From One to Two: Adventures in Plural Parenting by Jessie Weaver
You know how everyone will tell you that going from one child to two is hard?
They aren't kidding!
I was prepared for it to be hard to juggle two kids around. I dreaded getting them in and out of car seats, trying to go to the grocery store, and never being able to sleep.
What I wish someone would have told me is that the difficulty is not all in technicalties and physicality.
I was almost thrilled when I confirmed with my girlfriends that it was NORMAL I was resenting my older child for being so needy. (Not forgetting that she is only 2. She IS needy!) I feel that most of my days now are spent scolding and disciplining her as she uses any method she can think of to procure my attention.
David is a pretty needy baby - he rarely slept in his bed until he was 4 weeks old - and dealing with his physical needs trumps playing on the floor with Libbie ... which results in her emotional meltdowns, tantrums, and acting out.
There are not many of the sweet bonding times I experienced with my daughter. No whole afternoons spent cuddling on the couch. It disappoints me that my relationship with each child is not living up to my expectations or desires.
My friend Mary says I make a good case for her to not have any more children.
I think one of the major problems with American Christianity is that we live in a culture of independence. The Christians in Acts gave freely to one another, giving help where it was needed. I've told many a friend that I can now understand why people lived in villages. It would be nice to be able to let Libbie run outside or to a neighbor's without worrying about her.
I'm so appreciative of those who have stepped in to watch the kids, bring a meal, or just come and talk. I'm especially thankful for a sweet friend who came to hold David for an hour so I could take Libbie out and have that one-on-one time she craves.
Don't let Americanism trump the life of community God's called you to. Ask for help if you need it, receive it with a humble spirit, and give it when you can.
And maybe give someone fair warning if they ask for advice on having a second child!
What do you wish someone would have told you about parenting?
Along with being the resident ParentLife blogger, Jessie has been blogging for nearly five years at Vanderbilt Wife. She is mother to 2-year-old Libbie and 8-week-old David. She lives in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and is a freelance writer, editor, and proofreader.
Comments (7)
JESSIE! You are not responsible for me having - or not having - another. I promise! And I have every confidence that you'll figure this out. And I KNOW you love both of your kiddos - and they love you. Still, thank you for being honest about your struggles. I think that's something all moms should do more!
Posted on February 17, 2011 10:21 PM
I am fortunate that I have always lived in communities when I had babies - my kids COULD run out side and play or hang out at a friend's house for a while. It's a LIFE SAVER. Doing it alone would be rough. ((hugs)) to you!!
Posted on February 18, 2011 6:07 AM
Jessie. I felt the EXACT SAME WAY. But no one told me 1-2 was going to be hard. And I was mad!
It takes a few months, honestly, but you'll get by it and enjoy seeing the 2 of them love and bond and play on the floor!
HUGS
Posted on February 18, 2011 7:31 AM
I'm still at one kid and pondering whether to keep it that way, but if it helps, a friend of mine with two about as far apart as yours in age told me that once the little one hit 8-9 months, it got a LOT easier.
Posted on February 18, 2011 1:26 PM
Whew...1-2 was VERY hard for me as well. I too wish someone would have shared the nitty-gritty before hand! For me, it got more manageable at 13 weeks, then MUCH better at 6 months. Hang in there! As hard as it is now to believe, soon juggling two will be old hat!
Posted on February 18, 2011 2:41 PM
It is hard. And I remember when people used to say to me that the first 12 months are the hardest, but it gets easier. I remember thinking "Are you sniffing GLUE? This is impossible!". And then we hit 12 months, and without warning, without anything obvious, a fog lifted, and all of a sudden it DID get easier. To this day, I can't put my finger on it, or explain it in words. And then I had a third child, and then a puppy. What I'm trying to say (in a very non-eloquent manner) is that yes, it's hard, and I will be praying for you, and that you are absolutely not alone. Hugs to you and your beautiful family!
Posted on February 18, 2011 5:27 PM
Jessie, I can't relate with my instant family scenario, but I do know that this parenting thing is HARD. You gotta cut yourself some slack...make that grace, and just love the moment, even in its imperfections.
I love you!
Posted on February 21, 2011 2:36 PM