How am I supposed to get along with her?

Why don’t they include me?

Why are they mad at me?

I don’t like her. Wouldn’t it be fake if I was nice to her?

How many times have you heard these questions from girls? No matter their status—from the queen bee to the outcast on the edges—girls are desperately trying to understand how to interact with each other. As we invest in their lives, it’s vital for us as leaders to exemplify what it looks like to daily live out unity within the body of Christ.

In Ephesians, Paul wrote that every believer is united in Christ. Even if two people have nothing in common with each other, but both are followers of Christ, their purpose in life is the same. However, the enemy knows we will be less effective in proclaiming Christ if we’re divided, so he works hard to create division. Jesus told us in John 10:10 that the thief, Satan, comes only to steal, kill and destroy. He came to steal our hearts, kill our relationships, and destroy our unity. Fortunately, Christ has come to give us life in all those areas.

A.W. Tozer wrote in his book The Pursuit of God, “Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow.”  As believers, we need to be tuned to the same source of life, purpose and unity or everything we do will come off as pointless noise.

So how can you as a leader of girls develop unity?

 1. Be the example. If you are at odds with someone, including your husband, girls can spot it. They hear your conversations with others. They hear your conversation about others. If you're not setting the standard, girls have nothing to follow. 

2. Make your expectations clear. Every year (at least once a year!), focus your BIble study on respecting others. You cannot expect every girl in your group to be best of friends (even Paul and Barnabas parted ways), but you can expect and demand that girls treat each other with basic respect.  

3. Keep a tight reign on "trash talk". There should be no room in your ministry for slams, snide comments, smart remarks, or other cutting remarks. It's easy to "let it slide" so that you're not the bad guy. But when you say nothing, then you send the message that it's OK to treat other people that way. 

How do you work toward keeping unity among the girls in your group? Comment below!

Today's guest blog comes from Jennifer McCaman. Jen currently leads a group of 11^th grade girls, but in a few months her family will be moving to Bangkok, Thailand, to serve as missionaries from their church. She is excited to take her passion for girls' ministry to the other side of the world. Follow their journey at jennifermccaman.com

Lately God is teaching me that mentoring girls doesn’t end when they get a diploma. As a small group leader, I’ve had the opportunity to disciple girls throughout their high school careers. Sometimes it’s easy to wonder if your time with them really makes that much difference. Do all those conversations about purity, quiet times, modesty, loving God, dating wisely, reading the Bible really ever sink in?

About a year ago, I got a text from one of my first small group girls, Breanna, asking to meet me for lunch. Breanna’s dad died when she was 8 years old, which led her mom to become an alcoholic. She came to Christ in high school and allowed God to completely change her life. We walked through a lot together.

As we ate lunch, Breanna held out her left hand so I could see the ring on her finger. She told me how her boyfriend had proposed to her (yikes!) and that they would marry and live in Japan where he was stationed (talk about a life change). After an intense hour of my grilling her with lots of questions, I could see that this marriage was going to happen. She told me that after lunch, she had planned to go by herself to buy a wedding dress. I knew right then that one of "my" girls was not going by herself to buy her wedding dress from a store attached to a gas station. The Holy Spirit just cleared my calendar. We visited several local boutiques and watched God provide us the perfect dress at an amazing price. As she tried on dresses, I was able to speak boldly to her about marriage and continuing in her walk with the Lord.

Now a year later, she and her husband are doing well in Japan. They just had a little girl, and once again, because Breanna has no godly family members in her life, she comes to me for advice. As the Lord would have it, I just had my first baby about a year ago, so I have just walked where she is walking now. I offer advice on feeding, scheduling, napping, and keeping your marriage strong when both of you are utterly exhausted.

My relationship with Breanna has literally continued across the world. I never thought a few years ago when I decided to hang out with a group of girls 30 minutes a week on Wednesdays that the Lord would make us family. I definitely never thought I’d be talking to one of them about breastfeeding.

Whether you’re a mom, small group leader, or a girls minister, know that the influence you have on your sweet girls will not stop at the end of high school and college. In fact, the Lord is faithful to take our little bit of effort and do something truly amazing for His namesake, around the world and for generations to come. That’s why I love girls ministry!