After the death of the young man at my daughter’s high school a little over a week ago, I began reading a book Suicide-When Love is Not Enough by Mary Krulikowski. She wrote the book after the painful struggle of dealing with her husband’s clinical depression and the family’s fight to save his life. Unfortunately their love and desire to keep him alive was not enough.
As I read this book I was reminded of so many suicidal warning signs that you think you would notice in a person, but often may just think they are having an “off” day. These are in no particular order, but worth calling to our attention as we minister to girls.
- Fails to communicate with you and/or zones out whenever you are talking to them
- Expresses little or no emotion
- Forgets to eat
- Significant change in appetite or weight
- Agitated or nervous
- Is unable to function at school, work, or home
- Exhibits prolonged sadness that is not linked to any specific event
- Sadness cannot be explained and does not subside
- Can’t perform routine tasks
- Stops bathing or performing other hygiene tasks
- Cries for no apparent reason and can’t stop
- Exhibits emotions that are greatly exaggerated
- Has trouble making decisions, even simple, obvious ones
- Finds it difficult to concentrate
- Feels hopeless, helpless, worthless or trapped
- Expresses rage and/or uncontrolled anger
- Talks of not having any purpose in life or a reason for living
- Acts reckless or engages in risky activities
- Has a negative attitude and can’t see anything good happening in life
- Fixates on the past and feels guilty about mistakes
- Begs you not to leave him/her alone
- Starts giving things away
- Preoccupied with death
- Moves slower than usual
- Has very little or no energy
- Paces or has trouble being still
- Hurts him/herself by “cutting” or biting
- Sits for hours without wanting to do anything
Sometimes, those who work and minister to girls are the few people in their lives that see the “real” girl. We are the people who are safe. We can be the people where they may drop their guard and be honest and transparent with their feelings and emotions.
One of the best things we can do as we minister and do life with girls is to be aware. Do not let your guard down as you watch the changing emotions and life situations of your girls. Pray for wisdom and discernment to recognize the pain and struggles your girls are dealing with on a daily basis. If you have not already, begin building relationships with professional Biblical counselors in your area who you can call on for help or use for referrals.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It crosses all social, economic, age, religious and ethnic boundaries. Realize that listening to your girls and giving them the time and attention to say what their heart is feeling is a priceless gift. Listen to their grief, their frustrations, their pain, their hopes, their dreams, their joys and sorrows. Remind them that the difficult days in this life are temporary. Remind them that God is still working on their behalf, for their good and His glory.
For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. -2 Corinthians 4:17
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