Inside Girls' Ministry

The Coffee Cup Experiment

2012-02-09T14:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Ali Claxton. She has served on the LifeWay Student Events Team for six years and is currently an Event Coordinator and Recreation Specialist. She has been involved in student ministry for over 15 years and is passionate about seeing teenagers discover their identity in Christ. Ali is a free-lance writer, small group leader, girls ministry mentor and avid coffee drinker.

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For one of our FUGE team devotions, we tried a little experiment using empty coffee cups. We talked about how the circumstances of life can empty us of our passion, our patience, our determination and our joy if we choose to dwell on the very things that drain us. OR we can opt for gratitude and acknowledge the goodness of God and all the benefits that come as the result of a personal relationship with the Giver of Hope.

The experiment: with colorful strips of paper and crayons on the table in front of us, we were given the opportunity to fill our coffee cup with written reminders of God’s blessing. Imagine pink and green strips of paper with words like:

REDEMPTION
GRACE
PEACE
JOY
WORD OF GOD
PRESENCE OF GOD
TANGIBLE EVIDENCE OF GOD’S FAVOR
GOD’S PROVISION
RELATIONSHIPS
FAMILY THAT MODELS FAITH
HEALTH
A SOUND MIND
MINISTRY OPPORTUNITIES
A JOB I LOVE
LAUGHTER
TALENTS
ICED COFFEE FROM STARBUCKS (…don’t judge me)
A PLACE TO LIVE THAT FEELS LIKE HOME
STUDENTS I LOVE AND AM HONORED TO WALK ALONGSIDE
MY CHURCH

You get the picture. It didn’t take long for us to polish off all the little strips of paper and look up to find our cups just shy of overflowing. I carried my little object lesson to my desk and continued to fill it the rest of the day. As I walked out the door at the end of the day, I took one quick glance at the cup and smiled at the way God reminds us of His faithfulness.

I recommend this experiment for anyone in need of a little perspective…may your cup overflow.

The joy in discipling girls

2012-02-08T14:00:00Z

Today's guest blog comes from Amy Pierson. Amy was girls' minister at Prestonwood Baptist Church for several years before God called her husband and her to work with international college students from unreached countries. And they are expecting their first child! To see stories and more of their daily journey check out: www.teampierson.com

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I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. (3 John 1:4)

Last year, I loved walking with several 8th graders I could see God changing and growing weekly. One Sunday I asked if they wanted to go to the football game together. One said, “No way, that’s when we go to the Chinese church’s youth group.” Let me back up to say none of these girls are Chinese or speak Chinese. Then, they proceeded to tell me that two of them had been going every Friday to the Chinese church’s youth group to help them with Bible study. One was even teaching herself drums, so she could start a praise band!

My jaw dropped as they reminded me of something I shared: international missions can happen in your hometown, because many immigrants are only here for 2-3 years then return to their unreached countries. I was thrilled that they remembered and were listening. But, there was a much deeper joy, because I heard about how they were walking in truth and living it!

A few weeks ago, a former student tweeted he lead someone to Christ in a prison outreach my husband initiated. We heard via twitter- What joy! A former student I discipled in high school is now in college. She came to visit me for a few days in NYC and was telling me about all the girls she is discipling in college and in her local church. And, I watched her pour into one of my 7^th graders here. What joy!

I could tell many stories about students bringing me much joy from following and serving Christ without my prodding. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t have any joy stories yet. There were many years of digging hard soil before I did. Pray, be hopeful, and call them to bigger things. Don’t grow weary in doing good, because there is a deeper joy when you hear about a way they are being obedient to something the Lord has shown them.

To see someone grow is a blessing! But, I agree with John…to hear they are walking in truth and making disciples… when they aren't with you... There really is no greater joy!

Ministry for the Long Haul

2012-02-06T14:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Kelly King, the Women’s Specialist for the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma. She and her husband, Vic, have been youth workers at Council Road Baptist Church in Oklahoma City for 24 years. Kelly currently leads a group of sophomore girls on Sunday mornings and they host their senior small group on Sunday evenings. You can find Kelly’s blog at www.echohisheart.com.

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As a 25-year-old single woman, I strongly sensed God’s call to work with high school girls. When God put this on my heart, I figured my opportunities for finding a husband were probably not going to happen. How would I ever meet a guy when I was hanging out in the youth department? But I have never wanted to be disobedient to the Lord’s call on my life. I made the plunge and discovered the joy of sharing God’s Word to tenth grade girls and being involved in their life.

Funny how God works. Within a year, I met another youth worker from another church. He loved middle school boys (go figure). We dated, got married and quickly became involved with the student ministry in the church where he attended.

That was 1988. We laugh about the fact that we’ve never graduated from high school ministry. Our youngest daughter is a senior in high school and we’re secretly afraid we might be asked to join the senior adult class when she graduates. How is it that after 25 years my husband and I still love student ministry? I think it’s because we know the blessings of ministry for the long haul.

If you’re new to working with girls or if you’ve been around a few years and you’re beginning to wonder if you’re “cool” enough to hang out with them, allow me to share some things I’ve learned about ministry that sticks.

1. The fruit of ministry beyond high school. One of the best things about being in the same church and in the same ministry for years is that we have actually seen teens “grow up” and have families of their own! It’s exciting to see that the time we spent pouring God’s word into their lives actually took root and developed fruit. Every time we question whether our investment has a return, we point to former students making a difference all over the world. We’ve had a small part of raising missionaries, doctors, parents, and several church staff members.

2. Student ministry keeps us current and relevant. Do you want to see a picture of the future of your Sunday morning worship service? Be a part of your student ministry. Do you want to know the latest in technology? Be a part of your student ministry. I love when we are singing a “new” song in church, but it’s a song our student band has been playing for more than a year. And I’m sure I wouldn’t be using Twitter near as much if it weren’t for keeping up with the girls in my Sunday morning small group.

3. Student ministry has made us better parents. While my husband and I are definitely not perfect parents, we love that student ministry keeps us engaged with our own kids and their friends. We go to camp as sponsors and we have about 20 students in our house every Sunday night for small group. This doesn’t mean we’re helicopter parents who hover over our kids. We’ve never led their class on Sunday morning and while we have hosted their small group, we try to be parents and not middle-age adults who dress and act like high schoolers.

One of the great compliments came last fall when some of my daughter’s guy friends came to our house after a football game. Courtney told them, “I’m not going to be there.” Their response? “Oh, we just wanted to hang out with your dad!” (little did they know we would both fall asleep in the recliners as they watched a movie until 1 a.m.)

4. With experience comes wisdom. The longer we have served in ministry, the better handle we have on helping other parents navigate the teenage years. Parents know we aren’t experts, but we can pray and walk beside them as they celebrate their student’s spiritual victories and grieve when they are struggling.

Overall, ministry for the long haul boils down to a fairly “churchy” word. The word is faithfulness. A faithful leader is someone who can be trusted. Someone who is consistent. Someone who is committed to their call.

So, hang in there if you’re feeling a little tired or you’re not sure you can buy clothes at Forever 21 anymore. Being a faithful servant to your girls has long-lasting rewards.

Why girls need to chase Jesus instead of boys

2012-01-30T16:20:11Z

Today's blog comes from Brittney Mc Cook. Brittney has had the joy of serving the Lord in student ministry as a Bible teacher, small group leader, event planner, T-shirt folder, and coffee shop psychologist for over 6 years and wouldn’t change it for the world. She currently serves as one of the Bible Study Teacher for Pillars Girls Ministry at First Baptist Canton in Canton, Ga & is the Founder of Radiant Girl Ministries. Check out their blog at www.radiantgirlministries.blogspot.com.

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Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name” Ps 86:11

The other day I met with a good friend of mine for some lunch and some good old’ fashioned girl talk. As we were sharing with each other all the exciting things God was doing in our lives, she informed me that she would be heading to Iran in April for 5 months to teach English. I knew it had taken her a long time to be okay with leaving everything here in the States to go where God was calling and leading her...so I was more excited than sad.

As blessed as we both were to have grown up in the same student ministry, and even had the same mentor when we were in our late teens/early twenties, no one ever told us what do you do between 16 and the wedding day.We both so deeply longed for a earthly romance, and thought surely by 25 it would have happened by now! We felt we were groomed to live for "that day" and that life only began when you met “the one.” No one every told us that marriage was a gift not a goal. For so many years we both struggled with this whole being single thing. It took us both a long time to learn the beauty of this season and gift of time that God has given us.

I wish someone would have told me before I set my foot into high school and especially college to not chase a relationship but to instead to chase Jesus. Learn to love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind. Instead of wishing away this season embrace it as the gift it is; that until you have a good grasp on you're identity in Christ, fall head over heels in love with Jesus, and are satisfied in Christ alone...a relationship is the last thing you need to be worried about.

It wasn't until I was about 22 or 23 that my heart finally caught up with my head that there really was a reason for this season. God began to cultivate a desire in my heart to be a lady of dilegence and maximize all this spare time I had for His glory. I have time now that I may not have one day to serve, invest, teach, travel, and most importantly to spend with Jesus. By all means; dream, desire, but don’t wish this season away. There is a reason for it.

That's something we need to communicate to teen girls as well.

Top 10 Reasons to Attend LifeWay Girls' Conference

2012-01-24T14:00:00Z

In case you're still undecided about coming to the LifeWay Girls' Conference, here are 10 reasons that should make you stop right now, click this link---GIRLS CONFERENCE---and register.

10. You get to see inside the corporate headquarters of LifeWay. Of course, we'll have to blindfold you, take away all recording devices, and then make you cross-your-heart, hope-to-die that you won't tell anyone about it.

9. You have the opportunity to experience downtown Nashville. You haven't seen your fill of cowboy hats, rattlesnake belts, and wanna-be country singers until you've strolled down Broadway at dinnertime on a Friday night. You can call it a "cultural encounter" if you choose to bring teen girls.

8. Chic-Fil-A. Enough said.

7. You might just meet your new best friend. The uniqueness of this conference is this: where else can you meet other women who are passionate about reaching this generation? Who else would understand the frustration when girls flake out on an event? Who else would get why you're tired of conversations about Jacob, Bella, and Edward? I have never experienced such fellowship and unity and energy in any other venue. You just have to experience it to understand what I'm talking about.

6. You get to drink from a fire hydrant. The breakout sessions that we've compiled will give you loads of information, tips, encouragement, and more questions. It'll feel like you've spent the day trying to drink from a fire hydrant. I learn more in that 24 hours than a month looking at articles online.

5. Erin Davis will make you laugh—a lot. She's one of those unique sorts of people who can use the English language to weave stories and truths together in a way that will leave you laughing one minute and convicted the next. She's a rare combination of humble, witty, compelling, and vulnerable. You don't want to miss what she has to say.

4 3/4. Amazing worship with Jaime Jamgochian...without worrying about your Bible study lesson. For me, my worship is often distracted by what I have up ahead--teaching and leading people. But for this one block of time, for these worship sets, you get to be you. Not the leader of girls. So let your worship be free and profound.

4 1/2. Hayley DiMarco is in the house! Haven't heard of her? I bet your girls know her...and have read her books. She's the author of a gazillion books for young adults. And the books are good. Really good. But her voice and her message are even better.

4. You get to meet a real Miss Black USA. Most beauty queens don't make me stop and listen. Most don't have a message that I want to hear. But Ocelia Gibson is different...because she's a passionate follower of Jesus and she cares about the lives of young black women. That's reason enough to punch your ticket and get aboard this train.

3. You get a sneak-peek, private premiere of OctoberBABY. Haven't heard about this movie yet? Check out their website. We'll be offering a late-night opportunity to watch the film after the main session on Friday night. Just bring your kleenexes. Trust me on that one. (And get ready...in April, we're launching a Bible study to go with it!)

2. You can choose to be still. While this weekend has more options than a McDonald's value menu, you have the chance to ignore all of it and be still. We'll have our prayer chapel open all weekend, so if you feel like getting away for a couple of hours, our house of prayer is your house of prayer.

1. God wants to minister to your soul. Let Him use this weekend to refresh you, to wash over you with His love and His grace, and to renew your spirit for this crazy, upside-down, make-you-want-to-pull-your-hair-out thing call girls' ministry.

I get it. The economy is tough. Your schedule already has no margin for breathing. Childcare is a nightmare. I'm with you in that boat. But having been a part of this conference since its birth, I can tell you emphatically that if you feel the desire begin to bubble within you, GO. God will provide the money. Your schedule can change. Your kids can spend time getting spoiled at Granny's house. Take time for yourself and your heart and your ministry. You won't be disappointed. And you might just buy yourself a set of cowboy boots.

Girls and Sexuality: Don't get discouraged; DO keep talking

2012-01-23T14:00:00Z

Today's guest blog comes from Erin Davis. Erin is the founder of Graffiti Ministries, an organization dedicated to addressing the issues of identity, worth, and true beauty in the lives of young women. A popular speaker, author and blogger, Erin has addressed women of all ages nationwide and is passionately committed to sharing God's Truth with others. She is the author of several books including Graffiti: Learning to See the Art in Ourselves, True Princess:Embracing Humility in an All About Me World, The Bare Facts with Josh McDowell and the Lies Young Women Believe Companion Guide with Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh.

Ministering to teen girls sometimes feels like running on a hamster wheel. That’s because some topics pop up so often that it seems like it’s all I talk about with the girls in my sphere of influence. Since you minister to girls too, you already know which topics I’m referring to: boys and sex.

Sometimes it seems that every issue I’m dealing with in girls’ lives is tied to these two areas. A girl is fighting with her parents? It’s usually because of a boy. A girl’s friendships are strained? A boy is almost always involved. A girl drops out of youth group and feels distant from God. It can often be traced to sexual sin. As an old married type myself, it can be difficult to keep chatting about purity and abstinence every time I take a girl to Starbucks, but a recently cited study proves how important it is to keep talking.

The December 2009 study, conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, included information on teen sexual activity. The primary focus of the report was not religion, however additional analysis, focusing on sexual activity and religious identification yielded this result: 80 percent of unmarried evangelical young adults (18 to 29) said that they have had sex. This is only a smidge less than 88 percent of unmarried non-Christian adults who are sexually active.

Go, ahead. Insert head into palm. Pound palm against forehead repeatedly.

These numbers are discouraging. We talk about waiting and talk about waiting and talk about waiting and yet, the research shows that most of our girls are not. Your natural reaction may be to want to throw your hands up in defeat. Before you do, listen closely to the reasons why students aren’t waiting.

In an article about the study results on the CNN belief blog, sexually active 20-something Maria gave this explanation.

“It seemed everyone in my life, older and younger, had ‘done it.’ In fact, I waited longer than most people I knew and longer than both of my sisters, even though we were all Christians and came from a good home.”

The phrase “everyone’s doing it” may feel cheesy, but the reality is that our girls are buying the lie if they wait, they will be the only ones. Since no teenager wants to feel like a freak, purity has become a scarlet letter girls are afraid to wear. That kind of loneliness and isolation, even if it is just perceived and doesn't reflect realiy, is motivation enough to make choices outside of God’s will, despite the devastating consequences.

So, what can you do?

1. You can keep talking about boys and sex over caramel lattes because you have hard evidence that this is still an area where many girls are choosing poorly.

2. You can be intentional about holding up examples of purity so that your girls know that waiting is possible and will work out for their good.

3. You can give your girls ample opportunity to talk to each other about waiting and find ways to lead them toward encouraging each other to stay the course.

4. Perhaps most importantly, you can avoid the temptation to "coast" in this area of your ministry. Get real about the fact that sexual activity is an area where biblical truth is losing ground. Ask God to give you wisdom on how fight for the girls that you know and love.

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

3 Things a Dad Needs to Teach His Daugther About Marriage

2012-01-20T14:00:00Z

Today's guest blog comes from Nic Allen, Family and Children's Pastor at Rolling Hills Community Church in Franklin, TN. He does girl's ministry every day because he lives his life surrounded by females. He is Susan's husband and dad to Lillie Cate and Nora Blake. Plus they have an old lady Cocker Spaniel named Molly and a fish called Boo who is also probably a girl. His passion for girls' ministry not only includes equipping women to invest their lives in mentoring the next generation of girls, but also being a husband/father/Christ-follower who actively demonstrates what a man of God looks like for both girls and guys.

Early in my days as a Student Pastor, I recognized the need for consistent, godly, female leadership in the life of our female students. But I also noted the value of my own ministry to girls. They needed to see a young guy who loved his wife, encouraged others, and served people. So even as a male, I was a girls’ minister too. Since relationships are a big part of students’ lives, setting an example for what young girls should look for in a future marriage and family is important. Talk about pressure!

Fast-forward a decade, I’m still doing girls ministry, now with my own two girls. Lillie Cate is the magical age of 5. At age 3, she made me a proposal I could not refuse. One evening, just before bath time, Lillie Cate asked for my hand. She looked up at me with big brown eyes and said, "Daddy, will you marry me?" I replied, "YES! I will marry you." And my answer is not totally untrue.   I do hope to marry my girls one day...as the pastor officiating their wedding ceremonies. And when I do marry them off (if marriage is part of God's plan for their lives) I hope they have an understanding of love and marriage that is altogether different from what the world proposes. Being a dad who desires to see his daughters swim against the grain, these are just a few of the things I hope we dads teach and model well for our girls at home as well as those in the community of faith:

1. To choose a guy who passionately pursues Christ, to make it a priority to love a man who deeply loves God and who expresses that love to God by caring for them as women.

2. To make purity a priority, both physically and emotionally. In addition to your physical purity, I pray that "the one" will be the only guy your ever expresses romantic love to and ever even uttered the words, "I Love You!" We need to help our girls understand that protecting their heart is just as important as protecting their body.

3. To help them understand that there is no such thing as a soul mate. The guy your daughter will marry will just be another guy. What makes marriage special is not finding the one out of 7 billion that sends you into orbit. What makes marriage special is one committed Christ follower making a lifetime commitment to another in the name of Jesus. That man's love for the Lord should be the hottest thing about him in your daughter's eyes. If you your daughter to have that kind of man, then teach your daughter to be that kind of woman.

Our girls are young, but not too young to notice a husband who loves his wife and is faithful to her alone. They’re young, but not too young to know that their mom and dad love Jesus and desire to follow Him first in life. They’re young, but not too young to observe parents who are the best resource when it comes to questions about life, love, and any other lesson. They need honest, Christ-following, adults who model faithfulness in marriage and live life as a constant model for how to passionately follow Jesus well.

Who obsesses over boys but still plays with dolls?

2012-01-18T18:54:28Z

Our guest blog today comes from Hannah Wakefield, a senior at Union University in Jackson, TN. She has spent the past three summers working with fifth and sixth grade girls at WinShape Camp for Girls in Rome, Georgia. During the school year, she serves as the Girls' J-Step Coordinator for Evangelical Community Church's urban ministry, making dinner and doing Bible study with sixth grade girls on Tuesday nights.

Who obsesses over boys but still plays with dolls? Who loves to shop, but still is afraid of the dark? Tweens—those 10, 11, and 12 year old girls. For the past few years, I’ve worked with this age group at summer camp and in urban ministry. Figuring these ladies out is a lifetime occupation, but three things are generally true, in my experience:

As an age group, they don’t fit in. Anywhere. Typically, tween girls are not old enough for youth ministry and not young enough for children’s ministry. Schools don’t know what to do with them either. Sometimes sixth graders are put in middle schools while fifth graders stay in elementary school. Sometimes fifth and sixth graders are put in their own separate school. We can’t quite classify these creatures who are not quite teenagers but not quite children.
They are extremely diverse. Some tweens look like they’re sixteen, and some look like they’re seven. Some love to talk about boys. (For instance, one of my sixth graders once told me that there is a difference between a boy who is “fine” and a boy who is “fi-INE.”) But some will have nothing to do with boys. Each girl is in a different stage of development in all respects and the discrepancy between two girls can be enormous.
They’re impressionable. Most tween girls are just beginning to encounter different influences and experiences besides that of their family. Often, they have not put up the walls that older girls have. This means that they are particularly open to truth at this time. It also means that they are open to everything else—friends, boys, media, etc.

So, given the above truths, I have found a few effective tools for ministry to this age.

Role models—The temptation for this group is to try to fit in to what is popular in their social spheres. They need to be around older girls who are not conforming to the pattern of this world, but being transformed day by day into the image of Christ. Tween girls will follow someone. The presence of godly young women in their lives increases the likelihood that this someone will be Christ.
Relationship—Role modeling best happens in the context of consistent, individual relationships. Investing in these girls will often look different than investing in older girls. It often means simply having fun together—playing games, doing nails, etc. It also means listening to their stories, affirming their unique experiences and personality. It is within these relationships that opportunities to speak truth arise.
Responsibility— Because they are at such a transitional stage, these ladies need to know that they have a place and a purpose in the body of Christ. Given small leadership roles, they won’t feel as if they are being treated like kids but that they are being respected. They will also learn that with leadership comes accountability and that “whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.”

Paul wrote to Timothy, “No one should despise your youth. Instead you should be an example to the believers in speech, in conduct, in faith, in purity” (1 Tim. 4:12). These girls may be young, but they have influence. If we will take the time to pour into them, they, too, will be young ladies who know Christ and point to Him with their lives.

Be grateful your daughter knows how to say DAAAAD...

2012-01-13T14:00:00Z

Today's guest blog comes from Paul Turner, Student Ministry Specialist at LifeWay. Here's how he describes himself: " I am a dad twice over. My wife and I have somewhat successfully reared two daughters and are investing in a 16-year-old international student from China. It makes us absolutely experts on NOTHING! You can find me on the road encouraging parents, students and their leaders." You can check out his personal blog anytime.

When our daughters were much younger (they are 21 and almost 20 now), they had the habit of saying, “Dad” followed up a nanosecond later by one or two more “Dad!”. No way could anyone short of Evelyn Wood (you know, the speed reader? I am assuming she can hear and answer quickly too) could answer between the first “Dad” and the multitude of “Dads” to follow. It used to irritate the fire out of me. I had almost forgotten this until they both returned home from college last week. Safe to say, they have not lost the ability to repeatedly say my name, “Dad” before I could ever answer.

And then it dawned on me, I miss them saying my name, and I miss them. We really are blessed to have two daughters who love God and love others. My wife and I intentionally decided before we even knew that we would have kids, that we would pray for them daily, and do our best to help them love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength- Deut 6

They are not perfect and I know that full well because I know their parents and I, in particular, know their dad way too well. He is a knuckle head. Thank God that the girls take after their mother on most things.

Be intentional with your girls. Be thankful for them. Pray for them. Say each of your girl’s names in rapid fire so they know what it sounds like. Don’t get angry about it. Grab onto them, hold them close, tell them you love them and show them the love of God in how you treat your spouse, your family, and each one of them.

Three ways to develop unity among girls

2012-01-11T14:37:04Z

Today's blog comes from Meredith Cromer, Program Specialist in Student Training & Events at LifeWay. Before starting at LifeWay, Meredith served several summers as a Fuge Summer Staffer and then worked as a Student Ministry Associate for two years at Rolling Hills Community Church in Franklin, TN. Meredith has a huge heart to teach girls how to live on mission for the Lord everyday, wherever they are, whatever they're doing.

How am I supposed to get along with her?

Why don’t they include me?

Why are they mad at me?

I don’t like her. Wouldn’t it be fake if I was nice to her?

How many times have you heard these questions from girls? No matter their status—from the queen bee to the outcast on the edges—girls are desperately trying to understand how to interact with each other. As we invest in their lives, it’s vital for us as leaders to exemplify what it looks like to daily live out unity within the body of Christ.

In Ephesians, Paul wrote that every believer is united in Christ. Even if two people have nothing in common with each other, but both are followers of Christ, their purpose in life is the same. However, the enemy knows we will be less effective in proclaiming Christ if we’re divided, so he works hard to create division. Jesus told us in John 10:10 that the thief, Satan, comes only to steal, kill and destroy. He came to steal our hearts, kill our relationships, and destroy our unity. Fortunately, Christ has come to give us life in all those areas.

A.W. Tozer wrote in his book The Pursuit of God, “Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow.” As believers, we need to be tuned to the same source of life, purpose and unity or everything we do will come off as pointless noise.

So how can you as a leader of girls develop unity?

1. Be the example. If you are at odds with someone, including your husband, girls can spot it. They hear your conversations with others. They hear your conversation about others. If you're not setting the standard, girls have nothing to follow.

2. Make your expectations clear. Every year (at least once a year!), focus your BIble study on respecting others. You cannot expect every girl in your group to be best of friends (even Paul and Barnabas parted ways), but you can expect and demand that girls treat each other with basic respect.

3. Keep a tight reign on "trash talk". There should be no room in your ministry for slams, snide comments, smart remarks, or other cutting remarks. It's easy to "let it slide" so that you're not the bad guy. But when you say nothing, then you send the message that it's OK to treat other people that way.

How do you work toward keeping unity among the girls in your group? Comment below!

Why are girls SOOO relational?

2012-01-09T14:00:00Z

Recently I had the opportunity to speak at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary's Youth Ministry Institute on the topic of creating community in girls' ministry. In preparing for this, I did a little research into if and how girls are wired to be relational. Here are three things I found:

1. The spiritual component: If you take a look at the Genesis 3 where God pronounces judgment on Adam and Even, you'll discover and important truth: The consequences of their sin are directly related to the way they relate to the world. How do guys typically find their siginficance? In their work, in their successes, and in their accomplishments. And that's exactly how sin affected Adam--at the heart of his work and success. So what about Eve? Relationships, specifically with her family land her husband. Why? Because she is relational.

2. The biological component: In his book, Bringing Up Girls, Dr. James Dobson tells us some interesting information about the biology of fetal development. Until the 8th week of pregnancy, the brains of males and females are identity. But at the 8th week, the brains of males are washed in a testosterone bath which damages some cells in the brain--specifically cells in the corpus callosum. This bundle of nerves connects the left hemisphere of the brain (which controls communication) and hte right hemisphere of the brain (which controls emotion). In girls, this bundle is much more advanced and developed, making girls more expressive of their emotions and more talkative—two major components of us girls.

3. The hormonal component: In the same book, Dr. Dobson points out that three major hormones develop within females more than males (although males have smaller traces of them):

a. Estrogen—this is the "nesting" hormone and helps girls/women feel at peace with herself and her relationsihps.

b. Progesterone—this hormone creates the need for connection, a need that must be met often.

c. Prolactin—this hormone exists 60% more in females. It actually produces tear glands. It also develops empathy and the need for deeper connections.

None of this is a surprise to me as a woman. As a follower of Christ who believes that God created us male and female distinctly and purposefully, it is a reminer to me that I should celebrate the differences. And I should be more patient with girls who want to talk more than dig into Scripture. I need to remember that talking and Bible study are not necessarily separate activities.

How long does your influence last?

2012-01-06T14:23:51Z

Today's guest blog comes from Jennifer McCaman. Jen currently leads a group of 11^th grade girls, but in a few months her family will be moving to Bangkok, Thailand, to serve as missionaries from their church. She is excited to take her passion for girls' ministry to the other side of the world. Follow their journey at jennifermccaman.com

Lately God is teaching me that mentoring girls doesn’t end when they get a diploma. As a small group leader, I’ve had the opportunity to disciple girls throughout their high school careers. Sometimes it’s easy to wonder if your time with them really makes that much difference. Do all those conversations about purity, quiet times, modesty, loving God, dating wisely, reading the Bible really ever sink in?

About a year ago, I got a text from one of my first small group girls, Breanna, asking to meet me for lunch. Breanna’s dad died when she was 8 years old, which led her mom to become an alcoholic. She came to Christ in high school and allowed God to completely change her life. We walked through a lot together.

As we ate lunch, Breanna held out her left hand so I could see the ring on her finger. She told me how her boyfriend had proposed to her (yikes!) and that they would marry and live in Japan where he was stationed (talk about a life change). After an intense hour of my grilling her with lots of questions, I could see that this marriage was going to happen. She told me that after lunch, she had planned to go by herself to buy a wedding dress. I knew right then that one of "my" girls was not going by herself to buy her wedding dress from a store attached to a gas station. The Holy Spirit just cleared my calendar. We visited several local boutiques and watched God provide us the perfect dress at an amazing price. As she tried on dresses, I was able to speak boldly to her about marriage and continuing in her walk with the Lord.

Now a year later, she and her husband are doing well in Japan. They just had a little girl, and once again, because Breanna has no godly family members in her life, she comes to me for advice. As the Lord would have it, I just had my first baby about a year ago, so I have just walked where she is walking now. I offer advice on feeding, scheduling, napping, and keeping your marriage strong when both of you are utterly exhausted.

My relationship with Breanna has literally continued across the world. I never thought a few years ago when I decided to hang out with a group of girls 30 minutes a week on Wednesdays that the Lord would make us family. I definitely never thought I’d be talking to one of them about breastfeeding.

Whether you’re a mom, small group leader, or a girls minister, know that the influence you have on your sweet girls will not stop at the end of high school and college. In fact, the Lord is faithful to take our little bit of effort and do something truly amazing for His namesake, around the world and for generations to come. That’s why I love girls ministry!

How dads can protect their daughters from the wrong guy

2012-01-04T14:05:51Z

Today's guest blog comes from Joe Hicks, a dad of three daughters, so he knows a lot about girl world.He works at LifeWay Christian Resources as Team Leader for Fuge Camps. Before coming to Nashville he was the program director at Jenness Park, a camp in northern California, and before that he was a campus minister at Palm Beach Atlantic College. He and his wife, Michelle (one of the regular bloggers on Inside Girls' Ministry) have three children—Karis (17), Kali (15), and Kaia (11).

A few years ago several dads from my church (who only had daughters) read the book “How to Interview Your Daughter’s Date”. When we finished, we all agreed that the principles laid out in the book were guidelines we wanted to put into practice with our girls. Basically, it said dads should take the time to invite any young man wanting to date their daughter over for dinner with the family and conversation with Dad. I can’t speak for the other dads, but I let my daughters know right away that Dinner and Conversation was going to be a cornerstone in our family. I‘m not sure my girls were excited about it (the book said they wouldn’t be) but then again, I’m not sure they thought I was serious.

As my oldest daughter came of age to date, I reminded her of our Dinner and Conversation plan. She wanted to go with this guy to a concert but was quick to say it was not a date. I asked, “Is he paying?” She said, “Yes.” I asked, “Are you meeting there?” She said, “No, his parents are driving and picking me up.” I said, “Then it sounds like a date to me.”

In getting ready for the first Dinner and Conversation, I had several people ask me, “Are you going to ask what his intentions are?” I would reply, “No, I know what teenage boys' intentions are. I’m going to make sure he understands my intentions, or he is not going to date my daughter.” After some great advice from a close friend who had already raised two great girls, I had the ground work laid out. I was going to have him over for a great meal and allow the family to keep the dinner conversation light. After dinner I would go to a separate room and ask a few simple questions, “Tell me a little about yourself” “Tell me about your family” “Tell me about your relationship with Christ” stuff like that. (Notice that these are not yes-no questions.) Then I get to the good part. I let the boy know that God has put me in a special place as the leader of this family and father of my daughters. In the role I have a few goals:

1. To lead my family to an understanding of who God is and how He wants to have a close relationship with them.

2. To help them mature in their relationship with God.

3. To have a close relationship as a family.

4. To help my daughters understand the importance of going into marriage as a pure vessel.

Then I would ask him, “Can you help me accomplish these goals, because I don’t need my daughters going out with people who are not headed in the same direction.” The first time this happened, the guy had a great answer; it was not just “Yes” but he also began to talk about how our youth minister was teaching the guys in our church how to treat girls with respect. As you can imagine, I was impressed.

Over the past few years I have had the privilege to have Dinner and Conversation with 3 guys, each of them passing the test. You might be asking, “But does it really make a difference?” Great question, I am not sure. At some point, my wife and I have to trust that our daughters will make great decisions based on how we have raised them. But I can tell you this: Dinner and Coversation gets the relationship started in the right direction and it weeds out the guys who aren't ready. Your average teenage guy isn’t up for the challenge.

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This blog would be a great way to help equip the parents of girls. Feel free to pass it along!

Are secrets ok?

2011-12-16T14:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from Leslie Hudson, girls' ministry leader and speaker at First Baptist Church, Dickson, Tennessee. Get more info about her at www.lesliehudsonspeaks.com.

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A great standard of living a God-honoring life for your girls is this: no secrets.

I often tell my girls that the only secrets in their lives should end with a bunch of balloons and everyone jumping out and saying, “Surprise!” Other than that, they shouldn’t keep secrets—from anyone. Not their friends, not their parents, not from you. And anything they do that they feel needs to be kept secret is almost always sin.

In 2 Corinthians 4:2, Paul teaches “we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.” And John teaches that, “if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin,” (1 John 1:7).

Not only should we live open, secret-free lives, but we need to show our girls how to do it, as well.

My friend Mandy has mastered this perfectly. A few girls from our group had gone off to college, decided their new not-so-godly friends had much more insight into how to live, and had shared with some of our high-school girls that social drinking is okay, both morally and biblically.

One of the high-schoolers told Mandy about the conversation, and since Mandy had ministered to the older girls over several years, she invited them over for coffee. She lovingly shared that she knew what they were telling the high school girls, and then challenged them: “If you’re going to say you believe something, believe it. Tell your parents drinking is okay. Tell me to my face. Tell your little sister and tell the pastor. Because if you’re just going to secretly tell others, you don’t really believe it.”

The girls left in shock, but called her back the next day in tears. They admitted that they didn’t want to keep secrets and thanked Mandy for throwing their lives back into the light.

Girls want our encouragement and our love, but sometimes they need our very blunt instruction. Don’t be afraid to teach these young women how to live in the light--without any secrets.

#bondingwithmydaughters

2011-12-14T14:00:00Z

Today's blog comes from James Jackson, who is the editor of Life Truths, a Sunday School curriculum for parents. He is the father of two boys, so he feels like he's crashing a slumber party when he writes for the Girls Ministry Blog. But he married a godly woman, he prays every day that his boys will eventually do the same thing, and he knows it is impossible to overestimate the importance of girls' ministry. Find out more about Life Truths Bible Study here.

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When my carpool buddy picked me up this morning, I noticed that he was more than the usual bit bleary-eyed. As we typically do, we debriefed our weekends, and I soon found out the reason for the red-eye. Two words: Black Friday. See, my friend is the father of two teenaged daughters, and they convinced their dad that the ONLY way to find what they were shopping for IN THEIR SIZE was to be in line at the mall at the stroke of midnight the day after Thanksgiving. Which, for sane people, means Thanksgiving night.

You should know that this is the same friend who, when there was an opportunity for his daughters to be in the background of a Justin Bieber video that was shot in our town loaded them up and stayed up with them until the wee hours of the morning so they could catch a glimpse of him.

This isn’t the world I live in. I have boys. The only time I’ve stood in line to buy something for my teenager was when the last Call of Duty game came out. I’ve never been down the pink aisle at Toys R Us. When we go to Disney World, we don’t have breakfast with the princesses.

But here is what I know about my friend. My friend knows that fathers of daughters have only a few precious years in which their daughters are chasing their dads to spend time with them. And when those years are up, fathers will spend the rest of their lives chasing them. So for my friend, Black Friday wasn’t really about finding the last size small of the cute sweater. And the Bieber video shoot wasn’t really about Justin Bieber. At least not for him. I hope. This morning in carpool, he said, “I don’t get to use the hash tag ‘bonding with my daughters’ very often. So I want to make the most of the times when I can.”

If you are a dad reading this blog, you have my props, because there probably aren’t many of you. But if you are a girl’s ministry volunteer or professional, would you consider passing this along to the dads in their ministry? Let them know their opportunities to use that particular hash tag are limited. Pray for them today, that they will make the most of them.