ParentLife Blog

Max Lucado Speaks on Fear in Parenting

Did you read Max Lucado's article "What If?" in the December 2010 issue of ParentLife? There was so much good content, that we didn't have room to fit it all in the printed article. So ... we saved some for the blog. I hope you'll take the time to read this brief passage from Max Lucado's amazing book Fearless. Can we live without fear, even as parents?

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As Jairus and Jesus were going to Jairus’s home, “a messenger arrived from the home of Jairus, the leader of the synagoge. He told him, ‘Your daughter is dead. There’s no use troubling the Teacher now.’ But when Jesus heard what had happened, he said to Jairus, ‘Don’t be afraid. Just have faith, and she will be healed’” (Luke 8:49-50, NLT).

Jairus was whipsawed between the contrasting messages. The first, from servants: “Your daughter is dead.” The second, from Jesus: “Don’t be afraid.” Horror called from one side. Hope compelled from the other. Tragedy, then trust. Jairus heard two voices and had to choose which one he would heed.

Don’t we all?

The hard reality of parenting reads something like this: You can do your best and still stand where Jairus stood. You can protect, pray, and keep all the boogeymen at bay and still find yourself in an ER at midnight or a drug rehab clinic on visitors’ Sunday, choosing between two voices: despair and belief. Jairus could have chosen despair. Who would have faulted him for deciding “Enough is enough”? He had no guarantee that Jesus could help. His daughter was dead. Jairus could have walked away. As parents, we’re so glad he didn’t. We need to know what Jesus will do when we entrust our kids to Him.

He united the household. “When Jesus went to the house, he let only Peter, John, James, and the girl’s father and mother go inside with him” (Luke 8:51, NCV).

Jesus included the mother. Until this point she had been, for whatever reason, out of the picture. Perhaps she was at her daughter’s bedside. Or she might have been at odds with her husband. Crisis can divide a family. The stress of caring for a sick or troubled child can drive a wedge between Mom and Dad. But here, Christ united them. Picture Jesus pausing at the house entrance, gesturing the distraught mother to join them. He didn’t have to do so. He could have hurried in without her. But He wanted Mom and Dad to stand together in the struggle. Jesus gathered the entire, albeit small, household in the presence of the daughter.

And He banished unbelief. “Now all wept and mourned for her; but He said, ‘Do not weep; she is not dead, but sleeping.’ And they ridiculed Him, knowing that she was dead. But He put them all outside” (vv. 52-54).

He commanded doubt to depart and permitted only faith and hope to stay. And in this intimate circle of trust, Jesus “took her by the hand and called, saying, ‘Little girl, arise.’ Then her spirit returned, and she arose immediately. And He commanded that she be given something to eat. And her parents were astonished” (vv. 54-56).

God has a heart for hurting parents. Should we be surprised? After all, God Himself is a father. What parental emotion has He not felt? Are you separated from your child? So was God. Is someone mistreating your child? They mocked and bullied His. Is someone taking advantage of your children? The Son of God was set up by false testimony and betrayed by a greedy follower. Are you forced to watch while your child suffers? God watched His Son on the cross. Do you find yourself wanting to spare your child from all the hurt in the world? God did. But because of His great love for us, “He did not spare His own Son but gave Him for us all. So with Jesus, God will surely give us all things” (Romans 8:32, NCV).

“All things” must include courage and hope.

Some of you find the story of Jairus difficult to hear. You prayed the same prayer he did, yet you found yourself in a cemetery facing every parent’s darkest night: the death of your child. No pain compares. What hope does this story of Jairus offer to you? Jesus resurrected Jairuis’s child. Why didn’t He save yours?

God understands your question. He buried a child too. He hates death more than you do. That’s why He killed it. He “abolished death and brought life and immortality to light" (2 Timothy 1: 10). For those who trust God, death is nothing more than a transition to heaven. Your child may not be in your arms, but your child is safely in His.

Others of you have been standing for a long time where Jairus stood. You’ve long since left the water’s edge of offered prayer but haven’t yet arrived at the household of answered prayer. You’ve wept a monsoon of tears for your child, enough to summon the attention of every angel and their neighbor to your cause. At times you’ve felt that a breakthrough was nearing, that Christ was following you to your house. But you’re not so sure anymore. You find yourself alone on the path, wondering if Christ has forgotten you and your child.

He hasn’t. He never dismisses a parent’s prayer. Keep giving your child to God, and in the right time and the right way, God will give your child back to you.

Reprinted by permission. Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear by Max Lucado, copyright 2009, Thomas Nelson Inc. Nashville, Tennessee. All rights reserved.

What parenting fears do you have?