Real Life Solutions: Too Much Technology
We are proud to have Dr. Linda Mintle in ParentLife each month answering questions submitted from readers. To submit a question for Dr. Mintle, e-mail it to parentlife@lifeway.com and include "? for Dr. Mintle" on the subject line. This month we have an extra Q&A from Dr. Mintle we wanted to share.
Q: My 11-year-old son is constantly on his cell phone, the computer, or his gaming system. He is becoming disrespectful and getting in trouble at school because of his media use. We have taken away his privileges but he seems worse. What would you advise?
A: Parenting is all about training and teaching. It works best when you teach your child to obey by giving instructions that are consistent and clearly stated.
Media use is a brave new world to navigate. Begin by clarifying your media usage rules. Remember kids should have no more than one to two hours of screen time per day! Once you determine the rules of usage, have a conversation with your son to establish those rules. You may even want to write up a contract so there is no room for interpretation. Then stick to your guidelines no matter his response.
Instead of taking away privileges, I would turn it around and make him earn them. His use of media is determined by how well he complies to the agreed-upon guidelines. Put the responsibility on him — his usage is up to him, not you. Reward behavior that is compliant and also reward behavior that is media-free. Praise him for compliance to the guidelines.
Most of us underestimate the power of praise and find ourselves focusing on the negative versus the positive. When parents make this shift in emphasis (from negative to positive), the atmosphere in the home changes. Children know they earn privileges rather than assuming they are entitled to them. The rules are clear and enforced. It is then up to kids to comply with established rules if they want to engage with media, rather than parents playing the bad guys who always take things away.
How do you deal with media usage in your household?
