Communication Archives
I was reading recently in John 15 where Jesus tells us to "remain" in Him. At first glance that sounds like He is asking us to get our relationship with Him right and then freeze - in perfect equilibrium. However, what I see Him saying is "keep Me in the picture of your life and where it is going. Stay connected to Me. I made you and this whole world. Whatever I - or life - throw at you, it's gonna be better if you are close to me." Lots of applications here of course. Try this one. A walk with the Lord has to be dynamic and alive. Your relationship with Christ is like riding a bike. If you...
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Imagine a man and woman getting married, say, in the 1920's. Let's say they were both virgins when they married. On their wedding night they had sex. Afterwards the new husband thinks to himself, "That wasn't quite what I thought it would be. But she didn't say anything. I guess it's good for her." At the same time, she is thinking, "That was nothing that I thought it would be. It would probably be better - and I think I'd like it better if we did this or that. But I guess that's the way he likes it so I guess it's okay." There's a lot of "guess work" going on, isn't there? Now, fast forward with me to this...
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A few weeks ago I was in the Orlando airport headed home from one of our marriage conferences. My favorite "passing the time" activity is people watching. It doesn't take much to amuse myself, but on this particular trip home, amused? I was not. I found myself picking my jaw up off the floor watching this couple talk to each other as if cursing and badmouthing is a new love language in bizarro world. Finally, it was time to board the plane. Thank goodness! As I sat down in my seat, I thought to myself how sad is this couple's story. Life is too short to be miserable. Still figuring out what just happened, the couple boarded the plane and...
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Got to try something recently that I've wanted to do all of my life - and would have "weenied out" had it not been for Selma, my encouraging (read: "insistent") wife. I took a 2-hour surfing lesson. On an overdue anniversary trip to Hawaii (our first, but aren't all trips to Hawaii overdue?), I found myself in Hanalei Bay with a 12-foot sufrboard. My instructor was (and is) the current long board surfing champion of the world. Just him and me. He was much more confident than I was that I could catch a wave. The instructor was great and the whole experience was amazing. It was surprisingly easier than I had imagined. In fact, I rode a 10-12 foot...
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Life is about choices. In our last post, we talked about making choices to make your marriage more deeply connected. Should you choose to accept this road less traveled, you have now entered into emotional intimacy with one another. Many marriages today choose to stay on the easiest road, we are challenging you to take a detour. Let's think about a detour for a moment. A detour takes: More time! Couples today spend so little time together as we get caught up in kids, careers, commitments and many other things that take us away from our mate. What choices can you make to create more time to cultivate and grow your marriage? Some practical solutions are to dialogue daily, date...
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A few days ago, Christine and I were discussing the increased levels of activities and so many options for entertainment that time together to ‘just talk’ is slowly going away. I’m not saying these growing influences limit the amount of communication, but it definitely changes the type of interaction that occurs. Rather than long stretches of time together in which important topics have time to bubble to the surface, we have brief and casual exchanges of doing life together. Do you ever wonder with all these new ways to stay in touch if we are losing our ability to communicate effectively when we are together? Cell phones, email, instant messaging and text messaging are all wonderful ways to communicate yet...
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I read a great article today by Dr. Willard Harley titled "Why Women Leave Men". Harley stated that women tend to be more concerned about their marriage than men, buy more books on marriage, initiate most marriage counseling, complain more about their marriage to close friends and sometimes to anyone who will listen. They also file for divorce twice as often as men. The pace of life these days creates even more tension for us in the area of listening. In looking at my own life, my world moves almost at the speed of light leaving me tired and unable to really hear what others are trying to tell me. I've even noticed that my behavior can be a real...
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Ever notice what happens to water when it sits for a while? Water, in its purist form, is inviting, soothing, peaceful, refreshing and clear. When water is left to sit there is a film that comes over it, it turns cloudy and becomes a dingy, dark color. Before you know it, the dirtiness begins to attract other dirty things. If we are not careful our marriage will, over time, become stagnant just like water. What was once clean and pure fades into something that distances us from one other. Immediately, I begin to think of the amount of work it takes for Steve to keep our camp swimming pool in good condition. He must constantly spend time making sure it...
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Have you ever noticed that some of the most significant messages come in 3-word packages? These loving statements contain the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones, and restore broken ones. 3-Word phrases can reduce and erase conflict and tension. They will result in a closer, warmer, and more intimate relationship with your spouse. I dare you to try it! Will your spouse wonder what has gotten into you if you said "I understand you"? Thanks to Will Jones for providing these very useful 3-Word Phrases… Will is a freelance writer in Claremont, CA. “I’ll be there.” * When you are stranded and call a friend or family member, it is wonderful to hear, “I’ll be there.” * If...
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Most of the time when we think of people not being able to hear us, we think one of two things. Either they are talking on a cell phone or they have become "auditorally challenged". Since moving back to Alabama, we have experienced great frustration with our cell coverage. Is anything more frustrating than a dropped call or only hearing every fourth word in a conversation? Maybe the only thing more frustrating might be having a face to face conversation with someone, especially someone we love, and STILL not being heard, or at least understood. We need learn to talk so others will hear us. Being heard and understood is a very important part of life. We feel important and...
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Say it Pleasantly - Proverbs 16:21 "The wise heart will be called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness." Communication experts tell us that only 7% of communication is content and 38% is tone of voice. Just because someone loves you, like your spouse, doesn't mean an abrasive tone in your voice is appealing. No one likes to be patronized, spoken to rudely or sharply, and no one likes to constantly be spoken to in a coarse tone. It is important that if we want others to hear us and to listen when we speak, we must scrutinize our communication habits and maintain a pleasant tone. Unfortunately, many married couples are living in a cycle of abrasiveness. Couples speak to...
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This week I took a phone call from a lady that is considering Festivals of Marriage at Ridgecrest this fall. I could tell immediately the concern she had for her husband and his work. She said "my husband is under a lot of stress at work-facing deadlines and personality issues. He comes home all the time grouchy and it gets worse as the evening progresses. I want to be sympathetic, but at the same time I want to tell him to calm down. How can I gently do that?" Wow! Talk about pressure. It's your move Mark and she is waiting... I kept thinking about the times I've gone home guilty of the same thing and now I'm giving counsel...
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As I sit and watch the Thursday night football game, I find myself wondering why the announcers think they have to do so much talking? I know - it's their job - but do they really get paid by the word? I mean, so often it seems they are talking just to hear themselves talk. As married couples, we have to make sure we are not guilty of talking just to hear ourselves talk. Conversation is such an important part of a relationship, but if we are not careful, too much talking can actually hurt communication. So, the third principle in being heard by your spouse is to Say it Briefly! The writer of Proverbs says it this way. In...
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