Unless you've been on a sequestered jury for the last couple of weeks, you know that the much-anticipated day has finally arrived: the release of New Moon, the second movie in the cult-statused Twilight book series. Girls have had this date circled on their calendars for weeks. They have surfed the Web for clues. Thay have bought magazines. They have watched every trailer imaginable.

You might be tempted to avoid any discussion about the movie because, like thousands of others, you're already tired of hearing about it. However, you might want to take another approach: use the movie release and book's content to begin a discussion about deeper issues. Listed below are five simple questions you can use to begin a dialogue with a girl about New Moon. In parenthesis are some possible directions the conversation could take.

1.       Are you Club Jacob or Club Edward? Why? (Jacob is the werewolf, Edward the vampire. Girls are divided over which they would choose. Jacob is the friend and confidant for Bella after Edward leaves. This is an easy discussion-starter that will allow you to approach other subjects within the book/movie.)

2.       Do you think you would respond like Bella did when Edward left? In what ways? What things do you think you wouldn’t do? (When Edward leaves early in New Moon, Bella responds with increasingly-dangerous behavior. In short, she acts as if life is not worth living. Her behavior is extremely disturbing and unhealthy. “I’d rather die than be with anyone but you.”)

3.       What would you want to do if you lived forever like Edward and the other vampires? (Edward is an accomplished pianist among other things. This might be an opportunity to discuss the fact that we are NOT given eternity, that everyone must face their own mortality.)

4.       Why do you think Bella doesn’t want to marry Edward? (This may be a good place to begin a discussion about the understanding of marriage and commitment.)

5.       In the book, Bella’s father Charlie seems kind of clueless sometimes, but what do you see as some of his positive qualities? Do you think Charlie could have done something differently as her father? (This could open the door for a discussion about a father’s role in family life.)

So you may remember a previous post where I asked you about how you deal with divorce in your ministry. Christian recording artist Britt Nicole is the child of divorced parents, so she knows what it feels like to walk through that struggle. If you're ministering to a girl whose parents are divorcing, then these words from Britt may strike a chord with her. Feel free to pass this on to her (or to point her to the ec magazine blog where I originally posted this interview).

Divorce is a big issue in your world. All of you have experienced it yourself or have a friend who is. We hate this for you and feel your pain. You’re not alone in it, though. Britt Nicole struggled through her parents’ divorce when she was 7 years old, and she opened up to Emily recently about dealing with the divorce. Check out what she had to say below.

ec: What did you struggle with the most when you found out that your parents were divorcing?
Britt: I remember feeling afraid at times because you’re so used to your life being one way and then it changes, and you just don’t understand. You try to figure it out, but you don’t get it. And your parents don’t know if you’re going to understand even if they tell you. It can just be really confusing. One thing I would do is read my Bible. Even when I was 7 years old. I was always in church, always learning about God. I had heard about Jesus my whole life, but Jesus became real to me when I was 7 years old because I didn’t know who to turn to. I would go to my room, and I had a big Precious Moments Bible—a big white one. I would honestly run to my room and open my Bible and read it and just start crying. I felt Jesus was there with me when I read my Bible. I felt like I wasn’t alone, that God was giving me strength to get through it. I know that sounds crazy to think at 7 years old, you can feel all that. I got saved when I was 7 years old too. It was in the middle of everything that was going on. I was at church one night with my dad, and I went to the altar and accepted Jesus as my Savior. [I was] so dependent on that relationship with Him, even when I was a little girl.

ec: How did your relationship with God change as you dealt with your parents’ divorce?
Britt: I was younger when they got divorced, but I had to walk through it my whole life, from when I was 7 until now. Trying to figure out how to deal with what happened, how to let go of it, how to forgive, how to believe in love. What I saw made me not believe in love. My relationship with God just became more real and more intimate. I knew that I needed more than my family or friends because there are things in life where they can’t always help me the way I need to be helped. God was able to give me everything I needed during that [time]. So my relationship with Him became very real, and it was just like God was my father. I knew that nobody else could help me get through those nights where I was lying in bed, crying. He was there. No matter what I go through, I know that Jesus’ love is constant, and He’s there, always.

ec: What would you tell someone who is going through their parents’ divorce now?
Britt: You’re not alone. But that’s what you feel—you feel like nobody’s there, that nobody understands, but God’s there with you. He sees, He knows everything that you’re going through. Even though what I walked through was really difficult, I’m thankful that I’m able to say to other people, “Hey, I’ve been there.” It’s important for them to know that somebody else has walked through this and felt what I feel. Being able to say, “I’ve been there. I know what you’re going through. You’re going to get through it.” Also, you have to forgive. That was a big thing for me—forgiveness. I did not know that I had not forgiven my parents.

[When I forgave my parents,] It was a huge moment in my life of God lifting a huge weight off me that I didn’t know I’d been carrying my whole life. There were things in my heart that I hadn’t let go of or forgiven. And the moment that I did that, I felt the return of freedom come over me and the return of joy that I hadn’t felt, honestly, my whole life. Forgiveness is really important. You might get hurt and you might not understand why you’re going through what you’re going through, but you have to let go, give it to God, put it in His hands, and forgive. We need forgiveness in our lives too. [Forgiving my parents] was huge, and just letting go. Saying, “God, this happened a long time ago”—or even if it’s something that happened just yesterday—still just saying, “God, I let go. I need you to carry this cause it’s too much. I have to give it to You.” Let God come in and heal [your] heart.

ec: What should they expect, now that their family is different after a divorce?
Britt: It was always hard for my brother and I because holidays are time for families. You’re used to being together. But for the first holiday you’re not, it’s hard. If you go in knowing “OK, this is going to be different.” . . . No matter what they face—whether it’s holidays or spending one weekend with mom and one weekend with dad—keep in mind that God has a plan for your life, and He’s going to take it and turn it into something good, even though you can’t see it right then. I’m a testimony of that and God doing that in my life. God used something that hurt so much and was really hard to get through and turned it so that now I get to help other people who go through it. . . . It’s hard. It’s hard to pack a bag to go see your mom or your dad. But I think it gets easier as time goes by. . . That first holiday or weekend where they’re going to visit their mom or dad might be really, really difficult. But God’s going to be there with them through the whole thing. They’re not alone.

ec: What advice do you have for teens who want to reach out to their friends whose parents are going through a divorce?
Britt: They need someone to love them. They need someone to wrap their arms around them and let them cry—sometimes for 30 minutes. They need that time to get it out that this HURTS. The best thing they can do is just be there for them. Through times like that, you need support; you need love. A lot times you can’t explain what you’re feeling. If someone wants to sit down and talk to you about it, sometimes you don’t even know what to say. If someone needs someone to talk to, then it’s good to be there to talk. But I think more than talking, it’s just being there. Being there, supporting and loving them. Like my best friend—we’ve been best friends since we were 13—and she’s always good at that. She makes me laugh and forget about everything that’s going on. Sometimes you need that—those moments or those nights to just not worry about it and to just have a good time with your friends. It can consume you if you’re trying to figure it out, trying to understand. She was great for me, [at] being a friend, not making it about what was wrong. If I’d wanted to talk about [the divorce], she would. But it didn’t have to be about that. It could be “We’re friends, and we’re getting together to have fun.”
 

ec: What would you say is a positive thing that’s come out of your parents’ divorce?
Britt: Being able to help others get through it. We all walk through difficult things in life. It’s just so awesome how God uses things we walk through—our own struggles and our own weaknesses—for His glory. He says that in our weakness, He is strong. He knows we’re going to make mistakes and we’re not perfect. His grace is there for us in that. I’m just thankful that I’ve had him to get through it, and I’ve had my family. He’s healed my heart, and I’m able to reach out to other people. I think that’s the greatest that’s come of it. My parents have both remarried, and my dad has a son through his marriage who is a huge blessing in all of our lives, and he wouldn’t be here [had my parents not divorced]. God makes things good and turns things for His good and His glory. We don’t understand things, but He understands. We have to give things to Him and say, “I don’t know what’s going on, but I trust You.”

ec: Any last words of wisdom?
Britt: If you’re going through your parents’ divorce, then make sure you’re leaning into God. If I wouldn’t have had Jesus to get through my parents’ divorce, I don’t know how I’d have been able to get through it. If you are daily seeking him, He’ll make it much easier than it would be on your own.


We'd like to thank Britt Nicole for her honesty. If you're helping someone who is struggling through the effects of divorce, remind her that she's not alone. God is with her. Encourage her to talk to those closest to her about what's going on inside her head. Communication with  parents, family, friends, and church family should be open and honest as she deals with a divorce. Encourage her to not let these tough circumstances come between her and God—after all, He's the only One who will never fail her. Or any of us.

I got to see generational ministry in action this weekend. The occasion? Halloween.

My family lives in a small town outside of Nashville. We only have about four neighbors to our left. All of them are at least in their late 50s. Some are in their 80s. And all of them were waiting for our daughter to come trick-or-treat at their houses.

One neighbor gave her books. Another neighbor gave her a scarecrow pencil and note pad. And of course, there was candy in abundance (none of which I would ever eat, of course) thrown into her glow-in-the-dark pumpkin bag. The neighbors even took pictures. She wasn't dressed particularly fancy. (We bought her costume at Wal-Mart.) But they all took pictures.

I've been thinking about that simple act of taking a picture and what it symbolized---they have invested in our daughter's life.

These neighbors have known Kaitlyn since before she was born. They endured with us the struggles of adoption. They decorated our house the night we came home from the airport. And since then, these ladies have watched her grow up. We've said hello to them when they were going for walks. They've seen her playing out in the yard. We've taken food to them and they've supplied plenty of food to us. We've been surrogate family to each other.

One raises chickens and couldn't wait to show Kaitlyn the baby chicks. She never would have had that opportunity except for the thoughtfulness of an older woman.

I am grateful for the investment that these ladies have made in my daughter's life. She is learning that you're never too old to care about those around you. She is learning to relate to a different generation than her own. These women are modeling what it means to be a neighbor, which is a lost art in today's culture.

This weekend's festivities reminded me again of the value and importance of generational ministry. The older leading and modeling life for the younger. The benefits and joys and blessings for everyone involved.  Life in community instead of isolation. The church as it was intended to be.

Generational ministry is just as important at fourteen as it is at four. Teen girls desperately need older women who are willing to pour into them. From the stories I hear daily, these girls actually crave interaction with older women. They want to learn how to do life with integrity and grace and inner beauty and confidence. Many girls don't know how to ask, but they want it nevertheless.

The question is whether we as the older generation are willing to take up that banner. We cannot assume that teen girls don't need it or want it. We cannot assume that others are more qualified. We cannot shirk the responsibility, thinking that others have more time, more energy, more talents.

It's our mandate in Scripture. And it's our legacy.

How do you foster generational connections and ministry? Tell us your stories!

Sometimes I really love my job.I love meeting new people. I love giving women (and men) a vision for reaching teen girls. I love being creative and thinking outside the box and dreaming and looking toward what could be. I love being around people who are passionate about reaching teen girls.

Yesterday was one of those days. I got to meet with a team of very talented people and dream about a new Bible study for teen girls. A Bible study that attacks a prevaling mantra that says, "I deserve." A Bible study that helps girls understand that yes, they are princesses endowed with great worth because they are God's beloved, but they are not on the throne. A Bible study that challenges girls to embrace humility instead of pride, servanthood instead of selfishness, meekness instead of aggression. A Bible study that is flexible enough to experience on a variety of levels and settings, from an overnight sleepover to an ongoing discipleship group.

The name of this new Bible study? Tossing Your Tiara: Embracing Humility in an All-About-Me World.

I can't wait to see where God takes this study. I can't wait for girls to begin to grasp their roles as light bearers and ambassadors to the world around them. I can't wait to watch as God begins open their eyes to the sneaky deceptiveness of the enemy who wants them to be less than God created them to be and to accomplish. I can't wait for girls to understand what it really means to be a daughter of God.

As the study unfolds, I'll keep you posted on the progress!

What do you look for in a Bible study? What elements, themes, or topics are important to you?

Don’t you just love it when your girls have lightbulb moments? Those moments make you remember why you do girls’ ministry in the first place. I’m teaching Girl Talk this semester to my group of junior girls, and last night’s lesson was on gossip. Let’s just say this is a big issue for them. (You may remember a post I wrote on the topic this summer.) I followed the teaching plan for last night's session and pointed out the gossip they’d been sharing as we were fellowshipping before the lesson. They were shocked and admitted that they didn’t even realize they were gossiping.

You know something is ingrained when you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Thankfully, each of them had also been the victim of gossip, so they were pretty eager to hear what the Bible had to say about talking about others. We discussed tactics to avoid gossip, like changing the subject, standing up for the person being talked about, and confronting the gossiper. I walked away encouraged by their enthusiasm, and I hoped they walked away with true resolve to change their behavior. We’ll see...

I hope you too had lightbulb moments this week as you did life with your girls. And even if you didn’t, trust that those seeds of truth you’re planting can bloom one day. Thank you so much for the impact you’re making on the girls in your ministry. Your hard work is not in vain!

This month's issue of Parents magazine features an article entitled "Life in the Slow Lane." The premise of the article is that a growing number of parents are actually choosing a slower lifestyle for themselves and their families. The article cites that:

"after the go-fast '80s, the get-rich '90s, and the 24/7, wired pace of the new milennium, slow is quickly emerging and the hot new buzzword."

What does that look like in the family? Bike paths instead of skating parks. Board games take precendence over X-Box. Lazy Sunday mornings (Sabbath anyone??) versus a weekend of mad dashes to the mall, the grocery store, and everywhere else. Listening to music instead of watching music videos. Fewer activities and more quality time.

With this new trend emerging in parenting circles, we in ministry need to think about the implications for our own ministry (and personal lives). In short, we need to think about a slower, yet strategic approach to ministry. What could this look like in your own ministry?

Maybe instead of doing more with your girls, you need to be doing less. Or maybe you need to rethink the way you utilize the time that you are spending with the girls who are a part of your ministry. Think of this following scenario: a Friday night sleepover might involve baking cookies together instead of watching movies. A lock-in may mean ditching the Wii in favor of card games.

During Bible study, you may want to cover fewer Scriptures so girls don't feel so scrambed to "get through" the verses. Bible study may become deeper and richer than you ever imagined. Allow time and space for girls to be still and quiet before Bible study begins so that they can decompress from a hectic pace and make room for God to speak.

What you do should fit into your overall strategy for your girls' ministry, youth ministry, and/or church. Begin to think about what really matters in ministry--connecting girls with God and each other--and focusing on those things. If you don't have a strategy for developing the girls in your ministry, consider the Known Strategy.

Doing activities for the sake of busyness is a bad stewardship not only of your time and energy, but also girls'. Instead, consider what you offer in ministry and why you offer it. This slower approach to girls' ministry may be the difference between teaching girls an activities-based approach to God and an authentic relationship with Him. 

As I signed out of my e-mail account yesterday, I was redirected to MSN.com. Staring me in the face was a headline about a model who was fired for being “too fat.” I really thought we’d moved past this, America. I thought we’d yelled and boycotted enough to get the unrealistic images off our magazines and out of our ads. But apparently not. This model (a size 4 who’s 5’10” and 120 pounds) found out about the disgustingly skinny body she’d been given through the magic of photo editing software around the time she’d been dismissed from an 8-year career modeling for a fashion designer.

Interesting how Lauren Farmer had just blogged about body image earlier this week. Obviously, this is a problem that’s not going away any time soon. Now moms, consumers, critics, and anyone else with an opinion are weighing in, mostly out of sympathy for the model and concern for the message being sent.

Strangely enough, girls know those images they see presented in the media aren’t real. And yet most of them still think they should at least try to attain that look—whether it’s acne-free skin, no cellulite, skinny arms and legs, flat stomachs, good makeup, whatever. I know. I’ve been there, quoting Psalm 139 and saying that I knew God knit me together in my mother’s womb just the way He wanted, yet lamenting the shape of my legs and my lack of cleavage. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who knew that the loving God created me, yet I couldn't stand His creation (or at least parts of it).

So what’s a girl (and her leader) to do? You can probably identify the girls in your group struggling with their body image who need encouraging. What kind words will you offer them this week? I don’t know about you, but I think Mark Twain nailed it when he said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Since words of affirmation are one of my love languages, I respond well to positive words. I imagine some of your girls do too. I recall several positive comments from people during high school that helped me fight the hatred and discontentment raging in my mind over how a part of me looked. Despite the way I saw myself, I knew that he or she thought I was normal and beautiful, and that seemed to help me.

But affirming words won’t work every time, nor are they getting to the heart of the matter. The truth is, we’re never satisfied. It’s a sad but constant part of the human condition that goes beyond body image. So how do we help girls recognize and overcome it? Paul talks in Philippians about being content no matter the situation. That’s easier said than done, right? Especially when you’re a girl somewhere between the ages of 12 and 18 (or any age, really), and you’re spending a lot of your time comparing yourself to others. I think that’s where the battle truly lies: the comparison. If we think we’re better than someone else, it leads to pride. If we think someone else is better than us, it leads to negative and possibly harmful behavior.

So the battle is in our minds. For some women, it’s going to rage their whole lives through. But the Holy Spirit has the power to break the stronghold of comparing ourselves to others—be they real women we know or the airbrushed versions of women we see in the media. So here’s what I’m going to do about it, and I hope you’ll join me. I’m memorizing Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ” 

Using these qualities to filter our thoughts and teaching the girls in our ministries to do the same isn’t a new idea. But are you putting it into practice? Let us hear from you!

We've invited Lauren Farmer to join us again on our blog. Lauren is a newly graduated seminary student and a new transplant to Nashville. She doesn't come from a Christian background, so she offers a unique perspective to reaching girls who don't come through our doors with a heritage of faith. She loves to laugh, spend time with family and friends, travel the world, curl up with a good book, and drink Diet Coke.

She writes the following:

The topic of body image is nothing new among teen girls or those who work with them.  Discussions about body image and eating disorders among young women gained widespread media attention in the 1970’s and 1980’s.  Attention only grew in the 1990’s and early 21st century as Oprah and other media outlets focused on the increasing prevalence of eating disorders among young women.  Consequently, many women began to better understand the difficult struggle that they and others were facing in regards to body image and were able to recognize the warning signs of eating disorders.  Soon, Kate Moss and her waify figure went out of style while “curvier” women like Beyonce, J.Lo, Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian began to grace the covers of magazines. And, so, many of us have held out hope that issues of body image and eating disorders would fade as newer, “trendier” issues – like cutting – unfortunately emerged.

Despite the increased awareness relating to body image issues and eating disorders, teen girls seem to be struggling as much as ever and, at least in my experience, at an alarming rate.  Perhaps I am just a bit more sensitive to the issue.  I struggled myself with anorexia for a little over two years during high school and had serious body image issues through my first several years of college.  Because of this, I know all the tell-tale signs of eating disorders.  I can tell you if a girl has body image issues in a matter of minutes. 

I’ve seen a lot of girls with body image issues of the years.  What I had not seen, until this summer, was how mainstream the issue had become. 

While spending a good part of my summer at youth camp and on mission trips, I encountered numerous girls who were struggling with body image and, in my estimation, were at high risk for developing an eating disorder.  What surprised me most, however, was not the number of girls that were dealing with body image but rather their attitude towards themselves and others.  If I could sum it up in one word I would call it “casual.”

For instance, one day at summer camp I came around the corner to hear a girl tell one of her friends that she had “thunder thighs.”  I quickly interjected that this girl did NOT have thunder thighs and that it was neither kind nor her place to say something like that to her friends.  The girl interrupted me and said, “It’s ok. It’s true. I do have thunder thighs!” And in case I still did’t believe her she held up her leg and started slapping her thigh saying, “See! Look at it jiggle!”  All the girls laughed uncomfortably and scurried off. 

On a mission trip several weeks before, I had listened to a group of 8th grade girls discuss carbs, proteins, and working out.  That's all they talked about on the way to the mission site. They debated which foods were the worst for you and all agreed that cabs would make them fat the quickest. 

I wish these were the only two stories I had, but there are many more.

Our diet crazed, image-based society is influencing our girls whether we like it or not.  However, we as leaders can’t just place blame on the media for the challenges and struggles girls today are facing.  We need to take responsibility for the role that we as leaders, mothers, sisters, aunts, and teachers play in the matter.  Many of us are still struggling with our own body image.  How can we expect our girls to accept themselves and their bodies as being fearfully and wonderfully made by their Creator when we ourselves are modeling the opposite?  The girls around us are learning from you and me. Off-hand comments about our new diet, needing to fit into an outfit, and another woman’s figure (the list goes on) do not go unnoticed. As girls hear our words and see our actions, they develop their understanding of body image. 

So this is my challenge to you:  take the time to examine your own heart and life in regard to body image. Be honest with yourself – How do you view yourself?  Do you have a healthy body image? Are there some areas that you need to bring before the Lord?  What type of role model are you to girls?  Are you being careful with your words and actions to portray to girls the truth of who they are as daughters of the Most High – fearfully and wonderfully made?  Spend sometime meditating on this wonderful truth…

For you formed my inward parts;
 you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
 my soul knows it very well.
 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
  intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them,
 the days that were formed for me,
 when as yet there was none of them.--Psalm 139: 13-16

Today’s blog is written by Kimberly Futrell, whose heart for preteen girls led her to begin a unique ministry called Club 12 in Kentucky. We thought her idea was a great one and wanted to share it with our readers. Please contact Kimberly if you’re interested in starting Club 12 in your church.

Once upon a time, a 12-year-old girl sat alone in her bedroom. Tears streaked her face as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. Why don't they like me?, she thought. Why did God make me so weird? Will I ever have friends? This frightened, insecure middle school student was having a hard time being 12. She wasn't sure of herself, and she assumed that all the other 12 year olds were accurate in their assessments of her short-comings. But the truth is, being 12 is tough on every girl.

Once this girl grew up, she thought she had left those awkward middle school years behind her for good! But God had other plans. He heard the cries of thousands of other girls crying alone in their bedrooms just as she once did. Something like a light bulb went off inside her heart, and Club 12 was born.

That's no fairy tale. The dream of Club 12 that God gave her is now a thriving community-based ministry aimed at helping 12-year-old girls recognize how precious they are to God. It helps them recognize the importance of making a choice about what they believe about beauty, their own uniqueness, and their connection with Christ. This is done through a once-in-a-lifetime event on New Year's Eve. Club 12 is a combination of a super fun slumber party and an empowering and exciting youth conference designed to help girls recognize that they are incomparable, beautiful, and loved! To accomplish these goals, Club 12 has awesome speakers, exciting music, door prizes, games, and all the fun you'd expect at a big slumber party.

Disney, Harry Potter, and the Internet are all targeting the new "tween-ager." They are hearing all kinds of messages about beauty and who they were meant to be. While not all of these messages are bad, there is a deeper, more important message that they need to hear. God's heart for the "tween-ager" is for her to hear HIS vision of the beautiful, amazing woman He is creating her to be. That is Club 12’s purpose: a party just for them and a chance for God to pull them aside and speak to their hearts in a special way. They leave Club 12 knowing that God sees them, He cares for them, and He created them as BEAUTIFUL!

This New Year's Eve will be the third annual Club 12 event. In the last two years, Club 12 has already ministered to 128 girls from 8 different counties in Kentucky. We’ve seen 63 of those girls give their hearts to Christ! Here are some of the comments girls left on our evaluation cards:

"I asked Jesus to come into my heart and become His princess."
"That was the best slumber party I have ever been to!"
"Club 12 is AWESOME and it has changed my life forever, and I will never forget that day!"
"I love Club 12, and I'm so glad that you let God into our lives!"
"Thanks for helping me."

We believe God has given us a vision to start Club 12 ministries like this all over the country. If you feel that God may be giving you this same vision for your church, we can help!  Check out our video and call me, Kimberly Futrell, at 270-898-6531 or e-mail me at Club12@rocketmail.com for more information on starting a Club 12 ministry in your community.
 

Sometimes you write a blog, and you get no response. No feedback. No comments. Makes you wonder if anyone is actually online reading your stuff.

This discussion of homosexuality has not been one of those times.

I'm not quite sure why this topic has elicited so many responses both here on this blog and on my Facebook account. II don't know if it's the politically charged nature of the topic. I don't know if it's because people very strongly about this issue, one way or the other. I don't know if the topic strikes a nerve because churches are facing it more and more. I think it's probably a combination of all of those.

What I am absolutely certain about is this: homosexuality will become a major issue in our churches, if it hasn't already become one. So how should the church respond to the issue? It can ignore it, which many churches choose to do. Don't talk about it. Don't mention it. Don't approach the subject. It's uncomfortable. Political. Emotional. Murky. Divisive. Confusing. Polarizing. Distracting.

Or the church can respond in a legalistic, speak-the-truth-and-let-love-come-later-after-they-repent stance. You've probably seen elements of that in the media as news reels show people picketing with signs that say, "God hates fags." Unfortunately, most people involved in the gay lifestyle that I've met expect, fear, or have encountered this response. In fact, I had a conversation with a woman the other day who told me that exact thing. She said, "I was worried that if I told you, you would judge me."

Where is the middle ground? How can we as followers of Jesus continue to hold to our biblical beliefs and yet address homosexuality? The truth is that there aren't any easy answers. There isn't a cut-and-dried five-step method for talking with people who are struggling with (or who are comfortable with) same-gender feelings or lifestyles.

What I can suggest are some principles that will help you as you try to wrestle with how to approach this subject in your church or in your small group:

1. Check your own attitudes. If you were to be totally honest, how do you feel about homosexuals? Are you afraid of talking with them? Why? What prejudices do you have about people who are attracted to those of the same gender? The first step in addressing this issue is to evaluate your own attitudes, prejudices, misconceptions, and even sinful thoughts about homosexuals.

2. Check your language. Hang out with teenagers long enough, and you're bound to hear the statement (or something like it): "That's so gay" or "You're such a fag." It's commonly used to indicate that something is lame or stupid. But for a person struggling with homosexuality, it's just another way of feeling isolated and shamed and hated. Make it clear to your students that such language is off-limits in your group, just like foul language or language that puts others down.

3. Close the sin gap. We as human beings like to classify sins. We like to think that some sins are worse than others, and as long as we're not involved in "those things", then we're OK. It's OK to tell a white lie, but it's not OK to lie to your spouse about who you were talking to online. It's not OK to cheat on your tithe, but it's OK to cheat on your taxes. It's OK to have temptations about sexual purity, but it's not OK to be tempted by someone of the same gender. It's OK to be obese and not take care of your body, but it's not OK to be anorexic. Get the point? The truth is that sin is sin. There's no sin that makes me more acceptable in God's eyes and no sin that makes me less forgiven by His grace. For all the campaigns and marches against homosexuality, I've yet to hear people raise a ruckus about being gluttons.

4. Dialogue, don't argue. The homosexuals that I have met are defensive. And the more you argue with them about how they're wrong and you're right, the higher the wall between the two of you. Instead, approach the situation with a willingness to listen. You won't be swayed by their arguments (and neither will the other person), but you can learn a lot. What led them to engage in this lifestyle. Where they struggle. Fears they have. Questions that still linger. Their theology and biblical interpretations. By engaging in an actual dialogue, you earn respect and credibility. And you leave the door open for future conversations.

5. Remember, you're not the Holy Spirit. He doesn't need your help in bringing a person to conviction and repentance. He's been handling that task well for centuries. However, you can be Jesus with skin on. You can choose to hang out with "sinners" and "tax collectors". You can accept the unaccepted and be an instrument of grace while at the same time maintaining the integrity of Scripture.

6. Watch your first reaction. When a girl comes to you and tells you about the struggles she's having, how will you respond in that moment? Will you change the subject because you're uncomfortable? Will you say, "You're not gay. Don't worry about it." Will you look around to see if anyone else is around who might overhear you? Will you put physical space between the two of you? How you react in those initial moments will make the difference. Even if you're completely caught off guard, don't react that way. Be calm. Take time to listen. Ask questions. Allow the story to unfold. That the girl would talk to you in the first place shows that she trusts you. Don't betray that trust by the way you respond.

7. Address the issue in your group. I know, I'm treading on shaky ground here, especially with younger students. Some parents don't want you discussing anything of a sexual nature with their girls. They're "not ready" for it. Other parents welcome your voice in the discussion (and may leave discussions of this nature up to you so they don't have to talk about it at home). And you're caught in the middle. Your girls are dealing with this issue on some level. They hear about it. They watch TV shows that feature gay characters. Friends are coming out. Others are asking if they're willing to experiment. Girls need a place that will offer biblical, honest, authentic answers free of political agendas. The church can be that place. You may need to alert parents ahead of time. Or even cover the material with parents before you talk with the girls. But find a way to open the door to discussion.

I know a blog ike this is bound to lead to discussion. To be honest, I am looking forward to it. So feel free to post your thoughts and reactions.