Real Life Solutions: Aggressive Behavior
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: Lately my son has become aggressive. I wonder if he is acting out because of the tension he feels between my husband and me. We have a lot of conflict in our marriage. Do you think our son is reacting to the constant fighting in our home?
A: Most likely you have put your finger on the problem. Kids do not like it when their parents fight. The tension is upsetting, and they do not know how to process it. So they act out, usually a cry for help.
The fix is to work on reducing marital conflict and treating each other better. If this means seeing a marital therapist, do it for the sake of your son. Humble yourselves. Find the root of all the tension and work on those issues.
Unresolved conflict that leads to criticism is the first step in a marriage headed for divorce. Criticism leads to feelings of contempt. Contempt brings defensive behavior and eventually leads to putting up a wall and becoming emotionally distant. Emotional distance is the number-one predictor of divorce. So you can’t allow this negative behavior to continue between you and your spouse.
Most marital issues are fixable when couples get help from qualified Christian therapists. Before things move in a negative direction, get a referral from your church, a trusted friend, or a professional familiar with local options. Look for someone who is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT).
As you begin to resolve issues, you will notice a positive change in your son’s aggression, and you will model for your son the type of marriage you want him to have one day.
