ParentLife Blog

Fun Friday Photo -- December 31, 2010

Our Fun Friday Photo of the year ... is the cover of our new redesign! We can't wait to share the rest with you in the new year. Remember, our new design premieres with the March 2011 issue! And keep sending us your Fun Friday Photos. See details below!

Photos wanted! Send us your funny, cute, or just plain fun pictures for our Fun Friday Photos. Each Friday we will post a new "Fun Friday Photo." E-mail your photo and a suggested caption describing the photo to parentlife@lifeway.com. Visit the blog each Friday to see if your photo was chosen!

Time for a Media Diet?

After a season filled with record-setting cell phone and gaming gifts to preteens, iShine is announcing the release of the Family Media Diet Calculator. The calculator is a new tool providing customized awareness to families in regards to how much time they spend connected to media in comparison to the amount of hours they spend plugged in with real life interaction and content consumption.

“We as parents must be deliberate of what media our kids consume, understanding that it is forming the way our kids look at everything – self image, friends, parents, leaders, themselves,” remarks iShine founder and Chief Creative Officer Robert Beeson. “If we as parents aren’t actively forming the person our kid’s are becoming – make no mistake – someone else is.”

Merry Christmas! from the ParentLife Team

Fun Friday Photo -- December 24th, 2010

Erica (left) is 2 and Mary Lane (right) is 5 months.

Thanks to Jeanette M. for this great photo!

Photos wanted! Send us your funny, cute, or just plain fun pictures for our Fun Friday Photos. Each Friday we will post a new "Fun Friday Photo." E-mail your photo and a suggested caption describing the photo to parentlife@lifeway.com. Visit the blog each Friday to see if your photo was chosen!

Fun Friday Photo -- December 17, 2010

Two-month-old Parker is ready for his first Christmas!

Thanks to Melissa G. for this great photo!

Photos wanted! Send us your funny, cute, or just plain fun pictures for our Fun Friday Photos. Each Friday we will post a new "Fun Friday Photo." E-mail your photo and a suggested caption describing the photo to parentlife@lifeway.com. Visit the blog each Friday to see if your photo was chosen!

Fun Friday Photo -- December 10, 2010

Sweet 2-year-old daughter of our Resident ParentLife Blogger, Jessie! Too cute not to show off!

Photos wanted! Send us your funny, cute, or just plain fun pictures for our Fun Friday Photos. Each Friday we will post a new "Fun Friday Photo." E-mail your photo and a suggested caption describing the photo to parentlife@lifeway.com. Visit the blog each Friday to see if your photo was chosen!

Send us your cute Christmas photos!!

Depression in Children

Could your child be depressed?

Depression is a serious mood disorder that often goes undetected in children because it may not look the same as it does in adults. Kids experience many of the same feelings and symptoms, but find it difficult to articulate and express. Diagnosis is also complicated by the fact that changes in academic, social, or emotional functioning can be normal childhood behaviors. For instance, increased temper tantrums and misbehavior could indicate depression rather than defiance.

Other signs and symptoms include:

• Frequent irritation, sadness, anger, or boredom
• Excessive crying
• Withdrawal, loss of interest in hobbies, friends, or playing
• Unexplained aches and pains; stomachaches and headaches are common
• Difficulty concentrating
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Thinking about death or suicide

Children who appear depressed may actually be experiencing anxiety. Pay attention to your child. If she is showing symptoms that do not resolve with communication, support, and encouragement, a visit to the pediatrician is in order. Treatment generally includes professional counseling, medicines, and family work.

Thank you to ParentLife contributor Vonda Skelton and Dena Cabrera at Remuda Ranch for this pertinent information.

Have you ever suspected or confirmed your child is depressed rather than just sad or upset?

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source.

Bike Helmet Safety

Since many children will receive bicycles for Christmas, we thought this was timely information. Enjoy!

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Sports are the most frequent cause of injury for adolescents, and each year more than 3.5 million kids suffer sports- and recreational-related injuries.

However, by equipping your child with the proper plastic safety gear, you can help reduce their risk of injury by 46%. Did you know that according to the Bike Helmet Safety Institute (BHSI), establishing the helmet habit as soon as your child begins riding a tricycle is the best way to ensure that it will become a habit for a lifetime which can reduce the risk of head injuries by 85 percent? In order to ensure your child is biking safely Plastics Make it Possible compiled the following to help your child select their perfect biking helmet:

Fit Factor

Be sure the plastic helmet fits right — if it’s too big or too small it may be uncomfortable for your child and it is not as effective.

Plastic bicycle helmet fit guidelines:

• It should be snug and fit flat on top of your head when in place.
• There should only be one to two inches between the eyebrows and the ridge of the helmet.
• It should not obstruct your vision.
• It should have a tight (snug) chinstrap that is centered and always kept snapped.

Bike in Style

Let your child participate in picking out their own plastic helmet. They come in a variety of cool colors, patterns and even styles, which allow kids to express their own individual sense of style. Kids are more likely to wear a helmet if they like the looks of it!

Hard Headed

Look for a helmet made with hard ABS (Acrylonitrile-Butadiene-Styrene) or fiberglass, which are hard and crack-resistant.

Know when to dump it.

If you’ve been in a crash, it’s time to find a new helmet. Helmets that have only been in minor fender-benders can weaken significantly and not be able to protect in the same way again. Write “crashed” on the helmet in permanent marker, and kiss it goodbye.

What else?

Beyond the helmet there is a variety of safety gear available for kids. As they progress to bicycles, scooters, and skateboards, essential equipment like wrist, elbow, and knee guards will help keep kids safe on the go. Tough plastics in protective athletic gear help prevent injuries from falling and crashing. Research for some of these activities shows that wearing wrist guards could reduce the number of wrist injuries by 87 percent, wearing elbow pads could reduce the number of elbow injuries by 82 percent, and wearing knee pads could reduce the number of knee injuries by 32 percent.

Protect your kids' heads—buy helmets to go with those new bikes!

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons.

Last-Minute Gift Ideas

Still looking for a few last-minute gifts to put under the tree Friday night? Here are a few products that we couldn't squeeze into our December gift guide but that we recommend!

Time’s Up Time Out Bear (www.geniusbabies.com, $25)
How long until I eat? When do I have to stop playing? When does Mommy come home? This unique teddy with a mechanical timer in his tummy will help preschoolers develop time sense. He is also handy as a TV or video game time monitor. (Kids can play until he dings.)

Marshmallow Blower (www.growingtreetoys.com, $8)
This gadget is good for soft, safe, and somewhat rambunctious play. Mom or Dad supplies the mini marshmallows which load into the barrel with a turn handle; kids supply the lung power to poof them toward parental-approved targets.

Traverse® 20th Anniversary Edition (www.educationalinsights.com, $25)
A chess-meets-checkers hybrid, Traverse requires players to move their geometric pieces from one side of the gameboard to the other. Easy, right? Not when each shape is limited in its direction or means of movement, and not when opponents use the same strategies to block moves.

What's the most innovative gift you're giving this year?

McDougal Kids Win Talent Search

In a May 2009 ParentLife article entitled "A Carpenter's Mission: Building a House of Love," we featured the McDougal family. At the time, they were building an allergen-free home to live in due to the fact that three of their four children have cystic fibrosis.

ParentLife Everyday December 2010

Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!

All of the articles below are in our current December issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!

Know Busy Parents?
As kids get older, they seem to get busier. This article will help parents in your ministry maximize their tie connecting with their preteen through minimum planning and focused effort (pp. 16-17).

"I cannot raise this girl, but You can. I give her back to You."
—Max Lucado's prayer about his newborn daughter, Jenna, when faced with the fears of becoming a new parent (pp. 18-21).

Help Parents in Uncertain Times
Are parents in your ministry fearful? Fearful of the economy? Fearful of job loss? Fearful of the future? Max Lucado inspires parents and points them toward God who holds the future (pp. 18-21).

Walking Through the Storm
Guide parents in your church who are going through difficulty. Angie Smith's testimony and example of strength through a season of loss will inspire you (pp. 34-36).

Listen & Learn
Equip divorced parents in your church to know how to listen to their kids and help them navigate the impact of divorce. Counselor David Thomas answers common questions regarding the children of divorce (pp. 24-25).

Fixing Our Fibbing
Encourage families in your church to practice honesty and personal integrity. This article emphasizes the importance of setting an honest example for children (even in the small things) (pp. 22-23).

Everyday Teaching Moments
Equip parents in your ministry with practical ideas for experiencing God in daily family life. Pass along these three articles to help parents to teach their kids about God (pp. 26-27, 47).

100%
—The percentage of ParentLife readers who love Christmas! Equip parents in your ministry to put Christmas in perspective this year with these six articles (pp. 38-41, 43-44).

For a downloadable pdf of this content, click on the link below:

Choosing the Right Toys Per Age Group by Natacha V. Beim

More than ever, parents are faced with a dilemma when purchasing toys for their children: Should they buy what their children really long for? Or should they buy a good, educational toy they choose on their child’s behalf?

In our society, children are constantly bombarded with advertisements promoting toys often designed to break within a few months, or be replaced by their own “newer” versions. The toys your children want are not necessarily the ones that are of great quality or of any value for that matter, but they are the ones advertised constantly, and the ones all their friends own at school: the “cool” toys.

Often, however, when children get these toys, they fail to play with them. The problem is that, if you observe closely, there is not much that they can do with the toy. It does not inspire the child’s imagination, or any other skills for that matter.

Look at what you are going to buy and, before you decide, ask yourself: How can my child play with this toy? What does it do? What skills does it promote? If you have good answers for those questions, chances are you are in the right path.

Here are a few factors to consider before approaching the check out counter this holiday season:

A child’s brain is most influential before the age of six. Babies are developing their sense of sound, sight, and touch, and familiarizing themselves with the world that surrounds them. Toys that assist in hand-eye coordination, visual skills, or any of their senses are a good choice. Look for toys with bright, attractive colors or patterns, mirrored or reflective surfaces, varied textures, and safe to mouth (meaning easy to wash!). Toys they can pull, chew, discover, hear, grab, and get a sound out of are some good choices. Lamaze has some good choices for young babies, but there are many exciting choices in the market. I also recommend soft blocks and cars, rattles, and washable books.

Toddlers are in a stage of exploration and are finding their independence. They are developing their motor skills and using their imagination. Ride-ons or anything that can be pushed or pulled are great choices. Even better if they have elements of everyday life that they can use to pretend-play, such as lawnmowers, grocery carts or dolls and strollers. These toys are also great for early walkers. Toys they can use in the sand or water are not only great but also necessary for their development. Non-toxic finger paint and shape sorters or puzzles are also perfect for their budding imaginations. You will find, however, that some of their favorite things to play with will be right in your kitchen!

Preschoolers are jumping, running, and interested in so many things! Good toys will challenge them and engage their imagination and reasoning skills. Vehicles and bikes are great for gross motor skills, while puzzles, building toys such as Lego®, Brio trains and tracks, and art supplies develop their fine motor skills (and their imagination and reasoning skills). Realistic dolls and house furniture and accessories of any size are great for role-playing and imagination as well. Science kits are amazing for this age group, and books and toys that help them learn to read.

Young children have well-established social skills and love to play in groups even more than they did before. Board games and group games are a great choice for this age group, as are art supplies and crafts projects, as well as more complex building sets and science kits. Books they can read on their own are a wonderful gift, and magic kits or circus-type toys promote better motor skills. I love to encourage outdoor toys for this age group as well, such as skates, basketball, jump-ropes and Chinese elastics, ping-pong, badminton, or anything that will promote healthy outdoor play and invite new friendships.

Tweens and Teens are the age group that people struggle the most with. I have one at home and, personally, I find this age group fascinating! As veteran toy consumers, they are hard to impress. Often, the only toys they gravitate towards are video games. However, this is the perfect age to introduce them to some of the things you still like to play with as an adult! Our son loves to make animation movies. He inherited one of our cameras, and we bought him a computer and some plasticine. He also invites his friends over and together, they make movies which they later can post on YouTube. Choose things that will give your child a great sense of accomplishment, and engage them to the fullest. Other choices can be a real instrument and some lessons or a painting kit. Knitting or sewing projects (even a simple sewing machine), woodworking, clay, an easel, a pet they always wanted — the possibilities are endless. Look for toys that show you trust them and believe in them, and you can affect them for life!

While anticipation of a gleeful smile and wish fulfilled should, of course, play into your purchasing decisions, what you put under the tree can have a lasting impression on your child. A little research combined with a lot of love will ensure your child has an extraordinary Christmas with benefits that last far beyond the holiday season.

Natacha V. Beim is a renowned writer, speaker, educational leader, and founder and CEO of Core Education & Fine Arts. Born in Uruguay and raised in Montréal, Canada, she has traveled extensively and studied educational systems around the world. As a pioneer in the field of modern education, Beim continually pursues studies in the field developmental psychology focusing on the early years. Visit www.cefa.ca for more information.

What's your favorite toy to buy as a gift? I love to buy play food for my daughter's friends — either Melissa and Doug sets or some fun felt food from Etsy! - Jessie, Resident ParentLife Blogger

Dr. Mom on Taming Aggressive Behavior

In our December 2010 issue of ParentLife, Dr. Mom addressed dealing with aggressive behavior in children (p. 45, "Aggression"). Here are some extra tips from Dr. Mom, Marianne Neifert, M.D., on taming aggressive behavior you may perceive in your children.

• Provide adequate supervision. Children require structure, supervision, and adult guidance as they learn to make good choices. Closely monitor your children’s behavior and intervene when aggression is being displayed.
• Limit media exposure to violence. Excessive viewing of television violence, including cartoon violence, and exposure to violent video games can increase childhood aggression. Limit television to 2 hours a day of educational programming and closely monitor your children’s media viewing habits. (Television is not recommended for children under 2 years.)
• Promote problem-solving. Children without effective problem-solving skills are less able to cope with everyday challenges and are more prone to frustration and aggression. Regular family meetings provide an ideal opportunity for children to hear differing viewpoints and gain practice brainstorming (with parental guidance) possible solutions to family dilemmas.

Have you dealt with aggressive behavior from your children? How do you respond?

December Giveaway

With all the excitement of our Black Friday giveaway, we're a little behind getting this one up ... but we guess you're probably a little behind in stuff, too, due to the holidays!

This month we're giving away one Levels of Biblical Learning Super-Duper Prize Pack! Our prize pack includes the following:

• God's Creation stickers
• Names of God stickers
• God Loves Me stickers
• Bible Times stickers
• Kind Words stickers
• 1 copy of Super Duper Fun & Exciting Absolutely Thought-Igniting Bible Activities for Kids : 1st through 6th grade edition
• Creation Box Puzzle (which includes 4 different small puzzles)
• Solomon's Temple Floor Puzzle
• Magnetic Picture Frame Craft Pack
• "I Love You" Cards Craft Pack (great for Valentine's Day)

This would make a wonderful gift to your child's Sunday School teacher or to have at home for ideas for your children! It's a prize pack worth over $85 that will go to one blessed winner who comments on any ParentLife post during the month of December.

Best wishes!

Winner will be chosen January 3, 2011. USA only. LifeWay Employees are not eligible to win.

Max Lucado Speaks on Fear in Parenting

Did you read Max Lucado's article "What If?" in the December 2010 issue of ParentLife? There was so much good content, that we didn't have room to fit it all in the printed article. So ... we saved some for the blog. I hope you'll take the time to read this brief passage from Max Lucado's amazing book Fearless. Can we live without fear, even as parents?

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As Jairus and Jesus were going to Jairus’s home, “a messenger arrived from the home of Jairus, the leader of the synagoge. He told him, ‘Your daughter is dead. There’s no use troubling the Teacher now.’ But when Jesus heard what had happened, he said to Jairus, ‘Don’t be afraid. Just have faith, and she will be healed’” (Luke 8:49-50, NLT).

Jairus was whipsawed between the contrasting messages. The first, from servants: “Your daughter is dead.” The second, from Jesus: “Don’t be afraid.” Horror called from one side. Hope compelled from the other. Tragedy, then trust. Jairus heard two voices and had to choose which one he would heed.

Don’t we all?

The hard reality of parenting reads something like this: You can do your best and still stand where Jairus stood. You can protect, pray, and keep all the boogeymen at bay and still find yourself in an ER at midnight or a drug rehab clinic on visitors’ Sunday, choosing between two voices: despair and belief. Jairus could have chosen despair. Who would have faulted him for deciding “Enough is enough”? He had no guarantee that Jesus could help. His daughter was dead. Jairus could have walked away. As parents, we’re so glad he didn’t. We need to know what Jesus will do when we entrust our kids to Him.

He united the household. “When Jesus went to the house, he let only Peter, John, James, and the girl’s father and mother go inside with him” (Luke 8:51, NCV).

Jesus included the mother. Until this point she had been, for whatever reason, out of the picture. Perhaps she was at her daughter’s bedside. Or she might have been at odds with her husband. Crisis can divide a family. The stress of caring for a sick or troubled child can drive a wedge between Mom and Dad. But here, Christ united them. Picture Jesus pausing at the house entrance, gesturing the distraught mother to join them. He didn’t have to do so. He could have hurried in without her. But He wanted Mom and Dad to stand together in the struggle. Jesus gathered the entire, albeit small, household in the presence of the daughter.

And He banished unbelief. “Now all wept and mourned for her; but He said, ‘Do not weep; she is not dead, but sleeping.’ And they ridiculed Him, knowing that she was dead. But He put them all outside” (vv. 52-54).

He commanded doubt to depart and permitted only faith and hope to stay. And in this intimate circle of trust, Jesus “took her by the hand and called, saying, ‘Little girl, arise.’ Then her spirit returned, and she arose immediately. And He commanded that she be given something to eat. And her parents were astonished” (vv. 54-56).

God has a heart for hurting parents. Should we be surprised? After all, God Himself is a father. What parental emotion has He not felt? Are you separated from your child? So was God. Is someone mistreating your child? They mocked and bullied His. Is someone taking advantage of your children? The Son of God was set up by false testimony and betrayed by a greedy follower. Are you forced to watch while your child suffers? God watched His Son on the cross. Do you find yourself wanting to spare your child from all the hurt in the world? God did. But because of His great love for us, “He did not spare His own Son but gave Him for us all. So with Jesus, God will surely give us all things” (Romans 8:32, NCV).

“All things” must include courage and hope.

Some of you find the story of Jairus difficult to hear. You prayed the same prayer he did, yet you found yourself in a cemetery facing every parent’s darkest night: the death of your child. No pain compares. What hope does this story of Jairus offer to you? Jesus resurrected Jairuis’s child. Why didn’t He save yours?

God understands your question. He buried a child too. He hates death more than you do. That’s why He killed it. He “abolished death and brought life and immortality to light" (2 Timothy 1: 10). For those who trust God, death is nothing more than a transition to heaven. Your child may not be in your arms, but your child is safely in His.

Others of you have been standing for a long time where Jairus stood. You’ve long since left the water’s edge of offered prayer but haven’t yet arrived at the household of answered prayer. You’ve wept a monsoon of tears for your child, enough to summon the attention of every angel and their neighbor to your cause. At times you’ve felt that a breakthrough was nearing, that Christ was following you to your house. But you’re not so sure anymore. You find yourself alone on the path, wondering if Christ has forgotten you and your child.

He hasn’t. He never dismisses a parent’s prayer. Keep giving your child to God, and in the right time and the right way, God will give your child back to you.

Reprinted by permission. Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear by Max Lucado, copyright 2009, Thomas Nelson Inc. Nashville, Tennessee. All rights reserved.

What parenting fears do you have?

Helping Your Child Stay Dry

Photo from Pottery Barn Kids

Our December 2010 article, "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep," gave a few facts related to bedwetting. Here are some helpful hints from author Gregory W. Edens, M.D., on helping your child stay dry.

• Limit fluids before bedtime.
• Have the child attempt to use the bathroom at the beginning of the bedtime routine and just before going to sleep.
• Wake your child a few hours after going to sleep to attempt to use the bathroom and then put him back to bed.
• Have the child help wash the sheets when he wets the bed, but never scold or shame him.
• Buy a bed-wetting alarm that has a pad which senses moisture and will alarm to wake the child if he urinates. This will help the child learn to sense the cues of when he needs to go to the bathroom.
• Talk to your child’s doctor if he is older than 6 to see if further investigation is needed.

Do you have any extra tips for parents of bedwetters?

Growth Spurts: Development in the First Two Years

Going to the pediatrician's office with a small infant or toddler can be an adventure in itself. It's even harder if you're faced with unexpected questions or concerns. Here's a short list of age-appropriate skills your pediatrician will probably ask you about.

Remember that each child is different. If you have a concern, talk to your pediatrician.

Gross Motor Development

• Lifts up head (1 to 4 months)
• Rolls front to back (3 to 6 months)
• Rolls back to front (4 to 7 months)
• Sits with support (4 to 7 months)
• Sits without support (5 to 9 months)
• Creeps (5 to 10 months)
• Crawls (6 to 11 months)
• Pulls up to stand (6 to 12 months)
• Cruises (9 to 14 months)
• Walks (9 to 17 months)
• Runs (13 to 20 months)

Fine Motor Development

• Bats at objects (2 to 5 months)
• Discovers hands and feet (3 to 5 months)
• Transfers objects from one hand to the other hand (4 to 7 months)
• Finger feeds (5 to 10 months)

Social/Emotional Development

• Social smiles (1 to 3 months)
• Learns object permanence (6 to 12 months)
• Goes through stranger anxiety (6 to 12 months)

Language Development

• Coos (1 to 4 months)
• Laughs (3 to 6 months)
• Turns to voice (3 to 6 months)
• Blows raspberries (3 to 6 months)
• Jabbers (5 to 9 months)
• Says “mama” and “dada” specifically (9 to 14 months)

Have you ever been concerned about one of your child's development skills? I was convinced at 18 months that my daughter was never going to really talk. At 25 months, that seems laughable. She never STOPS talking now. I think sometimes we create things to worry about, don't you? --Jessie, Resident ParentLife Blogger

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons.

Fun Friday Photo -- December 3, 2010

Sweet 2-year-old Isabella was bored waiting for dinner! 

Thanks to Shane and Tina W. for this great photo!

Photos wanted! Send us your funny, cute, or just plain fun pictures for our Fun Friday Photos. Each Friday we will post a new "Fun Friday Photo." E-mail your photo and a suggested caption describing the photo to parentlife@lifeway.com. Visit the blog each Friday to see if your photo was chosen!

December Events and Happenings

The 2010 Williamson County Jingle Bell Run/Walk is this Saturday, December 4th, and includes a 1K fun run and a 5K. If you are in the Franklin area, head out and show your support to the Arthritis Foundation.

The LifeWay Girls' Ministry Forum for 2011 is coming up February 25-26, 2011. It will be at the LifeWay HQ in Nashville, Tennessee.

Breakout topics for leaders include (but aren’t limited to):
• Girls and pornography
• Raising up godly girls in a feminist world
• Crisis issues in teen girls
• Girls’ ministry basics
• Understanding teen girl development
• Preteen girls
• Discipling Girls 101

Breakout topics for girls include (but aren’t limited to):
• Dealing with girl drama
• Discipling younger girls
• Dealing with stress
• Fight like a girl (conflict resolution)
• Living from your strengths (personality, spiritual gifts, etc.)
• Studying God's Word for yourself
• Healthy friendships

You can register online at LifeWay.com.

If you're looking for a little time away with your sweetie, there is a Valentine's Weekend Retreat at the LifeWay Ridgecrest Conference Center February 11-12, 2011. The creators of the movie Fireproof and the popular Love Dare Journal will be speaking during the course of the weekend. Enjoy some romance, time away, and the beautiful mountain scenery!

Any other events we should know about?

Get ParentLife at Church!

Ever wonder how to get ParentLife at your church? Each issue of ParentLife is great to share with other parents in your church or to use with outreach to  let your community know that you care about them!

First, take your copy of ParentLife to your pastor or appropriate minister (prechool, children, family, or education minister).

Second, tell them they can order ParentLife at a great reduced rate ($1.55 an issue) by placing a standing bulk order in one of the following ways:

1.  Use their LifeWay quarterly literature order form.
2.  Go online to www.lifeway.com/parentlife.
3.  Call Customer Service toll free at 1 (800) 458-2772.

It's that easy!

To Santa or Not to Santa? by Brian Dembowczyk

Fixing Our Fibbing: 5 Steps to Take

Here's an extra bit from the article "Fixing Our Fibbing" in the December 2010 issue of ParentLife.

Steps to Take When You Catch Your Child in a Lie

1. Know the situation before confronting. There are times when you might believe you have caught your child in a lie, but it is actually a misunderstanding. Make sure you understand the situation as best as possible before confronting your child.
2. Give an opportunity for confession. Once you confront your child, do not start by accusing him of lying. Instead, give him the opportunity to confess to you (think of God in Eden). Present the facts as you understand them, and give your child a chance to respond.
3. Make certain that a resolution is made. Once the lie has been brought to light, you will want your child seek forgiveness from the person to whom he lied and make things right the best he can.
4. Discipline if needed. Not every lie will require discipline; however, serious lies or chronic lying may need to be addressed through loss of privileges, grounding, or some other form of discipline.
5. Extend forgiveness. Always reaffirm your love and forgiveness as well as God’s. It is important for your child to understand what it means to be under grace.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).

Would you add any steps to this progression?

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons.

Questions Your Child's Doctor Will Ask

In the December 2010 issue of ParentLife, our 1- to 2-year Growth Spurts article was about healthy development. Here are the basic questions you are likely to be asked at your child's well-child visits to the doctor during this time.

18-Month Checkup

• What are your child's eating habits?
• How is your child sleeping?
• Is your child walking?
• Does your child say "no"?
• Is your child saying at least six words, such as mama and dada?
• Does your child respond to simple commands?
• Is there anything unusual about the way your child looks at things?

2-Year Checkup

• Is your child physically active?
• What new words is your child learning?
• Is your child showing readiness for toilet training?

BabyCenter has printable worksheets for the 18-month and 2-year checkups, if you want to prepare answers in advance as well as record any questions you might have for the pediatrician so you don't forget!

Do you do anything to prepare for well-child visits?

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons.

Real Life Solutions: Exposing Children to Drinking Relatives

We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.

Q: We will be traveling to our relatives in another state for several family gatherings during Christmas. Two of my siblings are problem drinkers, and I am not sure how to handle this with my family. We do not drink, so my children are not used to seeing family members act up while under the influence. In the past, the drinking has gotten out of hand. My children are now old enough to ask questions. What do I do or say if the drinking starts to become a problem again?

A: Drinking during the holidays can get out of control and create many problems for families, especially in families where problem drinkers are in denial and do nothing to prevent getting intoxicated. The best advice is to make sure that when you visit, you have a way of escape. Even if your siblings offer to let you stay at their homes, reserve a room at a hotel. That way, if their behavior becomes problematic, you can leave.  

Before you travel, I would tell them and your parents that the past history of drinking makes you uncomfortable and that if things begin to get out of control, you will excuse yourself and leave. This way it puts the burden on them to moderate. If they persist in their behavior, you explained the rules ahead of time.

If you leave, have a talk with your children about the importance of family (the reason you continue to visit) but that there are times family members must set limits and boundaries on behavior that is unsafe or inappropriate. Being around people who are drunk is not something you want to expose them to or be around. Altered states change people in ways that are not always nice. This is a hard line to take but one that will earn the respect of your children and may cause others to rethink their enabling behavior.

Don’t allow anyone to put guilt on you for setting boundaries. You are not telling your family what to do but telling them what you will or will not tolerate to keep your family safe.

You can see more advice from Dr. Linda on her blog.

Do you have experience with having to set boundaries with family members? Please share your advice in the comments.