How am I supposed to get along with her?

Why don’t they include me?

Why are they mad at me?

I don’t like her. Wouldn’t it be fake if I was nice to her?

How many times have you heard these questions from girls? No matter their status—from the queen bee to the outcast on the edges—girls are desperately trying to understand how to interact with each other. As we invest in their lives, it’s vital for us as leaders to exemplify what it looks like to daily live out unity within the body of Christ.

In Ephesians, Paul wrote that every believer is united in Christ. Even if two people have nothing in common with each other, but both are followers of Christ, their purpose in life is the same. However, the enemy knows we will be less effective in proclaiming Christ if we’re divided, so he works hard to create division. Jesus told us in John 10:10 that the thief, Satan, comes only to steal, kill and destroy. He came to steal our hearts, kill our relationships, and destroy our unity. Fortunately, Christ has come to give us life in all those areas.

A.W. Tozer wrote in his book The Pursuit of God, “Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow.”  As believers, we need to be tuned to the same source of life, purpose and unity or everything we do will come off as pointless noise.

So how can you as a leader of girls develop unity?

 1. Be the example. If you are at odds with someone, including your husband, girls can spot it. They hear your conversations with others. They hear your conversation about others. If you're not setting the standard, girls have nothing to follow. 

2. Make your expectations clear. Every year (at least once a year!), focus your BIble study on respecting others. You cannot expect every girl in your group to be best of friends (even Paul and Barnabas parted ways), but you can expect and demand that girls treat each other with basic respect.  

3. Keep a tight reign on "trash talk". There should be no room in your ministry for slams, snide comments, smart remarks, or other cutting remarks. It's easy to "let it slide" so that you're not the bad guy. But when you say nothing, then you send the message that it's OK to treat other people that way. 

How do you work toward keeping unity among the girls in your group? Comment below!

Today's guest blog comes from Jennifer McCaman. Jen currently leads a group of 11^th grade girls, but in a few months her family will be moving to Bangkok, Thailand, to serve as missionaries from their church. She is excited to take her passion for girls' ministry to the other side of the world. Follow their journey at jennifermccaman.com

Lately God is teaching me that mentoring girls doesn’t end when they get a diploma. As a small group leader, I’ve had the opportunity to disciple girls throughout their high school careers. Sometimes it’s easy to wonder if your time with them really makes that much difference. Do all those conversations about purity, quiet times, modesty, loving God, dating wisely, reading the Bible really ever sink in?

About a year ago, I got a text from one of my first small group girls, Breanna, asking to meet me for lunch. Breanna’s dad died when she was 8 years old, which led her mom to become an alcoholic. She came to Christ in high school and allowed God to completely change her life. We walked through a lot together.

As we ate lunch, Breanna held out her left hand so I could see the ring on her finger. She told me how her boyfriend had proposed to her (yikes!) and that they would marry and live in Japan where he was stationed (talk about a life change). After an intense hour of my grilling her with lots of questions, I could see that this marriage was going to happen. She told me that after lunch, she had planned to go by herself to buy a wedding dress. I knew right then that one of "my" girls was not going by herself to buy her wedding dress from a store attached to a gas station. The Holy Spirit just cleared my calendar. We visited several local boutiques and watched God provide us the perfect dress at an amazing price. As she tried on dresses, I was able to speak boldly to her about marriage and continuing in her walk with the Lord.

Now a year later, she and her husband are doing well in Japan. They just had a little girl, and once again, because Breanna has no godly family members in her life, she comes to me for advice. As the Lord would have it, I just had my first baby about a year ago, so I have just walked where she is walking now. I offer advice on feeding, scheduling, napping, and keeping your marriage strong when both of you are utterly exhausted.

My relationship with Breanna has literally continued across the world. I never thought a few years ago when I decided to hang out with a group of girls 30 minutes a week on Wednesdays that the Lord would make us family. I definitely never thought I’d be talking to one of them about breastfeeding.

Whether you’re a mom, small group leader, or a girls minister, know that the influence you have on your sweet girls will not stop at the end of high school and college. In fact, the Lord is faithful to take our little bit of effort and do something truly amazing for His namesake, around the world and for generations to come. That’s why I love girls ministry!

Trials. Temptation. Favoritism. Peace. Authenticity.

Your faith collides with everyday life and you often wonder how to remain a faithful follower of Jesus in the midst of all that pressure. This Bible study will help your girls (and you!) learn that you can survive—and even thrive—when faith meets life.

It's a no-holds-barred, tell-it-like-it-is, handbook for living out your faith. During the eight weeks you and your teen girls will be challenged and encouraged to truly live out your faith in the real world—when it's easy, and when you're facing pressures from every side. Each week, you'll have five days of guided study and personal evaluation. In addition, you'll be asked to read and journal about one chapter of James each day of the study, meaning you'll read through the book of James each week, letting the Holy Spirit guide you to new discoveries that change the way you live your life. And as a leader, you'll find ideas, discussion questions, and helpful tips for leading girls through this Bible study.

Are you ready to live the life Christ has called you to, no matter what life throw your way? Then dive into James: Faith Under Pressure. You'll learn that although the life of faith is tough at times, your faith can endure—and even flourish!

You can check out a sample of the Bible study and even order it online here.

Let us know what you think!
 

Yes! We will have a girls' conference again this year! And I cannot wait. It's one of my favorite things I get to do as the girls' ministry specialist at LifeWay. The convergence of so many women and teen girls in one place at one time to hear from God—there's just nothing else like it. So if you're like me and can't wait, here are the most important details:

Date: February 24-25, 2012

Location: LifeWay Christian Resources, Nashville, TN

Cost:

• Early Bird: $79/adults
• Regular: $99/adults; $79/students; $59/5 or more students
• Holiday Inn special rate available for lodging

Registration: Call 1-800-254-2022 or go online to the LifeWay Girls' Conference page.

Keynote Speakers:

Hayley DiMarco is the bestselling author of more than thirty books, including Dateable, Marriable, Mean Girls, Sexy Girls, God Girl and The Woman of Mystery. She spent the early part of my career working for a little shoe company called Nike in Portland, Oregon and Thomas Nelson Publishers in Nashville, Tennessee. In 2002, she founded the company Hungry Planet.

She has been a featured guest speaker for such large events as Women of Faith, Precept National Women’s Convention, and MOPS Intl. Leadership Convention among others.She has also consulted on the creation and enhancement of some of the largest stadium events tuned to teens and young women in North America. 

 
Erin Davis started Graffiti Ministries in 2002 when she as a youth pastors wife was asked to teach a Bible study on true beauty, self image and identity. As Erin struggled though questions and struggles of her own a powerful series of lessons developed. Erin’s Bible study series struck a nerve in women of all ages. She started being asked to speak at girls and women events all over the US.That message later became the Bible study Graffiti – Learning to See the Art in Ourselves.

Since then, Erin has worked on projects including The Lies Young Women Believe Bible Study Companion with Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh.She also authored the Bible study True Princess, one of LifeWay's most popular girls' studies. Erin continues to speak just about any time she has the chance, and although her range of topics has dramatically expanded, she is still excited to share those lessons that were formed when this journey was just beginning. You can check out her ministry at Graffiti Ministries.

Ocelia Gibson made history on August 8, 2011, when she was the first Miss Black Texas to win the national title of Miss Black USA. A native Texan, Ocielia began her classical piano training at a young age and continued up to receiving her Bachelor of Arts in Music Education from Texas Woman's University. She has had the privilege to perform in a variety of distinguished recital and concert halls, including the renowned Carnegie Hall.

In 2006, Ocielia founded an empowerment organization dedicated to instilling the message of true beauty to young women of color. In 2009, Ocielia became the youngest woman to receive EBONY Magazine's Unsung Hero Award for her work with young African-American women.

Ocielia is pursuing her Master of Divinity with a concentration in Women's Ministry, and aspires to become an international speaker, author, and advocate for discounted girls and women. You can find more information about her and her ministry here.

 

Worship Leader: Jaime Jamgochian

Jaime's ability to help others draw closer to God--whether in a Sunday morning worship service or driving alone to work on a Monday--has made her one of Christian music’s most acclaimed new artists. Her music and effervescent personality have touched thousands of young women as she’s appeared at numerous girls' conferences and mission trips.

Sitting across the table with hear eating lunch or watching her from the audience as she's on stage, you'll find the same person--a woman who loves Jesus and loves girls and loves to connect the two to each other. You can check out her ministry at jaimejam.com.

 

 

I am the first to admit it—I am losing my memory.

A colleague (male) said in a meeting recently, "You know what that's called? Mental-pause."

Great. As if menopause wasn't enough to look forward to, I've got this.

Because I think (hope!) that I'm not the only one in the world who thinks about something and totally forgets it within thirty second, I thought it might be helpful to give you some links to some training that you may have wanted to be a part of but couldn't or flat forgot about. Just click on the titles and zap! you're there!

An Inside Look at Outside Expectations—This is our most recent video webcast and it features Constance Rhodes, a woman whose striving to live peacefully wthin her own skin after battling an eating disorder. She offers some great tools for dealing with it in your own church, and more poignantly, your own life. It's an hour long, but it's worth the time. If you need to break the time into segments, that'll work, too. Just don't miss it.

Girls in Crisis—This video training is an hour-long look at girls and the crises they face. It features two of my favorite people in the world, Sissy Goff and Melissa Trevathan, who together with their dogs (who are almost as cute as mine) help give hope and healing to teenage girls through individual and group counseling. In this webcast, they provide some insights into girls and their toughest issues—a must-see for any girls leader and any parent of a preteen or teen girl. (You might want to pass along this link to those moms in your group.)

In addition to our hour-long webcasts, we've also produced some short video clips that you could easily watch on your lunch break, while the pasta is cooking, or in that ten minutes of sanity while the kids are playing dress up with the dog. They are listed and described below:

Nurturing Your Own Soul—This features Nancy Hamilton, a veteran of ministry who bears the scars fo trying to do ministry without a soul-enriching relationship with Jesus. Listen in as she talks about the importance of nurturing your own spiritual growth.

When Girls Make Poor Choices—This features the irrepressible Courtney Veasey, a recent graduate of New Orleans Seminary and doctoral student at Golden Gate Seminary. While working on school, she's also lived in the trenches as a girls' minister, and shares her stories with honesty and freshness. In this particular clip, she talks about what to do when that "perfect" girl makes some very poor choices.

Mentoring and Discipling Girls—This features another veteran of ministry, Amy Pierson. Formerly the girls' minister at Prestonwood Baptist and now a missionary in New York, Amy has made mentoring and discipling girls a way of life, not just something she marks of her checklist. Listen in as she shares her insights and passion for passing on the faith to the next generation.

And don't forget this important fact—you can get training like this, along with great networking opportunities, fabulous speakers, and amazing worship at our annual girls' conference. Bring your leaders and your high school girls to this two-day time with Jesus and some fellow sisters! Keynote speakers include Hayley DiMarco, Erin Davis, and Oceila Gibson, Miss Black USA 2011; Jaime Jamgochian will lead worship. More information will be online soon, but save the date now—February 24-25, 2012.

Her: Becoming a Proverbs 31 Girl
by Emily Cole

Do the girls in your ministry suffer from a lack of godly role models?

Her is a Bible study that guides girls to embody the characteristics of the woman in Proverbs 31. At the beginning of each week, they’ll spend time learning about a trait of that woman, and then they’ll spend the rest of the week learning about that characteristic elsewhere in the Bible. And all of this is contained in a journal that they’ll want to use. In the back, there’s a guide for girls who would like to lead their friends through this study, as well as a conversation guide to help girls connect with their moms as they study Her together. For a sample of this study, please click here.

If you’ve led girls through Her, leave a comment and let us know your thoughts!

Confident
By Carol Sallee

Are there some girls in your ministry whose self-esteem could use a boost? What about those girls who’s confidence needs to be taken down a notch or two? If confidence (or a lack thereof) is an issue in your ministry, check out this week’s Bible study spotlight: Confident.

Confident is a six-session Bible study for teen girls designed to teach them where to find the source of true confidence. God created His children—including teen girls—to walk in confidence. Unfortunately, when Eve ate that forbidden fruit, the confidence God created in girls was replaced by shame, insecurity, and the need for acceptance. (And how often do we see this played out today?!) Fortunately, Christ came to restore a girl’s confidence through a relationship with Him. Despite an everyday battle, girls can walk in daring confidence, not because of anything the world has to offer, but because of Christ’s indwelling presence.

In this study, girls will learn the source of true confidence and will be challenged to evaluate the faulty sources where they seek approval. Girls will demonstrate their confidence by looking outward to the needs of others instead of focusing on themselves. Want to see it for yourself? Click here.

Have you used Confident? What did you think? Leave a comment and let us know!!