Unless you've been on a sequestered jury for the last couple of weeks, you know that the much-anticipated day has finally arrived: the release of New Moon, the second movie in the cult-statused Twilight book series. Girls have had this date circled on their calendars for weeks. They have surfed the Web for clues. Thay have bought magazines. They have watched every trailer imaginable.

You might be tempted to avoid any discussion about the movie because, like thousands of others, you're already tired of hearing about it. However, you might want to take another approach: use the movie release and book's content to begin a discussion about deeper issues. Listed below are five simple questions you can use to begin a dialogue with a girl about New Moon. In parenthesis are some possible directions the conversation could take.

1.       Are you Club Jacob or Club Edward? Why? (Jacob is the werewolf, Edward the vampire. Girls are divided over which they would choose. Jacob is the friend and confidant for Bella after Edward leaves. This is an easy discussion-starter that will allow you to approach other subjects within the book/movie.)

2.       Do you think you would respond like Bella did when Edward left? In what ways? What things do you think you wouldn’t do? (When Edward leaves early in New Moon, Bella responds with increasingly-dangerous behavior. In short, she acts as if life is not worth living. Her behavior is extremely disturbing and unhealthy. “I’d rather die than be with anyone but you.”)

3.       What would you want to do if you lived forever like Edward and the other vampires? (Edward is an accomplished pianist among other things. This might be an opportunity to discuss the fact that we are NOT given eternity, that everyone must face their own mortality.)

4.       Why do you think Bella doesn’t want to marry Edward? (This may be a good place to begin a discussion about the understanding of marriage and commitment.)

5.       In the book, Bella’s father Charlie seems kind of clueless sometimes, but what do you see as some of his positive qualities? Do you think Charlie could have done something differently as her father? (This could open the door for a discussion about a father’s role in family life.)

I got to see generational ministry in action this weekend. The occasion? Halloween.

My family lives in a small town outside of Nashville. We only have about four neighbors to our left. All of them are at least in their late 50s. Some are in their 80s. And all of them were waiting for our daughter to come trick-or-treat at their houses.

One neighbor gave her books. Another neighbor gave her a scarecrow pencil and note pad. And of course, there was candy in abundance (none of which I would ever eat, of course) thrown into her glow-in-the-dark pumpkin bag. The neighbors even took pictures. She wasn't dressed particularly fancy. (We bought her costume at Wal-Mart.) But they all took pictures.

I've been thinking about that simple act of taking a picture and what it symbolized---they have invested in our daughter's life.

These neighbors have known Kaitlyn since before she was born. They endured with us the struggles of adoption. They decorated our house the night we came home from the airport. And since then, these ladies have watched her grow up. We've said hello to them when they were going for walks. They've seen her playing out in the yard. We've taken food to them and they've supplied plenty of food to us. We've been surrogate family to each other.

One raises chickens and couldn't wait to show Kaitlyn the baby chicks. She never would have had that opportunity except for the thoughtfulness of an older woman.

I am grateful for the investment that these ladies have made in my daughter's life. She is learning that you're never too old to care about those around you. She is learning to relate to a different generation than her own. These women are modeling what it means to be a neighbor, which is a lost art in today's culture.

This weekend's festivities reminded me again of the value and importance of generational ministry. The older leading and modeling life for the younger. The benefits and joys and blessings for everyone involved.  Life in community instead of isolation. The church as it was intended to be.

Generational ministry is just as important at fourteen as it is at four. Teen girls desperately need older women who are willing to pour into them. From the stories I hear daily, these girls actually crave interaction with older women. They want to learn how to do life with integrity and grace and inner beauty and confidence. Many girls don't know how to ask, but they want it nevertheless.

The question is whether we as the older generation are willing to take up that banner. We cannot assume that teen girls don't need it or want it. We cannot assume that others are more qualified. We cannot shirk the responsibility, thinking that others have more time, more energy, more talents.

It's our mandate in Scripture. And it's our legacy.

How do you foster generational connections and ministry? Tell us your stories!

This month's issue of Parents magazine features an article entitled "Life in the Slow Lane." The premise of the article is that a growing number of parents are actually choosing a slower lifestyle for themselves and their families. The article cites that:

"after the go-fast '80s, the get-rich '90s, and the 24/7, wired pace of the new milennium, slow is quickly emerging and the hot new buzzword."

What does that look like in the family? Bike paths instead of skating parks. Board games take precendence over X-Box. Lazy Sunday mornings (Sabbath anyone??) versus a weekend of mad dashes to the mall, the grocery store, and everywhere else. Listening to music instead of watching music videos. Fewer activities and more quality time.

With this new trend emerging in parenting circles, we in ministry need to think about the implications for our own ministry (and personal lives). In short, we need to think about a slower, yet strategic approach to ministry. What could this look like in your own ministry?

Maybe instead of doing more with your girls, you need to be doing less. Or maybe you need to rethink the way you utilize the time that you are spending with the girls who are a part of your ministry. Think of this following scenario: a Friday night sleepover might involve baking cookies together instead of watching movies. A lock-in may mean ditching the Wii in favor of card games.

During Bible study, you may want to cover fewer Scriptures so girls don't feel so scrambed to "get through" the verses. Bible study may become deeper and richer than you ever imagined. Allow time and space for girls to be still and quiet before Bible study begins so that they can decompress from a hectic pace and make room for God to speak.

What you do should fit into your overall strategy for your girls' ministry, youth ministry, and/or church. Begin to think about what really matters in ministry--connecting girls with God and each other--and focusing on those things. If you don't have a strategy for developing the girls in your ministry, consider the Known Strategy.

Doing activities for the sake of busyness is a bad stewardship not only of your time and energy, but also girls'. Instead, consider what you offer in ministry and why you offer it. This slower approach to girls' ministry may be the difference between teaching girls an activities-based approach to God and an authentic relationship with Him. 

If you haven't heard anything about our first Girls' Ministry Forum, here's the scoop:

Converge: Powering Girls' Ministry
February 26-27, 2010
Nashville, Tennessee

Those are the basics, but here are some more of the great details.

Carol Sallee will be our keynote speaker. She is the founder of To Know Christ Ministries. Through this ministry, Carol speaks across the United States and writes for a numerous Christian publications, including writing the girls' ministry Bible study, Confident. Ily published a bible study for youth girls called Confident. This six week study, available through LifeWay, Confident, which is designed to help teenage girls find their confidence in Christ. Carol is married to Phil, a pastor, and is also mom to three grown children. A satisfying evening to Carol consists of chocolate, a good movie, and Mexican food. Carol admits she is addicted to Sketchers tennis shoes, reality television, and Twitter. Visit www.carolsallee.com to learn more.

Shelly E. Johnson will lead worship. Born and raised in Marietta, Georgia, Shellyis a Nashville-based Christian Artist, Worship Leader and Songwriter with a deep devotion to her Creator and a desire to share Him with others. In 2008, Shelly attended the Gospel Music Association’s Music in the Rockies Seminar, where her song “That’s the Power of the Cross” was awarded the 2008 Song of the Year and her song “Draw Near” was awarded Scripture Song of the Year.  In June 2009, Shelly released her second album entitled Mosaic of Grace.  In August 2009, Shelly was awarded the National Winner in the Gospel Music Association's Immerse National Artist Competition and continues to experience growing momentum as God opens new doors for ministry.  Visit www.shellyejohnson.com to learn more.

In addition to corporate times of worship and Bible study, this conference will provide breakout sessions for enrichment, training, and networking for women. Some of the topics covered include:

• The Great Juggling Act: Balancing Family, Career, and Ministry
• Discipleship 101: How to Disciple Girls
• God is Great, God is Good: Teaching Girls How to Pray
• Lost in Translation: Communcating with Guys
• Help Me! Teen Girls in Crisis

The best part of the conference, though, isn't what it offers women (although I think that's pretty significant). It's what it offers for teen girls. We are offering a leadership track for teen girls, grades 9-12. This track is geared at developing and equipping the next generation for life and ministry to their peers. Some of the topics for the girls include:

• Big Sister, Little Sister—Mentoring Younger Students
• Taming the Media Monster—How to Evaluate the Impact of Media
• Gift to Go—Discovering Your Spiritual Gifts and How to Use Them
• No Worries—The Basics of Leading a Bible Study
• BFFs Forever—How to Develop Healthy Friendships

For an up-to-date listing of all of the breakouts, to get information about the event, or to register, you can go to our Web site: Girls' Forum.

The more I think and plan and pray about this event, the more excited I become. Not because it's something my ministry is offering. Not because it's my job. And certainly not because I'll be leading a breakout. I get excited because of the potential I see to equip women and teen girls to impact their world. A gathering for training, encouragement, networking, worship, and Bible study. Count me in!

Passion is often defined as a powerful or compelling emotion or feeling. You will see it used in a physical or sexual context to describe uncontrollable emotions. A murder will be referred to as a crime of passion. Or passion will be used to describe the most intense feelings along with the emotions of love or hate.

I've had some interesting conversations in the last week talking about passion in ministry with others. One friend was describing this urgency she felt in women's ministry. She was quick to describe ministry and reaching others for Christ as a huge passion in her life. You know that kind of passion for people and ministry when you can't stop yourself from caring and reaching out to others. It is so much a part of who you are that there is no way to hold back.

Another friend describe a loss of passion in her life. She was wondering if any ministry she was doing made a difference at all. As she talked about life and ministry, I could also relate the sense of loss she felt. It wasn't that she didn't care or that she wasn't still reaching out to others, but there was something missing.

Personally, I've been on both ends of the passion spectrum. I've known what it was like to be involved in ministry and it was as easy as breathing. I've also known the feelings (or lack of feeling) when nothing seemed to matter or make a difference in my own life or in the lives of others. Given the choice, most of us would choose the first option, the passionate, thriving ministry. 

However, the reality is that most of us will have the other days as well. The days when ministry is hard. The days when ministry is a struggle. The days when there is no passion. The days when we just don't feel it. What do we do on those days? How do we continue persevering through the tough days when honestly we would rather be doing just about anything else? And that is what I asked my friend, "How do you keep going? How do you keep ministering to others when you don't feel the passion?"

"In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content....I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:12-13) Wise advice. Don't depend upon your feelings. Don't depend upon your emotions. Don't depend upon the response of others. Don't depend upon passion. Look to Jesus for the strength to minister, to care, and to love when you feel like it and when you don't. Without His strength it is only my human effort and it will eventually come up empty.

How would you rate your passion today? How is your passion for ministry? What has helped you to keep going when the passion for ministry was missing? What word of encouragement or scripture would you give to others who are in the middle of a dry season? How can those in girls' ministry support one another? How can we help those who are looking for passion in their own lives? How can we direct them to the greatest demonstration of passion, the Passion of Christ? 

And the adventure begins...

Last night was the first meeting for "family group" with high school girls at our home. It was pouring down rain, so I was glad I went with the "don't even try to clean everything every week before they get here philosophy" for the year. Good decision and much less stressful.

I did forget in my haste to throw things together how much high school girls can eat when they are not around guys! Or maybe they were just hungry...anyway, we are off. Wasn't sure if it was the best start, but a start.

The most interesting thing of the night was after the girls left and I sat down to read these information cards we had them complete. They were your basic get to know you cards with pretty generic questions: Name, address, cell phone, texting?, birthday, what is your favorite food and so forth. However, my greatest surprise came with the questions, "Why did you sign up for family groups?" and "What do you want to get out of this year together?" The overwhelming response was "make new friends." I don't know why, but it wasn't what I expected.

Although the girls range in age from freshmen to seniors, they all go to the same church. They are all in the same high school ministry at that church. They go on the same retreats, to the same worship services, and usually at least see one another several times a week. Aren't they friends already?However, as I continue to ponder this hope for "making new friends" I sense what they are saying.

There are a number of people that I am in contact with each week at church. We experience the same worship experiences, study the Bible together, and communicate weekly. But there is something deeper that I want and have with only some of those people. It is a level of connection, an honesty and trust, that is richer and fuller than simply being together and doing church together. They are what I love to refer to as "soul sisters." They are those friends who know me beyond the surface of the day to day. They are the friends that I do life with. They are the ones I can really share my struggles with and know they care. They are the ones who truly will pray for me when I ask and even when I don't.

And so now I'm thinking, "How do you make new friends?" Can you really "make" girls friends in a group like this? I know there are some connections and relationships in life you can't force. What are some ways to create community and trust? How do you help girls understand that honesty and vulnerability opens the door for others to share their fears, failures, and hopes?

What are some great questions you use with community or small groups? What are some activities that promote trust and honest and all the deeper characteristics of friends? How would you help a group like these girls to make new friends and be the friends to others that God would want them to be?

This weekend was one of those reflective weekends for me. It started by remembering the life of a friend who died in a car wreck a few years ago. Saturday, September 26^th would have been her 35^th birthday. All weekend I thought about her life, her influence, and her impact upon the world for Christ. I continue to ponder why her life would be cut short and watch for ways that God can continue to use this tragedy for His glory.

Later on Saturday we celebrated my youngest daughter’s 9^th birthday with a party. In the time span of a few hours, I went from pondering death to reflecting upon abundant and energetic life…twelve nine-year-olds have a lot of life. As I watched these girls playing and squealing, I thought about who they may become in the next ten or twenty years. What type of influence will they have upon others? What kind of impact will they make upon their world?

And then Sunday evening we started our season of small groups. Almost every Sunday evening, until the end of May 2010, we will have a “family group” of high school girls in our home. As we met these girls, some for the first time, I wondered what this year would hold. How would this small discipleship group influence their lives? What kind of impact does the Lord want me to make? What kind of impact will these girls have upon my life and others around them?

It seemed that God wanted me to remember something important through the events of this weekend. He wanted me to remember the people who have had a profound impact upon my life—those who have challenged me to become everything God desires me to be. And He wanted me to remember that in every season of life He has placed people all around me who continue to influence and impact my life.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” A true friend, a mentor, or an influencer in your life sharpens you. Specifically, they sharpen you spiritually. God uses those people to speak truth into your life. He uses them to challenge you so that you don’t become dull spiritually.

Who is God currently using in your life to sharpen you? In the midst of being a girls’ minister, a mentor, a teacher, and an influencer, do you have others in your life that challenge you and speak truth into your life?

Think about those people in your life who have made a huge impact upon you. Thank them if you can…or at least for today remember and be thankful.

Pam and I just got back from lunch with Jenny Simmons, the lead singer of Addison Road. While I don’t often eat lunch with Christian artists whose songs get radio play, I’ve interacted with enough of them to realize that this girl is the real deal. Over yummy food on the patio at Baja Burrito, she opened up about living out a ministry she wasn’t expecting.

See, she thought that by surrendering her life to the Lord, she’d end up somewhere far away, suffering for Jesus. So when God opened the doors for her to be part of a band that’s been able to do some cool things in some cool places, she said she felt a little guilty. But it turns out, life as part of band is really hard too. She and her husband have brought their 5-month-old on tour, and the difficulty of crazy schedules coupled with handing the baby off to someone they’ve never met to care for their child while they lead worship is tough. To top it off, the van they tour in met its demise when it ran into a recently-fallen oak tree in a rainstorm this past week. Yeah, the van they were supposed to leave in tomorrow. So she’s a little overwhelmed.
 

But in the midst of that, I saw her sweet spirit, dependence on the Lord, and heart for teen girls shine. It was refreshing to meet a woman who wants to give girls someone to look up to and recognizes the platform God has given her. In Jenny, they’ve got someone real, someone who loves the Lord and His Word, and someone who will point them to Him every time.

I’m thankful to have heard her heart. And good news—soon, you will too! Be on the lookout for some thoughts from Jenny about girls today—what they’re going through, how they think, how they respond to her and her music, and more. She’ll be guest-blogging on this blog in the future. (You know, when she’s not being a wife, loving on her baby, leading worship, traveling, writing songs, and the 11 million other things she does.) But in the meantime, if you’d like to see what she’s up to now, check out her blog.
 

 

 

Note: Today's blog is written by Lauren Farmer, one of our guest bloggers. A newly graduated seminary student and a new transplant to Nashville, Lauren has a passion and heart for girls. She constantly challenges my thinking and helps me maintain authenticity in my approach to ministry. She doesn't come from a Christian background, so she offers a unique perspective to reaching girls who don't come through our doors with a heritage of faith. She loves to laugh, spend time with family and friends, travel the world, curl up with a good book, and drink Diet Coke.

This year I am co-leading a group of 8th grade girls with one of the girl’s grandmothers. Yes, I said grandmother! Now, to be fair, Alice is quite young—not to mention vibrant, energetic and full of life. So often we tend to write-off older generations when we think of girls ministry. And more and more I am realizing what a tragedy that is as I get to know Alice and other precious older women.  Each time I watch Alice interact with our group I learn a bit more about how to love these girls and minister to them. Alice hasn’t been to seminary or attended a slew of girls' ministry conferences, but she loves God and she loves those girls. When one of them won’t stop talking about her friend’s cousin’s boyfriend’s little sister’s sick puppy, Alice listens intently with interest and compassion (while I sit waiting for the perfect moment to interject and insist we move on to the lesson). The girls love Alice and they respect her.  They love her because she loves them and they respect her because she shares her life with them. Alice is real and honest with our group. She doesn’t try to pretend she is hip or cool; she just loves each girl, prays for them, and tries to encourage them in their walk with Christ.

Each week I learn a little bit more about Alice and her story.  It is a story of heartache, sickness, and death. And it a story of God’s faithfulness, love, and grace through tragedy. Alice may not be able to tell you about the most current practices and trends in girls ministry, but she knows God. Alice has walked through the most difficult of circumstances all the while continually testifying to God’s faithfulness and goodness. I have much to learn from Alice. I look up to women like her.  Women who have walked down difficult roads and remain sure of their God. I want to be like Alice when I’m a grandmother - a woman who is gracious, compassionate, kind, who loves and trusts God, and who still spends her time pouring her life into younger women. 

I fear that many girls are missing out on the blessing of wisdom and experience an “Alice” brings.  And I fear that many of us leaders are so busy ministering to our girls that we forget that we need an "Alice” in our own lives as well. So take a few minutes this week to stop and look around at the women God has placed in your church. Pray that God brings you an Alice or two your way. Seek them out if needed.  Trust me—the blessing and encouragement to you and your girls will be well worth it.

How do you incorporate different generations in your girls' ministry?

After spending the weekend with hundreds of moms and daughters at the You & Your Girl event in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, I am reminded all over again why I love girls’ ministry and why I love the girl world.

So here is just a fun little list of 10 things I love about girls and girls’ ministry. (My list may change tomorrow, but that is my prerogative!)

Drum roll please….

10. Girls come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and personalities. Like snowflakes or fingerprints, no two girls are exactly the same. And they are loved by God as uniquely as they have been created.

9. Wherever you find girls, you'll find purses and cute shoes!

8. Girls dream. They want to be athletes, musicians, artists, and creative thinkers. They are chemists and doctors and balerinas and Marines and writers and shoppers and apologists. The world is wide open to them. Their optimism is contagious.

7. Girls have brains! Girls are smart, thoughtful and contemplative. And they will challenge you—often when you least expect it.

6. Girls have heart! Girls are full of feelings and emotions and can be expressive and demonstrative. They are passionate, caring, confused, apathetic, enthusiastic, angry, sad, happy, perplexed, perplexing, vexed and vexing, discouraged and full of hope. To know them is to see the full range of human emotion—sometimes in a matter of a few minutes!

5. Girls giggle. At everything and nothing. They are a reminder not to take myself so seriously.

4. Girls talk. And talk…and talk…and talk…and talk….

3. Girls are immature. While this can be extremely frustrating at times, it can also be a gift. Watching girls transform from a gangly sixth grader to a confident college student is amazing. And to know that you had a just a small part in that change is a reward beyond any dollar amount.

2.  Girls love. They love each other. They love you. They love God. And to get to watch them love is a gift.

1.  Girls can change the world. And their neighborhood, their school, and your church. The potential in each of them is immeasurable. 

Celebrate your girls today and enjoy their differences!

What do you love about girls' ministry?