ParentLife Blog

Bieber Fever and Other Phases of the Tween Girl World by Nancy Rue

If your tween daughter is like 4.5 million other young women in the world, she may have a thing for Justin Bieber. For those parents who have been either on a sequestered jury or in a coma for the last year, I’m talking about a 17-year-old Canadian music sensation who has stolen the hearts of older tweens and younger teens with his you-know-you-love-me good looks and ultra-trendy image.

Should you be concerned when your 12-year-old stares at the cover of her My World CD for hours at a time or can’t miss a single Tweet of Justin’s Twittering? Probably not – for several reasons.

The boy wonder’s career has soared, largely because he has a way of making his young listeners feel like the music is theirs. While we adults are watching him grow up, his fans are busy projecting their new feelings of I-suddenly-like-boys-but-I-don’t-know-what-to-do-about-that onto this boy whose only “flaw” seems to be the fact that he’s singing about deep love and probably doesn’t know a thing about it.

As far as I’ve been able to tell, he isn’t promoting sex or drugs, and he has yet to be in the negative media spotlight except for a few Internet scams. On the other hand, he is providing girls with a chance to express their confusing feelings in an arena that is safe. Justin is not going to ask them out, try to kiss them, or pressure them in any way.

Tweens have been doing that as far back as there have been male celebrities. Hearts have fluttered, passionate screams have been uttered, and posters have been plastered on bedroom walls for decades. And I can’t say that any girl has really been the worse for it. Yes, now and then a young girl gets a little obsessed, but that’s usually when something else is going on in her life.

For the most part, a crush on an unobtainable male figure is not only nothing to worry about – it’s actually a healthy part of a girl’s emergence into womanhood. Before you launch into, “But nobody but God should be her idol!” hear me out. We’ll get to that.

In their tween years, girls naturally feel the first stirrings of attraction to boys. But since the guys their age are, as we call them on my tween blog, “absurd little creeps,” at least to them, girls unconsciously look for somebody a little more perfect to adore. At the same time, while they may even find boys their own age – or a little older – less than absurd or creepy, they don’t know what to do with those feelings. If a boy two years older did flirt with your tween, she would probably turn scarlet all the way to her hair follicles and run for the nearest girls’ restroom to find her BFFs. It is far safer to daydream about a kiss on the cheek from Justin Bieber than to risk having that actually happen with little Michael next door. I think all parents would agree with that!

When girls do develop a “thing” for a star, they want to fully embrace it. It may seem immature to you for your tween to paper the walls with posters of this cutie, spend all her allowance downloading his music onto her mp3 player, and write lengthy fan letters declaring her undying love. But she is immature. She is 10, 11, 12, 13 years old, untangling those sudden confusing feelings about males. She is learning what it feels like to be attracted to somebody. Sure it’s unrealistic. Deep inside, she knows that. She isn't going to carry over this fantasy into real life. She is just enjoying being a girl.

Keep the whole thing in perspective. Your tween is not “worshiping” an idol. She has a crush. When you and your spouse fell in love, did you ditch God and pour all of your affections out on each other? You’re there to guide your tween into a healthy relationship with the Lord, and that will be her frame of reference in relationships. If you’re focusing on living a joyous Christian life with your daughter, she’s going to know that Justin isn't taking His place.

If your daughter does have Bieber Fever – or any other symptom of tween love – be involved. Stay up on the news about her celebrity interest, so if he does succumb to the temptations of fame and go off the proverbial deep end, you can walk your daughter through it, talk about what went wrong, and how that person needs to be prayed for. If Justin starts recording songs of an objectionable nature, step in and say, “I’m not happy with this particular single, and here’s why.”

Just like anything else she passes through on her journey to womanhood, this is important to your daughter. Making fun of her, putting down her feelings, guilting her are not your best ways to help her down the path. Keep your sense of humor, and at the very least remember the cassette tapes you wore out listening to Michael W. Smith or U2. I firmly believe that God is laughing right along with you.

Nancy Rue is an award-winning author who’s written over 100 books for adults and tweens, and she travels around the country speaking to tween girls and their moms at FaithGirlz events. Moms’ Ultimate Guide to the Tween Girl World is Rue's first book written specifically for parents. She turned her attention to parents after mothers repeatedly asked her for advice on raising their tween daughters. Her latest book is for dads and releases this month: What Happened to My Little Girl?

This month we have 3 copies of Moms' Ultimate Guide to the Tween Girl World and 3 copies of What Happened to My Little Girl? to give away! To enter, just answer this question: Who was your biggest celebrity crush?

I confess I was a huge Hanson fan myself. Fifth-row seats to their Virginia Beach concert, circa 1998. - Jessie