Dr. Mintle Answers Your Questions
Every month in ParentLife, Dr. Linda Mintle answers your parenting questions in her "Real Life Solutions" department. Each month, we will have an additional Q & A specifically for the blog. This month's question is about parenting styles.Q: My husband and I have very different parenting styles. How can we work on being united in our parenting?
A: A team approach to parenting is something most parents have to work out because they were raised in different families. When you leave your original family, you bring to marriage the patterns you learned growing up. Patterns of parenting are learned from watching your own parents. Different families parent differently. Some are more rigid, more permissive, or more critical than others. These differences can cause parenting conflicts if not negotiated. When you disagree, take a short break, talk through your strategies, and come to an agreement. You can say: “Mommy and Daddy are going to talk about this and come back.” Remember you are probably responding how you learned growing up. If you cannot pause before reacting, then talk about the conflict after the fact and agree on how you could both handle this in the future.
The important things are to be in agreement, be consistent, and realize this is an ongoing conversation. As children grow, the issues change and trigger issues from your childhood. Kids also tend to divide parents, so present a unified front to your child even if you disagree at the moment. Evaluate whether or not your approach to a problem was helpful and appropriate. Not all family patterns are healthy, so you may decide to make changes based on what you have learned.
If you cannot come to an agreement on how to parent as a couple, talk to another couple who can serve as your mentor or a family therapist or pastor.
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