Between the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays I always find myself in moments of reflection. I don't know why or what it is about the holidays that causes the sentimental moments and my thoughts to shift to a different perspective. Maybe it is just that...it is the holidays. It is the time of being with family and the break from the normal routine. Whatever the reason, I found myself in some sentimental and reflective moments over the last week.

A few months ago my friend Dawn made a statement that I really had not thought much about. However, in the middle of last week her statement came to mind on several occasions.

We were spending time with family which is a normal part of Thanksgiving; however, this year was different. Our cousin who died in March from a cancerous brain tumor was not with us for the first holiday where we usually have a large family gathering. We were spending time with her husband and two sons, playing cards and games as usual. In the middle of a game of spoons, my friend Dawn's statement popped in my head. Weird, huh?

Dawn's statement months ago was about the importance of fathers and men esteeming their daughters and other other young women in the church. That often, no matter how much the mom in the family or other significant women esteem, honor, respect, or show favor to the daughter, it is the esteem from the opposite sex that makes the difference. (I wonder if this is why so many girls seek out male attention if they are not getting it from their father or another male role-model.)

We often talk about the influence and impact that girls' ministers have on females, but we don't regularly say anything about the influence and impact they can have on males. What kind of difference can a girls' minister have on the life of a young man through the student ministry and the church?

As I spent time with these cousins that I call my nephews (one in middle school and one in high school) all during the Thanksgiving holidays, I continued to recall Dawn's statement. I thought about how they don't have their mom around any longer to esteem them and affirm them as young men. I wondered what women in their church, student ministry, school, or community were demonstrating respect and honor to them as young men. I wondered what women were speaking God's truth into their lives in the absence of their mom. How were they being esteemed by godly women each day and each week? And I wondered what girls' ministers and a girls' ministry in a church as part of the student ministry might do to esteem both genders appropriately.

Maybe it was the absence of their mom, maybe it was the reflective thoughts that kept popping in my head, maybe it was just my imagination...but it seemed like these young men took in every word I said to them. They appeared to really listen to me. They seemed to soak in the attention and words of affirmation when I spoke them.

Maybe it was a rare experience that will never happen again. Once they get past a few more years of grief and loss it won't make a difference. But part of me thinks there is more to it than that. I think there really is something to my friend's theory. And what would our churches and communities be like if we properly esteemed the opposite sex the way God intended?

How are you impacting the young men in the student ministry at your church? How are you honoring them? What are ways that you demonstrate respect to them? How is the girls' ministry at your church an example of building up young men instead of tearing them down?

How have you seen the influence of a godly woman make a difference in the life of a young man?

Recently, a friend showed me some statistics related to pornography and I was stunned to say the least. Read these statistics and then tell me your response. Click here if you want to read more about these stats.

Pornography Time Statistics

• Every second - $3,075.64 is begin spent on pornography.
• Every second - 28,258 internet users are viewing pornography.
• Every second - 372 internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines.
• Every 39 minutes - a new pornographic video is being created in the United States.

What is your reaction? Stunned? Shocked? Not surprised at all?

Granted the statistics above are not based on Christ-followers or a church group, but they do reflect the culture we live in. We all know the number of people involved and addicted to pornography continues to grow in our society. We now live in a world where typing in a couple of words on the keyboard can bring up all kinds of unwanted images on our computer screen. This is true for Christians and non-Christians alike.

As I've continued reading and reviewing Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff's book Modern Parents, Vintage Values I've dug deeper into their chapter titled "Risky Business." It addresses some of the addictions that have become the worst enemies of teenage girls and guys. Although we may become frustrated with the "twilight obsessions" girls have over Edward and Jacob, they usually will dwindle with maturity. Unfortunately, addictions to alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, eating disorders or cutting usually only become greater strongholds into adulthood.

Melissa and Sissy use one of the best quotes to open their chapter on "Risky Business."

Our addictions are our own worst enemies. They enslave us with chains that are of our own making and yet that, paradoxically, are virtually beyond our control. Addiction also makes idolators of us all, because it forces us to worship these objects of attachment, thereby preventing us from truly, freely loving God and one another.               - Gerald May, Addiction and Grace

If we are honest, we are all fighting to avoid idolatry. It may not be an addiction, but something that just continues to take our focus off God and instead we focus upon self. My question for us, as girls' ministers, is how are we helping our girls? How are we moving past the "don't do this" or "you shouldn't watch this" and other directives? What are we doing to search and reach the hearts of our girls? How do we do more than help them avoid the dangers and addictions? How do we help them to become so satisfied and content with God that they no longer have the desire for these other temptations?

The statistics we see out there for addictions to pornography or anything else are not only eye-opening, they are staggering at times. If we are not careful we can quickly become overwhelmned by the task before us to reach and minister to girls. I am reminded of God's word to us in Hebrews 12:1-2 (HCSB), the call to endurance...

Therefore since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us, and run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for th ejoy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of God's throne.

Praying that your eyes will be so fixed on Jesus today that the statistics and struggles fade into the background this Thanksgiving week.

I admit it. I am prone to spiritual amnesia. I am susceptible to forgetting spiritual markers, times of worship, experiences with the Holy. Though powerful at the time, those moments fade in the background all-too quickly and are replaced with daily reminders that I live in a fallen world. Traffic. Mean people. Job stress. Shameful memories. The flu. Cancer. Strained relationships. It's enough to make you wonder where God is.

I think that's why the word "Remember" is found in Scripture so much.

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy (Ex. 20:8).

Remember that the Lord your God led you on the entire journey these 40 years (Deut. 8:1).

Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you (Deut. 15:15)

Remember what Moses the Lord's servant commended you (Josh. 1:12).

Remember His covenant forever — the promise He ordained for a thousand generations (1 Chron. 16:15)

I will remember the Lord's works; yes, I will remember Your ancient wonders. I will reflect on all You have done and meditate on Your actions (Ps. 77:11)

So remember your Creator in the days of your youth (Eccl. 12:1).

And He took bread, gave thanks, broke it, gave it to them, and said, "This is My body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of Me" (Luke 22:19).

Why the constant reminder to remember? Because it's easy to forget.

Last week, a family member was diagnosed with a serious health problem, a health problem that took the life of my mom about five years ago. When I heard the news, my first thoughts were not of God's faithfulness in the midst of my darkest pits. I had forgotten those times. Instead, I was anxious and angry and confused and scared and...

I emailed some friends to ask them to pray. One response shocked me back into reality. She wrote, "God is in control, and loves him and you.  Cling to that when you can."

Oh yeah. I forgot. Again. God loves me and my family, even in the most uncertain of outcomes.

It's so easy to forget when the bad news comes. When the paycheck is small and the bills loom large. When the walls between family members stand impenetrable. When the enemy throws the past in your face and casts doubt on your present. When parents are quick to voice their displeasure and slow to show their appreciation.

In those times, spiritual amnesia creeps in, crowding out any memory of God's faithfulness and providence, His forgiveness and restoration, His fierce and determined love.

That's why Scripture emphasizes remembering. And that's why the community of believers is commanded in the New Testament to remember the sacrifice of Jesus. The community keeps the memory alive. We remind each other daily that God is in control, that God is not surprised by our circumstances or caught off guard by our sin. Even if we forget, those around us can jog our memories, reawaken our trust, and dust off our faith.

This week is a call to remember and a call to give thanks. Let this blog be a starting point. In the comments section, share a time when God has provided for you, loved you, forgiven you, restored you, used you. In a few days, come back to the blog, read others' comments, and use this space as a tool to remember:

God is in control and loves you. Cling to that when you can.

November needs to slow down. I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week! I'm curious to know how our readers spend Thanksgiving, one of my most favorite holidays. So take the poll below and let me know!

Now, if you're like me, Thanksgiving is a time when you go to the movies. There seem to be some great movies opening, like Tangled. But for now, here's the most recent top 10:

1. Megamind, $30.1 mil
2. Unstoppable, $23.5 mil
3. Due Date, $15.5 mil
4. Skyline, $11.7 mil
5. Morning Glory, $9.6 mil
6. For Colored Girls, $6.8 mil
7. Red, $5.1 mil
8. Paranormal Activity 2, $3.1 mil
9. Saw 3D, $2.8 mil
10. Jack@$$ 3D, $2.3 mil
     
    I finally saw Life As We Know It this past weekend. It's rated PG-13, and I think that's an appropriate rating. Honestly, I cried a lot more than I expected to. There were many sweet and funny moments, but there were also some eyebrow raising things, like premartial sex, drug usage, homosexuality, and general lack of anything related to God (except taking His name in vain).
     
    I won't be posting next Thursday, due to the fact that it will be Thanksgiving and I'll be with my family, so HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
     

Last week was an incredible week at the LifeWay Annual Women's Forum. Although it is usually held at LifeWay in Nashville, this year we moved the leadership conference to Ridgecrest, North Carolina for the 15th Anniversary.

As a person who is caught right in the middle between women's ministry and girls' ministry the best thing about the week was the span of generations represented. There were seasoned women's ministry leaders, as well as, new, fresh rookies beginning their leadership. The pouring of one generation into another was a rare experience that I will not soon forget.

Esther Burroughs, Chris Adams, and Selma Wilson were part of an opening panel that introduced the focus of the week. Just as women's ministry has evolved and grown over a number of years, another dream of LifeWay Women is to see Girls' Ministry grow. The hope is that girls would be brought up in God's Word and mentored in such a way that many of the difficult issues that women deal with as adults would be avoided. Most women would agree that they do not want the next generation to make the same mistakes they did.

Travis Cottrell and his Praise team led worship in the general sessions. Beth Moore, Curtis Jones and Margaret Feinburg taught during these general sessions.

In addition to the conferences related to women's ministry, Pam Gibbs, LifeWay Girls' Ministry Specialist taught several breakouts related to Girls' Ministry.

It is always an amazing experience to me to watch so many gifted women's ministry leaders come together to glean from one another. I love to watch the women's teams that bring a carload (or busload!) and together they catch a vision for what God can do in their church and community. I love to see the weary and worn down renewed and refreshed after spending time with others who know the challenges they face in ministry leadership.

We hope the same type of experience will be true for those Girls' Ministry leaders who attend the LifeWay Girls' Forum February 25-26, 2011. We expect to celebrate our 2nd Girls' Forum with as much enthusiasm as the 15th Anniversary of the Women's Forum! Click here to find out more and to begin making your preparation to celebrate and learn with us!

I traveled to Missouri earlier this fall with a team from LifeWay, and we talked to 55 students in a rural part of the state during a focus group. While we normally focus on suburban students, this particular focus group with more rural students revealed some interesting findings. Here's what those students had to say about the things going on in their lives—what they like, what they struggle with, and how they feel about themselves:

MUSIC

When we asked who their favorite musical artists are, the middle school students chose the following as their top 5:

Skillet
Lecrae
Flyleaf
Justin Bieber
Taylor Swift
 

The high school students chose the following artists as their top 6:

Taylor Swift  
Skillet  
Lil Wayne
Flyleaf  
Justin Bieber
Kenny Chesney  
 

MAGAZINES

When we asked them what magazines they subscribe to, middle school students said:

American Girl    
Seventeen    

(these two were tied, although I think there's a pretty stark contrast between the two!)

Meanwhile, the high school students said they read the following magazines most frequently:

Seventeen     
Sports Illustrated    
Cosmopolitan     
 

ISSUES AT HOME

Overwhelmingly, the middle school students said they struggle with arguments at home—either with their parents or watching their parents fight.

The high school students' struggles were more varied and included arguments and having annoying siblings.

HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES

When we asked them what their thoughts were about themselves, the middle school students' answers break down as follows:

wildly enthusiastic (2 check marks)
mostly positive (12 check marks)
neutral (10 check marks)
mostly negative 1 check marks)
pretty scary (0 check marks)   
 

The high school students' answers looked like this:

wildly enthusiastic (9 check marks)
mostly positive (15 check marks)
neutral (5 check marks)
mostly negative (3 check marks)
pretty scary (1 check marks)

When we asked them what they'd like to ask God, these students had some fascinating questions. Take a look:

∼    Do you love even Satan?
∼    How can I get closer to you?
∼    How did you have my life plan[n]ed out?
∼    If you can change something what would you change?
∼    What is your plan for my life?
∼    Why am I the way I am?
∼    Why [do] bad things [happen] to babies, young people and kids?
∼    Why did you actually die on the cross for us?
∼    Why I do some of the things I do.
∼    Why would he create Satan?
 

I love the diversity in their answers. I guess every girl that any of us may interact with is different. But every single student needs to be reminded of how much God loves her and wants to be in a relationship with her. I don't know about you, but I need to be sure that I am communicating that, week in and week out. It's easy to get focused on lessons to be taught and mission projects to be completed. But the girls whose lives we touch should never forget how much God loves them. I hope you haven't forgotten that He desperately loves you, too.

A few weeks ago, I posted a blog about an upcoming event for young adult women called "W" or "The 'W' Conference." Since it's a new event, I thought it might be helpful to hear the heart of one of its principle collaborators, Jaye Martin. I "interviewed" her via email. Here's what she had to say.

How did this conference come about? Why did you decide to do the conference?

Over the last few years, we at Southern Seminary have seen an increase in young women interesting in learning how to deal with the culture. They want to learn how to live as biblical women in the world today. The world is rapidly changing and it is becoming harder to know what a biblical woman should look like. The questions have changed and become more complex. We saw a huge need to deal with the issues head-on.

What are you hoping young women will take away from the conference?

First and foremost, we want young women come to an understanding of the gospel – the good news of Jesus Christ. We want to let them know that many others have walked this road and have learned how to engage the culture.

We also want these women to walk away with new friends. W will connect women to other women – young and old – who have a passion for the Lord and want to live for Him. We want them to know that they are not alone in the world and know that we will continue to pray for them and with them. W will become a community of women who want to make a difference for the Lord and who will stay connected to one another.

What's the scoop on the keynote speaker(s) and why you chose her (them)?

Mary Kassian is a woman who has dealt with the hard questions of the culture, in light of being a biblical woman. Not only has she done extensive research in the results of the feminist movement, but she has really learned from the Word of God about how to tackle the questions of culture.  Mary also has three boys in their 20’s and understands being a young woman from a whole different perspective.

Heather Payne is our worship leader. She was one of the founding members of Point of Grace and I have known her since the group began. She was a godly young woman who was single for years and the last member of the group to marry. She learned to stay pure and wait on the Lord. He is an exceptional soloist and worship leader.

Our breakout leaders are exceptional. All eight have Masters degrees, seven of the eight are graduates of Southern. These are some of our finest young women who have grappled with the issues and are leading the way serving our churches. They are a diverse group, passionate about reaching women, and will be here to mingle and help women know how to deal with the issues of life.

What makes this different from other conferences young women could choose to attend?

W is attempting to engage the culture in a radical way. We are women who want to lead in a firmly and biblically. We believe in standing up for the truth of God and fighting against the enemy and for Christ. We are not here to give simple answers, but to point toward a God who loves us, walks with us, and desires to help us find the answers.

We will also connect women to one another…and will become a relevant community for what the biblical woman needs to look like. We are not offering a program; we are offering an organic community of women believers who want to change the world.
 

It’s November already? Does anyone else feel as if the year just got put in fast-forward? I know that for those of you in ministry, things are about to get even busier than usual due to the holidays’ rapid approach. That’s why this post is here: to give you a quick look at what’s going on in the world of teen culture so that you don’t have to spend hours trolling the Internet or listening to the radio to figure out what your students are up to.

Here are the movies they’re probably watching:

1.    Saw 3D [R] (Will they ever stop making these?!)
2.    Paranormal Activity 2 [R]
3.    Red [PG-13] See last week’s post for my take on this one.
4.    Jacka$$ 3D [R]
5.    Hereafter [PG-13] (This one intrigues me. Has anyone seen it already who can comment on it?)
6.    Secretariat [PG]
7.    The Social Network [PG-13]
8.    Life as We Know It [PG-13]
9.    The Town [R]
10.   Conviction [R]   (Although I haven’t seen it yet, I did hear from a Christian media PR firm that this was a good film. They haven’t steered me wrong yet, so I’m thinking this one is worth a watch as well. The R rating comes from violence and language.)


Digital downloads

This week, the top songs downloaded were:
1.    “We R Who We R” by Ke$ha
2.    “Like a G6” by Far East Movement
3.    “Only Girl (In The World)” by Rihanna
4.    “Whip My Hair” by Willow
5.    “Just a Dream” by Nelly
6.    “Bottoms Up” by Trey Songz
7.    “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars
8.    “Sparks Fly” by Taylor Swift
9.    “Raise Your Glass” by P!nk
10.   “Monster” by Kanye West


Radio Play

This week on the radio, the top songs were:
1.    “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars
2.    “DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love” by Usher
3.    “Just a Dream” by Nelly
4.    “Like a G6” by Far East Movement
5.    “Only Girl (In The World)” by Rihanna
6.    “Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry
7.    “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz
8.    “Bottoms Up” by Trey Songz
9.    “Mine” by Taylor Swift
10.   “I Like It” by Enrique Iglesias


No make-up Tuesdays: Redefining Beautiful

Two Saturdays ago, I was watching The Today Show and caught a segment on a group of high school girls in Colleyville, Texas, who don’t wear makeup on Tuesdays. The girls are taking a stand on being confident in their own skin and have formed a group, Redefining Beautiful, with the hopes that it will catch on elsewhere. Even the guys at their school are excited about it. I think this whole concept is awesome! Check out what this group is about here.


Empowered prayers

I have an incredible group of senior girls that I meet with each Wednesday. I was blown away several weeks ago when they expressed to me how they’d like to spend more time in prayer during our group meetings. So I thought that it would be fun if a different girl each week took the initiative to plan a group prayer activity. I love the ideas they’ve come up with so far: we’ve held hands and prayed for the person on our left; we’ve swapped written prayer requests and prayed for the person on our card all week; we’ve been given directed prayers for each day of the week; we’ve spent time in silence. I don’t know why I was surprised, but the fact that high school girls understand the power of prayer and actually want to spend more time in it together blows my mind. There’s nothing like being encouraged and motivated by people who are younger than you to do better in a spiritual discipline!

So if your group discipleship times are feeling a little dry, maybe you could empower your girls to be responsible for a part of the lesson. Whether it’s coming up with a new prayer activity, helping you with an illustration, or bringing food for the week, girls love to feel needed. Let me know how you’ve empowered your girls in the past: what worked, what didn’t, and any other ideas you may have!

There are some statistics in reports that will shock you speechless. Other times you know the truth in your heart and mind and just need someone to prove it.

During the last month the youth minister at my church has been leading a series on dealing with temptation. One week he handed all the students a sheet of paper that simply read "The top 3 things I am tempted with most are...." From this survey he gained the following results-

1. Sex (28%)

2. Drugs/Alcohol (27%)

3. Lust/Pornography (26%)

4. Gossip (26%)

5. Profanity (17%)

6. Lying (16%)

Now I know this is only my church, but I'm pretty sure we equally represent many other churches. And as sad as the results are, they really weren't a big surprise to me or to many others. Many of the items listed are the same temptations that the students' parents faced when they were in high school and middle school.

What did surprise me was a recent study released by British scientists, and their information is causing quite a stir. These scientists are rating alcohol as a more dangerous drug than both crack and heroin.

Various drugs were scored on a scale from zero to 100. The higher the score the more harmful the drug. The scientists found alcohol was most harmful with a score of 72. Other drugs tested included heroin (55), crack (54), meth (33), cocaine (27), tobacco (26), speed (23), cannabis (20), Valium (15), and LSD (7) among many others. To read the full article click here.

"It is intriguing to note that the two legal drugs assessed - alcohol and tobacco - score in the upper segment of the ranking scale, indicating that legal drugs cause at least as much harm as do illegal substances," stated Professor David Nutt, chairman of Britain's Independent Scientific Committee on Drugs.

The World Health Organization estimates that risks linked to alcohol cause 2.5 million deaths a year from heart and liver disease, road accidents, suicides and cancer.

Some interesting statistics to think about and to discuss with students. Just because something is legal doesn't mean it is healthy or the best choice. And just because our society accepts and legalizes a behavior or substance doesn't mean that it is best decision for that society.

Although I am not shocked by the survey results of the students at our church, I am still concerned when I think about the temptations that face our students today and that they are the same ones we've been fighting for centuries. When I read about the early church and the temptations the early believers had to face, I wonder why after so many years we still haven't grasped how to overcome these temptations. Where are we missing the teaching and the mentoring opportunities? Why do we continue to struggle with the same old things? What is the secret to getting it right?

One truth I know in my heart and my mind and from the pages of scripture-that Satan does nothing without God's permission. (Job 1:6-12) God is not surprised by the temptations we or our girls face. He is not surprised by the statisics or the surveys or the studies.

Also, I wonder if the reason we continue to face the same temptations with each generation is because they are the things that distract us most from God. Distractions. When we fill our lives with distractions it often leads to disobedience to God and a broken relationship with Him. Distractions. A good tactic of the enemy, allowed by God to test and see where our faith and obedience lies. Distractions will keep us and the girls we minister to from being all that God desires for us - no surprise there.