Say it Pleasantly - Proverbs 16:21
"The wise heart will be called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness." Communication experts tell us that only 7% of communication is content and 38% is tone of voice. Just because someone loves you, like your spouse, doesn't mean an abrasive tone in your voice is appealing. No one likes to be patronized, spoken to rudely or sharply, and no one likes to constantly be spoken to in a coarse tone. It is important that if we want others to hear us and to listen when we speak, we must scrutinize our communication habits and maintain a pleasant tone.

Unfortunately, many married couples are living in a cycle of abrasiveness. Couples speak to each other in ways they would never think of speaking to their co-workers, friends, acquaintances, and even perfect strangers. We blame it on stress, comfort, and total acceptance. We believe our spouses will love us, regardless of our attitudes and actions. In reality, our abrasive tone and unkind words are slowly chipping away at our spouse's self-esteem and can tear dangerous holes in our relationship. If you find yourself in this type of cycle, commit today to become a "cycle-breaker". Be determined to speak in a way that glorifies your Lord and uplifts your spouse. Don't get discouraged if you don't see immediate results. Continue to pour sweet words of kindness over your spouse, and don't be surprised if your relationship begins to grow sweeter, too!

Next time..... Principle #3 - Say it Briefly
Blessings to you.....
Gary and Kristin

FIRMLY FOCUS
Have you ever begun a project, only to get distracted by a million different things? One morning I decided to clean the garage. While cleaning the garage, I decided the grass needed mowing so I left the garage and began mowing. While mowing the grass, I noticed that a tree limb was down so I grabbed the chain saw and began cutting. Three hours went by and Deb came home, only to say, "I thought you were going to clean the garage." This is a great visual of how we start our day off with good intentions of accomplishing something, only to let people, circumstances and distractions get us off task.
Let's talk about 5 distractions that we must all be aware of:
1. Other People--There will always be people in our lives who feel as though what they want us to do is what we should do. On that note, we must lay out boundaries so that others do not get us off course. Stay in tune with God so that, while you may listen to others, it does mean that you must choose their direction.
2. Other Priorities--In order to remain undistracted, we must know what our priorities are. After God, your very next priority is your marriage. Many people get that confused with children, church and career. In order for God and marriage to be your top priorities you must stay in tune with those relationships and that takes time. You must keep those as a priority as life will always throw you other priorities that fight for space.
3. Other Solutions--As Christians, we have not learned to turn to God as the ultimate solution. Instead, we look for answers everywhere else and turn to God last. When we choose to do that, we risk making the right choices for solving problems on a daily basis. Turning to friends, co-workers and extended family could create unwanted chaos that leads us down a path of other distractions. Learn to turn to God first--Wait and Listen--He will give you answers!!
4. Other Commitments--We live in an overcommitted society that is searching for value and self-worth. This leads us to say "yes" to things that stretch us too thin, leaving us no time left for the most important things. We, therefore, rob ourselves of joy and peace that comes in doing a few things well versus many things average.
5. Other Desires--We remember in our early years of marriage that we could hardly be content with wanting what others had. We were distracted by the kind of house others lived in, the kind of car they drove, the furniture that sat on and the trips they took. If we are not careful, we will lose the fact that the greatest things in life are not what we can see, but what we invest in.
Take heart from Nehemiah, a great man in the Bible. God called him to rebuild the Jerusalem wall. Many distractions came his way, however, his motto from Nehemiah 6:3, "I'm doing a great work here, I cannot come down." Because of his commitment to stay the course, the wall was built in record time and many benefited.

One of the central parts of the new movie, Fireproof (in theaters September 26, 2008) is the Love Dare book that Caleb's father presents him when Caleb's marriage is falling apart.

B & H Publishing Group (a division of LifeWay) decided to publish The Love Dare and LifeWay Church Resources is publishing a small group curriculum in early 2009 that will be out the same time the Fireproof DVD will release.

The Love Dare is a 40-day guided devotional experience that will lead your heart back to truly loving your spouse while learning more about the design, nature, and source of true love. Each reading includes Scripture, a statement of principle, the day's 'dare,' and a journaling area and check box to chart progress.

In the introduction to The Love Dare, the authors lay out the three elements of each chapter.

First, a unique aspect of love will be discussed. Read each of these carefully and be open to a new understanding of what it means to genuinely love someone.

Second, you will be given a specific dare to do for your spouse. Some will be easy and some very challenging. But take each dare seriously, and be creative and courageous enough to attempt it. Don't be discouraged if outside situations prevent you from accomplishing a specific dare. Just pick back up as soon as you can and proceed with the journey.

Last, you will be given journal space to log what you are learning and doing and how your spouse is responding. It is important that you take advantage of this space to capture what is happening to both you and your mate along the way. These notes will record your progress and should become priceless to you in the future.

Click here to download a free sample of The Love Dare.

A Friend sent me "The Stranger" story this week... I have no idea who the author is, but thought it was interesting enough to post and give us something to think about. What do you think?

A few months before I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Tennessee town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the world a few months later. As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me the word of God, and Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger He was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies. If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to her room and read her books (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.) Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad was a teetotaler who didn't permit alcohol in the home, not even for cooking. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing. I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... and NEVER asked to leave. More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you were to walk into my parent's den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name you ask? We just call him "TV"

He has a younger sister now. We call her "computer"