly limited. It certainly lived up to my expectations (but I like movies of this sort), and both my boyfriend and I enjoyed it.

It’s Kind of a Funny Story [PG-13]
This movie is a must-see, if you’d like to get inside the head of a teenager for a little while. Now, I’m not saying that this movie portrays reality for most teenagers, but for those students who are tightly wound and who feel a lot of pressure to succeed (whether from themselves or from parents, teachers, peers), this movie doesn’t mince words. A 16-year-old boy decides he wants to kill himself because he’s stressed, can’t be with the girl he wants, and feels disconnected from his parents. (Interestingly, his mom means well and is supportive, but you can tell his dad’s distance and desire for his son to make something of himself are really felt by the protagonist.) When he decides he can’t actually bring himself to commit suicide, he goes to the ER, thinking they’ll have a quick-fix solution for him, like a pill of some sort. (An interesting point in and of itself; so many of us are always after the quick and easy solution!) After some convincing, the doctor is persuaded to admit him to the mental ward, and five days of soul-searching and lesson-learning ensues. There are many funny moments, as well as several touching ones. His love interest in the ward is clearly a cutter, but never actually discusses her problems. I’ve never been to a psychiatric ward, so I’m not sure how close to reality this movie portrays life in one, but it seemed realistic. (Well, except for the ease with which some characters are able to escape and wander the hospital.)
 

At any rate, this movie gives you the opportunity to see how students today absorb the worries of the world from the adults around them. The lead character is consumed with worry about the economy, the girl he can’t have, school, being accepted to the right summer programs, getting into the right college, getting a good job one day, etc. He had his eyes set on the White House, which I think is quite indicative of today’s students’ future plans: be famous/rich or be nothing. His stay in the hospital threatened to derail those plans until he released them himself after much turmoil. He seemed horrified that he’d been "committed" and embarrassed at the thought of anyone besides his immediate family knowing where he was. I also thought it was fascinating how the students at his school responded to the news that he was in the psychiatric ward: from making fun of him to admitting they struggled too with pressure and depression, then to expressing concern for him.

All in all, it’s a good movie. It’s more of a serious role for Zach Galifianakis, but his humor shines in a few moments. The language is offensive in a few places, and there is definitely some sex (mentioned and hinted at, but not actually shown). The family dynamics are fascinating, and I think there are many teachable moments to be found in this movie if you decide to watch it/discuss it with your older students (or your children, if you have them).

Top 10s:

Here’s the top 10 from the box office last weekend:
1.    Paranormal Activity 2 [R]
2.    Jacka$$ 3D [R]
3.    Red [PG-13]
4.    Hereafter [PG-13]
5.    The Social Network [PG-13]
6.    Secretariat [PG]
7.    Life as We Know It [PG-13]
8.    Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole [PG]
9.    The Town [R]
10.    Easy A [PG-13]

In music these days, Miss Taylor Swift is dominating the country charts (held every spot in the country top 10 and much of the pop charts, too!), and here’s what’s happening in terms of the top tunes on iTunes:

1.    We R Who We R (Ke$ha)
2.    Sparks Fly (Taylor Swift)
3.    Like a G6 (Far East Movement)
4.    Only Girl (in the World) (by Rihanna)
5.    Whip My Hair (Willow—this is Will Smith’s daughter)
6.    Just a Dream (Nelly)
7.    Innocent (Taylor Swift)
8.    Just the Way You Are (Bruno Mars)
9.    Bottoms Up (Trey Songz)
10.    The Story of Us (Taylor Swift)

I live and breathe and dream and work around the Girls' Ministry Forum. I think it's the best training and enrichment opportunity out there for girls' ministry leaders and girls who want to become leaders. I think that because I am constantly dealing with the details—breakout leaders, topics, keynote speakers, catering, scheduling, technology, programming, etc.

But I suffer from the "curse of knowledge". I assume that everyone else knows as much about that particular subject as I do and therefore forget to talk about its fundamental elements. This blog will give you five reasons to attend the forum, and in the process, tell you about the basics of the event.

1. Quality, credentialed, and experienced keynote speakers. I am thrilled that we will be able to hear from Sissy Goff,  M.Ed., LPC-MHSP, and Melissa Trevathan, M.R.E. Both of them spend their days listening to and counseling teenagers, specifically teen girls. They've written several books, including their most recent release, Modern Parents, Vintage Values.  They understand the world in which teens live and offer their experience and perspective to leaders who want to stay in touch with and reach the next generation.

Added to that platform is someone whom you might not know but whom you'll instantly love. Her name is Selma Wilson. She's the Vice President of B&H Publishing, a division of LifeWay, but that's not why you need to hear her. She helped birth women's ministry here at LifeWay and understands what it's like to be a pioneer, cutting a trail for others to follow. She "gets" girls' ministry and understands the needs of its leaders.

2. Timely, practical, challenging breakout topics. This is one place where a girls' ministry leader can get the scoop on things that she's facing in her ministry—girls and pornography, small budgets, being a youth minister's wife, personal spiritual growth, crisis issues like cutting and suicide. And girls can get much-needed help, too, with topics such as resolving conflict, stress, dealing with the inner diva, and developing healthy friendships.

3. Passionate, informed, experienced breakout leaders. This forum gives girls' ministry leaders and girls the opportunity to learn from breakout leaders like Amy Pierson, who lives and breathes girls' ministry at Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano, Texas. You'll also hear from Jimmie Davis, a pioneer girls' minister, author of two books, and mentor to the next generation of leaders. Add to that line-up ladies like Amy-Jo Girardier, Nancy Hamilton, and Leslie Hollowell, and you've heard from the best of the best in girls' ministry. These ladies don't just know about girls' ministry. They live it out every day.

4. A unique, enlightening, informative panel discussion. This year, we will be hearing about girls' ministry from a different perspective—guys. During lunchtime, you will have the opportunity to ask questions and get straight answers from guys who are involved in student ministry at their church. You'll hear about why they think girls' ministry is important, how a girls' ministry leader can best work with the opposite gender, and issues you'll likely face as you work side by side in ministry. You'll have the opportunity to get the inside scoop on guys and girls' ministry.

5. Christ-centered, soul-enriching worship. I've worked with our worship leaders, The Sonflowerz, for about two years as they have led worship at our You and Your Girl events. I've laughed with them. I've seen them patiently listen to third graders tell stories. I've heard their stories of mission trips. I've watched them honor Christ in their dating relationships and recently got to see photos of their double wedding (they're sisters). I can attest that their hearts are humble (which you don't always see in worship leaders, I'm sad to say). They love the Father. And they love to draw others to the Throne to experience Him. 

If I could, I would make the list even longer, and include things like prayer time, networking, spiritual refreshment, and renewed passion. On second thought, look for another blog post about the Forum with more details....

Sometimes a picture speaks so much louder than words. That is why I wanted you to see these photos taken Saturday at the You & Your Girl event at First Baptist Church Covington, Louisiana.

In a room full of girls, you're always going to have talkin' going on! Check out the girls in the left-hand corner.

Carrie Osborne is decked out in her LSU colors. The favorite team for most of Louisiana!

We had right at 1300 mom and girls for You & Your Girl Covington

LifeWay Girls' Ministry aims to help equip churches to minister to girls. And part of that involves letting you know about conferences that might be in your area. The "W" Conference (W) is one such event you need to know about.

The conference, held at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary on November 19-20, is designed to enrich the lives of young women by teaching them how to apply the truths of Scripture to their everyday lives. This year’s theme is “Simplifying Womanhood in a Complicated World.” It aims to reach high school and college students as well as young adult women, a group of people who are living in this complicated culture.

The general session speaker is Mary Kassian,  a dynamic speaker and author, Her latest book is Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild.  She will challenge your thinking about the world in which we live and how we as women can seek godliness in its midst. Some of our own LifeWay family—Jennifer Lyell and Regina Gibson—will be leading breakouts on topics such as on purity, relationships, dating, marriage, balance, wise spending, spiritual walk, making a difference, and more.

For more information, check out their Web site. And check out the event. I am sure you won't be disappointed.

I love this time of year so much that I really would press pause on it if I could. The leaves, the fun jackets and boots, the soup and other warm yummy foods, the break my air conditioner gets before I turn on the heat next month . . . October is a beautiful month! But I know you want to know what your girls are up to this month, so here’s a snapshot:


Top Movies this past weekend
1.    Jacka$$ 3D [R]
2.    Red [PG-13] (I hope to have a report on this one for you next week.)
3.    The Social Network [PG-13]
4.    Secretariat [PG] (Good, wholesome family movie, according to my coworker with a tween and a teen. Her tween liked it a lot.)
5.    Life as We Know It [PG-13] (I also hope to have a report on this one for you soon.)
6.    Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole [PG] (While I do have an affinity for owls thanks to my college sorority, I do not have an affinity for animated movies about them and probably won’t be seeing this one. However, I did hear from one of our readers that she and her tween daughter enjoyed it. She said it was a good story with good themes and recommended it to parents and kids ages 8+.)
7.    The Town [R]
8.    My Soul to Take [R]
9.    Easy A [PG-13]
10.  Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps [PG-13]


Top Songs this Week
   1. Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are (love this song!)
   2. Katy Perry - Teenage Dream (can't stand this song due to its content!)
   3. Usher - DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love
   4. Nelly - Just A Dream
   5. Taio Cruz - Dynamite
   6. Far East Movement - Like a G6 (This song has an infectious sound. Even if you’ve never heard it, I can almost guarantee your girls are singing it. And quoting it on Facebook to each other. [Or maybe those are just some of the girls I know . . .]  P.S. A "G6" is a really nice private jet.)
   7. Rihanna - Only Girl (In The World)
   8. Flo Rida - Club Can't Handle Me
   9. Enrique Iglesias - I Like It
  10. Ke$ha - Take It Off

I need your help!
So we listened to the survey you guys took awhile back, and LifeWay is releasing a new girls’ Bible study next spring on the Proverbs 31 woman. We’re super excited about the format (more journal-like, which we think girls will really love) and the content. It’s going to include in-depth Bible study and will empower your girls to lead their own small groups and/or make this into a mother-daughter study with their own mom.

Right now, I’m working on the teaching plans and would love your input. Let me know about any mother-daughter activities that you’ve seen work well. I'm looking for activities for a mother-daughter pair to do to foster discussion as they do the Bible study together. Prayer activities, physical activities, craft ideas . . . whatever you’ve got, I’d love to hear it! Just leave a comment or e-mail me at emily[dot]cole[at]lifeway[dot]com. Thanks!

Do you remember in third or fourth grade when you learned about cause and effect? "If" this happens, "then" this happens. In third or fourth grade when the brain comprehends everything in concrete terms cause and effect seems pretty simple. "If" this, "then" this--black and white, clear, concise and easy to understand.

However, as we get older and start thinking more abstractly, cause and effect may not seem so simple.

Girls often become confused or distracted as they are processing information as they enter the teen years. What was a simple cause/effect relationship when they were ten years old, suddenly becomes an issue they wrestle with as they make the same decision at fourteen.

Can they really not see the difference between right and wrong? Do they miss the connection that with these actions come these consequences?

Why does this happen? What is going on in their brains? What is going on in their hearts?

There have been numerous studies through the years tracking and evaluating the development of the adolescent brain...or often what appears to be a lack of development. Seriously, how does a teenage girl make great grades, serve in leadership in her school and church, and then text while driving and rear-end another car? How can so many teen girls be so accomplished and smart and responsible...and then reckless at the same time?

Most research confirms that the brain continues to change and grow and that it is only about 80 percent developed in the teen years. The last section to connect is the frontal lobe, responsible for cognitive processes such as reasoning, planning, and judgment. (Check out this article from Harvard Magazine to read more.)

In adults different parts of the brain work together to evaluate choices, make decisions, and act appropriately in each situation. The teenage brain doesn't work like this...as if we didn't know! It appears that with teenagers the process of maturing the brain starts in the back and moves forward. The frontal cortex, the vital center of control, is the last area for everything to be connected and trimmed and fine tuned. Scientists believe these connections are finally completed around the ages of 25 and 30. Explains a lot, doesn't it.

Although teen girls may have very sharp and intelligent brains, they may appear to be clueless at times. They are not sure what to do with the brains they have.

The biggest area where I've seen "cause and effect" challenges in girls is when it relates to the heart. We usually blame hormones for the emotional roller coaster many girls ride. However, it really may be a lapse in the brain. That prefrontal cortex fails to curb impulsive thoughts and behaviors. The brain doesn't register the risks or the consequences. Both the heart and mind want instant gratification and miss the logical cause and effect relationship. As a result a poor decision is made or they rebel thinking a decision seems unfair.

Proverbs 4:23 says, "Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life." Sometimes with a girl, the heart may be telling her one thing and so she acts on those feelings and emotions. And even in her brain it may seem like the right decision. Later after difficulties or undesirable consequences she recognizes the truth of the situation. Later she realizes the cause and effect.

As I've learned more about the adolescent brain, it has reminded me that I need to speak up with the girls I minister to and love. When their brain is failing to recognize the right and wrong of a situation, I need to voice the truth and help them see the connection of cause and effect. Their heart may not connect with my mind, but hopefully, they do know that I love and care about them. As we continue to build trust with one another and spend time together, they will learn more about making thoughtful and mature decisions.

The cry of their hearts?
Maybe you’ve heard Rihanna’s newest single, “Only Girl.” It’s interesting to me that despite the dance club sound, the lyrics may actually convey what’s going on in the minds of many girls who’ve given themselves away sexually. I hurt for them. (And for the guys who've compromised sexually, too!) I wonder how deeply and in how many girls’ hearts these words resound…

Here are the lyrics to the chorus (I’m not brave enough to put up the full lyrics—even lines 5-7 below make me a little uncomfortable!):
 

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I'm the only one that's in command
Cuz I'm the only one who understands how to make you feel like a man, yeah
Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only one...


She goes on to discuss how she wants to be held and “loved.” She doesn’t mince words, either. I’m definitely not advocating that you go out and listen to this song. But I do know that your girls have probably heard it. And this song may open up some opportunities to point out why having sex before you get married is a bad idea . . . because it’ll start a vicious cycle of doubt and mistrust. (Among other things.) What do you think? Leave a comment and let me know. I’d love to hear your feedback!
 

"I am in them and You are in Me. May they be made completely one, so that the world may know You have sent Me and have loved them as You have loved Me." (ital. mine) —John 17:23 (HCSB)

Read it again. Slowly. Slower still.

Read it again in another version:

"I in them and you in me. Then they'll be mature in this oneness, and give the godless world evidence that you've sent me and loved them in the same way you've loved me." (ital mine)—John 17:23 (The Message)

God has loved us as He has loved Jesus. Let those words soak in. Let them marinade in your heart. Allow them to wash over every crevice of your soul. The God of the Universe, who scattered the stars across the Milky Way, who pitched His tent among us and moved into our neighborhood (John 1:14), the One who enjoys perfection harmony and union with His Son, loves us—the abortionist and activist, the abuser and the abused, the abandoned and the admired—with the same fierce, fiery, faithful love that He has shown to Jesus. Selah. 

Not convinced? Me neither. Skeptical? Me too. So I did a little digging. I wanted to know what the word "as" meant. Did it mean "like" as in "As a deer longs for streams of water, so I long for You, God."? Was it just a correlative word, nothing more?

It can. Sometimes. But it can mean more. It can mean, "in proportion as, in the degree that."

Yes, you read those words correctly. To the degree that God loves Jesus, He loves us.

Manning writes:

 "...the degree of Abba's love for me is in direct proportion to His love for Jesus. For example, I can love the mailman with twenty percent and my best friend with ninety percent. But with God, there is no division, no more and no less. God loves me as much as He  loves Jesus." (p. 62)

 If I could do a backflip here in my office, I would.

I've spent the last 24 hours pondering this verse. Chewing on it. Dissecting it and putting it back together. Reading it in context. Reading every commentary I could get my hands on. Most of them completely gloss over the second half of the verse, focusing instead on the unity described in the first portion. One commentary gave about four sentences to this theological dynamite. (Seriously, that's all it's worth??)

Now I alternate between anger and joy. I keep asking myself, Why doesn't anyone proclaim this truth? Why doesn't anybody talk about this? Why have I never heard this bit of news before? And I find myself wandering off in quiet worship, amazed that the God who is by very definition love would choose to love me. Not with 5% or 10% of HIs being, but with 100% of His being.

If I could do a backflip here in my office, I would.

Instead, I'll use the weakest of words to communicate a truth that could transform the most callous of hearts. The love of God is folly. Thankfully, I am the recipient of such foolishness. 

A new book came out this month by authors Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff. The title is Modern Parents, Vintage Values and I can't put the book down. There may be several reasons for this...but I think the main reason is I'm a mom of three kids. I've got one in high school, one in middle school, and one in elementary school so we are covering the spectrum of development and drama.

I'd say it has been a rough couple of weeks, but the truth is, it has been a rough couple of years! The transition from elementary school to middle school and then high school bring major changes in the lives of students and the adults who love them and speak truth into their lives. In addition to my girls I also have daily contact with friends and foes and their parents...enough said about that!

 

Some of the biggest areas of "character development" we've been working on in our home is responsibility and honesty. In their book, Melissa and Sissy gave a few tips to instill responsibility that really jumped off the page to me.

You teach by your actions and their consequences.

Talk through the reasons for certain responsibilites and consequences for not following through.

Hold your teenagers to standards.

I guess these statements really caught my attention because they also apply to honesty. I want my girls and the students I have contact and influence with to develop honesty as a strong character trait. I want them to grow into adults who are trustworthy and are known for having integrity.

One of the most difficult things for some students and adults is admiting mistakes. However, those who value honesty grow into healthier, stronger adults. They not only humble themselves and admit their mistakes, they also admit their mistakes and faults regardless of the consequences. They acknowledge their mistakes and violations of rules or expectations. As a result they develop a character that is truthful.

The girl who is truthful...

• doesn't lie
• doesn't take credit for the accomplishments of others
• doesn't exaggerate statements or stories
• doesn't mislead or create mistaken impressions
• doesn't deceive

As I continued to read Modern Parents, Vintage Values, I learned that the Hebrew word tome is the word used for integrity. It means "honesty, genuineness, completeness, soundness."  The word integrity describes a life that comes together. (p. 189) That is exactly what I want for myself and others...a life and character that comes together. For us to be people who become all that God intends for us to be...to reflect Him.

As parents and girls' ministers how do we help girls (and guys) get it? How do we help them develop character that displays and demonstrates honesty, responsibility, integrity, or any other important value?

It is going to take some work on our part because it is going to require that we have those same character traits in our own lives. We are going to need to model it and lead by example. In addition to teaching it and giving moral instruction, we have to live it. We need to notice it in others and point it out to them. We need to encourage the positive character traits and affirm that they are headed in the right direction, a direction that pleases God and obeys Him.

As girls' ministers, parents, and believers we need to set the bar high for ourselves and our girls. We need to expect and anticipate godly character and behavior. The truth is unbelievers expect it from us. Whether we realize it or not, they are watching us. Our lives reflect the God we love, serve and obey. When others trust us, it brings with it all manner of opportunities and advantages to share the gospel and lead others to Christ.

Now back to the book. Whether you are a parent or not, Modern Parents, Vintage Values is worth the read. It is also worth recommending to those parents of girls in your girls' ministry. Even the parent who is not a believer will relate to the writing style and the truths represented. One other resource that is worth checking out related to this book-go to www.modernparentsvintagevalues.com for updates and downloads about issues facing modern parents.

At the end of Modern Parents, Vintage Values, Romans 5:2-5 leads the last chapter.

Also through Him, we have obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope does not disappoint, because God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

God pours His perfect love into our imperfect hearts. That will give any parent, any girls' minister, and any person hope!

It’s finally starting to feel like fall here, so I hope the bright orange pumpkins and pumpkin spice lattes are brightening your days as much as they are mine! Here’s what’s going on in culture as of late:

Top Movies last weekend:

1.    The Social Network (Yep. They made a movie about Facebook. Rated PG-13.)
2.    The Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole (rated PG)
3.    Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (rated PG-13)
4.    The Town (rated R)
5.    Easy A (rated PG-13)
6.    You Again (rated PG)
7.    Case 39 (rated R)
8.    Let Me In (rated R)
9.    Devil (rated PG-13)
10.    Alpha and Omega (rated PG)

Top Songs on the Billboard Pop Chart:

1.    Teenage Dream by Katy Perry
2.    Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars (I love this song! So sweet.)
3.    Dynamite by Taio Cruz
4.    DJ Got us Fallin’ in Love by Usher featuring Pitbull
5.    I Like It by Enrique Iglesias featuring Pitbull
6.    Take It Off by Ke$ha
7.    Love the Way you Lie by Eminem featuring Rihanna
8.    Just a Dream by Nelly
9.    Club Can’t Handle Me by Flo Rida featuring David Guetta
10.    Only Girl (In the World) by Rihanna


I need your input!

I’m currently leading my small group through a book, not a fill-in-the-blank or Scripture-based Bible study, during our discipleship times. It’s on the list of approved/required curriculum for my church, and while the content is great, I’m not sure that the girls are that into it. (And I feel kind of like a mean college professor asking them to read at least 50 pages for each Wednesday night.) I'm going to stick this one out because the subject matter is so important (faith), but it got my mind to thinking. So I want to know what type of study you’ve found to work best for your girls. Take the poll below and let me know!

I read a statement last week that continues to echo in the chambers of my heart, a statement that could change my life...and yours. A statement that seems so out of touch with current Christian culture that you will probably read it with skepticism. Ready? Here it is:

God loves loving you.

Go back and read it again. I'm pretty sure it didn't make the journey from your brain to your heart in the milliseconds it took you to read it. Stop. Now. Read it again. Slowly.

God loves loving you.

Now stop reading this blog right now and let those words marinate on your heart for just 30 seconds--the length of one commercial. Go ahead. Do it. I'll wait for you to come back.

So was I right? Did you meet this statement with skepticism? Did you say something like, "of course God loves me. He loves everyone." Or, "God is love, so He must love me." (Notice the obligation in that statement.) Maybe you even thought to yourself, "How could God love loving me? I'm nothing to love in the first place."

How do I know you were skeptical? How do I know you've been doing mental gymnastics in your brain trying to justify why that statement could NOT be true about you? Because I'm a fellow gymnast in that land of intellectualism.

You and I are missing the point. The statement didn't say God loves you. It says God loves loving you. In our culture in which everything is explained away by a rational understanding, this statement flies in the face of everything that makes sense. God shouldn't love us, but He does. And loving us shouldn't be a joy, but it is. God shouldn't seek us out to demonstrate His love daily, but He does. It's just that most of the time, I miss it. I'm too busy in my rational, explainable, all my ducks-are-in-a-row world. And so when a stranger smiles at me, I'm wondering what she sees on my face to make her smile (do I have a booger? do I have spinach in my teeth? is my slip stuck up in my skirt?) rather than thinking that simple smile was a word from Heaven to remind me of Love incarnate. When my daughter laughs, I forget that God enjoys hearing me laugh. It couldn't be from God because God really doesn't have the time or energy or desire to speak to me on such a personal, private, meaningful level.

And if you're honest, you'd admit you have felt the same way. Sure, you'd admit that God loves you...that's a propositional truth that's easy to believe intellectually. But you are slow to even voice outloud the idea that God loves YOU. Personally. Passionately. In pursuit. Actively. All the time. It's even more difficult to stake your heart on it. Too much is riding on the line. If it's not true, then your heart would break beyond repair.

What would happen in your life if you believed, to the very marrow of your soul, that God loves loving you? That He intentionally looks for ways to demonstrate that love? What would happen in your girls' ministry if the girls began to grasp that truth? Began to actually BELIEVE that truth?

Let it settle into your soul for a while.  And maybe you'll find out.

After the death of the young man at my daughter’s high school a little over a week ago, I began reading a book Suicide-When Love is Not Enough by Mary Krulikowski. She wrote the book after the painful struggle of dealing with her husband’s clinical depression and the family’s fight to save his life. Unfortunately their love and desire to keep him alive was not enough.

As I read this book I was reminded of so many suicidal warning signs that you think you would notice in a person, but often may just think they are having an “off” day. These are in no particular order, but worth calling to our attention as we minister to girls.

• Fails to communicate with you and/or zones out whenever you are talking to them
• Expresses little or no emotion
• Forgets to eat
• Significant change in appetite or weight
• Agitated or nervous
• Is unable to function at school, work, or home
• Exhibits prolonged sadness that is not linked to any specific event
• Sadness cannot be explained and does not subside
• Can’t perform routine tasks
• Stops bathing or performing other hygiene tasks
• Cries for no apparent reason and can’t stop
• Exhibits emotions that are greatly exaggerated
• Has trouble making decisions, even simple, obvious ones
• Finds it difficult to concentrate
• Feels hopeless, helpless, worthless or trapped
• Expresses rage and/or uncontrolled anger
• Talks of not having any purpose in life or a reason for living
• Acts reckless or engages in risky activities
• Has a negative attitude and can’t see anything good happening in life
• Fixates on the past and feels guilty about mistakes
• Begs you not to leave him/her alone
• Starts giving things away
• Preoccupied with death
• Moves slower than usual
• Has very little or no energy
• Paces or has trouble being still
• Hurts him/herself by “cutting” or biting
• Sits for hours without wanting to do anything 

Sometimes, those who work and minister to girls are the few people in their lives that see the “real” girl. We are the people who are safe. We can be the people where they may drop their guard and be honest and transparent with their feelings and emotions.

One of the best things we can do as we minister and do life with girls is to be aware. Do not let your guard down as you watch the changing emotions and life situations of your girls. Pray for wisdom and discernment to recognize the pain and struggles your girls are dealing with on a daily basis. If you have not already, begin building relationships with professional Biblical counselors in your area who you can call on for help or use for referrals.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It crosses all social, economic, age, religious and ethnic boundaries. Realize that listening to your girls and giving them the time and attention to say what their heart is feeling is a priceless gift. Listen to their grief, their frustrations, their pain, their hopes, their dreams, their joys and sorrows. Remind them that the difficult days in this life are temporary. Remind them that God is still working on their behalf, for their good and His glory. 

For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. -2 Corinthians 4:17