5 Reasons to Ask Questions

Over the last couple of months, I have observed people in different arenas (in person, on Facebook, in meetings) make a major mistake—they didn't ask questions. They argued. They butted heads. They disagreed. They proved their points. And nothing was accomplished. Nobody in those conversations took the time to ask questions that could have resulted in positive, productive outcomes.

Asking questions is one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal as you work with teen girls.

Why ask questions?

1. Questions show that you are interested in the person, not in winning an argument or blasting someone with your opinion. This is especially true in working with teens. They are already poised to defend themselves and their thoughts. Responding to statements with questions show that you care about what that teen girl thinks and how she feels.
   
   
2. Questions can be disarming when asked with a gentle spirit. I had a girl tell me flat out, "I'm gay." She was testing me, trying to push my buttons, and attempting to keep me at arm's length. When I started asking questions about why she felt that way, the walls dropped and real conversation began.
   
   
3. Questions take a conversation deeper. When I'm getting to know a girl, I'll often ask where she goes to high school. Then I'll ask, "do you like it there?" Either way, I can simply ask, "Why do you say that?" and the conversation takes off from there. Most of the time.
   
   
4. Questions show humility. You are demonstrating that you don't know everything. And you don't. And teens need to know that you know that you don't know it all. Nobody likes a know-it-all (Have fun untangling that paragraph.)
   
   
5. Questions lead to learning. I've recently developed a friendship with a person who comes from a very, very different faith background than me. And by asking her a lot of questions, I've learned TONS about that faith system. Stuff that I didn't learn even in taking a class on religions in seminary. Lou Holtz once said, "I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions." I think he's right.

The next time you encounter girls, stop talking and start listening. You'll be amazed at the result.