It is sometimes embarrassing to admit how much I love a good “to do” list. I love writing it all down, and then marking it all off as I complete each task. No, not simply checking it off so you can still read what you’ve accomplished, but a BIG BOLD BLACK line in permanent marker. I like to visually see that it is done, finished, and know that I don’t have to look at it again. 

One of my biggest struggles in life has been when my “to do” list is interrupted. On a good day I will let it roll off my back and just move ahead putting today’s  “to do” list for tomorrow. On a bad day the crankiness creeps in, irritability raises its ugly head, and my whole day spirals downhill (at least that is my perception).  

As I’ve continued in ministry through the years God has taught me numerous lessons related to interruptions. He has taught me so much about coping with and dealing with interruptions, because life doesn’t follow my “to do” list. He has taught me about His love and tenderness towards others in the midst of interruptions. (Anyone have small children?!) And He has taught me A LOT about patience! 

What about Girls’ Ministry? What are the interruptions?  

How do you react when you are in the middle of teaching Bible study and one of the girls begins telling the group about some girl drama and her hurt feelings? What do you say when another girl confesses that her parents are separated and it looks like they will divorce and it is not during the designated time to share prayer requests? And what about the girl who is sometimes there and sometimes not, do I see her as an active member of the girls ministry and the church or an uncommitted interruption to the core group we are trying to build in the ministry? 

Hopefully, we all know how we would answer these questions and how we would respond to embrace the ministry in the moment. Because the reality is these “interruptions” are not interruptions at all, they are life.  

The more I’ve learned to look at the “interruptions” as an iatrical part of the abundant life in Christ and opportunities to minister in His Name, the less important my “to do” list becomes.  

What about you? How do interruptions interrupt you? How do you feel when things don’t go as planned? How do interruptions hinder your joy in ministry and in life? What are we teaching the girls (and their parents) in our Girls’ Ministry with the way we cope with and deal with what appear to be interruptions? 

A friend of mine showed me this as a mom to a mom. I wanted to share it with you leader to leader. It encouraged me about the future generation. God is still working.

 

Who is He?
A story by Schuyler

As I flipped through the pages of the bible, being 6 I didn’t understand a whole lot. But I could tell a capital letter from a lowercase one. I noticed that on all of the filled pages, ‘He’ was capitalized. It wasn’t even at the front of the sentence! I didn’t understand why they made so many mistakes! So I got up and showed it to my mom who was an editor. I asked her why ‘He’ was capitalized, and if God is watching over us, why would ‘He’ let them make so many mishaps in ‘His’ book.

And then she told me,” He is God. He does watch over us every second of every day. He lives in your heart. He created us, and the world for that matter, in the palm of His hand. He is our King, our best friend, our father, whatever we need Him to be. And some glorious day, trumpets will play to His arrival to fight the enemy. When He wins, all of those who love Him shall live with Him forever. He, is everything. It is the least we can do, but to capitalize His name.” she said. And with that, I felt I understood everything. I had no more questions. That one answer was every answer.

Amen.
 

Last week, CBS News released an article that highlighted the increase of violence between girls. This is not a new or novel problem. Since Hannah and Peninnah in the Old Testament, women have dealt with mean girls and social aggression. The difference with today's girls is the physical violence that has spiked. It's no longer just a battle of words—it's a battle of fists.

 What has caused the increase in physical aggression? Everything from hormones to violence in the media to parental absence has been blamed. While I want to understand why, the more important question is, how do we handle this issue among girls?

1. Provide opportunities for physical activity. Girls have erratic hormones and strong emotions. Put them together and you're sitting on a powder keg ready to explode. The problem is that there are few socially accepted conduits for those emotions. Not every girl is on a basketball or soccer team. To help those who aren't, provide opportunities for them to get some energy out. Organize a powder puff football game. Put up a basketball goal in front of your house and get a ball game going before Bible study. Utilize the summer months to play lots of ice breaker games outside. Keep the competition fun. Every little bit helps.

2. Teach girls how to express emotions in a healthy way. In puberty, girls' emotions are radically changing from day to day or even hour by hour. It's a scary thing. Girls need to know that there will be some days that they want to cry for no reason (and yes, it's OK just to cry). They need to learn through example or thorugh a Bible study how to deal with anger, depression, disappointment, and fear. Why not host a Bible study that tackles emotions? And why not invite parents to a separate Bible study on helping teens manage those emotions? Many parents are just as wigged out as the girls!

3. When you see examples of girl-on-girl violence, talk about it. What led up to the confrontation? Why did these girls see physical violence as the only solution? What consequences do these girls face for dealing with their emotions in such an unproductive manner? Peer (and adult) culture often glorifies violence between girls. Show girls the downside.

4. Teach girls conflict resolution skills. There are a ton of online suggestions for conflict management. Find some that will resonate with the girls you lead. Give them some tools for working through a situation that seems impossible. Girls who feel like they are backed into a corner with no way out are much more likely to turn violent toward others (or herself).

Sometimes I wish I didn’t think so much.

I wish I wasn’t so analytical, so skeptical. I often find myself questioning others’ motives, statements, assertions, and values. It’s a consequence of living in a culture where “truth” changes as quickly as the weather, where little seems dependable or trustworthy. My analytical skills protected me as a child and serve me well as an adult.

But sometimes, they hurt my relationship with God.

Instead of looking at things through the eyes of a loving God who wants the best for me, I tend to see through a glass darkly colored by the evil around me. And that has major consequences for my relationship with God.

I wish I were more like David when he penned Psalm 34. In it, he writes, “I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears…This poor man cried, and the Lord heard and saved him from all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them” (v. 4,6-7).

Seems pretty straightforward, doesn’t it? But’s the simple superscription at the beginning of this chapter that throws my brain into its analytical tailspin. It says, “concerning David, when he pretended to be insane in the presence of Abimelech…”

Did you catch that? David saw God’s deliverance in his (David’s) acting insane. The Bible tells us that David, “acted like a madman around them, scribbling on the doors of the gate and letting saliva run down his beard.”

Gross, but effective. And after David wiped the drool off of his chin, he wrote a psalm declaring God’s love, faithfulness, and deliverance. To him, the inspiration to act like a patient at an asylum was just as much God’s providence as parting the Red Sea. God delivered. The means by which deliverance came didn’t matter.

And that’s where my analytical, skeptical, orderly brain gets me in trouble.

I know I need God’s deliverance. Only I want it in ways that make sense to me. But when I read Scripture, God’s deliverance and presence show up in the craziest of ways, if you’ll pardon the pun. Most of the time, God shows up in ways that just don’t "make sense."

It didn’t make sense that the man who led the Israelites out of Egypt would be a bumbling, stuttering man with anger issues.

It boggles the imagination that the people of Israel would go to battle against Jericho with some torches and clay pots and march around the walls of the city looking like a bunch of fools.

It goes against logic that a shepherd would become Israel’s king. And that this mighty king would be known as a man after God’s own heart, even though that heart was guilty of lust, adultery, and murder.

There’s no common since in Naaman being healed of a skin disease by taking a bath in nasty, dirty river water.

It was beyond description to bring deliverance through a baby born to pregnant peasant teenager who’d never had sex. To give the message of that birth through a bunch of unclean, dirty shepherds who were more used to talking to sheep than talking to people.

It didn’t make sense that Jesus would go through Samaria instead of around it. That he would talk to a woman at a well, a woman whom everyone else had discarded, ignored, and marginalized until she was more than happy to go it alone.  

And it challenges every logical thought that God would deliver humanity by allowing His only Son, the heart of His heart, to be tortured beyond recognition and to be murdered on the most horrific device known at the time.

It doesn’t make sense that He loves me. My analytical mind doesn’t get it. I don’t understand it.

But it’s not about my intellect. I think (?) that God often works in unpredictable ways so that I can’t put him in a box or believe the lie that I’ve somehow figured Him out.   

And I am learning that no matter how He chooses to work or to show Himself, and no matter what the outcome looks like at the time, I can trust that His actions are always a reflection of His heart toward me. A good heart. A perfectly faithful heart (Isa. 25:1).  

And that’s enough for me. At least it is today.
 

A few weeks ago I began a new Bible study scouting the divine by Margaret Feinberg. The quick summary on the back of the book caught my attention in a unique way. One question in particular grabbed me and I've been pondering this question:

What does it mean to know Jesus as the Good Shepherd when the only places I've encountered sheep are at petting zoos?

The author dives deep into the scriptures and what it means to understand the relationship between the Good Shepherd and His sheep as she parallels a modern-day shepherdess with her sheep. I've learned all kinds of random facts about sheep in the process. Did you know that sheep are the most frequently mentioned animal in the Bible with over 700 references?

As I've continued reading and studying scripture about this animal, I've also evaluated and related the insights I've gained through this Bible study to the relationship between today's Girls' Minister and her girls.

Ponder these thoughts and questions with me:

When a sheep is weak and alone, it is quick to give up. What about the girls in your ministry? How do they respond when they feel vulnerable? Weak? Alone? How does acceptance and alignment with your girls' ministry give them confidence and encouragement to continue when life is difficult?

Sheep are often considered dumb, when they are really defenseless. Sheep are not always aware of the consequences of what they are doing. Does that sound like any girls you know? How do we help the girls in our ministries to look ahead to consequences? To see beyond the present moment? How do we help them maintain innocence without becoming defenseless?

Sheep will gather tightly together when a predator is near to protect themselves. Do girls find strength in the other girls and adults at your church as they face the harsh realities of this world? How does your girls' ministry assure those who are struggling or fearful that your church is a safe place?

Sheep trust each other almost to an extreme level. Sheep have been known to follow each other right off a cliff! And how many times have you seen that happen in girls' ministry? Maybe not a cliff, but one girl makes a bad decision, and then another makes the same bad decision, and another. All the more reason for the shepherd who leads them and guides them to also help them change direction when she sees they are headed down a destructive path.

One of the greatest reminders I gained on this scouting expedition was how pushing a sheep produces agitation. I thought about the many times I've pushed a friend, a young girl, or one of my daughters to move forward on something that she was not fully prepared to do. How many times have I seen fear in the eyes of others when I pushed them into unknown territory? When have I added to their anxiety? Did I cause a level of distrust because I didn't "go first" and lead the way?

The Good Shepherd, Jesus, leads His sheep. He leads in such an amazing way. He is strong, yet He is gentle. And He leads in such a way that others want to follow behind Him.

Psalm 78:72 describes another good shepherd in the Bible, David, when it says, "He shepherded them with a pure heart and guided them with his skillful hands."

Honestly, I know nothing about sheep. I am lucky that our fish and dog survive from day-to-day. But I want to be a good shepherd to those God gives me to lead. I want to have a pure heart and guide them with skillful hands. So, I will continue to listen for the Good Shepherd's voice and follow after Him, because without Him I will most likely walk right off a cliff.

Meet Hannah. She tells her story below. I asked her record her thoughts as she looked back at her years in youth group.

 

I am a sophomore in college— one and a half years removed from the youth group. I was in three different youth groups and had five different youth ministers in the span of my six years as a youth.  Whew. As you can see, my experience in the youth ministry was a whirlwind of new churches and youth ministers. Because these youth ministers weren’t involved in my life for long periods of time, I didn’t get the chance to learn from them as much as I wish.

Looking back on my high school years, I think that I needed a lot of wisdom from my youth ministers. I really could have used some guidance about relationships with guys. Like so many teenage girls, I was clueless as to the importance of emotional boundaries. Of course, being a little uncertain around the fellows like I was, I probably needed advice about even being friends with guys.

I wish someone had taught me to give of myself where God was working. In high school, it is so easy to become focused on yourself and your goals and your future. Often, I had the mindset that I could join God in his work when I got to college.  I could give to others once I landed that scholarship. I needed a reminder that God wanted all of me right then. Not later.

I also had tons of questions about different denominations and their practices. Several of my friends were extremely charismatic, and I had no clue how to handle that. Where did I plant my foot down on issues of worship and those controversial spiritual gifts? What should my stance be?

My youth ministers could have been helpful counselors regarding all of these topics. But the bottom line is, when there is no relationship, the conversations have little value to a teenager. I needed my youth minister not only to speak wisdom to me, but also to be involved in my life.

Last week my oldest daughter took the test, passed and received her driver's permit. WAHOO! (Yes that was a big WAHOO because she failed the test the previous week.)

The following evening after passing her permit test she drove to the grocery store with my husband to "pick up a few things." Interesting...no one usually offers to do the grocery shopping for me. She parked the car a football field away from the front doors of the supermarket, got out and started walking. My husband quickly asked if she was hoping someone would steal his car. Yes, that's right, the keys were in the car and it was still running!

Being a good dad he didn't reprimand her or tease her too much; however, the reality did set in...we've got a lot of work to do in the next year as she prepares for her "real" driver's license.

It brought to mind a great article I read recently written by one of the ministers at my church. He gave some wonderful tips and suggestions in the article to encourage parents. He also gave me permission to share it with you and I hope it will help you as you minister to the parents of the girls in your ministry.

 

You as a parent are on the front lines in the struggle for the hearts, minds and very lives of your teenagers. You want your teenagers to succeed in whatever they do. To prepare a path for them here are several things you can do to protect and enable your teenager to be successful in what God leads them to do.

1. Pray for your student every day. Pray that they will be kept from temptation - because it is EVERYWHERE out there! Pray that God will bring the right people into their lives at the right time to influence them for Him. Pray that God will provide them with friends that have the same Christian values you have. Pray that God will protect your children physically, emotionally, psychologically, mentally and socially.

2. Pray with your student. This one is not easy and may seem hokey, but it is essential. It will let your student know that prayer is important and you are trusting in a higher authority. Simply ask your student what they are concerned about - a test, a friend, a situation. Then say: "let me pray with you about that". It may be uncomfortable at first, especially if this is not a regular habit in your home, but as you do it, praying with your student will be looked forward to.

3. Set a good example. You may not believe it, but you do influence your student's decisions. They watch you all the time. What are the seeing in and hearing from you? If you were your kid, would you look up to you? Research tells us that parents are the number one influence on children - so how are you doing?

4. Be there for them. When they need a listening and experienced ear, be there. Listen. Don't talk. Listen for what is behind what is being said. If you hear something that alarms you, take a deep breath and don't judge - ask God to help you with the response that is needed, which may not be one you want to give - at the moment. The main thing is to be available to listen - really listen. If corrective action is needed, be sure not to let them off the hook.

5. Apologize when you are wrong. It is not easy to swallow pride, but it is a way to build lasting relationships when you sincerely apologize when you have been wrong with an attitude or action. Your teenagers will respect you more.

6. Be the parent - they have tons of friends. Parents have the hard job of saying "No" and setting limits. Friends just let things slide. Your student will learn to trust and follow you as you take on the role of being a parent. You have their best interest at heart - sometimes that best interest is hard to administer - but it will be worth it in the long run for your teen and down deep she knows it.

7. Help your student learn from her mistakes. Life lessons are good teachers. If you protect your teenager from the consequences of their mistakes, they will never learn how or why they should avoid doing the same things in the future. The lesson may have some sting to it and may be embarrassing to you, but if you "fix" things and they know you will, they will never learn how to make good decisions.

8. Make sure family is the center of life. Teens want to belong to something. A strong family identity will help them feel connected and protected. You do this by showing them that they are not in competition with your job or other interests. Seek to pass on traditions and talk about the importance of family. Be there when they are there - jobs and friends come and go, but family is forever!

9. Show love - no strings attached. Everyone needs to be loved. Be sure your love is unconditional - not based on performance at home, school, or sports. Not an I love you "if" kind of love, but I love you "no matter what" kind of love. It is not how they perform, it is who they are that counts!

10. Finally - be consistent. If you say you are a Christian, then act like one and live your life according to Christian principles. Consistency earns respect and trust from your student.

 

How might you share these tips with the parents of the girls in your ministry? Which suggestions really stand out to you? Where do the parents of the girls in your girls' ministry need reminders or encouragement as they stand on the "front lines" raising their daughter?

 

 

 

Earlier, I gave you a sneak peek into one of our newest resources, True Princess: Being a Servant in an All-About-Me-World. The full manuscript is now in my inbox, and we're beginning production on it. I am so excited about the potential of this Bible study to change the mindset and attitudes of teen girls. Here's another sneak peek at what the girls will see:

The pop princesses of our culture have a reputation for being rebellious. It’s no surprise when their scandals hit the headlines and their bad behavior is photographed for the entire world to see. These “princesses” don’t seem to worry much about honoring their family name or protecting the reputation of their fathers.

We may call these girls princesses, but deep down we know this isn’t how a princess is supposed to act. These aren’t the kind of young women we admire. Their lives aren’t the stuff of fairy tales.  

A true princess doesn’t do whatever it takes to draw attention to herself. She is special because she is the daughter of someone special. Everything she does points back toward her father, the king. If a princess acts recklessly or ignores the needs or customs of her people, it isn’t just her reputation that suffers. The honor and image of the throne is at stake.

Honoring the family name may seem like an ancient concept to our modern brains. But it is a key responsibility of a daughter of the King and it’s a theme that is repeated often in Scripture.

 

 

Here's another segment. Now can you see why I'm so excited about this Bible study?

 

As daughters of the king, our lives are not our own. Scripture puts it this way:

Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? –1 Corinthians 6: 19-20a, The Message

Asking God to adopt you into His family means allowing Him to be in charge. He now sits on the throne of your heart and your choices should be determined by His will. This is definitely easier said than done, but it is critical for you to realize that your life is under the authority of the King. You are called to live a life in submission to Christ.

You are probably already living out this principle in some areas of your life....

 

Just a glance at the latest fashion or celebrity magazine, and you can see why a Bible study like this is so desperately necessary to counteract the mindset of our culture. I can't wait for this to hit the shelves!

 

Periodically, I like to highlight the ministries of different churches as they do girls' ministry. Today's blog pertains to a unique event held at First Baptist Church, Spartanburg, South Carolina. Rather than my telling it, I'll let you hear it from Jimmie Davis, one of their leaders:

We wanted to bring all the generation of women and girls together to help bridge the gap and build relationships, so we created the "Links of Love". It turned out to be a wonderful day.  We had between 450-500 women and girls!!  We were packed and scrambling to seat and feed the walk-ins. The Lord multiplied the chicken and when the peach pie ran out, we served chocolate covered Krispy Kreme donuts. Thank goodness there is a Krispy Kreme just down the street!

Confession time. Speaking the truth in love is not my gift. I often find myself leaning to one side or another. Either I speak the “love” and avoid hurting someone’s feelings or I speak the truth with a tone that comes out harsh and more like a condemnation. If speaking the truth in love is a challenge for me, at my age (and I’m not saying what that age is), how much more difficult is it for teen girls?

In John 14:6 Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” High school, in particular, is a tough time when many girls make choices and decisions that conflict with Truth. Face it…even the most dedicated Christian girls sometimes make choices and decisions in the moment and don’t think about how those choices conflict with God’s commands. And although many friendships change or divide during the middle school years, even more boundaries are set between girls in high school.

 

Speaking the truth in love is often when the lines are drawn and friendships fizzle. So, how do we teach the girls in our church and ministries to speak the truth in love? Are there principles to follow? Are there guidelines to speaking truth?

 

1. Respect-Maybe not your typical example, but Job comes to mind when I think about a person who respected God and respected others. No matter what his circumstances or what others were saying around him or to him, Job demonstrated respect. He honored and respected God and did not let words fly in the moment when it looked to others that God had abandoned him. He honored and respected his friends by letting them speak their minds, but not falling in line with their opinions.
2. Gentleness and Kindness-Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” Regardless of how angry or frustrated we may become when we see a friend making a foolish decision away from obedience to God, our tone of voice and the words we use can convey love. Helping girls learn to control their tone of voice is a key to communicating effectively in many situations. Giving a gentle rebuke to someone we love can have more power than a string of words expressing frustration.
3. Seeking God-Speaking the truth in love is a task that requires wisdom. When you are 14 or 16 or even 36 or 46, it is difficult to speak the truth in love. How do we know the correct words to use? What is the right time to say those words of correction, rebuke, or confrontation? James 1:5 reminds us, “Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him.”

Friendships and relationships can be hard. They can be especially hard when situations arise that require speaking truth into the lives of others. The truth is not always easy to hear. The truth is not always easy to receive once it is spoken. We all want others to see the best in us. We want to hear words of affirmation and encouragement, and sometimes that is not what we are going to hear from those who know us best, our true friends.

 

Proverbs 27: 6 says, “The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.” How can we help girls to understand that although the truth may sometimes hurt, it is best? How can we help them to value those who speak the truth in love? And how do we teach girls to speak the truth in love with balance - avoiding the harsh tones and the soft words that cushion the truth too much?