We live in a culture that teaches right is often "wrong" and wrong is declared "right". Materialism and position are valued more highly than character and commitment. What is socially acceptable changes faster than Christmas being here next month. This style of life takes our preferences and places them center stage in our lives causing us to be blind to principles that should compass us through changing trends. 

Know the difference between what you believe in, and what you prefer in a given moment.

Principles are the foundation upon which you stand. The standards by which you live. The things worth sacrificing and fighting for. Principles are the beliefs on which you will not compromise - no matter what. Principles are the foundation for achieving the vision you have for your children. Do you have vision for your children?

Preferences are things you can give up if the cost of having them is greater than the cost of setting them aside. They are the items you forsake for the sake of another. Styles and trends often confuse us about what is truly important. There is nothing wrong with preferences until what we want becomes more important than practicing what we believe.

Couple of personal examples:

My preference is that Christine and I will be efficient in how we run our home... my principle is to create an environment that fosters the belief that mistakes can be redeemed.

My preference is to "get along" with everyone... my principle is to stand up for what I believe in.

My preference is to be a cool dad... my principle is to challenge my son to tower above our toxic culture.

What are your principles? Do your children know?

You can't take money from a bank account where you haven't made a deposit. Love can be viewed the same way. Banking LOVE involves making more deposits than taking withdrawals from a relationship. Research shows that couples need between four and twenty positive interactions to outweigh one negative interaction. Most marital conflict results when a spouse feels "used"... one is giving while the other is only taking.

First Corinthians 13 (aka... the love chapter) is a great reminder of God's instruction on love and how we should live it out in our lives.

To have a secure-healthy relationship, couples should display the following positive traits: forgiveness, patience, kindness, love of truth, loyalty at all costs, belief and faith in spouse. 

To have a secure-healthy relationship, couples should NOT display the following negative traits: jealousy, envy, selfishness, irratibility, holding grudges, and disrespect.

This post goes out to all the ladies at LifeWay this week for the Women's Forum and also those watching via live feed.

Researchers have found many benefits for women who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following statistics:

1) More satisfying relationship

2) Emotionally healthier

3) Wealthier

4) Less likely to be victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or other violent crimes

5) Higher self esteem

6) Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse

7) Less likely to contract STD's

8) Less likely to remain or end up in poverty

9) Have better relationships with their children

10) Physically healthier

 What would you add to the list? Start today in providing something for marriage in your women's ministry. It could be a study or it could be a marriage retreat. Start small and let it build momentum.

Well gang... FOM 2009 is in the books. In 7 short weeks we held 6 events at 5 locations across the country. The focus this year was on IDENTITY and the speakers who took this message to heart made our events something much bigger than just another gathering of couples. I am so thankful for all of our leaders who prayed, prepared, took time away from their family in order to make these events successful.  Below are a few of the highlights I want to share with you. If you are reading this and haven't attended a marriage event, wherever you are in your marriage, take one weekend and join us next year... You won't regret it!

• Salvations - 89
• Rededication to Christ - few hundred (still counting)
• Recommitment to Marriage - well over a thousand (still counting)

Below is one of several testimonies we have received this fall from FOM.

"My husband and I came to Ridgecrest but both of us had already decided we would be better off apart. After the conference we committed to each other and Christ that we would not let Satan have his way in our life! Praise be to God who used Festivals of Marriage to save our marriage!"

A special thanks to our production team for the video & graphic design/staging (see below), Neil Hoppe for writing the drama scripts and going to 4 events with Shannon. You guys are so talented!

FOM MVP couple... Dan and Joyce McKay. You guys are amazing and thanks so much for your willingness to serve, teach and be flexible to make these events look so good. You guys helped us out of so many jams!

The honorable marriages that we know of have been earned. These relationships are true partnerships, built on foundations of hard-won trust that increases over time. The struggles and efforts to reconcile what seems to be impossible differences creates the groundwork for these types of marriages. While compatibility and shared interests bring us together, they are not enough to keep us together over time. If there are no breakdowns, there is not enough friction to prompt development. I'm not suggesting we seek out stress because life brings it right to us every day. It's not a matter of "if" but "when" we have conflict. Conflict is one thing ALL couples share in common.

So are you willing to work on your marriage? The veterans tell me, those who have earned the title "Honorable Marriage", that marriage only gets better! Life experiences of pain and joy gives growth that pays off in the long run. So don't run out of steam... Marriage can and should be a beautiful thing! The catch is you've got to work at it.