Unless you've been on a sequestered jury for the last couple of weeks, you know that the much-anticipated day has finally arrived: the release of New Moon, the second movie in the cult-statused Twilight book series. Girls have had this date circled on their calendars for weeks. They have surfed the Web for clues. Thay have bought magazines. They have watched every trailer imaginable.

You might be tempted to avoid any discussion about the movie because, like thousands of others, you're already tired of hearing about it. However, you might want to take another approach: use the movie release and book's content to begin a discussion about deeper issues. Listed below are five simple questions you can use to begin a dialogue with a girl about New Moon. In parenthesis are some possible directions the conversation could take.

1.       Are you Club Jacob or Club Edward? Why? (Jacob is the werewolf, Edward the vampire. Girls are divided over which they would choose. Jacob is the friend and confidant for Bella after Edward leaves. This is an easy discussion-starter that will allow you to approach other subjects within the book/movie.)

2.       Do you think you would respond like Bella did when Edward left? In what ways? What things do you think you wouldn’t do? (When Edward leaves early in New Moon, Bella responds with increasingly-dangerous behavior. In short, she acts as if life is not worth living. Her behavior is extremely disturbing and unhealthy. “I’d rather die than be with anyone but you.”)

3.       What would you want to do if you lived forever like Edward and the other vampires? (Edward is an accomplished pianist among other things. This might be an opportunity to discuss the fact that we are NOT given eternity, that everyone must face their own mortality.)

4.       Why do you think Bella doesn’t want to marry Edward? (This may be a good place to begin a discussion about the understanding of marriage and commitment.)

5.       In the book, Bella’s father Charlie seems kind of clueless sometimes, but what do you see as some of his positive qualities? Do you think Charlie could have done something differently as her father? (This could open the door for a discussion about a father’s role in family life.)

I saw a car commerical the other day (you can watch it below) that made me think about God. The gist of the commercial was that, "Fun can obviously change behavior for the better."

Because my brain is wired to connect things back to girls' ministry (does anyone else do that all the time???), I started wondering what it would be like if we helped girls understand that a relationship with God is meant to be fun.

Fun is a flippant word. Makes me think more like a trip to an amusement park or a night out with friends. That's not the kind of superficial joy that I think God intended for believers to experience because they're in relationship with Him. But the commerical makes a good point nevertheless. People are more likely to be involved with something if it's fun. Pleasurable. Enjoyable. They're more likely to want to participate if it is positive, not negative.

And therein lies the problem with God. For some girls, unfortunately, God is not on their list of things they enjoy, things that bring them joy, things that they find positive or even neutral. They think God is out to do them harm. He's mean. Vindictive. Out to strike them down with a lightning bolt when they mess up. Some think He is up there, somewhere, keeping the world in order, but not interested or involved in their everyday struggles. Aloof. A relationship with God is about doing a bunch of things to keep God happy and things to avoid so you don't tick Him off. There's no surprise, mystery, curiosity. Just keeping sin in check, attitudes in order. Maintenance.

Which begs the question: How do girls formulate their understanding of God?

How do they begin to concept in their minds and hearts this Diety who created them? Such a spiritual formation takes place over a long period of time, with a myriad of contributing factors, including parental involvement, social constructs, pop culture (remember the 80s version of God demonstrated by Madonna???), and... you guessed it... the church.

Which leads to another question...what are you and I doing, both positively and negatively, to help girls develop a healthy perspective on what it means to be in relationship with God? How are we helping---or hurting---a girls' spiritual formation?

Which leads to the most basic question of all...what is your relationship with God like? Do girls see joy in you? Do girls see you enjoying God? Do you enjoy God?

I've been reading through the psalms from finish to start (long story) and I'm amazed at the number of times that the psalms talks about the joy that comes with a relationship with God (21:6; 33:3; 47:1; 51:12; 65:8; 100:1). But if you were to poll many Christians today and ask them for adjectives that describe their relationship with God, I seriously doubt that the word "joy" would be the first one on the list. Or even on the list at all.

The commercial has made me think about how I might be somehow responsible for giving others a warped perception about God. Not that I would view God with a flippant attitude. Or as Santa Claus who gives me whatever I want (another perception girls often have). But I wonder how much I communicate joy in a relationship with God. That walking with Him is an adventure. That when you think about it, God is pretty stinkin' funny. Any trip to the local zoo will prove that to be true.

I want girls to understand that a relationship with God is just that---a relationship. It's meant to be full of life and vigor and turns and twists and ups and down and questions and answers, pain and, yes, joy.

Girls' ministy is so much more than teaching girls how to manage their sin. It's more than teaching them to wait until marriage to have sex or to dress more modestly or to speak more nicely. It's about teaching them their chief end, their purpose on this planet: to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

I got to see generational ministry in action this weekend. The occasion? Halloween.

My family lives in a small town outside of Nashville. We only have about four neighbors to our left. All of them are at least in their late 50s. Some are in their 80s. And all of them were waiting for our daughter to come trick-or-treat at their houses.

One neighbor gave her books. Another neighbor gave her a scarecrow pencil and note pad. And of course, there was candy in abundance (none of which I would ever eat, of course) thrown into her glow-in-the-dark pumpkin bag. The neighbors even took pictures. She wasn't dressed particularly fancy. (We bought her costume at Wal-Mart.) But they all took pictures.

I've been thinking about that simple act of taking a picture and what it symbolized---they have invested in our daughter's life.

These neighbors have known Kaitlyn since before she was born. They endured with us the struggles of adoption. They decorated our house the night we came home from the airport. And since then, these ladies have watched her grow up. We've said hello to them when they were going for walks. They've seen her playing out in the yard. We've taken food to them and they've supplied plenty of food to us. We've been surrogate family to each other.

One raises chickens and couldn't wait to show Kaitlyn the baby chicks. She never would have had that opportunity except for the thoughtfulness of an older woman.

I am grateful for the investment that these ladies have made in my daughter's life. She is learning that you're never too old to care about those around you. She is learning to relate to a different generation than her own. These women are modeling what it means to be a neighbor, which is a lost art in today's culture.

This weekend's festivities reminded me again of the value and importance of generational ministry. The older leading and modeling life for the younger. The benefits and joys and blessings for everyone involved.  Life in community instead of isolation. The church as it was intended to be.

Generational ministry is just as important at fourteen as it is at four. Teen girls desperately need older women who are willing to pour into them. From the stories I hear daily, these girls actually crave interaction with older women. They want to learn how to do life with integrity and grace and inner beauty and confidence. Many girls don't know how to ask, but they want it nevertheless.

The question is whether we as the older generation are willing to take up that banner. We cannot assume that teen girls don't need it or want it. We cannot assume that others are more qualified. We cannot shirk the responsibility, thinking that others have more time, more energy, more talents.

It's our mandate in Scripture. And it's our legacy.

How do you foster generational connections and ministry? Tell us your stories!

Sometimes I really love my job.I love meeting new people. I love giving women (and men) a vision for reaching teen girls. I love being creative and thinking outside the box and dreaming and looking toward what could be. I love being around people who are passionate about reaching teen girls.

Yesterday was one of those days. I got to meet with a team of very talented people and dream about a new Bible study for teen girls. A Bible study that attacks a prevaling mantra that says, "I deserve." A Bible study that helps girls understand that yes, they are princesses endowed with great worth because they are God's beloved, but they are not on the throne. A Bible study that challenges girls to embrace humility instead of pride, servanthood instead of selfishness, meekness instead of aggression. A Bible study that is flexible enough to experience on a variety of levels and settings, from an overnight sleepover to an ongoing discipleship group.

The name of this new Bible study? Tossing Your Tiara: Embracing Humility in an All-About-Me World.

I can't wait to see where God takes this study. I can't wait for girls to begin to grasp their roles as light bearers and ambassadors to the world around them. I can't wait to watch as God begins open their eyes to the sneaky deceptiveness of the enemy who wants them to be less than God created them to be and to accomplish. I can't wait for girls to understand what it really means to be a daughter of God.

As the study unfolds, I'll keep you posted on the progress!

What do you look for in a Bible study? What elements, themes, or topics are important to you?

This month's issue of Parents magazine features an article entitled "Life in the Slow Lane." The premise of the article is that a growing number of parents are actually choosing a slower lifestyle for themselves and their families. The article cites that:

"after the go-fast '80s, the get-rich '90s, and the 24/7, wired pace of the new milennium, slow is quickly emerging and the hot new buzzword."

What does that look like in the family? Bike paths instead of skating parks. Board games take precendence over X-Box. Lazy Sunday mornings (Sabbath anyone??) versus a weekend of mad dashes to the mall, the grocery store, and everywhere else. Listening to music instead of watching music videos. Fewer activities and more quality time.

With this new trend emerging in parenting circles, we in ministry need to think about the implications for our own ministry (and personal lives). In short, we need to think about a slower, yet strategic approach to ministry. What could this look like in your own ministry?

Maybe instead of doing more with your girls, you need to be doing less. Or maybe you need to rethink the way you utilize the time that you are spending with the girls who are a part of your ministry. Think of this following scenario: a Friday night sleepover might involve baking cookies together instead of watching movies. A lock-in may mean ditching the Wii in favor of card games.

During Bible study, you may want to cover fewer Scriptures so girls don't feel so scrambed to "get through" the verses. Bible study may become deeper and richer than you ever imagined. Allow time and space for girls to be still and quiet before Bible study begins so that they can decompress from a hectic pace and make room for God to speak.

What you do should fit into your overall strategy for your girls' ministry, youth ministry, and/or church. Begin to think about what really matters in ministry--connecting girls with God and each other--and focusing on those things. If you don't have a strategy for developing the girls in your ministry, consider the Known Strategy.

Doing activities for the sake of busyness is a bad stewardship not only of your time and energy, but also girls'. Instead, consider what you offer in ministry and why you offer it. This slower approach to girls' ministry may be the difference between teaching girls an activities-based approach to God and an authentic relationship with Him. 

If you haven't heard anything about our first Girls' Ministry Forum, here's the scoop:

Converge: Powering Girls' Ministry
February 26-27, 2010
Nashville, Tennessee

Those are the basics, but here are some more of the great details.

Carol Sallee will be our keynote speaker. She is the founder of To Know Christ Ministries. Through this ministry, Carol speaks across the United States and writes for a numerous Christian publications, including writing the girls' ministry Bible study, Confident. Ily published a bible study for youth girls called Confident. This six week study, available through LifeWay, Confident, which is designed to help teenage girls find their confidence in Christ. Carol is married to Phil, a pastor, and is also mom to three grown children. A satisfying evening to Carol consists of chocolate, a good movie, and Mexican food. Carol admits she is addicted to Sketchers tennis shoes, reality television, and Twitter. Visit www.carolsallee.com to learn more.

Shelly E. Johnson will lead worship. Born and raised in Marietta, Georgia, Shellyis a Nashville-based Christian Artist, Worship Leader and Songwriter with a deep devotion to her Creator and a desire to share Him with others. In 2008, Shelly attended the Gospel Music Association’s Music in the Rockies Seminar, where her song “That’s the Power of the Cross” was awarded the 2008 Song of the Year and her song “Draw Near” was awarded Scripture Song of the Year.  In June 2009, Shelly released her second album entitled Mosaic of Grace.  In August 2009, Shelly was awarded the National Winner in the Gospel Music Association's Immerse National Artist Competition and continues to experience growing momentum as God opens new doors for ministry.  Visit www.shellyejohnson.com to learn more.

In addition to corporate times of worship and Bible study, this conference will provide breakout sessions for enrichment, training, and networking for women. Some of the topics covered include:

• The Great Juggling Act: Balancing Family, Career, and Ministry
• Discipleship 101: How to Disciple Girls
• God is Great, God is Good: Teaching Girls How to Pray
• Lost in Translation: Communcating with Guys
• Help Me! Teen Girls in Crisis

The best part of the conference, though, isn't what it offers women (although I think that's pretty significant). It's what it offers for teen girls. We are offering a leadership track for teen girls, grades 9-12. This track is geared at developing and equipping the next generation for life and ministry to their peers. Some of the topics for the girls include:

• Big Sister, Little Sister—Mentoring Younger Students
• Taming the Media Monster—How to Evaluate the Impact of Media
• Gift to Go—Discovering Your Spiritual Gifts and How to Use Them
• No Worries—The Basics of Leading a Bible Study
• BFFs Forever—How to Develop Healthy Friendships

For an up-to-date listing of all of the breakouts, to get information about the event, or to register, you can go to our Web site: Girls' Forum.

The more I think and plan and pray about this event, the more excited I become. Not because it's something my ministry is offering. Not because it's my job. And certainly not because I'll be leading a breakout. I get excited because of the potential I see to equip women and teen girls to impact their world. A gathering for training, encouragement, networking, worship, and Bible study. Count me in!

We've invited Lauren Farmer to join us again on our blog. Lauren is a newly graduated seminary student and a new transplant to Nashville. She doesn't come from a Christian background, so she offers a unique perspective to reaching girls who don't come through our doors with a heritage of faith. She loves to laugh, spend time with family and friends, travel the world, curl up with a good book, and drink Diet Coke.

She writes the following:

The topic of body image is nothing new among teen girls or those who work with them.  Discussions about body image and eating disorders among young women gained widespread media attention in the 1970’s and 1980’s.  Attention only grew in the 1990’s and early 21st century as Oprah and other media outlets focused on the increasing prevalence of eating disorders among young women.  Consequently, many women began to better understand the difficult struggle that they and others were facing in regards to body image and were able to recognize the warning signs of eating disorders.  Soon, Kate Moss and her waify figure went out of style while “curvier” women like Beyonce, J.Lo, Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian began to grace the covers of magazines. And, so, many of us have held out hope that issues of body image and eating disorders would fade as newer, “trendier” issues – like cutting – unfortunately emerged.

Despite the increased awareness relating to body image issues and eating disorders, teen girls seem to be struggling as much as ever and, at least in my experience, at an alarming rate.  Perhaps I am just a bit more sensitive to the issue.  I struggled myself with anorexia for a little over two years during high school and had serious body image issues through my first several years of college.  Because of this, I know all the tell-tale signs of eating disorders.  I can tell you if a girl has body image issues in a matter of minutes. 

I’ve seen a lot of girls with body image issues of the years.  What I had not seen, until this summer, was how mainstream the issue had become. 

While spending a good part of my summer at youth camp and on mission trips, I encountered numerous girls who were struggling with body image and, in my estimation, were at high risk for developing an eating disorder.  What surprised me most, however, was not the number of girls that were dealing with body image but rather their attitude towards themselves and others.  If I could sum it up in one word I would call it “casual.”

For instance, one day at summer camp I came around the corner to hear a girl tell one of her friends that she had “thunder thighs.”  I quickly interjected that this girl did NOT have thunder thighs and that it was neither kind nor her place to say something like that to her friends.  The girl interrupted me and said, “It’s ok. It’s true. I do have thunder thighs!” And in case I still did’t believe her she held up her leg and started slapping her thigh saying, “See! Look at it jiggle!”  All the girls laughed uncomfortably and scurried off. 

On a mission trip several weeks before, I had listened to a group of 8th grade girls discuss carbs, proteins, and working out.  That's all they talked about on the way to the mission site. They debated which foods were the worst for you and all agreed that cabs would make them fat the quickest. 

I wish these were the only two stories I had, but there are many more.

Our diet crazed, image-based society is influencing our girls whether we like it or not.  However, we as leaders can’t just place blame on the media for the challenges and struggles girls today are facing.  We need to take responsibility for the role that we as leaders, mothers, sisters, aunts, and teachers play in the matter.  Many of us are still struggling with our own body image.  How can we expect our girls to accept themselves and their bodies as being fearfully and wonderfully made by their Creator when we ourselves are modeling the opposite?  The girls around us are learning from you and me. Off-hand comments about our new diet, needing to fit into an outfit, and another woman’s figure (the list goes on) do not go unnoticed. As girls hear our words and see our actions, they develop their understanding of body image. 

So this is my challenge to you:  take the time to examine your own heart and life in regard to body image. Be honest with yourself – How do you view yourself?  Do you have a healthy body image? Are there some areas that you need to bring before the Lord?  What type of role model are you to girls?  Are you being careful with your words and actions to portray to girls the truth of who they are as daughters of the Most High – fearfully and wonderfully made?  Spend sometime meditating on this wonderful truth…

For you formed my inward parts;
 you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
 my soul knows it very well.
 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
  intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them,
 the days that were formed for me,
 when as yet there was none of them.--Psalm 139: 13-16

There. I've said it. Now let me explain.

The fall has been insane, absolutely insane. Travel. Meetings. Volleyball season (my husband is a coach). Meetings. Being a mom. Teaching. To-do lists. Writing. Cleaning house. Phone calls to return. Meetings. Church responsibilities. Emails that need replies. Meetings. Life has gone at a furious pace for more than two months. And tomorrow I leave to teach in Texas. It just never ends.

When life is flying past me at Mach 7, all I feel like I can do is hang on for dear life and hope the merry-go-round stops soon so I can get my bearings (and not throw up in the process). In the midst of the craziness,  it's really easy to forget about God

Do you ever feel that way? If you're honest, I bet you do.

I was talking with a friend in the hallway just this week and she said something that rang so true. She said, "I get in my car sometimes and say, 'Lord, I've been working with your Word all day and I haven't even talked to you.'" I love her honesty.

That's the danger of working where I do. We're around Christian people with Christian beliefs and Christian behavior (most of the time). I can see a Christian bookstore outside my window and there's a workroom across the hall full of Bible studies, Bibles, curriculum and other Christian stuff. I just met for devotion and prayer with my department this morning (but had to leave early—for another meeting!).

I think if you're honest, you feel the same struggle, too. Maybe you don't work for a religious non-profit, but you understand all-to-well what I'm talking about. Work. The demands of kids. The pull between ministry and life. The desire to reach girls and the angst of feeling like there is so much more to do. And when life is flying by so fast, it's really hard for you to remember that the God of the universe who created your heart is as close as its beating in your chest. It's easy to forget that God is in control over the chaos that seems to be spinning furiously out of control.

I'm grateful that God is timeless. That He knows the end from the beginning and knows that there will be times when as a human being, I will see through a glass very darkly. It will be diffiult to stay attentive with Him. There will be days when the most honest thing I can pray is, "Help me, Lord."

I'm grateful that He welcomes those prayers. That His presence is my life is not determined by my attentiveness to Him. And that when the dust settles, the first words out of His mouth won't be words of condemnation, judgment, and shame. The first words I hear from Him are simply, "I've missed you."

I've missed Him, too.

And the adventure begins...

Last night was the first meeting for "family group" with high school girls at our home. It was pouring down rain, so I was glad I went with the "don't even try to clean everything every week before they get here philosophy" for the year. Good decision and much less stressful.

I did forget in my haste to throw things together how much high school girls can eat when they are not around guys! Or maybe they were just hungry...anyway, we are off. Wasn't sure if it was the best start, but a start.

The most interesting thing of the night was after the girls left and I sat down to read these information cards we had them complete. They were your basic get to know you cards with pretty generic questions: Name, address, cell phone, texting?, birthday, what is your favorite food and so forth. However, my greatest surprise came with the questions, "Why did you sign up for family groups?" and "What do you want to get out of this year together?" The overwhelming response was "make new friends." I don't know why, but it wasn't what I expected.

Although the girls range in age from freshmen to seniors, they all go to the same church. They are all in the same high school ministry at that church. They go on the same retreats, to the same worship services, and usually at least see one another several times a week. Aren't they friends already?However, as I continue to ponder this hope for "making new friends" I sense what they are saying.

There are a number of people that I am in contact with each week at church. We experience the same worship experiences, study the Bible together, and communicate weekly. But there is something deeper that I want and have with only some of those people. It is a level of connection, an honesty and trust, that is richer and fuller than simply being together and doing church together. They are what I love to refer to as "soul sisters." They are those friends who know me beyond the surface of the day to day. They are the friends that I do life with. They are the ones I can really share my struggles with and know they care. They are the ones who truly will pray for me when I ask and even when I don't.

And so now I'm thinking, "How do you make new friends?" Can you really "make" girls friends in a group like this? I know there are some connections and relationships in life you can't force. What are some ways to create community and trust? How do you help girls understand that honesty and vulnerability opens the door for others to share their fears, failures, and hopes?

What are some great questions you use with community or small groups? What are some activities that promote trust and honest and all the deeper characteristics of friends? How would you help a group like these girls to make new friends and be the friends to others that God would want them to be?