Steve and I just returned from speaking at F.O.M. at Ridgecrest, North Carolina. I sit in amazement and almost feel guilty that I'm amazed at God's overwhelming outpour of himself on us. Steve and I spent a year in prayer over this weekend but could have never imagined the anointing he would have placed on us, as well as, his personal touch on every couple there. In order to give you a perspective on the weekend, we have asked our daughter who joined us to give you her vantage point.

"I have sat in many marriage conferences listening to my parents speak on marriage and family. Each time I do, I am proud and awestruck at God's touch on their lives. But none of the prior conferences could have prepared me for the view I was blessed to witness from the balcony. I am convinced that I was privileged enough to watch heaven take place on this earth. I love to observe people and try to 'figure out their world' from a distance. As I began to observe couples on Friday night, I was saddened at the distance in the pews between many of them. As a single person, my thought was, 'if this is what marriage looks like, wow, I'm not sure I'm interested'. Friday night ended and while the conference was amazing, nothing could have prepared me for the transition that would take place on Saturday night. Saturday night's conference was on 3 of the 6 mosquitoes that my parents teach (Busyness, Irritability and Drifting). Drifting was the final point before couples renewed their wedding vows and that mosquito ended by talking about the fact that in each marriage, no matter what stage the marriage was in, that God, who began a good work, would be faithful to complete it. (Phil 1:6) As if, that fact were not enough to begin breaking down walls between couples, what happened next will forever reign in mind as a picture of God's unending love and commitment for marriage. My Dad asked the husbands to snuggle up next to their wives and pray over them and then asked the wives to snuggle up close to their husbands and pray over them. It was the most incredible sight I have witnessed. Couples snuggled up close and there was hardly a dry eye in the room. When they were done praying, they took one another's hands and for many of them, I think it was the first time that they truly understood and grasped what those wedding vows really meant. On Sunday morning the pews seemed so much emptier because God had closed the space that was so evident on Friday night and it became that for the first time in a long time, God was going to get to be in the middle of 600 marriages. At the end of the conference, an invitation was done and while I didn't think there could be more rejoicing than what I had witnessed in 48 hours, over 60 hands went up to accept Jesus Christ into their hearts. All I can say is WHEW, GOD IS GOOD!"

As we close this blog, we want to thank Mark Satterfield and Lifeway for working diligently to provide marriage weekends such as this. I think the words to a Charles Billingsley song sums it up for us:

The church is empty but I just can't go home
So I linger for a moment in the dark all alone
And I'm so overwhelmed at how your spirit moved
I'm just glad
I was in the room

So many stories and no one knows but you
The silent prayers answered tonight in these pews
And I don't understand how you do what you do
I'm just glad
I was in the room

Great God in heaven
How wonderful you are
Oh you're still changing lives
And it humbles my heart
That you would allow someone like me
To play a small part

So tonight as I stand here I'm reminded once more
That when any good happens it's not about me Lord
It's enough that I stand in the shadow of you
I'm just glad
I was in the room

And I am Stefini(S).

(H&S) Since we are new to this blogging thing, we thought we would start by sharing our thoughts on how we expect to contribute on this site. In our bio we presented ourselves as "ordinary people". Knowing there are already some great experts contributing here, we thought we would take the approach of giving you a little bit of an inside look at our "ordinary" marriage, sharing some of our daily life and issues. By doing this we hope you will see we struggle and sometimes "fight" just like you. However, we also hope you will see issues can be handled peacefully (we call it fighting fair) and can be worked out to a resolution.

(H) After all, "making up" can be lots of fun!!

(S) We believe if you have God in the center of your marriage, good communication

(H) and a good sex life,

(S) you will have a joyous marriage and God will say "Well done my good and faithful servants"

(H) I was travelling with a non-Christian coworker recently and we were having a conversation about marriage. He was divorced and recently remarried and I had already noticed he took whatever opportunity he could to call his wife. As we talked he shared that he had very poor communication in his first marriage and vowed never to be like that again. He would no longer "bottle things" up and when there were issues he would face them head on. He also shared how great a relationship he has with his new wife as a result of his efforts for open communication.

Gentlemen, we can all learn from this example. We need to work harder at being willing to share our feelings and not holding them in, making sure that our wives are on the inside of our lives - not on the outside trying to look in. It takes effort, but it is worth the reward. Don't be like my coworker and let your marriage fail before learning the value and importance of good communication with your wife.

This is the "what we need to do". Gary and Kristen are blogging an excellent series, "Can you hear me now?", on the how to do it. Please take the time to read it.

May the Lord bless your marriage,

HandS

Before every conference, Gary and Barb fine tune their message just a little bit making sure it is just right. It's a fine balance to speak in a large setting and give practical information but also challenge listeners in a way that has them going home digging for more. The sessions cover topics such as 6 Secrets to Lasting Love, Sex in a Godly Marriage, Intimacy, Date with a Purpose and Conflict Resolution.

I will never forget this conference because we had a couple get married at the very end. You are probably thinking... isn't this a marriage conference? Aren't couples supposed to be married? Not necessarily. We have engaged couples and even singles that come to our one day conferences all the time. Don't worry... this couple was already engaged and called Windermere to see if getting married after the conference was a possibility. We agreed and the couple's pastor and wife came with several other couples. As soon as the conference was over, they tied the knot. It was a great marriage conference experience!

My new title - Event Coordinator/Wedding Planner

• God the provider for our needs - Matthew 6:31-33
• Being good stewards of what God provides - Genesis 1:28
• Debt and how to handle it - Psalm 37:21, Proverbs 3:27-28
• Cosigning loans - Proverbs 6:1-5
• The acquisition of money by work - Proverbs 6:6-9
• Being ethical in our financial dealings - Deuteronomy 5:19-21, Proverbs 10:2
• Saving - Proverbs 21:20
• Investing - Proverbs 21:5, Matthew 25:14-29
• Inheritances - Numbers 27: 8-11, Proverbs 13:22
• Giving to God - Genesis 28:22, Matthew 23:23-25
• Giving to others - Deuteronomy 18:1-5, Proverbs 28:27

The basic concern of the Bible seems to be with our attitude toward money. Greed and love of money are particularly addressed. Paul warns Timothy that "the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil" (1 Timothy 6:10). In his letters to the Ephesians and the Colossians, Paul equates greed with idolatry (Ephesians 5:5, Colossians 3:5). In the story of the rich young ruler, we see that the ruler's love of money stood in the way of his following Christ (Matthew 19:16-22) And Jesus taught, "Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions" (Luke 12:14).

The society we live in has a much more complicated economic system than societies had in Bible times. However, it is plain to see that the principles of scripture are just as applicable today.

We recently had our first grandbaby, Morgan Lily. What a joy!!! The first time I saw her, I was amazed at how instantly we had such a deep love for her. I found myself looking at all the details of her little face, her hands and her feet. It's crazy how you can hold and love on other people's babies and it be such a fun experience, but to hold this baby was nothing I have ever experienced before. I could not get enough of her because she was "ours." I found myself being welled up with a desire to form a protective mold over her because I want no harm to ever come to her, yet I know that life is full of ups and downs and I will never be able to fully protect her from some of life's hurts. As I think about the picture of Morgan, I see the picture of God and his incredible love and protection for me. When I was born, God looked at me with the same eyes that I look at Morgan. He looked at my fingers, my toes and every detail of my face and He fell in love with me before I was even born. No matter what Morgan does in her life, there is nothing that could take my love for her away. That love was decided before she was born.

If I could love our baby that much, then how much does God love me? Morgan is in St. Louis and we are in Shreveport, but every night we get to watch her on our webcam. I find myself singing to her and talking to her every chance I get so that she will know my voice. I believe that, in that same way, God wants us to know his voice so that when life gets difficult, only His voice can quiet us. In order for God's voice to calm us, we must spend enough time with Him in order to recognize that voice. In closing, in a marriage, it is so important that we realize how much God loves us individually so that we, in turn, may love others. How long has it been since you allowed God's voice to calm you?

She said "my husband is under a lot of stress at work-facing deadlines and personality issues. He comes home all the time grouchy and it gets worse as the evening progresses. I want to be sympathetic, but at the same time I want to tell him to calm down. How can I gently do that?"

Wow! Talk about pressure. It's your move Mark and she is waiting... I kept thinking about the times I've gone home guilty of the same thing and now I'm giving counsel to this subject? Uh oh...

Here's the bottom line - all families face this kind of problem some time or another. The question we need to ask ourselves is this a short term or long term problem?

If this is a short term situation, let's consider the following: We all go through times at work and home that creates pressures and problems that will affect our spouse, family and friends. If this lady's husband is going through a short term situation (less than 6 months), he may just need understanding, time and a little space to get through it. The hardest part is being patient with your husband. Go slow giving any guilt. Nevertheless, be honest when he says something hurtful or when he is frustrating you. Try not to make things feel abnormal. And remind yourself (and sometimes him as well) that it will get better.

If the situation has gone longer than 6 months it needs a more serious response. Look to a pastor, small group leader, or trusted Christian friend. It may be good for your husband to receive counsel regarding career or personal issues. Encourage him to seek it. It is always good to receive an outside perspective from a trusted source. It may lead to a job change that neither of you could see because you're on the inside. Keep in mind that most guys don't care to see a counselor for whatever reason. Encourage him nonetheless. People in unhappy work situations for long periods of time can be helped a lot by making changes even when those changes bring short term pain.

Be there by his side. Tough decisions will need to be made (together) but in the end you will grow closer towards each other and most importantly to God.

What would you say to this person?

Unfortunately, many married couples are living in a cycle of abrasiveness. Couples speak to each other in ways they would never think of speaking to their co-workers, friends, acquaintances, and even perfect strangers. We blame it on stress, comfort, and total acceptance. We believe our spouses will love us, regardless of our attitudes and actions. In reality, our abrasive tone and unkind words are slowly chipping away at our spouse's self-esteem and can tear dangerous holes in our relationship. If you find yourself in this type of cycle, commit today to become a "cycle-breaker". Be determined to speak in a way that glorifies your Lord and uplifts your spouse. Don't get discouraged if you don't see immediate results. Continue to pour sweet words of kindness over your spouse, and don't be surprised if your relationship begins to grow sweeter, too!

Next time..... Principle #3 - Say it Briefly
Blessings to you.....
Gary and Kristin

B & H Publishing Group (a division of LifeWay) decided to publish The Love Dare and LifeWay Church Resources is publishing a small group curriculum in early 2009 that will be out the same time the Fireproof DVD will release.

The Love Dare is a 40-day guided devotional experience that will lead your heart back to truly loving your spouse while learning more about the design, nature, and source of true love. Each reading includes Scripture, a statement of principle, the day's 'dare,' and a journaling area and check box to chart progress.

In the introduction to The Love Dare, the authors lay out the three elements of each chapter.

First, a unique aspect of love will be discussed. Read each of these carefully and be open to a new understanding of what it means to genuinely love someone.

Second, you will be given a specific dare to do for your spouse. Some will be easy and some very challenging. But take each dare seriously, and be creative and courageous enough to attempt it. Don't be discouraged if outside situations prevent you from accomplishing a specific dare. Just pick back up as soon as you can and proceed with the journey.

Last, you will be given journal space to log what you are learning and doing and how your spouse is responding. It is important that you take advantage of this space to capture what is happening to both you and your mate along the way. These notes will record your progress and should become priceless to you in the future.

Click here to download a free sample of The Love Dare.

A few months before I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Tennessee town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the world a few months later. As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me the word of God, and Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger He was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies. If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to her room and read her books (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.) Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad was a teetotaler who didn't permit alcohol in the home, not even for cooking. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing. I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... and NEVER asked to leave. More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you were to walk into my parent's den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name you ask? We just call him "TV"

He has a younger sister now. We call her "computer"

What we all want, simply put, is a life in BALANCE. Our desire is to be able to do the things that are really important, without feeling rushed and overwhelmed. What we want is for every area to receive its proper amount of time and attention, no more and no less. Is that kind of life possible?

The goal is serving God, not finding balance

The goal for a Christian isn't really balance. Balance implies that we examine all of the pieces of our lives - work, family, leisure, etc. - and we allocate our resources of time and money as each one deserves. The problem with this approach is that God gets put in the mix as just one priority among many. "There's my career, there's my marriage, there's my relationship with my kids, there's friends, and there's God." But God will not tolerate being just one of many items on a list. God is not just one of our priorities; He must be our first and only priority.

Find out this fall how to bring every area of life into harmony with God's will. The goal is to follow and obey Him with every area of our lives. If we do that, then the "BALANCE" will take care of itself because God will never ask us to do more than we are able.

Festivals of Marriage
Mark Satterfield

Being heard and understood is a very important part of life. We feel important and appreciated when others listen to us. Yet many times, we feel no one is listening. Wise people know how to speak in such a way that others will hear them. Over the next few weeks, let's talk about five 'ear opening' principles to improve your communication with your spouse and help them be able to hear you.

Principle #1
Say it Timely - Proverbs 15:23

"A man has joy in an apt answer, and how delightful is a timely word!" We should learn one another's emotional energy cycles well enough to know when is not a good time to talk. You should know what gets your spouse bent out of shape, and you should know the things that stimulate a good environment for conversation. There are always going to be certain issues that will never be easy to discuss but most conversations have their right time and it is our responsibility to find that right time.

Unfortunately, this is a principle that I (Kristin) struggle with from time to time. It seems I suffer from "projectile conversation", and there are times I need to back up and take a look at Gary's situation. I need to ask myself - Is he in a position to listen to what I am saying? If he has just spent two hours trying to get the lawn mower to start, it probably isn't a great time to discuss my goals and objectives for the next five years. Time spent in evaluating your spouse's emotional energy cycle is a great investment in communication. Remember - whatever you have to say......SAY IT TIMELY!

Next time..... Principle #2 - Say it Pleasantly

Blessings to you.....

Gary and Kristin

The telephone survey found that, among all U.S. adults who have been married, 33 percent have been divorced at least once. By comparison, 26 percent of evangelicals who have been married have been divorced. The poll did not ask evangelicals whether the divorce occurred before or after their salvation experience.

The survey was based on a sample of 5,017 adults conducted over a year, from January 2007 through January 2008. Of this sample, 3,792 adults were or had been married.

"There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce; it is now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage," George Barna said in a news release. "Interviews with young adults suggest that they want their initial marriage to last, but are not particularly optimistic about that possibility. There is also evidence that many young people are moving toward embracing the idea of serial marriage, in which a person gets married two or three times, seeking a different partner for each phase of their adult life."

Among adults who have been married the poll also found that:

-- 28 percent of self-identified conservatives who have been married have experienced a divorce, compared to 33 percent of moderates and 37 percent of liberals.

-- 38 percent of those associated with a non-Christian faith who have been married have been divorced.

-- 32 percent of whites who have been married have been divorced, 36 percent of blacks, 31 percent of Hispanics and 20 percent of Asians.

-- 28 percent of self-identified Catholics who have been married have been divorced.

Nearly four out of every five U.S. adults (78 percent) have been married at least once.

"Government statistics and a wealth of other research data have shown that co-habitation increases the likelihood of divorce, yet cohabiting is growing in popularity," Barna said. "Studies showing the importance and value of preparing for marriage seem to fall on deaf ears. America has become an experimental, experience-driven culture. Rather than learn from objective information and teaching based on that information, people prefer to follow their instincts and let the chips fall where they may. Given that tendency, we can expect America to retain the highest divorce rate among all developed nations of the world."

For a person to be considered an evangelical by Barna researchers, a respondent must say: he has made a personal commitment to Christ that is still important to his life today; when he dies he will go to heaven because he has confessed his sins and accepted Christ as his savior; he has a personal responsibility to share his beliefs about Christ with non-Christians; he believes that Satan exists; eternal salvation is possible only through grace, and not works; Jesus Christ lived a sinless life on earth; that the Bible is accurate in all that it teaches; and that God is the all-knowing, all-powerful, perfect deity who created the universe and still rules it today.

Among the 3,792 participants included in the survey there were 339 evangelicals, 1,373 non-evangelical born again Christians, 1,488 notional Christians, 197 associated with a non Christian faith and 269 agnostics or atheists. Of these, 875 identified themselves as Catholic and 1,997 as Protestant. Participants described their ethnic identities as white (2,641), African American (464), Hispanic (458) and Asian (128), and they called themselves conservative (1,343), moderate (1,720) and liberal (474) on social and political matters.

Above article written by Michael Foust (Baptist Press).