Real Life Solutions by Dr. Linda Mintle
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: My 8-year-old son is on a recreational soccer league. He loves to play sports but is a bad loser. After a game, he is irritable and upset. I don’t like how he talks about losing, but my husband says I am overreacting. Am I?
A: The number of children that participate in recreational sports has grown exponentially in recent years. However, we are seeing some disturbing trends — kids who are overly rewarded for mediocrity in order to prevent them from feeling bad to kids obsessed with winning.
A survey in Sports Illustrated for Kids asked its readers what they observed about their parents, coaches, and adults when they played sports. Seventy-four percent said they witnessed out-of-control adults at their games. The most common behaviors cited were parents yelling at officials and coaches and parents yelling at children.
Parents need to chill out and allow coaches to do their jobs. Unfortunately, when children see overly intense adults get angry, they learn the same behavior. Therefore, observe if the adults are exercising self-control at the games.
Another possibility relates to how your child feels about himself. Usually kids who are sore losers worry too much about what others think of them when they do not win. Or a child may feel that he is only accepted when he wins. Discuss the value of doing your best on that particular day over winning.
Additionally, some children easily are frustrated and need help winding down from a losing game. They do not know how to handle frustration, so they get angry. Parents who can talk about their own frustrations and disappointments when they lose model for their children how to accept losses.
Evaluate the messages you may be sending about the importance of winning; teach your child that his identity does not come from being a winner — character matters more; help your child deal with frustrations and losing in ways that are acceptable; and practice graceful losing. Winning is not always possible, and learning to lose gracefully is what builds character in a child.
Is your child a good sport? How have you taught your child good sportsmanship?
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