ParentLife Blog

Fun Friday Photo 9/30

Three-year-old Annalyn thinks summer play dates are a laughing matter!

Thanks, Mary C., for this wonderful photo.

Photos wanted! Send us your funny, cute, or just plain fun pictures for our Fun Friday Photos. Each Friday we will post a new "Fun Friday Photo." E-mail your photo and a suggested caption describing the photo to parentlife@lifeway.com. Visit the blog each Friday to see if your photo was chosen!

Last Call for September!

Tomorrow is September 30th, can you believe it? That means you only have one more day to enter to win a copy of Jeremy Camp's new autobiography, I Still Believe. In case you forgot or missed that post, you can enter your name into the random drawing by commenting on any post from September on ParentLife Online. Commenting is simple - just put your name in the first box, your e-mail in the second (so we'll be able to contact you if you win), and say something in that big box. Something relevant is usually appreciated. (Ha!)

We will never share your e-mail address or use it for any purpose except e-mailing you if you win a giveaway.

Here are all of the September posts; pick one that looks interesting, and go comment!

Thumb Sucking and Pacifier Use
Is Your Kid Fruitful? Tips on Getting Kids to Eat Fruits and Veggies
Fun Friday Photo 9/9
Bargain Birthday Bashes
Rainy September (by me!)
September 2011: ParentLife Everyday
Fun Friday Photo 9/16
Products We Love
Autumn Investigations
Real Life Solutions: Aggressive Behavior
5 Tips for Parenting the Two-Child Family by Dr. Kevin Leman
Fun Friday Photo 9/23
Theo Has Arrived!
When Parents Yield Too Much Power

What was your favorite post this month?

When Parents Yield Too Much Power

Our October issues outlines the problems with being a pushover parent. But there is a flip side.
 

At the opposite extreme from the pushover parenting style, overly domineering parents exert excessive power and control over their children, with the following harmful results:

• Using disrespectful intimidation, bullying tactics, and insufficient empathy only provokes more power struggles with children and spurs rebellion against authority figures.
• Instead of learning respect, cooperation, and self-control, children of domineering parents focus on not getting caught.
• An intimidating parenting style instills fear, hurt, and shame, and stunts the desire for learning and achievement.

I'm sure you're heard stories from many people about how a verbally or physically abusive parent has affected their life and how they view themself. Disciplining your children is right and godly ... but sometimes it's hard not to cross the line into unloving and hurtful parenting.

How do you keep a balance in your parenting style? Can you be firm without being a pushover and discipline without being cruel?

Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source.

Theo Has Arrived!

We've talked a few times before about the new LifeWay kids curriculum Theo. (Here's the sneak peek and here's some more from creator Mike Joens and a coloring sheet download.)

Theo has finally released! This video-based curriculum is meant to teach children the basics of theology through fun-loving animated characters. Separate DVDs are also available at Christian bookstores everywhere.

“Theo the Theologian loves God, and he loves children (of all ages), of all nations and ethnicities,” creator Mike Joens said. “He teaches the fundamentals of Christianity in a way that is both entertaining and biblically sound to kids from two to 92 who love cartoons and have an appetite for God's Word.”

Every person who buys a “Theo” DVD has an opportunity to participate in the “Buy One – Give One” campaign. Whitestone Media, which produced the cartoon, and CEF will match the purchase by sending a child in need a free “Theo” DVD, once the buyer designates the region of the world where it should be sent.

The LifeWay DVD sets each have five episodes of Theo, with teaching plans and parent information on CD-ROM. 

The release of the DVD Sept. 13 represented the culmination of a dream that began 33 years ago for Joens, when he started working in the animation industry for studios such as Hanna Barbera, Filmation, Warner Brothers and Marvel Productions.

He now has his own company, Whitestone Media, a Christ-centered animation studio dedicated to sharing the truth of Jesus’ death and resurrection.

How would you use Theo in your church?

Fun Friday Photo 9/23

5 Tips for Parenting the Two-Child Family by Dr. Kevin Leman

1.  Give your firstborn a later bedtime. Even if the difference is as little as half an hour, enforce it. Your firstborn is watching.
2. Make responsibilities and allowances different. The older child gets the most allowance and the most responsibility. But be sure the younger one does her share of the work.
3. Avoid comparisons. Be aware of the dangers of those famous words, “Why aren’t you like your brother [or sister]?” Your remark is not only damaging, it is a foolish waste of breath.
4. Don’t feel compelled to do for one what you did for the other. Treating each child differently may mean that sometimes one child gets a little more than the other. But it all evens out.
5. Do things with one child at a time. Give both children plenty of one-on-one opportunities. Take one child alone on a shopping trip or even a business trip. If possible, leave half an hour early in the morning and stop for breakfast before dropping him at school. Just remember the cardinal rule: if you do something with one child, do something with the other, focusing on the need of each child.

How do you parent your older and younger children differently?

Dr. Kevin Leman, whose professional affiliations include the American Psychological Association, American Federation of Television and Radio Artists, National Register of Health Services Providers in Psychology, and the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology, earned his Doctorate degree in psychology from the University of Arizona. He lives in Tucson, Arizona, with his wife, Sande, and they have five children.

Dr. Leman is the author of more than 30 books and a dozen audio and DVD video titles. His bestsellers include: The Firstborn Advantage; The Birth Order Book: Why You Are The Way You Are; Have a New Kid by Friday; What Your Childhood Memories Say About You; Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours; Single Parenting That Works!; First Time Mom; What a Difference a Daddy Makes.

 Photo used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photo for source.

Real Life Solutions: Aggressive Behavior

We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.

Q: Lately my son has become aggressive. I wonder if he is acting out because of the tension he feels between my husband and me. We have a lot of conflict in our marriage. Do you think our son is reacting to the constant fighting in our home?

A: Most likely you have put your finger on the problem. Kids do not like it when their parents fight. The tension is upsetting, and they do not know how to process it. So they act out, usually a cry for help.

The fix is to work on reducing marital conflict and treating each other better. If this means seeing a marital therapist, do it for the sake of your son. Humble yourselves. Find the root of all the tension and work on those issues.

Unresolved conflict that leads to criticism is the first step in a marriage headed for divorce. Criticism leads to feelings of contempt. Contempt brings defensive behavior and eventually leads to putting up a wall and becoming emotionally distant. Emotional distance is the number-one predictor of divorce. So you can’t allow this negative behavior to continue between you and your spouse.

Most marital issues are fixable when couples get help from qualified Christian therapists. Before things move in a negative direction, get a referral from your church, a trusted friend, or a professional familiar with local options. Look for someone who is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT).

As you begin to resolve issues, you will notice a positive change in your son’s aggression, and you will model for your son the type of marriage you want him to have one day.

Autumn Investigations

In our October issue, Kelly Wilson Mize writes about ways to enjoy the autumn season with your kids. Autumn is also a great time for science experiments involving the outdoors! Here is Kelly's list of Web sites that provide ideas for experimentation.

Science Bob
http://www.sciencebob.com/index.php

Science is Fun
http://scifun.chem.wisc.edu/

Science Kids
http://www.sciencekids.co.nz/

Try Science
http://www.tryscience.org/

Zoom/PBS Kids
http://pbskids.org/zoom/activities/sci/

Do you have a go-to Web site for finding activities for your kids? I'm a big fan of Impress Your Kids and I Can Teach My Child.

Products We Love, October 2011

Every month we have a long list of products we want to share with you, but only a few can fit in the printed magazine. That's why it's so great we have this online space! Here are a few things we couldn't squeeze into the October 2011 issue.

Manner Mats®

Each pad of Manner Mats includes 38 tear-off placemats full of games, puzzles, and conversation starters sure to turn mealtime into a lesson in social skills. For ages 6 and up; $9.95. Visit www.blundersmania.com.

This child's bracelet from A Gracious Plenty would make a beautiful gift for a little girl's birthday or baptism. It can be personalized with a monogram, date, or short inscription. $46

Are there any products you love and share with everyone you know?  (Remember, commenting on any entry in September enters you to win the Jeremy Camp book I Still Believe!)

Fun Friday Photo 9/16

Arolynn and friends went to get their nails done as part of Arolynn's 8th birthday celebration!

Thanks to Grandma Carolyn F. for this great picture.

Photos wanted! Send us your funny, cute, or just plain fun pictures for our Fun Friday Photos. Each Friday we will post a new "Fun Friday Photo." E-mail your photo and a suggested caption describing the photo to parentlife@lifeway.com. Visit the blog each Friday to see if your photo was chosen!

September 2011: ParentLife Everyday

Each month ParentLife pulls together a one-page document for preschool and children's leaders and teachers that highlights articles that might help families they work with. But this also is a great tool for parents!

The articles below are in our current September 2011 issue of ParentLife. Read the articles that minister to your family and pass along a copy to those who might benefit from it!

Melissa Greene: True to Her Calling Worship leader and busy mom of two Melissa Greene offers three great insights into leading young children to praise God. Are there moms in your ministry going to dotMom? They will love getting a sneak peek of Melissa's ministry (pp. 20-23).

Why? Why? Why? It doesn't take long being around preschoolers to realize they love to ask questions. What do you do when you don't know the answer? Be sure the parents and teachers in your ministry are prepared (p. 14).

The Early Years: Help the parents and teachers in your ministry to use a baby's senses to help her develop gratitude and dependence on God (p. 10).

Family Bible Study: Encourage families to spend time together in God's Word outside of the church walls. Check out these eight great tips for incorporating Bible study into the bedtime routine (pp. 38-39).

Parenting Perks: Parenting is hard work. Give the parents in your ministry a pick-me-up with these top 10 moments guaranteed to make them smile (p. 24).

A Preteen-Friendly Bible: Are parents in your church trying to engage their preteen with God's Word? Provide parents with eight helpful features to look for when choosing a new Bible for their preteens (p. 18).

A Shoulder to Lean On: Receiving a special-needs diagnosis for a child is a challenge many families face. Provide the families in your ministry with these four practical ways to show their love and support (pp. 40-41).

1500: The house per year the average American youth watches. Encourage families to spend more active, meaningful time together (p. 18).

To download a full-color PDF of this document, click on the following link:

Rainy September by Jessie Weaver

It's another day where I feel like I've failed in everything.

Clothes don't fit,
but I eat macaroni and cheese.
Try to stay calm,
but I still snap snap snap. Pull glasses back, point angrily, try to get the lightbulb turned on above her head.
Grump at other cars,
write Better Business Bureau reports in my head
instead of offering forgiveness
and remembering it's a first world problem.

In the solitary night,
I cling to what I try to imprint
on my babies' brains.

Today Libbie said to me, "God loves me when I obey Mommy and Daddy."

"NO." I am scared of this lesson, this untruth. "God ALWAYS loves you. He LIKES it when you obey. But that doesn't change His love."

Does she get it? Do I?

When Jessie Weaver is not busy being the resident ParentLife Blogger, she writes at Vanderbilt Wife and also for magazines like HomeLife and ParentLife. She lives in Chattanooga with her husband, where they run after two little ones: Libbie (2) and David (8 months).

Bargain Birthday Bashes

My little girl is turning 3 next month, and despite the fact that I swore last year was her big birthday party before her brother arrived, I'm still thinking about throwing a themed bash again. For her? Well, sort of. I think planning a themed party with lots of touches ignites my creative side and gives me a project to work on. And yes, all the cake and fun makes the birthday kid pretty excited, too.

It's exciting and nerve-wrecking to throw a party ... especially when you join in the comparison game. When we have the Internet to show us hundreds of kids' parties with professional photographers, fancy bakery cakes, vintage decor that covers a whole home or party locale — it's easy to feel like you will never measure up! Not to mention the photos of celebrity parties that are available everywhere you turn.

Let's all plan parties we can handle and that bring our families joy; not ones just to make the neighbors jealous, OK? I want to look at extravagant parties like this gorgeous yellow one and take inspiration, not envy, as a party favor.

Here are some tips from Andrea Woroch on how to throw a great birthday party on a budget.

1. Plan Ahead
Wait until the last minute and you'll likely spend more on unanticipated extras. Decide what you want to accomplish, set a budget, and slowly chip away at all you need to accomplish. You might also enlist the help of family and friends to keep your stress level down.

2. Limit the Guest List
Does the entire class really need to attend? Invite only your child's closest friends, but be tactful. Mail or e-mail invites, rather than have your child distribute them in school where everyone can see.

3. DIY Invites
Personalized invites are as close as your computer. Use a special photo or download free clip art to make your own creation or, if you want to go electronic, check out websites like the very popular evite.com.

4. Dollar Store Decor
Party stores have unholy markups on the simplest supplies. Shop a dollar store for all your basics and save up to 70 percent on everything from balloons to party favors. You'll also find a decent selection of wrapping paper and reusable gifts, as well as plates and cutlery for the birthday treats.

5. Banish the Bouncy Castle
Don't spend a fortune on those celebrity-style extras. Instead, hark back to a simpler day by organizing a simple game from times past. (Pin the tail on the donkey? Bobbing for apples? Still fun!)

6. Take Back the Cake
Kids look forward to the birthday cake, but not because of any icing artistry; they're just interested in the sugar. Make your own cake or cupcakes, toss on a few sprinkles and add the candles. That should satisfy all but the pickiest child while saving you over 80 percent at the bakery for a custom order. For an added touch of excitement, let the kids play pastry chef with a cupcake decorating activity.

7. Simplify the Food
Kids don't care about fancy appetizers. They'll be equally happy with potato nuggets and other finger food. Buy generic — they'll never know — and use grocery coupons to save a few extra dollars.

8. A Party for Two ... or, Three
If your son or daughter shares the same birthday (give or take a few days) with a school friend, neighbor, or relative who is close in age, consider hosting a joint birthday celebration and share the costs with the other child's parents. Make sure everyone is on the same page though as far as the budget, guest list, and other party expectations to avoid any uncomfortable situations which may arise from a lack of communication.

Do you party big, small, or not at all?

Fun Friday Photo 9/9

Eight-month-old David says, "Socks go on my head, right?"

(This is my [Jessie's] son. We REALLY need your pictures so you don't have to look at my kids every week!!!)

Photos wanted! Send us your funny, cute, or just plain fun pictures for our Fun Friday Photos. Each Friday we will post a new "Fun Friday Photo." E-mail your photo and a suggested caption describing the photo to parentlife@lifeway.com. Visit the blog each Friday to see if your photo was chosen!

September Giveaway: I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp

Have you ever wanted to sit down and have a talk with Jeremy Camp, famed Christian singer/songwriter? You can come pretty close when you read his autobiography, I Still Believe.

On the Contemporary Christian music scene for the last 9 years, Camp finally reveals all the details of his growing-up, brief marriage to Melissa and becoming a widower at 23, and how God unfolded the rest of His story through Jeremy's life and songs.

Full of personal stories, friendships and family relationships, grief and tears and joy, Camp's story is one of emerging from great trials and how it affected his relationship with his Heavenly Father.

We are thankful to have two copies to give away for our September Giveaway!

To enter the giveaway, just leave a comment on any post all month (including those already posted). Maybe you'd like to chime in on feeding your kids fruits and veggies or how to get past thumb sucking and pacifier usage?

Winners will be selected at random October 1, 2011. USA only. LifeWay employees are not eligible to win.

Is Your Kid Fruitful?

OK, excuse my pun there. But I can tell you, my daughter is definitely not as "fruit-full" as I would like her to be! She refuses to eat any fruit except bananas and peeled apples, much to my chagrin. And vegetables? I have to hide them in other foods.

If your kids are like mine, here are some tips from "Mr. Salad," Tossed® restaurant's master salad creator, on how to encourage your kids to eat more fruits and veggies.

1. What you see is what you get. Allow the kids to participate in the grocery shopping. Visit a local farmers’ market for fresh produce or harvest your own at a “you-pick-it” farm so children can see a farming operation. Plant your own garden – even in containers on a patio – to help them become interested in the growing process. Use the produce they’ve chosen in the next meal.
2. Can I help? Let the children assist with meal preparation; they’re more likely to eat what they’ve made.
3. Shape shifters. Use melon ballers or cookie cutters to craft fruits and vegetables – even cheeses -- into fun shapes and use them as salad toss-ins or as a garnish. What child can resist eating a star-shaped cucumber or heart-shaped red pepper? Sliced fruits can be made into flower petals or moons.
4. Mad scientists. Give your kids a variety of fruits and/or veggies and ask them to build a person. Cut a circle out of bread then ask the kids to make a face. They can use a cherry tomato for a nose, for instance, olives for eyes, a red pepper slice for the mouth, and broccoli for hair. Or, use toothpicks to connect baby carrots, sugar snap peas, jicama, and other produce into the shape of a child or favorite animal. Enjoy the creations with a variety of flavorful dips such as hummus, yogurt, or guacamole.
5. Sensational Salads. Salads – either as a side dish or entrée -- are a simple way to serve healthy, nutrient-packed produce. Make it a point to try different add-ins until you find ones that click with your child. A super summer and fall salad combines fresh, sliced strawberries or apples with greens, blue cheese, walnuts, and a tangy dressing. Add a protein such as grilled or blackened poultry or seafood, bacon or beef, or legumes, such as chickpeas, for a more filling dish.
6. Fruitie-tootie. Serve a bowl of mixed fresh fruit with a sprinkling of sugar or honey, cinnamon and coconut. Or you can place the fruit on skewers and serve with a honey yogurt dip. It’s OK to occasionally give your child sweet treats. Dip fruit in chocolate, fondue style, or serve with a whipped cream/marshmallow dip.
7. Wrap it up. Salad ingredients don’t need to be served in a bowl. Roll them in a whole wheat wrap with a tangy dressing for a wholesome lunch or meal on the go.

ERIC CLARK is Chief Operating Officer of Tossed®, a nationwide chain of restaurants serving garden fresh salads, crepe wraps, and sandwiches. He also serves fruits and vegetables every day to his children, ages 9 and 11, and they love them.

Thumb Sucking and Pacifier Use

You probably have one or the other: a thumb sucker or a pacifier user. (Or a former one of either; in which case, congratulations!) My daughter was a total pacifier junkie. I feared breaking her of it, but just before she turned 2, we went cold turkey with great success. I've yet to deal with a thumb sucker, although I've said I wished my baby would just find his thumb and self-soothe!

Here's some information from the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry on thumb sucking and pacifier use.

Thumb sucking is normal behavior for infants; it is a way to feel secure, make contact with, and learn about the world. Most children stop sucking habits between ages two and four. However, frequent or intense sucking habits can affect a child’s bite and oral bone structure forms. If the habit continues beyond age three, a professional evaluation is recommended.

Strategies to Deter Thumb Sucking

• Use Authority: The most effective way to deter children from thumb sucking is to have a pediatric professional talk to them (when old enough to understand) the possible results of a sucking habit, specifically about what can happen to their teeth and jaws. This advice, coupled with support from parents, may help most children kick the habit.
• Be Positive: Always use positive reinforcement (rewards or praise) as opposed to negative reinforcement when trying to wean children off a habit. 
• Engage and Distract: Distractions often work to weaken the habit – when thumb sucking is noticed, ask the child to participate in an activity that requires the use of both hands (e.g. “patty cake” or a creative project).
• Reveal Stressors: Try to determine and address any causes of anxiety or insecurity that may be causing a child to turn to thumb sucking.
• Help Them Notice: Put a bandage on thumbs or create a secret signal between caregiver and child to help them realize what they are doing without inflicting shame.

If these approaches do not work, the pediatric dentist can recommend ways to change the behavior, including a mouth appliance that interferes with sucking habits. 

Thumb, finger, and pacifier sucking affect the teeth and jaws in essentially the same way. However, a pacifier habit is often easier to break. Offering alternative means of pacification may help break the attachment to the pacifier, such as a night-light, a special stuffed toy, or blanket. These alternatives can give the child a sense of security and comfort without detrimentally affecting their oral health.

Have you had to wean a child from a pacifier or sucking their thumb? What are your tips?

Photos used with permission of Flickr Creative Commons. Click on photos for source.

August Giveaway Winners

Congratulations to the TEN lucky winners of She Makes It Look Easy by Marybeth Whalen. They are:

Kjersten
Tandy Sue Hogate
Carlee Rector
Kelli
Angela Mackey
Sandra Stanley
bp
Kristi J
Deborah Sisco
Felicia Atkins

Congratulations, all! Be on the lookout for an e-mail from us so we can get your addresses to send on your autographed books.